A New Florida Citizen

Executive Summary:

  • The Orange Baron is now a Floridian

The Orange Caesar and wife Melania are now residents of Florida, the Gunshine State.  Also, Melania’s parents, the last immigrants to make it on the Chain Immigration program, will also move to the Gunshine State with the Orange Duke and his wife.

“Many People Say” that there is not a rotten Apple in the Trump Orchard, Nooooo
Melania Trump’s parents escaped Slovenia and were one of the last immigrants to come to America under Chain Migration 

The Orange El Jefe will call Mir-a-Lago home.  This great property, second only to Doral, could host any event like the G7 or other great gathering.  If the Orange Potentate wins in 2020, “Many People Say” that he will do an End Run around the Constitution and become President for Life life his buddies; Putin, Erdaron, Duarte, Xi, and Jung Un.  This is a Who’s Who Strong Mans Club. 

Mir-a-Lago, a property fit for a King, King Donald 1, makes Buckingham Palace look like a Ghetto Housing Project

While other Presidents vacationed in Florida; “Give’m Hell” Harry Truman and “Tricky Dick” Richard Nixon, the Orange Maharajah is the first to call the Gunshine State home.

The Buck stopped with Harry Truman at the Little White House in Key West

“Tricky Dick” Nixon may have been a Crook but had a nice Crib in Key Biscayne 

More recently, Vice President Mike Pence vacations regularly in Sarkeses neighborhood, Sanibel Island.  Pence retreats to Sanibel for peace and tranquility and to be able to communicate and get guidance from our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ.  

Mike Pence vacations on Sanibel Island and gets his marching orders from Our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ, not the Constitution

Sarkes cannot wait for the Orange Stable Genius and Family to settle in their Mar-a-Lago home.  Sarkes and the Orange Educator are Tight.  You see, Sarkes was one of the first Graduates of that great educational institution, Trump University.  Sarkes attained a Journalism degree from Trump University, no Fake News taught at Trump University, the Journalism curriculum was Fair and Balanced.  

Sarkes Graduation picture from Trump University

Mir-a-Lago is a short 2 hour drive from Sarkeses Crib in Bonita Springs, so Sarkes looks forward to visiting the Orange Royal Highness, bring a House Warming Gift, and maybe play a round or two of Golf.  Sarkeses handicap using, the USGA Handicap system is a 27.  But playing at Mir-a-Lago with the Orange Sand Trap, Sarkes handicap, using the Trump Handicap system, with be a 6.  

The Orange Divot is a scratch golfer using the Trump Handicap system

Deer Kills Hunter

Executive Summary:

  • An experienced Arkansas hunter was found severely injured in the woods, his body riddled with Antler puncture wounds from a Deer. 
  • The Hunter later died from his injuries

Thanks to St. Louis Contributor Lenny Hardy for this tragic story from the Ozark Mountains.  The Ozark Mountains is a mountain range that traverses Missouri and Arkansas.  

Who lives in the Ozarks?  For those of you have seen the Netflix series “Ozark”, starring Jason Bateman and Laura Linney, you have a good idea about the inhabitants of the Ozark Mountains.  For the Older readers of Sarkes Corner, another reference would be the 1972 Movie “Deliverance” staring Jon Voight, Burt Reynolds, Ned Beatty, and Ronny Cox.

The cast of Netflix “Ozarks” depicts the simple people of the Ozark Mountains
Many people who live in the Ozarks have dental issues

Who can forget the epic Banjo Boy in “Deliverance”

Inhabitants of the Ozark Mountains are Salt of the Earth, Simple, Uneducated, Underemployed, 2nd Amendment Heat Packing, God Fearing people, in other words, Trumps Base.   People who live in the Ozarks all Pack Heat and all hunt Deer.

The Scenic Ozark Mountains are home to Heat Packing Hearty Folk to love to hunt Deer

An Arkansas hunter, 66 year old Thomas Alexander, thought he had fatally shot a deer was killed when the very much alive animal turned the tables and gored him in a sudden attack.

Alexander was an experienced hunter who had lived in the Ozark Mountain area for several years. Alexander was hunting using a primitive firearm known as a muzzleloader.  He called his nephew to tell them he had successfully shot a buck and to join him to Field dress the Deer.

Alexander used a Muzzleloader when Deer hunting, he should have used an AR-15

When his nephew found him, Alexander was injured but alert and talking.  Sadly, Alexander stopped breathing by the time paramedics could get him to the hospital.  Officials are not certain that the antler wounds are the official cause of his death, as he may have died from other medical issues such as a heart attack.  

Game and Wildlife Officials say that, on occasion, hunters may approach a deer thinking it is dead when it is only stunned or injured. Usually, they jump up and run away.  Sarkes believes that if Alexander was using an AR-15, the Deer that he had plugged would have gone down and not gotten up.

The wounded Deer has not been found, but Sarkes wonders if this Deer is part of a mutant species with super powers to thwart the assault on Deer. Sarkes does not understand the lure of Deer hunting, but his Deer hunting family and friends tell Sarkes that Deer hunting is important to “Thin the Herd”.

This time the Deer won, but smart money is to bet on the Ozark hunter

Castration Update

Sarkes had published a Sarkes Corner about a North Carolina woman who tied up her husband and cut off his Ying Yang. She was arrested for Castrating her husband.

Well, Sarkes must provide clarification. Sarkes Corner Science Editor and Cousin Dr. Greg Wilson provided clarification for Sarkes:

“The North Carolina woman performed a penile amputation, not castration.  Castration removes the testicles.  However, in ancient Egypt the eunuchs had both testicles and penis removed just to keep them in line as slaves.  Some ancient Christian religious orders did this to themselves as well.”

Sarkes, a Truth Machine, is always driven to provide just the facts in Sarkes Corner. Sarkes Corner is a No Spin Zone. Like this story, on a very rare occasion, Sarkes must provide clarification.

Whatever you call it, Castration or Penile Amputation, when one’s Johnson gets loped off, it’s not a good day.

Another Castration!

Executive Summary:

  • A North Carolina wife is accused of tying up and castrating her husband 
  • OUCH!

Authorities in North Carolina have locked up a woman, 56-year-old Victoria Thomas Frabutt, accused of cutting off her husband’s penis.

Oh, what, huh, did she really do that, OUCH!

Victoria Thomas Frabutt had enough with her husband so she cut off his Pecker

The Husband, 61-year-old James Frabutt told Carteret County deputies his wife, 56-year-old Victoria Thomas Frabutt, tied him up and pulled out a knife.

James Frabutt was taken to a Greenville hospital where his condition is unknown. Deputies were able to recover the body part, his Ying Yang, put it on ice, and give it to medical personnel. A motive for the castration is unclear.

Victoria practiced cutting off her husbands Johnson using a Johnsonville  Brat

Victoria Thomas Frabutt has been charged with kidnapping and malicious castration. She’s in jail on a $100,000 bond.

There has been no report on the condition of James Frabutt’s Ying Yang.

Oh, what, huh, did she really do that, OUCH!

Vegan in Distress

Executive Summary:

– An Australian Vegan woman sued her neighbors for barbecuing in their backyard

– What, huh, um, uh oh, she did what?!

A Vegan woman has filed a suit against her neighbors after complaining about the smell of meat and fish emanating from their barbecues.

Australians love their Beef and Sausages on the Barbie, although a lot of smoke is generated

Australian Cilla Carden took her case to the Supreme Court of Western Australia, citing her neighbors’ barbecuing, smoking, children playing basketball, among other complaints. 

Australian Cilla Carden does not appreciate Chicken on the Barbie

Carden accused her neighbors of intentionally setting up these nuisances.

“It’s deliberate, all I can smell is fish. I can’t enjoy my backyard.”

The smell of Fish on the Barbie nauseates Vegan Carden

Carden had filed nearly 600 pages of documents in her appeal of the case.

Australian Courts were not convinced. A lower court threw out the case in February but Carden appealed.  Then, the Australian Supreme Court also rejected her claims dismissing the case.

Carden responded:  “I’m a good person. I just want peace and quiet.”  Carden intends to continue the legal fight but it is not clear what she is talking about since there is no court beyond the Australian Supreme Court. 

A spokesman for Outback Steakhouse said:  “While most Australians are carnivores and enjoy a great Steak or Chicken on the Barbie, Outback Steakhouse does cater to Vegans with our Bloom’n Onion offering”

Outback Steakhouse caters to meat loving Carnivores

The Bloom’n Onion at Outback Steakhouse is Vegan friendly

When questioned about this lawsuit, the Orange Sirloin Tweeted:

Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – October 8 @ 4:56AM

Australians love their Beef and the decision by the Australian Supreme Court will protect the rights of all meat eating Australians.  The Liberal Vegans are conducting a Witch Hunt.  Vegans are Beleaguered, Losers, Fools, Low Life, Low Energy, Climate Change Thugs.  

Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – October 8 @ 5:30AM

I need to check to see if I have imposed Tariffs on Australia.  If so, I will back off.  Any country that loves Beef as much as I do is doing the right thing.  I love Beef so much that I sell Trump Steaks.  Trump Steaks are Winners, the best Steaks of all time!!!  All I eat is Beef and I am the fittest President of all time.

The Orange Porterhouse loves his Beef and is in top shape, the fittest President in our History

Interracial Marriage in Mississippi

Executive Summary:

  • A Mississippi Wedding Venue refuses services to an Interracial Couple
  • Their reason…..their “Christian Beliefs”  

An interracial Mississippi couple in Jackson, Mississippi, was turned away from a wedding venue with the owner citing her refusal based on her “Christian Beliefs”

What, hmm, huh, they said that, are you kidding me, are they serious!

The owner of the venue, Donna Russell of Booneville, has since apologized, saying she was raised to believe Interracial Marriage was an “understood subject.”  In a now-viral video posted on Facebook by LaKambria Welch, sister of the Groom, Donna Russell said: “we don’t do gay weddings or mixed-raced (weddings) because of our Christian race, I mean our Christian belief.” 

What, hmm, huh, she said that, are you kidding me, is she serious!

Donna Russell has “Christian Beliefs” that prohibit Gay and Interracial Marriage

Mississippi is one of our enlightened Southern States mired in the 1800’s.   In 2016, the Mississippi legislation passed House Bill 1523, which allowed Mississippi businesses to deny services based on their religious views.   The bill was primarily directed at sexual orientation and same-sex marriage. Race was not a part of that legislation which must have been an oversight by the Dinosaur Legislators in Mississippi.

The Mississippi Legislature is predominantly Enlightened, Old, White Republican Men with values from the Jim Crow era

LaKambria Welch went to Boone’s Camp Event Hall in Booneville after finding out the venue would not host her brother, who is black, and his fiancée, who is white.  LaKambria Welch asked the woman at Boone’s Camp: “Well, we’re Christians as well so, what in the Bible tells you that interracial marriage is a sin?”

Boone’s Camp Donna Russell replied: “Well, I just don’t want to argue my faith. We just don’t participate, we just choose not to”

What, hmm, huh, she said that, are you kidding me, is she serious!

Later, Boone’s Camp Event Hall issued an apology and said, after researching, they found that their views on Interracial Marriage were unfounded. Their excuse:  “as a child growing up in Mississippi our racial boundaries were that you stayed in your own race”.

What, hmm, huh, they said that, are you kidding me, are they serious!

Gays and Interracial Couples are not welcomed at the Boones Camp Event Hall

Boone’s Camp Donna Russell spent the weekend looking into the Bible to find where the Bible mentioned “biracial relationships.” After consulting her Pastor, the woman said she realized her beliefs were “incorrect,” saying, “As my Bible reads, there are two requirements for marriage and race has nothing to do with either!”

Turns out that Our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ did not prohibit Interracial Marriage

Boone’s Camp Donna Russell then apologized for her “ignorance in not knowing the truth.  My intent was never of racism but to stand firm on what I assumed was right concerning marriage.”

Translation:  Donna Russell is NOT A RACIST, yeah Right, they never are.

Orange People: America’s Smallest Minority

Executive Summary:

  • Trump says that Energy-Efficient Light Bulbs make him Look Orange
  • Sarkes calls for Equal Rights for Orange People 

Thanks to Sarkes Corner Contributor and Minnesota Bureau Chief Eric Pederson for this breaking news about our Orange POTUS. 

Faster than Walmart can Roll-Back prices on millions of products, the Orange Monarch’s administration has rolled-back HUNDREDS of Obama-era regulations.  One of the Orange Eminences Obama Roll Backs was for Energy Efficient Light Bulbs.

The Orange Cheeto Rolls Back Regulations like Walmart Rolls Back Prices

It turns out that the Roll Backs on Energy Efficient Light Bulbs was NOT about Making America Great Again, rather, this Roll Back occurred because the Orange Premier believes that Energy Efficient Light Bulbs make him look Orange.  The Orange Scientist claims his Orange hue is caused because the light emitted from the energy efficient bulbs is “not good”.  

The Orange Scientist claims Energy Efficient Light Bulbs are BAD for America

Its clear that the Orange Baron knows more about Science than the Scientists.  

For years, Scientists and the Media have tried to determine the source of the Orange Caesars Orange Hue.  The “Official” statement from the White House claims that the Orange Hue on the Orange Chosen One is caused by “Good Genes”.  Another school claimed the Orange Hue comes from Fake Tanning.  Now, the Orange Commandant blames Energy Efficient Light Bulbs.

The Orange Exalted Leader explained the Science behind his edict to Roll Back standards on Energy Efficient Light Bulbs:  

  • “The light bulb. People said what’s with the light bulb? I said here’s the story.  I looked at it, the bulb that we’re being forced to use, number one to me, most importantly, the light’s no good. I always look orange. And so do you. The light is the worst.”
  • “But number two, it’s many times more expensive than that old incandescent bulb that worked very well. And very importantly—I don’t know if you know this—they have warnings. If it breaks it’s considered a hazardous waste site. It’s gasses inside”
  • “I am not a vain person…but I look better under an incandescent light than these crazy lights that are beaming down.”
Donald Trump blames Energy Efficient Light Bulbs for his Orange Hue

Sarkes understands the position of the Orange Czar.  You see, Sarkes, a Brown Man, understands the life of person of Color living in America today.  When Sarkes goes to breakfast with the Spring Run Conservative Men’s Breakfast Club at local eateries, Sarkes is always at Risk of getting caught up in a ICE Raid looking for Illegal Mexican Cooks and Table Cleaners.

Sarkes is Brown but Granddaughter Addi is stone White

Sarkes believes that Orange People have an even tougher time in America verses Black, Brown, Red, and Yellow Americans.  The Orange People minority is So Small that most Racists Americans just assume that Orange People are just the victims of a Bad Tanning job.

Largely Ignored, Orange People are America’s smallest Minority

Sarkes is hereby starting a movement to get America to recognize Orange People for who they are, America’s Smallest Minority.  It time to get Orange People out of the Closet and allow them to live Free in America without making excuses like “Energy Efficient Light Bulbs make them look Orange”.  This is no way to live.

And what better time to push for Equal Rights for Orange People since the most powerful person in the Free World is himself an Orange Man.

Even Donald Trump, America’s 1st Orange President, gets ridiculed for his Orange Color 

Like all People of Orange Color, Donald Trump has no control over his Orange Hue

Chicken Sandwich Wars

Executive Summary:

  • A Tennessee man sues Popeyes for running out of chicken sandwiches
  • A Customer pulls Heat on a Popeyes employee for running out of chicken sandwiches

Thanks to Sarkes Corner Contributor and St. Louis friend Steve Peat Moss for this story about Chicken Sandwiches.  Sarkes is surprised a bit as friend Peat is a meat and potato kind of guy, but he must like Chicken also.

Sarkes doesn’t quite understand this Brew Ha Ha between Chick-fil-A and Popeyes Louisiana Chicken as to who has the better Chicken Sandwich.  In any case, this was marketing genius as Popeyes Louisiana Chicken sold out of its Chicken Sandwich nation wide and in record time.

This woman cannot get a Popeyes Chicken Sandwich

One unhappy customer, a Tennessee man Craig Barr, filed a lawsuit against Popeyes this week alleging it engaged in “false advertising” and “deceptive business practices by entity to public.”  Barr is seeking $5,000 in damages.

Barr said he suffered rim and tire damage totaling $1,500 while driving from Popeyes location to location to find a Popeyes Chicken Sandwich, and was humiliated when his friends laughed at him.

The Popeyes Chicken Sandwich comes in Classic and Spicy versions, Mmm Mmmm

This Chicken Sandwich Brew Ha Ha started when Chick-fil-A took a Jab at the Popeyes Chicken Sandwich stating that its Chicken Sandwich was “The Original”.

The Chic-fil-A Chicken Sandwich comes Breaded or Grilled, Mmm Mmmm

This started a Tweeter war with thousands of Chicken Sandwich Eaters weighing in on whose is their favorite Chicken Sandwich.

Americans prefer the Breaded and Fried Chicken Sandwich over Grilled

In a related story, Police in Houston are searching for a man who pulled a gun on employees at a Popeyes restaurant after they ran out of chicken sandwiches.

Two women, three men and a baby were told at the Popeyes drive-thru window that the Popeyes Chicken Sandwiches were sold out.  The hungry and angry customers got our of their car and one of the men attempted to get inside the restaurant displaying Heat, but one of the Minimum Wage Popeyes worker was alert and locked the door.  These customers were so hungry that they left their baby in the car as they attempted to Invade the Popeyes restaurant.  Oh my!

Popeyes employees were at peril because they ran out of Chicken Sandwiches

After watching these Chicken Sandwich Wars unfold on Fox News Fair and Balanced, the Orange Cheeto Tweeted:

Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – September 9 @ 4:56AM

Like Sarkes, I don’t understand this battle over Chicken Sandwiches.  The real battle is at our southern border where we are being Invaded by Mexicans who want to force us all to eat Tacos.  When we win our Tariff War with China, US Beef will be a Great Value for all Americans.

Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – September 9 @ 6:03AM

Hamburgers and Cheeseburgers were invented in America.  Other Loser nations try to copy our US Hamburgers and Cheeseburgers but Fail miserably.  And, I AM NOT OVERWEIGHT, I am the fittest President of all time.   

The Orange Whopper prefers a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese over a Chicken Sandwich any day

TV Co-Anchor Looks Like a Gorilla

Executive Summary:

  • A White Newscaster said her Black co-anchor looks like a Gorilla
  • After, the White Newscaster offered a tearful apology

Sarkes has always preferred Print Journalism verses TV or Radio Journalism.  “Many People Say” Sarkes, you have a face for Print Journalism.  In Live TV or Radio Journalism there is a Risk, once you put your Right Foot in your mouth its out there and can never be removed.

Sarkes considered TV Journalism but was told to stick with Print

In a tearful segment that aired on Oklahoma City’s KOCO-TV, morning White anchor Alex Housden apologized to her Black co-anchor Jason Hackett after comparing him to a gorilla during a broadcast Thursday. 

White co-anchor Alex Housden thinks her Black co-anchor looks like a Gorilla

The racist comment occurred after the pair reported on a story about a Gorilla at the Oklahoma City Zoo.  The Gorilla is named Finyezi, Fin for short.  White co-anchor Housden ended the segment with the comment: “Kind of looks like you,” directed at Black co-anchor Hackett.

Uh, what, hmmmm, uh oh, she said what

Fin was the focus of a news story at KOCO-TV in Oklahoma City 

In shock, and on live TV, and not sure what to say, Black co-ahchor Hackett said:  “He kind of does, actually, yeah,”  

Uh, what, hmmmm, uh oh, he said what

Does Black co-anchor Jason Hackett look like Fin to you?

The following day, Black co-ahchor Hackett accepted White co-anchor Housden’s apology and said he wanted to take the experience as a teachable moment to his viewers.

Black co-ahchor Hackett said:  “The lesson here is that words matter.  We have to understand the stereotypes, we have to understand each other’s backgrounds and the words that hurt, the words that cut deep.”

White co-anchor Housden called the comment inconsiderate and inappropriate. She said she knows it was wrong and that she would never intentionally hurt her colleague.

White co-anchor tearfully said:  “I hurt people. I want you to know I understand how much I hurt you out there and how much I hurt you”

White co-anchor Housden tearfully apologizes to Black co-anchor Hackett

At least White co-anchor Housden, in her apology, did not say that “she was not a Racist”.  We all know that when someone says they “are not a Racist” they probably are.

Finally, Sarkes is ready to give White co-anchor Housden a pass on her Racist guffaw.  No, not because White co-anchor Housden is a good looking blond in a short, tight fitting dress like the Women on Fox News Fair and Balanced.  Sarkes is not that shallow.  

You see, for those of you who have visited Oklahoma City know that there are very few Blacks.  White co-anchor Housden may have just made an honest mistake.  

A Castration Gone Bad

Executive Summary:

  • A Florida man was arrested after botching an in-home castration surgery
  • OUCH! 

Thanks to Sarkes Corner Special Corespondent and sister Cindy Mamelian for another story about the antics of Florida Man, the Florida Cracker.

Florida deputies have arrested a man for attempting to perform a castration inside his Highlands County, FL home.   Highlands County is in South Central Florida.  Lake Okeechobee is in the center of Highlands County.  Highlands County is Ground Zero for the Florida Cracker.

Deputies were called to 74-year-old Florida Cracker Gary Van Ryswyk’s home in Sebring, FL.  When they arrived, Cracker Van Ryswyk told a deputy he had just performed a castration on a man and encountered some major issues. Deputies found a victim on a bed, bleeding heavily, with a towel over his groin.

What?, Oh My, are you kidding me, OUCH!

Cracker Van Ryswyk performs Castrations in his home, a great value

The victim was flown to a nearby hospital and is said to be stable.  During their investigation, deputies found two body parts in a pink container, presumed to have belonged to the victim.

What 2 Body Parts?, Oh My, are you kidding me, OUCH!

Cracker Van Ryswyk had set up a room to look like a surgical center and had medical equipment and painkillers inside.  A camera was also set up to record the procedure.  Van Ryswyk told deputies he had met the victim on a the dark web on a site geared toward people who have a Castration Fetish.

What is a Castration Fetish?, Oh My, are you kidding me, OUCH!

According to Police, Cracker Van Ryswyk told the victim that he had experience performing Castrations on animals and had even removed one of his own testicles in 2012.

He removed WHAT?, Oh My, are you kidding me, OUCH!

Cracker Van Ryswyk was arrested and charged with practicing medicine without a license resulting in bodily injury, a second-degree felony.  His bond was set at $250,000.

Sarkes Corner Medical Reporters were able to interview Cracker Van Ryswyk in the Highland County Hoosegow.  Cracker Van Ryswyk, one of the Orange Johnsons Base, and a staunch Republican, blamed his actions on ObamaCare.  Cracker Van Ryswyk said that voluntary Castrations are not covered by ObamaCare and he was performing a Public Service. 

Like Sarkeses Conservative friends always say: “Its all Obamas fault”

If ObamaCare covered voluntary Castrations, Cracker Van Ryswyk’s victim would still have his Ying Yang and/or Boys