Special Report: Animals Attacks on Bikers

Executive Summary:

– This Sarkes Corner Special Report investigates Animals that attack bicyclists

– While these events may seem to be unrelated, is this really a conspiracy against mankind by the Animal Kingdom?

Thanks to Crack Sarkes Corner Investigative Reporter Lenny Harding for his in-depth analysis of animal attacks on bicyclists.  Lenny Harding is a relative of our 29th President, Warren Harding.  Republican Warren Harding only served 2 1/2 years as President and died in office.  “Many People Say” Harding was poisoned by his Wife, Florence Harding, as Harding was a Tier 1 Cockhound, having several extra marital affairs.  Harding was best known for the famous Tea Pot Scandal.  All in all, Warren Harding was not a shining star of the GOP. 

Harding and Trump have much in common, both are Orange and Serial P-Grabbers

While not as good as Sarkes in connecting the dots, Investigative Reporter Lenny Harding saw a connection with Animals attacking bicyclists.  While Sarkes only needs 1 data point (Dot) to make an inference, it took Investigative Reporter Lenny Harding 4 data points to break this story:

  1. Iguana attacks cyclists in Florida

A Florida man was recently injured in a bicycle crash after an Iguana unexpectedly darted into his path.  The Florida man was riding his bike in Marathon when the reptile ran out in front of him and caused him to crash.

According to the cyclist, the Iguana became lodged in between the front tire and front wheel fork of the bicycle, causing the front tire to lock.  The cyclist flew over the handlebars and onto the asphalt.  The stomach of the iguana was restrained in the fork of the tire, leaving the reptile unable to breathe.  The iguana was DOA at a local animal hospital

The vicious attack by the Iguana left the cyclist injured and the Iguana DOA

2.  Kangaroo attacks cyclist in Australia

A Peloton of Cyclists were riding along a dusty road in eastern Australia when they observed a couple of small Kangaroos to their left.  Suddenly, a much larger Kangaroo lunges at the Peloton of Cyclists attacking one of the Cyclists.  In this case, neither the Kangaroo or the Cyclists were severely injured. 


This was one angry Kangaroo!

3.  Dog attacks Tour de France Rider

Marcus Berghardt, of Team Telekom, was hanging on at the back of the Peleton when suddenly a Golden Retriever decided it was time to cross the road. Unfortunately, Burghardt didn’t see the dog until it was right in front of him. There was a violent crash. Burghardt’s front wheel snapped in half instantly upon impact, scrapping a $500 carbon fiber wheel.  Miraculously, neither Burghardt nor the dog suffered any injuries from the collision.

Carbon Fiber wheels are no match for a big Pooch

4.  Squirrel attacks cyclist in Upstate New York

Sarkes neighbor in Florida, Georgie Taylor, is a snowbird from upstate New York.  One of Georgies neighbors was out for leisurely ride one afternoon.  While taking in the beautiful scenery around the Erie Canal, the bicyclist was viciously attached by a rabid squirrel.  The attacking squirrel barely missed the rider but met an untimely demise when it got wedged in the rear wheel of the bicycle.  

This squirrel will be hiding no more nuts

Investigative Reporter Lenny Harding makes the inference that these seemingly unrelated attacks on cyclists (different continents, different animals, different types of bicycles) are really an organized plot by the Animal Kingdom to wipe out Mankind.

You see, Humans have not been kind to the Animal Kingdom.  Animals are slaughtered for our Big Macs, Mankind has taken the Animals natural environment thru the building of sprawling Suburbs, and Hunters around the world continue to “Thin Out the Herd”.  Like the Orange Rocky, the Animal Kingdom is Counter Punching, one Cyclist at a time. 

Investigative Reporter Lenny Hardings findings will surely lead him to winning a Nobel Prize in one of several categories: Science, Literature, or Peace.  It’s quite possible that Lenny Harding could win multiple Nobel Prizes for the same story.

The publication of this story is not without risk.  Investigative Reporter Lenny Harding must now wear sunglasses for disguise so as not to be attacked by an animal when riding his bike.  Sarkes has it on good authority that there is a bounty on Lenny Harding by the Animal Kingdom. 

If you look closely, you will see a family resemblance between Lenny and Warren Harding

Masks?, We Don’t Need No Stink’n Masks!

Executive Summary:

  • A Florida sheriff orders deputies not to wear masks and bans civilians in masks from the sheriffs office 
  • Masks?, We Don’t Need No Stink’n Masks!

Thanks to St. Louis Sarkes Corner Contributor Bob Bellm for this breaking news out of Florida. One of Florida’s finest Sheriffs just might have broken the code on the Caronavirus.

Marion County Florida Sheriff Billy Woods barred deputies from wearing masks even as Florida continues to struggle with record breaking coronavirus numbers.  To date, there have been over 500,000 Floridans with Caronavirus,  31,000 Floridians hospitalized and over 9,000 Floridians have died from the China Virus.  But those statistics may be Fake News. 

Sheriff Billy Woods has 4 Stars on his uniform, so he knows more about Caronavirus than the Scientists 

Einstein Sheriff Billy Woods insisted there’s no conclusive evidence that wearing masks curbs the spread of the virus, despite data from the US Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).  Einstein Sheriff Billy Woods must believe that if the Orange Lab Technician doesn’t believe the CDC why should he.  After all, The Orange Scientist knows more the Caronavirus than anyone in our country.  

Only The Orange Corona Don can fix the China Virus

Einstein Sheriff Billy Woods said:  ”Now, I can already hear the whining and just so you know I did not make this decision easily and I have weighed it out for the past 2 weeks.  We can debate and argue all day of why and why not. The fact is, the amount of professionals that give the reason why we should, I can find the exact same amount of professionals that say why we shouldn’t.  This is no longer a debate nor is it up for discussion.”

Sheriff Billy Woods did extensive research before determining that Masks do not curb the spread of the Kung Flu

Another data point as to why the use of Masks is a Hoax to take away the freedom of Great Americans, is the 2020 Motorcycle Rally in Sturgis, SD.  Over 250,000 Motorcyclists, from all over America, have congregated in Stugis for their annual Rally.  These Great Americans do not wear Motorcycle Helmets nor do they wear Masks.  Since Motorcyclists are widely recognized as one of the more intelligent demographics in America, they provide yet another data point to support Florida Marion County Einstein Sheriff Billy Woods. 

The Government has no Right to tell Americans to wear Motorcycle Helmets  
or Caronavirus Masks, Americans have the Constitutional Right to be Stupid

Finally, Sarkes is reminded of that great scene from the 1974 Mel Brooks movie classic BLAZING SADDLES.  Governor William J. Le Petomane assembles a Posse by deputizing them with official badges.  A band of Mexican desperados refuse to take the badges saying:  “Badges, we don’t need no Stink’n Badges.”


These Mexicans don’t need no Stink’n Badges

There you have it.  It’s clear American Scientists, almost all of whom are Angry Democrats, have pulled a Hoax over America.  The China Virus, aka Kung Flu, is a Hoax on America.  This Hoax has not fooled the Orange Einstein, Florida Marion County Einstein Sheriff Billy Woods, or the 250,000 Great American Motorcyclists at Sturgis.  

So America, take off your Masks, gather in mass at Restaurants and Bars, and send your children to K-12 schools and Colleges.  LIBERATE!  All is well in America. 

Sarkes Note: Sarkes encourages young subscribers to Sarkes Corner who have never watched the 1974 Mel Brooks Movie Classic Blazing Saddles to do so. This movie classic does more to explain the conquering of the United States by the White Man than any history book.

Blazing Saddles, an American movie Classic

Crackers Are Suffering During The Pandemic

Executive Summary:

– The Florida Cracker is the Forgotten Minority

– The Pandemic is making the Cracker behaviors more bizarre than normal

The Caronavirus has upset life in America for every socio and economic demographic.  While the national media reports that Black and Brown communities have been hit especially hard, Sarkes reports that there is another minority suffering more than most; the white, uneducated, underemployed …….. the Florida Cracker.  

The Florida Cracker community has been devastated by the Caronavirus 

Warning Warning Warning:  This Sarkes Corner reports on antics and  disturbing behaviors, more disturbing than normal, of the Florida Cracker.  The Cracker has been adversely impacted by the Caronavirus.  Warning Warning Warning

Cracker Hangs on to Truck Windshield:

Thanks to Sarkes Corner contributor Dr. Todd Ruecker, probably the most intelligent and smartest subscriber to Sarkes Corner.  Dr. Ruecker is often confused by the bizarre behavior of the Florida Cracker.  It is rumored that Dr. Ruecker is seeking a Federal Grant to study the Florida Cracker to determine why they behave the way they do.  Dr. Ruecker has multiple degrees, is a Fulbright Scholar, widely published, and friend to Sarkes son David.  Todd Ruecker is not related to Recording Artist Darrius Rucker.

One Rucker is Rich, One Ruecker is Smart

In dramatic video posted to social media, a bloodied man is seen clinging to the hood of a semi truck as it barrels down a Florida highway.  Watch the attached video with caution. Make sure that no-one under 17 is in the room when watching this video.


The Florida Highway Patrol got a call about a disoriented Florida Cracker abandoning his vehicle on an exit ramp on Interstate 95 near Boynton Beach. After the Cracker abandoned his car, he jumped the concrete divider between the turnpike’s southbound and northbound sides, causing traffic to slow.  

Edward Hughes, a truck driver, saw the Cracker frantically waving for him to stop. The Cracker was wearing only underwear and socks.  Trucker Hughes did stop, concerned as the Cracker was covered in blood.  Then, the Cracker jumped onto the hood of the semi tractor-trailer and started bashing the windshield with a crow bar.

In a panic, Trucker Hughes hit the gas, trying to shake off the Cracker. The Cracker remained latched onto the hood for almost nine miles, nine miles!  Sarkes suspects that the deranged Cracker was on a drug induced, adrenalin rush.  What else can explain holding onto a moving truck for 9 miles.

This deranged Cracker held onto the truck for 9 miles, 9 miles!

Police were able to pull the truck over and took the Cracker into custody. The Cracker was taken to Wellington Regional Hospital for evaluation.  No reason has been given for this Crackers strange behavior. The Highway Patrol did not say if the Cracker or Trucker Hughes would be charged.

Cracker Assaults a Child:

Thanks to Sarkes Corner Contributor and Sister Cindy Mamelian for another story of a deranged Florida Cracker suffering from the impact of the Caronavirus.  Sister Cindy has been studying the behaviors of the Florida Cracker and comparing to a similar demographic in Missouri, the St. Louis Hoosier. Like the Cracker, the St. Louis Hoosier likes their Guns, Beer, Cammo, and do not wear Caronavirus Masks.  As of this time, Cindy’s findings are inconclusive, but Cindy does not need to be a Fulbright Scholar to know that there is something very wrong in the St. Louis Hoosier and Florida Cracker Communities. 

The St. Louis Hoosier has much in common with the Florida Cracker

A Florida Cracker Jason Copenhaver, has been charged with battery after he told a child to take off his mask at a restaurant, got into the child’s face and told him “you now have coronavirus.”

Cracker Copenaver must have been hopped up on something

Treasure Island police have charges Cracker Copenhaver with simple battery and disorderly conduct.  According to an arrest affidavit, Copenhaver was at Ricky T’s Bar & Grille when he walked over to the child and asked why he was wearing a face mask. Cracker Copenhaver then told the child to take off the mask and shake his hand.

Ricky T’s is like a magnet to the Florida Cracker

When the child refused, Cracker Copenhaver grabbed the child’s hand and said, “You now have coronavirus”.  The child told police that Cracker Copenhaver was so close to him that saliva particles from Copenhaver’s mouth landed on his face.  Cracker Copenhaver told police he is unsure if he has coronavirus and has never been tested.  

When asked about this incident, the Orange Scientist said:  “This is no big deal, children are almost immune from this disease.  Jason Copenhaver has been treated very unfairly.  If needed, I will issue a Pardon.  Listen to me, only I can fix this Caronavirus”

With the help of our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ, the Orange Pontiff will cure the Caronavirus
Along with Hydroxychloroquine and Lysol Injections, consumption of tasty Goya products will cure the Caronavirus

Florida Governor DeSantis was also not concerned about the incident with Cracker Copenhaver and the child.  DUHSantis said:  “My kids aren’t school-age yet.  I got a 3-year-old daughter, 2-year-old son, and a newborn daughter. And I can tell you if they were school-age, I would have zero concern sending them to school.  With respect to the schools, if Walmart is an essential service and Home Depot is an essential service, and Fast food restaurants are essential service, How is it that the schools for our kids would not be considered an essential service?”

DUHSantis and the Orange Chemist march lock goose step when it comes to Children and the Caronavirus

As a result of the strong Leadership by Governor DUHSantis and the Orange Physicist, Sarkes is no longer concerned for the children of the Florida Cracker.  BUT, the Cracker and Crackerette are a different story.  State and Federal agencies must take their heads out of the sand and start providing resources to help the Crackers who cannot help themselves.  The White Cracker, like Blacks and Browns, have been adversely affected by the Caronavirus. 

Don’t fret, the offspring of the Cracker are immune from the Caronavirus

A Sarkes Corner Survey and Results

Executive Summary:

  • Sarkes conducted a Survey to assess the publics response to sending Missouri and Florida K-12 Children back to School during the Caronavirus Pandemic
  • Specifically, the public was asked about Florida Gov DeSantis, Missouri Gov Parsons and Education Secretary DeVos

This Sarkes Corner Survey was constructed using the tightest Statistical techniques.  While it has been proven that Sarkes can make an accurate inference with just one data point, this Sarkes Corner Survey had DOUBLE the standard sample size required by Statisticians world-wide.  As such, the Margin of Error for this Sarkes Corner Survey was 1%, unheard of in todays polling and surveys.

Sarkes crunches the numbers for the Sarkes Corner Survey

Responses to the Sarkes Corner Survey were controlled tighter than DOD Classified Data, and protected by Firewalls that protected the data from; the Russians, the Ukrainians, the Chinese, or a 400 pound  hacker living in his mothers basement.  Survey responses were generated by email, phone calls, and personal interviews. 

Uber Firewalls protect Sarkes Corner Survey data from 400 Lb Hackers living in their mothers basement

Originally, Sarkes wanted to use Mail-In Surveys.  This approach was NOT used after Sarkes learned that the Orange Jumpsuit had provided evidence that Liberals had commissioned Children to Steal Ballots from the Mailboxes of Conservatives.  Since the integrity of the Sarkes Corner Survey was paramount, no Mail-In surreys were used. 

Sarkes cancelled Mail Ballots due to Children, commissioned by Liberals, were caught stealing Ballots from Conservatives Mail Boxes

The Survey:

The topic of the Sarkes Corner Survey was the sending of our K-12 children back to schools during the Caronavirus Pandemic.  On this topic:

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis said:  ”I’m confident if you can do Home Depot, if you can do Walmart, if you can do these things, we absolutely can do the schools.  My kids aren’t school-age yet, I got a 3-year-old daughter, 2-year-old son, and a newborn daughter. And I can tell you if they were school-age, I would have zero concern sending them.”

If the 3 DeSantis children were school age, they would go to school in Florida

Missouri Governor Mike Parsons said: “These kids have got to get back to school.  They’re at the lowest risk possible. And if they do get COVID-19, which they will — and they will when they go to school — they’re not going to the hospitals. They’re not going to have to sit in doctor’s offices. They’re going to go home and they’re going to get over it.” 

Parsons is confident that Missouri children can “get over it”

Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos said:  “There’s nothing in the data that suggests that kids being in school is in any way dangerous.  More and more studies show that kids are actually stoppers of the disease and they don’t get it and transmit it themselves, so we should be in a posture of – the default should be getting back to school kids in person, in the classroom.”

The Orange Sniffer checks out Devos’s Ta Tas, DeVos, an Expert on Kids and Education, knows that Kids “are actually stoppers of the disease”

The Sarkes Corner Survey

Who is the biggest Moron, Buffon, Dolt, Dotard, Nincompoop, Oaf, Imbecile?  (Select ONE of the options below):

A. Florida Governor Ron DeSantis

B.  Missouri Governor Mike Parsons

C.  Education Secretary Betsy DeVos

D. DeSantis, Parsons and DeVos are equally Moronic

E.  None if the above, it’s Obama’s Fault, it’s always Obama’s Fault

Before conducting the Sarkes Corner Survey, Sarkes and the Sarkes Corner Analysts, had predicted that the final results of the Sarkes Corner Survey would follow Political Party Lines.  I.E., Liberal Democrats would reply that Florida Governor DeSantis, Missouri Governor Parsons, and Education Secretary DeVos were all Morons.  And, Conservative Republicans would reply that It was Obama’s Fault, it’s always Obama’s Fault.  The Wild Card was Independents.  Sarkes and Staff could not predict how Independents would reply to the Sarkes Corner Survey.

The Results of the Sarkes Corner Survey:

Who is the biggest Moron, Buffon, Dolt, Dotard, Nincompoop, Oaf, Imbecile? 

A. Florida Governor Ron DeSantis = 3%

B.  Missouri Governor Mike Parsons = 2%

C.  Education Secretary DeVos = 4%

D. DeSantis, Parsons and DeVos are equally Moronic = 51%

E.  None of the above, it’s Obama’s Fault, it’s always Obama’s Fault = 40%

The People have spoken, DeSantis, Parsons and DeVos are Morons
After close to 4 years out of Office, its still Obamas Fault

Sarkes Corner Survey Results Analysis:

Well, the People have spoken.  Sarkes and the Sarkes Corner staff were surprised on how the results of the Sarkes Corner Survey mirror the current Polls that show Sleepy Joe Biden with a Uuuuuuge lead over the Orange Stable Genius.  Hmmmmm, interesting.  

WARNING WARNING WARNING, Sarkes warns all to review the result of the Sarkes Corner Survey with caution.  After all, in 2016, Crooked Hillary held a 15 point lead over the Orange Kind of the Jews but lost the election in November, even with 5 million illegal Mexicans voting for her.  

Hillary lost the election even with the 5 million votes by illegal Mexicans imported by Democrats

So what is the Sarkes Takeaway based on the Sarkes Corner Survey results AND the results of the 2016 President Election:  By November, it might be proven that DeSantis, Parson and DeVos are  NOT Morons, that it’s still Obamas Fault, and the Orange Magician will pull out another Orange Rabbit out of his Orange Hat and win the 2020 Presidential Election.

The 4 Frijoles in a Goya Can say “Kids Must Go Back To School In The Fall”

Don’t be surprised if the Orange Magician pulls out an Orange Rabbit out of his Hat, and wins in November
This Survey was exhausting for Sarkes, time to Chill out and wait until November

All Armenian Men Look Alike

Executive Summary:

– GOP Senators confused Rep. John Lewis with Rep. Elijah Cummings

– Sarkes understands, as all Armenian Men Look the Same

With the sad passing of US Representative John Lewis, 2 GOP Senators, Marco Rubio, Florida, and Dan Sullivan, Alaska, posted tributes to John Lewis but used photos of US Representative Elijah Cummings, who passed away in October 2019.  Rubio and Sullivan are not to be blamed.  You see, both Rubio and Sullivan very rarely see African Americans in their home states of Florida or Alaska, so their confusion can be justified.  

Both Lewis and Cummings were both Old, Bald and African American
Rubio and Sullivan just made an honest mistake

“Many People Say” Sarkes, are you nuts!  Why are you giving these two US Senators a pass on an obvious egregious screwup!!!  This was no simple misunderstanding as you claim.  Sarkes, Sarkes, Sarkes what the (Boink) is wrong with you!!!.

Sarkes declares, hold on, contraire mon ferre.   You see, Sarkes, as a Brown, Armenian, Man, understands that differentiating people of color can be confusing as we all look alike.

To prove this point, Sarkes provides the Sarkes Quiz below.  In each picture, Sarkes is in one of the Frames and another, dark skin, Armenian, is in the other Frame.  Sarkes bets you will have difficulties picking him out of this photo array.  After all, we dark skin, Armenian Men, all look the same.

Armenian Men all enjoy a great BBQ meal
Many Armenian Men love to ride Bicycles
Armenian Men like to Flex their muscles on the Beach
Armenian Men often have White Friends
Armenian Men look good in Tuxedos
Armenian Men love games of chance
Since Armenia is landlocked, Armenian Men love to Cruise
Armenian Men look sharp in Bib Overalls
Sometimes, Armenian Men are in Gangs

So there you have it.  Sarkes asks that all NOT jump to conclusions when two of our countries highest ranking officials, Marco Rubio and Dan Sullivan, make honest mistakes. It’s not their fault. After all, we people of color all look the same.

Walmart, Home Depot, and Florida K-12 Schools

Executive Summary:

– Florida Governor Ron DeSantis says fully opening K – 12 schools is like shopping at Walmart or Home Depot

– Sarkes misses former Florida Governor, now Florida US Senator, Tricky Ricky Scott

Thanks to Sarkes Corner Florida Correspondent Cheryl Katz for this amazing story out of the Gunshine State.

Florida Governor Ron DUHSantis is an Orange Emperor loyalist.  DUHSantis is consistent as he always walks Lock Goose Step with our Orange Excellency.  Recently, the Orange Educator declared that all K-12 schools will open in the Fall or he would withhold funding to the school district that don’t.

Governor DUHSantis and the Orange Messiah are two peas in a pod

Always ahead of the Orange curve, DUHSantis declared that Florida Schools would open in the Fall.  Using scientific data, DUHSantis said:  ”I’m confident if you can do Home Depot, if you can do Walmart, if you can do these things, we absolutely can do the schools.”  Um, huh, aaaah, uh oh, he said what?

DUHSantis is a graduate of Yale and Harvard Law School, but many people don’t know that DUHSantis is smart enough to have been a medical doctor.  DUHSantis continued saying: “the risk posed by COVID-19 is much lower for children than for older people”

According to Gov DUHSantis, if you can do Walmart you can go to K-12 schools in Florida
According to Gov DUHSantis, if you can do Home Depot you can go to K-12 schools in Florida
According to Gov DUHSantis, if you can do K-12 schools in Florida you can go to Walmart or Home Depot

“Many People Say”, Sarkes, is this DUHSantis nuts, how can he compare going to Walmart to buy groceries or to Home Depot to buy Hardware to sitting in a crowded classroom for 8 hours!!!!!?  

Sarkes, Fair and Balanced, a Truth Machine, had not been in a classroom since graduating from Missouri Science & Technology in 1975 and Maryville University in 1989, maybe DUHSantis was Right.   As such, Sarkes tasked the Staff of Sarkes Corner to do in-depth, investigative reporting on this issue.  Governor DUHSantis could be Right, Sarkes asked: “if you can do Home Depot, if you can do Walmart, if you can do these things, maybe you can do schools?”.

The last time Sarkes was in school, he sported a stylish Hair Do and Side Burns at MO S&T in the early 1970’s
Sarkes was confident in his masculinity at MO S&T and had no issues wearing a dress
Sarkes was always in Deep Thought as an Engineering Student at MO S&T, solving complex equations and Engineering challenges 

Well, the Investigative Reporters of Sarkes Corner reported back to Sarkes with disturbing news.  The young Sarkes Corner reporters told Sarkes:  “If you can do Home Depot, if you can do Walmart, if you can do these things, YOU ABSOLUTELY CANNOT DO SCHOOLS”.  

The young Sarkes Corner reporters then asked Editor In Chief Sarkes if they could Investigate whether DUHSantis is suffering from Covid-19 as that could be the only explanation for his asinine comparisons.  Sarkes, worried about the health of his young reporters, DID NOT give them permission to determine if DUHSantis was, in fact, delirious from Covid-19.  

Sarkes WILL NOT sponsor a Witch Hunt to determine if DUHSantis is suffering from Covid-19

The Florida Governor for 8 years before DUHSantis was Tricky Ricky Scott.  Sarkes always wondered how the good Citizens of the Gunshine State, both Crackers and SnowBirds, could have elected a Crook into the top job in the 3rd largest state of our Union.  Recall that Tricky Ricky Scott was the CEO of Columbia/HCA, a Health Care organization that were found to have committed 1.7 BILLION, (BILLION) dollars in Medicare Fraud under his Leadership.

Columbia/HCA committed the Largest Medicare Fraud in History, History!

Under oath, Tricky Ricky Scott invoked the 5th Amendment 75 times, 75, as the Government was investigating this Uuuuuge Medicare Fraud.  Tricky Ricky also claimed that, as CEO, he was unaware of the Fraudulent Acts committed by his employees.  Columbia/HCA agreed to repay the Government 881 MILLION, (MILLION) dollars to settle the case.  Shortly after, Tricky Ricky Scott was given the Old Heave Ho from Columbia/HCA. 

Sarkes did not worry about the future of Tricky Ricky Scott.  He received a Golden Parachute from Columbia/HCA of over 10 MILLION, (MILLION), enough to hold him over until he decided to run for Governor of the Gunshine State.

CEO Tricky Ricky Scott was unaware that his company was committing record Medicare Fraud

Again, Sarkes was no Fan of the Crook Tricky Ricky Scott……..until Hurricane Irma in 1997.  Irma devastated Florida.  During this tragic time, Tricky Ricky Scott exhibited strong Leadership.  He made quick, science based decisions on when to evacuate, he reached out to other states and the Federal Government to provide manpower and resources to take care of those impacted by Irma, and, he kept everyone informed with daily, short, fact based, updates.  

Tricky Ricky Scott may be a Crook, but his Leadership during Irma was outstanding and must be recognized

So Sarkes reaches out to Tricky Ricky Scott, currently the junior Senator from Florida, no, Sarkes Begs and Pleads to the Trickster; COME BACK TO FLORIDA, FAST, and take DUHSantis under your wing.  Tell him what he needs to do to help the good citizens of Florida make it thru this pandemic.  Going to Walmart, Home Depot, as the reason to open our Grade Schools is nuts. 

Tricky Ricky Scott may be a Crook, but he is far from being a Moron

Florida, Goats, and Iguanas

Executive Summary:

– Sarkes, the Executive Editor of Sarkes Corner is tired of stories about Caronavirus, Trump, etc.

– Sarkes tasked the Staff of Sarkes Corner to get back to the Basics

Sarkes has been bothered for some time that the daily news cycle is focused on Caronavirus, his Orange Majesty, Statues of Losing Generals, etc.  Sarkes called an Emergency Staff Meeting of the Sarkes Corner staff and tasked them to get back to the Basics with stories that has made Sarkes Corner Award Winning media.  An animated Sarkes shouted to the Staff; “Where are the stories about Crackers, George Zimmerman, Packing Heat, Judge Judy?  Lets get back to our Core Competency!!!”

Sarkes was not happy with the direction headed by Sarkes Corner

The Sarkes Corner Staff responded immediately with two stories that are Sarkes Corner Worthy:

A Florida Woman Sues for the Paternity of her Goats

A Florida woman has filed a lawsuit seeking either a paternity test on her goats or a refund.  Kris Hedstrom filed the suit against her neighbor, Heather Dayner, last month seeking DNA for the goats she purchased. Hedstrom paid Dayner $900 for five Nigerian Dwarf Goats.

What’s so special about Nigerian Dwarf Goats?  Nigerian Dwarf Goat milk is 6 to 10 percent higher in butterfat and higher in protein than milk from most dairy goat breeds. These Goats make great pets, do not make much noise, and take up little space. 

Nigerian Dwarf Goats are an American Breed with West African Roots, and are the Who’s Who of Goats

According to the lawsuit, Hedstrom believed the goats — Bella, Gigi, Rosie, Zelda and Margoat — could be registered with the American Dairy Goat Association, a group that records goat pedigrees. Registered goats have higher values than unregistered goats.  The American Dairy Goat Association is dedicated to promote the Dairy Goat industry, maintaining and publishing herd books and production records of milk goats; and issuing certificates of registration and recordation.

The American Dairy Goat Association is THE source for anything Goats 
The ADGA Goat Show is rivaled only by the Westminster Dog Show 

Dayner, who has been selling goats at Baxter Lane Farm for about 10 years, typically provides information to her clients so they can register their animals themselves.  She said the father goat was registered, but the American Dairy Goat Association rejected Hedstrom’s application to register the 5 babies because Dayner is not an active member.  Proving paternity would require about 40 of the father goat’s hair follicles for a DNA test.

Kris Hedstrom is not happy that she could not register her Nigerian Dwarf Goats, a 1st World Problem

Sausage, Onion, and Iguana Pizza

Only in Florida, the Sunshine State, can one get an Iguana Pizza.  State Food Inspectors found an 80-pound iguana stashed in the refrigerator at a local pizza joint, Pizza Mambo, in West Palm Beach.  Pizza Mambo was forced to close for a day following the inspection by the Florida Department of Business and Professional Regulation.

Iguana is an off-menu topping offered at Pizza Mambo in West Palm Beach

A Pizza Mambo employee said that the Iguana was given as a personal gift to the owner and was not used as a pizza topping.  Yeah, right. The employee said that the Iguana was stored in a separate freezer away from the restaurant’s food.

Pizza Mambo offers a wide assortment of pizza toppings, including Iguana

Iguanas are multiplying so rapidly in South Florida that a state wildlife agency has been encouraging people to kill them. Iguanas aren’t dangerous or aggressive to humans, but they damage seawalls, sidewalks, landscape foliage and can dig lengthy tunnels.  The reptile is considered a delicacy.

Iguana meet is tender and tastes a lot like Chicken

Just like you cannot find any Cats around Chinese Restaurants, there is not an Iguana to be found around Pizza Mambo.

“Many People Say” that Cat meat tastes like Chicken

Sarkes is proud of the Sarkes Corner Staff.  Any newsroom today can report on the Caronavirus, the Orange Emperor, Statues, etc, but it takes a special staff like the staff of Sarkes Corner to deliver the news that meets the standards of Sarkes Corner.

The staff of Sarkes Corner responded to Sarkeses Rant and got back to the Basics and Core Competency of Sarkes Corner

Caronavirus, Black Lives Matter, and The Constitution

Executive Summary:

– Sarkes provides a Constitutional Tutorial in the context of the Caronavirus and Black Lives Matter 

– Sarkes provides evidence of the Genius of our Founding Fathers

On this July 4 Holiday weekend, Sarkes publishes this Special Edition of Sarkes Corner to provide a Tutorial on our Constitution, in the context of current events; The Caronavirus and Black Lives Matter.  

Sarkes, a Constitutional Scholar, provides a history lesson:

Sarkes is not only an Award Winning Journalist, marginal Engineer, esteemed Statistician, but it is not widely known that Sarkes is a Constitutional Scholar

Americans celebrate Independence Day on the Fourth of July every year. July 4, 1776, is a day that represents the Declaration of Independence and the birth of the United States of America as an independent nation.

Fireworks are now a staple of The 4th of July Celebrations

What’s often overlooked in this Celebration of Independence is our Constitution which came much later. Our Constitution was written during the Philadelphia Constitutional Convention in 1787. Our Constitution was ratified on September 17, 1787, 11 years after our Declaration of Independence.  

Our Founding Fathers worked long and hard to develop our Constitution 

Finally, the first 10 Amendments of the Constitution were ratified on December 15, 1791, and form what is known as the “Bill of Rights.”  The Bill of Rights define specific guarantees of personal freedoms and Rights, clear limitations on the government’s power, and explicit declarations that all powers not specifically granted to the U.S Congress by the Constitution are reserved for the Individual States or the People.   It’s these Bill of Rights that get most attention.  

Sure, the Founding Fathers can be Rightfully criticized for declaring African Americans worth only three-fifths of a human being and providing NO Rights for Women.  But these slight oversights were corrected by our Congress and Supreme Courts in the Civil Rights Act of 1964 which stated: The Civil Rights Act of 1964 is a landmark civil rights and labor law that outlaws discrimination based on race, color, religion, sex, or national origin.

The Equal Rights for African Americans and Women must have been a complex issue as it took the Rich, Old, White Politicians in our US Congress 177 years to fix.

African Americans and Women finally got Equal Right in 1964 …….. or did they?  Hmmmmmm

Two Current Events demonstrate the power of our Constitution, Bill of Rights, and Genius of our Founding Fathers:

A white couple stood outside their St. Louis mansion and pointed guns at Black Lives Matter Protesters 

This current event focuses on our 1st Amendment, which provides Americans the Right to Freedom of Speech and the Right to Peacefully Assemble.  Also, the 2nd Amendment, which provides Americans the Right to Keep and Bear Arms.

Rich, Old, White Folk, Mark McCloskey, 63, and his 61-year-old wife, Patricia, stood outside their St. Louis Mansion last week in the city’s well-to-do Central West End neighborhood, Packing Heat.   Black Lives Matter protesters were marching toward the near-by St. Louis Mayor’s home to demand her resignation. As the Protestors passed the McCloskey Mansion, they could hear the McCloskeys yelling at them while Packing Heat.  

Think of the Central West End in St. Louis as an Oreo Cookie; Rich, White, filling surrounded by Black Cookies.  The McCloskeys claim that they Are Not Racists (of course not), but were protecting their home on their Private Street from an Angry Black Mob, and were in fear of their lives.  

The McCloskeys are not Racists, and were only protecting their Multi Million dollar Mansion from an Angry Black Mob
The Central West End in St. Louis is like an Oreo Cookie, Rich White filling surrounded by 2 Black Cookies

Disclaimer:  Sarkes wife of 45 years (in August), Chris is a St. Louis McCloskey.  Her grandfather, James McCloskey lived in St. Louis, but it is not clear if the Heat Packing Mark McCloskey is related to Chris.

Christine Korkoian (nee McCloskey) does not think she is related to Mark McCloskey, but for sure, Chris does not Pack Heat

The fact that the Rich, Old, Heat Packing McCloskey’s could Pack Heat to protect their Multi Million dollar Mansion is a testament to the Genius of our Founding Fathers.  You see while in the times of our Founding Fathers, the only Heat they had were single shot muskets.  But, our Founding Fathers had the vision that some day, technology would provide for the development of more sophisticated weaponry, like the Semi Automatic Assault weapon, used by Mark McCloskey, to imitate the hoard of Angry Black Protestors.

The Founding Fathers had a vision that Heat would evolve from their Muskets to today’s Semi Automatic Assault Rifles, Genius!

Alabama Students have Caronavirus Parties

This current event focuses on the entire Bill of Rights, the first 10 Amendments to our Constitution. 

College Students in Tuscaloosa, Alabama, organized “COVID-19” parties as a contest to see who would get the virus first.   Huh, um, ahhh, are you kidding me, they did what??!!!  Students hosted the parties to intentionally infect each other with the Caronavirus.  These College Student Einsteins purposely invited guests who had previously tested positive for COVID-19. The Einstein Students put money in a pot and whoever got COVID first would get the cash.

Dr. Ramesh Peramsetty, a local physician, said that there had been rumors of COVID-19 parties for about a month. Dr. Peramsetty said:  “While my nursing staff was triaging patients for COVID-19 swabbing, they were told about the COVID-19 house parties and were even shown videos of the parties by college students.  Later, when the Students were called with the test results, we noticed that some were very excited and happy that they were positive, while others were very upset that they were negative.”  Huh, um, ahhh, are you kidding me, they said what??!!! 

Alabama students will use any excuse to party, even infecting themselves with the Caronavirus

On the surface, “Many People Say” that the College Student COVID-19 parties in Alabama were caused by the Mega STUPIDITY of these Alabamian Students.  Sarkes, always digging down deep to get to the Root Cause of a story, believed that the Alabamian Students may NOT be Stupid, rather, the Students might have believed that an increase in the COVID-19 statistics might force the University to cancel classes in the Fall, the goal of derelict Students all across America.  Alas, Sarkes could not prove his alternate theory, and now concludes that yes, the Alabama Students were indeed, STUPID.

Yes, Alabama Students are STUPID

So, how does the Stupidity of Alabama Students relate to our Constitution and Bill of Rights.  Simple.  Our Bill of Rights, in their entirety, gives ALL Americans the Constitutional Right to be STUPID.  And, Americans are exercising their Constitutional Right to be STUPID ever day.

Sarkes is working on a sure fire, Nobel Prize winning book:  The Next American Revolution, The Irreversible Dumbing of America.  This book documents the Continuing and Irreversible Dumbing of America.  This Dumbing  evolves to a point in time, estimated to be 2040, when Americans become so Dumb that the gap between Rich and Poor widens, causing the next American Revolution where the Poor, Stupid and the Dumb take over America.  

Sarkes works hard every day to complete his future Nobel Prize for Literature

Orange Lives Matter

Executive Summary:

– Sarkes brings to light the struggles of Orange Americans

DISCLAIMER DISCLAIMER DISCLAIMER:  Sarkes and the staff of Sarkes Corner support the Back Lives Matter Movement and nothing in this Sarkes Corner should be misconstrued as anything different. DISCLAIMER DISCLAIMER DISCLAIMER: 

While the current news cycle is focused on the death of George Floyd, and rightfully so, Sarkes is compelled to educate America on the plight of Americas smallest, disenfranchised Minority – Orange Americans.

According to the US Census Bureau, the racial make up of America is:

White – 61%

Brown – 18%

Black – 13%

Yellow – 6%

Red – 1%

Orange – Less than 1/2 of 1%

Orange Americans are the Forgotten Minority.  Americans are not born Orange, rather they become Orange over time.  Usually, Orange Americans start turning Orange in their teen years.

“Many People Say” that Americans turn Orange thru the use of self tanning spray products.  Self tanning spray products are intended to turn White people Brown, but often turn White People Orange.  Or so, that is what “Many People Say”.

Self Tanning Products can turn White Americans Orange

Sarkes has a source inside the CDC (Center of Disease Control) in Atlanta, GA, code name CDC Leaker.  CDC Leaker will remain anonymous as he/she provided Sarkes Classified data on what turns White people Orange.  

The CDC knows what turns White People Orange

A review of the Classified Data provided by CDC Leaker reveals that the primary cause of turning White People Orange is LED LIGHTS, yes, LED LIGHTS.  “Many People Said” that President Donald J. Trump was delirious when he blamed LED Lights for his Orange Hue.  Turns out that President Donald J. Trump was RIGHT.  

President Donald J. Trump turned Orange with the LED Lights in the White House.
LED Lights have an adverse impact on some White Americans

Further review of the Classified CDC documents revealed that the use of LED Lights, now in almost every home and business in America, was a conspiracy of the Liberal Climate Change Scientists.  The Liberal Climate Change Scientists are responsible for the demise of the Incandescent light bulb, which cannot be found in any store in America today.

Liberal Climate Change Scientists are responsible for the Genocide of the Incandescent Light Bulb
The Incandescent Light Bulb NEVER turned White Americans Orange

Even more disturbing in the review of the Classified documents is what the CDC has identified as the Side Effects of LED Lights on the skin of some White People.  These Side Effects HAVE NEVER been released to Americans.

The CDC has documented that extended exposure to LED Lights not only can make White American Oranges, but has the following devastating side effects:

Habitual Lying

Narcissistic Behavior

Excess Weight Gain

Craving For Red Meat

Bone Spurs

LED Lights can make White Women Orange
LED Lights can make White Men Orange
LED Lights, in rare cases, can make White Infants Orange

So, what can be done to help the forgotten, disenfranchised Orange Americans?  Sarkes asks all subscribers to Sarkes Corner to email, call, write their Congressperson and Senators and demand that they enact legislation to bring back the Incandescent Light Bulb.  This could happen fast as the plight of Orange Americans should be a bi-partisan issue.  LED Lights impact White Republicans the same as White Democrats.

Also Americans should demand that Congress ask President Trumps Personal Attorney, Bill Barr, to open an investigation into the CDC as to why they have kept the damaging data on the Side Effects of LED Lights from innocent Americans.

President Trumps Personal Attorney Bill Barr will get to the bottom of this LED Lights Conspiracy

Until Congress acts, Sarkes asks all Americans to have compassion with Orange Americans.  The Orange American did not know that they would be adversely impacted by LED Lights.  Sarkes reminds all that Americans did not understand the adverse impact of Second Hand Smoke until Americans were diagnosed with Lung disease having never smoked.  

Americans did not understand the negative impact of 2nd Hand Smoke
Despite the impact of LED Lights, President Trump has been the most effective President in our History

Orange Lives Matter

Caronavirus and Gun Sales

Executive Summary:

– The Caronavirus has created a demand for Bicycle Sales

– The Caronavirus has created a demand for Gun Sales

Thanks to Sarkes Corner Contributor and Sister Cindy Mamelian for this story about Caronavirus and the Gun Industry.  Full disclosure, sister Cindy is a Proud, 2nd Amendment, Heat Packing, American. 

While the Caronavirus has had a devastating impact on our economy and American industries, not so for Bicycle Sales.  Americans looking for something to do safely outdoors have turned to riding bicycles.  Many Americans have not ridden a bicycle since their youth, and like Toilet Paper, have emptied Bicycle Stores of their bicycle inventories.

Bicycles, like Toilet Paper, are now in short supply

The same has happened with Gun Sales in Bright Red States, especially Florida, the Gunshine State, and Missouri, the Shoot Me State.  During the 8 years of the Obama Presidency, Proud, 2nd Amendment, Heat Packing Americans ran Gun Shops out of Ammo and Heat believing that Obama was going to confiscate their Ammo and Heat.  God Bless the NRA from stopping Obama from taking our Heat and Ammo.  Like the Late, Great, Heat Packing American Charlton Heston famously said:  “I”ll give you my gun when you pry it from my cold, dead, hands”.  God Bless you Charlton, God Bless you. 

Obama wanted to take Heat and Ammo from Proud, 2nd Amendment, Heat Packing, Americans
Charlton Heston, a Real Mans Man, was a Great American and an inspiration to all Heat Packing Americans

With the election of the Orange Rifleman in 2016, and unexpected consequence was a drastic reduction in Gun Sales and Ammo.  Proud, 2nd Amendment, Heat Packing, Americans were no longer fearful that the Government would confiscate their Heat and Ammo.  Some Heat manufactures filed for Bankruptcy and a number of Gun Shops were forced to close. 

Who would have though that the election of the Orange Lugar would have a negative impact on Gun Sales

A silver lining in today’s Caronavirus world is an exponential increase in Gun Sales, especially a spike in first-time Heat buyers.  What has driven the resurrection of Heat Sales – concern over civil unrest because of what coronavirus is doing to the economy has led more people to buy guns.  And, God Fearing, Proud, 2nd Amendment, Heat Packing, Americans want to protect their homes from the Hoard of Rioters in the wake of the George Floyd killing by Minneapolis Police.

God Fearing, Proud, 2nd Amendment, Americans are buying Heat to protect their homes from the Rioting Hoards

In the Gunshine State, Government DuhSantis closed non-essential businesses like movie theaters, bars, restaurants, movie theaters, but allowed essential business like WWE Wresting and Gun Shops to remain open.

Governor DuhSantis declared that WWE Wresting and Gun Shops were Essential businesses

A day after DuhSantis’s stay at home order, Orlando Gun Shop, “Shoot Straight”, found more than 20 people waiting in line outside the business before its 11 a.m. opening.  Their sales have exploded, pun intended, everyday since.

Proud, 2nd Amendment, Heat Packing, Floridians waited in line to buy Heat and Ammo

This movement is not unique to the Gunshine State, Gun Shops across the country are reportedly seeing increased sales, prompted by people beefing up their home defenses over concerns coronavirus could cause problems with society.

What are these Proud, 2nd Amendment, Heat Packing Americans purchasing?   Popular purchases include handguns and pump-action shotguns.

The Pump-Action Shot Gun is the Weapon of choice to protect one’s home from Caronavirus-crazed Home Invaders
While not as effective as the Shot Gun, a handgun is portable and easy to use

Americans have been Packing Heat to protect themselves since the First, Original, Rioting Hoards – The Boston Tea Party.

Disenfranchised White Folk Packing Heat rioted in what we now call the Boston Tea Party

Sarkes understands that his conversion to a Reagan-Trumpian Conservative will not be complete until he Packs Heat.  Sarkes is struggling in this area.  In order to make progress to Pack Heat, Sarkes has made a poster of motivational mantras to remind him of all of the benefits of becoming a Heat Packing Conservative:

“Guns don’t kill People, People kill People”

“If there were Armed Guards patrolling our Schools the results would be far better”

“The only way to stop a bad guy with a  gun is a good guy with a gun”

“The Mass Murders with Semi Automatic Weapons are just the Price of our Freedom”

God Bless the Proud, 2nd Amendment, Heat Packing, Americans.  The Caravan of Rioting Hoards will not breach their homes.  God Bless America.