Pregnant Cracker Packs Heat

Executive Summary:

  • A Pregnant Florida Crackerette uses an AR-15 to fatally shoot an armed intruder
  • Two armed men broke into the Crackerette’s house and pistol whipped the Cracker husband before the Crackerette wife pulled out her AR-15 and opened fire

Thanks to Sarkes Corner St. Louis Contributor Lenny Harding who specializes on stories about Florida Crackers packing Heat.  Lenny Harding is a descendent of our 29th President, Warren Harding.  Republican Warren Harding was President from 1921 until his death in 1923 from Heart issues.  Like most Presidents, Warren Harding was a Sniffer having extramarital affair with Nan Britton.  Also know for the Teapot Dome scandal, involving the development of oil reserves in Wyoming, Harding is often rated as one of our worst presidents.  But Sarkes knows Lenny Harding, and he is no Warren Harding.

Warren Harding was a typical Scandalous, P-Grabbing US President

Sarkes digresses, back on Point.

A pregnant Florida Crackerette, armed with an AR-15, gunned down one of two home invaders who had broken in her home and were pistol whipping her husband.   The deadly confrontation happened at about 9 p.m in Lithia, Florida, about 25 miles southeast of downtown Tampa.

After the woman fired one shot from the family’s AR-15-style rifle, both men fled and the mortally wounded robber collapsed in a drainage ditch outside where he died.  The Crackertte expressed concern that she did not know how to squeeze off multiple rounds, only getting off 1 shot.

The AR-15, the weapon of choice for the Heat Packing Cracker

Deputies are still searching for the other robber. The dead robber was described by deputies as a man in his late 20s, but he was not immediately identified.

Hillsborough County Sherrif said:  ”Two unknown males broke in and made demands of them. The male victim, who is the homeowner, began to get pistol-whipped and beat up.  During that incident, the female homeowner retrieved a firearm, which was in the house legally, and fired one round which struck the male victim that was found deceased in the ditch.”

Homeowner Cracker Jeremy King said he’d be dead if not for his fast-thinking, eight-months-pregnant wife. He said both home invaders had pistols and they fired one shot. 

Cracker King, like most Crackers, hasn’t mastered English, but speaking in “Merican” said:  “Them guys came in with two normal pistols and my AR stopped it.  My wife evened the playing field and kept them from killing me.”

The AR-15 evens the playing field for the Crackerette

Cracker King suffered a fractured eye socket, a fractured sinus cavity and a concussion to go along with 20 stitches from the attack, but no more than he would suffer in a Cracker bar room brawl.  Cracker King said he and wife did not know their attackers.  Cracker King, like most Salt of the Earth Floridian Crackers, live paycheck to paycheck, but cannot live without their AR-15’s and Large Capacity Magazines.

Jeremy King is a typical Florida Cracker, Dirt Poor but Weapon Rich

But, the Hills County Sherrif said:  “We also know this was not a random act.  This family was probably targeted.”  Sarkes interprets this for his naive readers of Sarkes Corner:  “This was a Meth deal gone back.”

Like the NRA Poster says:  “It takes a good guy with a gun to stop a bad guy with a gun”.

The Great American Leader of the NRA, Wayne LaPierre said it best

When told about this incident, the Orange Glock said:  “Good, that Human Scum Robber got what he deserved.  When I win reelection in 2020, I will pass legislation to require that each homeowner have at least 1 semi-automatic weapon to protect us Great Americans from Mexican Rapists, Criminals, and Drug Lords”

Republican Herbert Hoover promised a “Chicken for every Pot”
The Orange Lugar promises a “Semi-automatic gun for every home”

Another Senseless Mass Shooting: Santa Clarita, CA

Executive Summary:

  • Sarkes uses his Mass Shooting Standard Form. 
  • This time, the Mass Shooting was at a High School in Santa Clarita, CA

Another Mass Murder, by an angry White Man, has happened.  In this case, the Mass Murder was in (Fill in the Location) Santa Clarita, CA.

The Mass Murder happened at the (Fill in the venue, example: school, mall, church, concert) Saugus High School.  

(Fill in the number of innocent people killed) 2 people were murdered and 3 were injured. 

The Mass Murderer, an angry White Man (Fill in the Murders Name and other details) Nathaniel Berhow, 16 years old.

The Mass Murderer used (Identify the weapon used) an .45 semi-automatic pistol.

When an AR-15 is not practical, the Mass Murderer in America prefers the .45 Caliber Semi-Automatic pistol

The Angry White Man Mass Murderer (Select one: killed himself, was killed by Police, was Captured by Police) shot himself and is expected to die

Shortly after the Mass Murder:

  • A spokesman for the NRA said:  “Guns don’t kill People, People kill People.”
  • President Trump, the Orange Rifleman, said: “If there was an Armed Guards patrolling the halls at Saugus High School the results would have been far better.”
  • The President of the NRA said:  “The only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.” 
  • A Conservative Friend of Sarkes said:  “These Mass Murders with semi automatic weapons are just the price of our Freedom” 
  • Countless Politicians said:  “Our Thoughts and Prayers are with the victims of this shooting and their families, Thoughts and Prayers.”
  • Another Conservative Friend of Sarkes said:  “Mass Shooters go to Gun Free Zones, like California, what do you expect”.

That’s if for this latest Mass Murder packing Heat.  Sarkeses use of the Standard Form should makes reporting the next Mass Murder much easier.

Grandpa Sarkes

Executive Summary:

  • Chris and Sarkes are in the Frozen Swamp visiting Baby Adds and new granddaughter Baby Ari

Sarkes left Sunny, mid-80 degree weather, and headed to Washington DC where the temperatures are hovering in the 40’s.  Alas, it was all worth it to see Sarkeses granddaughters, Baby Adds and Baby Ari (and, of course, David and Mer).

Sarkes is not acclimating to the Frozen tundra in DC

Baby Aria (Ari) is only 12 days old and does what babies do at that age. Baby Ari is a cutie. 

Baby Ari was born on November 1 and is one cute baby

Baby Addison (Adds), on the other hand, is over 2 years old and talking up a storm. 

Baby Adds is 2 years old and is one smart toddler

The following is the Transcript of an interesting conversation between Grandpa Sarkes and Baby Adds:

Start of Transcript:

Grandpa Sarkes:  Adds, you look so good in your Pink Boeing Bomber Jacket with patches of those Great Boeing products:  F/A18 Super Hornet, AH-64 Apache Helo, KC-46A Tanker, F-15 Strike Eagle, and the CH-47F Chinook Helo.

Baby Adds in her great Pink Boeing Bomber Jacket with patches of great Boeing products

Baby Adds:  Yeahhhh

Grandpa Sarkes: Adds, did you know that Boeing delivered these high Quality products to the DOD ahead of Schedule and below Cost, unlike the Failed products produced by the Evil Empire, Lockheed Martin. 

Baby Adds:  Yeahhh

Baby Adds:  But Grandpa Sarkes, your Boeing Stock has tanked, are you headed to the Poor House?  Will you and Grandma Chris be able to come to DC for Christmas?

Grandpa Sarkes:  Well Baby Adds, it’s true that Grandpa Sarkeses Portfolio has taken a hit with the grounding of the Boeing 737 Max. But hopefully, deliveries will start soon and the Boeing Stock will again soar straight up like an F15, which has a Thrust/Weight ratio that allows it to fly vertically like a rocket. 

Baby Adds:  Yeahhh

Baby Adds:  Grandpa Sarkes, is it true that the FAA is holding Boeing Hostage and covering their bottom like Baby Sister Ari’s diaper. 

The FAA is covering their Asses like Baby Ari’s diaper

Grandpa Sarkes:  Baby Adds, you are one smart little girl. You are right on. 

Grandpa Sarkes:  Baby Adds, Boeing is the victim of an FAA Which Hunt, Phony Investigation, a Hoax, Hit Job, Failed Takedown, Greatest Industrial Harassment, a Thousand Stabs, all with Triple Hearsay. 

Baby Adds:  Yeahhh 

Baby Adds:  Grandpa Sarkes, is it true that the FAA has 50,000 Angry Democrats all with a grudge against Boeing? 

Baby Adds:  And Grandpa Sarkes, how can our President Trump allow the FAA to hold Boeing hostage.  Boeing is our countries largest Exporter and employer to over 153,000 high paying technical jobs with great Insurance?

Grandpa Sarkes:  Oh Baby Adds, you are so smart and cute. Grandpa Sarkes does not have a good answer to  your questions.  But Grandpa Sarkes promises you that Boeing will be COMPLETELY  EXONERATED, CASE CLOSED.

Baby Adds:  Grandpa Sarkes, are you sure that you and Grandma Chris will be OK?

Grandma Chris has confidence that Donald Trump will reign in the FAA
Who said Sarkes is not good with Babies?  Well, everyone

Grandpa Sarkes:  Oh Baby Adds, Grandpa Sarkes and Grandma Chris will be OK.  You see, if Boeing Stock dips below 325, neighbors Jim & Carolyn Helgeson and Roy & Joyce Moses have committed to let us stay in their house.  The Helgesons will give Sarkes their Cadillac and a Gas Card, and the Moses will fluff up our pillows with a Chocolate Mint.  Grandma Chris and Grandpa Sarkes will not go to the Poor House.

Aunti Joycie will not let Grandpa Sarkes go to the Poor House

Baby Adds:  Yeahhhh

End of Transcript

“Many People Say”, Sarkes, isn’t your evaluation of Baby Adds and Baby Ari biased as they are your granddaughters?  Sarkes refutes that charge.  Sarkes, a Truth Machine, is always Fair and Balanced, and would never let a family connection interfere with the Sarkes Corner Journalistic Standards.  

This report was PERFECT, PERFECTO, Read The Transcript.  Sarkes HAS DONE NOTHING WRONG, there was no QUID PRO QUO.

Sarkes is Fair and Balanced when it comes to his Granddaughters 

The Porous Border Wall

Executive Summary:

  • In recent months, Smuggling Gangs in Mexico have been able to breach NEW sections of Orange Traffic Cones big, beautiful, border wall
  • Mexican Rapists, Drug Addicts, and Criminals are still Invading America 

Thanks to St. Louis friend and retired Boeing Chief Engineer, Dr. Deno Renieri for this story about the Porous Border Wall.  Dr. Renieri is an expert in Material Science and understands the vulnerability of our Border Wall.

US Border Patrol Agents report that smugglers have been using reciprocating saws to cut through the steel and concrete portions of the Orange Julius’ big, beautiful, wall, creating openings wide enough for Mexican Drugs, Rapists, and Criminals to be smuggled into the United States.

Mexican Rapists, Drug Addicts, and Criminals are using these saws to breech the big, beautiful wall

Border Patrol Agents report that the reciprocal saws can cut through the wall in a matter of minutes. Army Corp of Engineers report that because of the height of the wall, which are between 18 to 30 feet tall, it’s easier to cut thru the wall than go over the top.

Mexican Rapists, Drug Addicts, and Criminals buy their saws at Home Depot and make clean cuts thru the big, beautiful, wall

When questioned about these breaches, the Orange Bull Horn said that he hadn’t heard reports about cutting through the border wall, but, he added, “you can cut through anything.”

“We have a very powerful wall, but no matter how powerful, you can cut through anything, in all fairness.  But we have a lot of people watching.  Cutting is one thing, but it’s easily fixed. One of the reasons we did it the way we did it, it’s very easily fixed. You put the chunk back in. But we have a very powerful wall. But you can cut through any wall.”

The Orange Nehi is not concerned about the wall breaches as they can easily be repaired

Matthew Leas, a spokesman for Customs and Border Protection and a loyal Stooge to the Orange Ameba, said: “Any characteristic that the wall is not working is ridiculous. The wall is working.”  When a breach is detected, a welding crew is sent to fix the opening, the newspaper reported.

Mexican Smugglers, Rapists, Drug Addicts, and Criminals also hide a breach in the barrier, by returning the cut in the wall to its original position, and using putty to make it look like the hole has been fixed, so that they can keep using that opening.  The Mexicans have these skills as they have been doing body work on their old, dilapidated, cars for years.

Mexican Rapists, Drug Addicts, and Criminals use their Auto Body repair skills to hide the breaches in the big, beautiful, wall

Border Patrol Agents report that despite fixing and welding the damaged wall, Mexican Rapists, Drug Addicts, and Criminals return to the same spot because the metal and the concrete at the wall’s cores have already been weakened.  Materials expert Dr. Renieri validated that once the wall has been breached, it loses its mechanical properties and is much easier to breach again.  Dr. Renieri may be retired from Boeing but is still recognized as an Industry Leader and expert in Material Sciences. 

Dr. Deno Renieri is a retired Chief Engineer at Boeing and knows the Science behind the Material that makes up the Failed, big, beautiful, wall

So, while the Orange Pulp’s Border Wall may be big and beautiful, Mexican Rapists, Drug Addicts, and Criminals are still invading America.

The Big, Beautiful, wall is not stopping the Invasion of America

A New Florida Citizen

Executive Summary:

  • The Orange Baron is now a Floridian

The Orange Caesar and wife Melania are now residents of Florida, the Gunshine State.  Also, Melania’s parents, the last immigrants to make it on the Chain Immigration program, will also move to the Gunshine State with the Orange Duke and his wife.

“Many People Say” that there is not a rotten Apple in the Trump Orchard, Nooooo
Melania Trump’s parents escaped Slovenia and were one of the last immigrants to come to America under Chain Migration 

The Orange El Jefe will call Mir-a-Lago home.  This great property, second only to Doral, could host any event like the G7 or other great gathering.  If the Orange Potentate wins in 2020, “Many People Say” that he will do an End Run around the Constitution and become President for Life life his buddies; Putin, Erdaron, Duarte, Xi, and Jung Un.  This is a Who’s Who Strong Mans Club. 

Mir-a-Lago, a property fit for a King, King Donald 1, makes Buckingham Palace look like a Ghetto Housing Project

While other Presidents vacationed in Florida; “Give’m Hell” Harry Truman and “Tricky Dick” Richard Nixon, the Orange Maharajah is the first to call the Gunshine State home.

The Buck stopped with Harry Truman at the Little White House in Key West

“Tricky Dick” Nixon may have been a Crook but had a nice Crib in Key Biscayne 

More recently, Vice President Mike Pence vacations regularly in Sarkeses neighborhood, Sanibel Island.  Pence retreats to Sanibel for peace and tranquility and to be able to communicate and get guidance from our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ.  

Mike Pence vacations on Sanibel Island and gets his marching orders from Our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ, not the Constitution

Sarkes cannot wait for the Orange Stable Genius and Family to settle in their Mar-a-Lago home.  Sarkes and the Orange Educator are Tight.  You see, Sarkes was one of the first Graduates of that great educational institution, Trump University.  Sarkes attained a Journalism degree from Trump University, no Fake News taught at Trump University, the Journalism curriculum was Fair and Balanced.  

Sarkes Graduation picture from Trump University

Mir-a-Lago is a short 2 hour drive from Sarkeses Crib in Bonita Springs, so Sarkes looks forward to visiting the Orange Royal Highness, bring a House Warming Gift, and maybe play a round or two of Golf.  Sarkeses handicap using, the USGA Handicap system is a 27.  But playing at Mir-a-Lago with the Orange Sand Trap, Sarkes handicap, using the Trump Handicap system, with be a 6.  

The Orange Divot is a scratch golfer using the Trump Handicap system

Deer Kills Hunter

Executive Summary:

  • An experienced Arkansas hunter was found severely injured in the woods, his body riddled with Antler puncture wounds from a Deer. 
  • The Hunter later died from his injuries

Thanks to St. Louis Contributor Lenny Hardy for this tragic story from the Ozark Mountains.  The Ozark Mountains is a mountain range that traverses Missouri and Arkansas.  

Who lives in the Ozarks?  For those of you have seen the Netflix series “Ozark”, starring Jason Bateman and Laura Linney, you have a good idea about the inhabitants of the Ozark Mountains.  For the Older readers of Sarkes Corner, another reference would be the 1972 Movie “Deliverance” staring Jon Voight, Burt Reynolds, Ned Beatty, and Ronny Cox.

The cast of Netflix “Ozarks” depicts the simple people of the Ozark Mountains
Many people who live in the Ozarks have dental issues

Who can forget the epic Banjo Boy in “Deliverance”

Inhabitants of the Ozark Mountains are Salt of the Earth, Simple, Uneducated, Underemployed, 2nd Amendment Heat Packing, God Fearing people, in other words, Trumps Base.   People who live in the Ozarks all Pack Heat and all hunt Deer.

The Scenic Ozark Mountains are home to Heat Packing Hearty Folk to love to hunt Deer

An Arkansas hunter, 66 year old Thomas Alexander, thought he had fatally shot a deer was killed when the very much alive animal turned the tables and gored him in a sudden attack.

Alexander was an experienced hunter who had lived in the Ozark Mountain area for several years. Alexander was hunting using a primitive firearm known as a muzzleloader.  He called his nephew to tell them he had successfully shot a buck and to join him to Field dress the Deer.

Alexander used a Muzzleloader when Deer hunting, he should have used an AR-15

When his nephew found him, Alexander was injured but alert and talking.  Sadly, Alexander stopped breathing by the time paramedics could get him to the hospital.  Officials are not certain that the antler wounds are the official cause of his death, as he may have died from other medical issues such as a heart attack.  

Game and Wildlife Officials say that, on occasion, hunters may approach a deer thinking it is dead when it is only stunned or injured. Usually, they jump up and run away.  Sarkes believes that if Alexander was using an AR-15, the Deer that he had plugged would have gone down and not gotten up.

The wounded Deer has not been found, but Sarkes wonders if this Deer is part of a mutant species with super powers to thwart the assault on Deer. Sarkes does not understand the lure of Deer hunting, but his Deer hunting family and friends tell Sarkes that Deer hunting is important to “Thin the Herd”.

This time the Deer won, but smart money is to bet on the Ozark hunter

Castration Update

Sarkes had published a Sarkes Corner about a North Carolina woman who tied up her husband and cut off his Ying Yang. She was arrested for Castrating her husband.

Well, Sarkes must provide clarification. Sarkes Corner Science Editor and Cousin Dr. Greg Wilson provided clarification for Sarkes:

“The North Carolina woman performed a penile amputation, not castration.  Castration removes the testicles.  However, in ancient Egypt the eunuchs had both testicles and penis removed just to keep them in line as slaves.  Some ancient Christian religious orders did this to themselves as well.”

Sarkes, a Truth Machine, is always driven to provide just the facts in Sarkes Corner. Sarkes Corner is a No Spin Zone. Like this story, on a very rare occasion, Sarkes must provide clarification.

Whatever you call it, Castration or Penile Amputation, when one’s Johnson gets loped off, it’s not a good day.

Another Castration!

Executive Summary:

  • A North Carolina wife is accused of tying up and castrating her husband 
  • OUCH!

Authorities in North Carolina have locked up a woman, 56-year-old Victoria Thomas Frabutt, accused of cutting off her husband’s penis.

Oh, what, huh, did she really do that, OUCH!

Victoria Thomas Frabutt had enough with her husband so she cut off his Pecker

The Husband, 61-year-old James Frabutt told Carteret County deputies his wife, 56-year-old Victoria Thomas Frabutt, tied him up and pulled out a knife.

James Frabutt was taken to a Greenville hospital where his condition is unknown. Deputies were able to recover the body part, his Ying Yang, put it on ice, and give it to medical personnel. A motive for the castration is unclear.

Victoria practiced cutting off her husbands Johnson using a Johnsonville  Brat

Victoria Thomas Frabutt has been charged with kidnapping and malicious castration. She’s in jail on a $100,000 bond.

There has been no report on the condition of James Frabutt’s Ying Yang.

Oh, what, huh, did she really do that, OUCH!

Vegan in Distress

Executive Summary:

– An Australian Vegan woman sued her neighbors for barbecuing in their backyard

– What, huh, um, uh oh, she did what?!

A Vegan woman has filed a suit against her neighbors after complaining about the smell of meat and fish emanating from their barbecues.

Australians love their Beef and Sausages on the Barbie, although a lot of smoke is generated

Australian Cilla Carden took her case to the Supreme Court of Western Australia, citing her neighbors’ barbecuing, smoking, children playing basketball, among other complaints. 

Australian Cilla Carden does not appreciate Chicken on the Barbie

Carden accused her neighbors of intentionally setting up these nuisances.

“It’s deliberate, all I can smell is fish. I can’t enjoy my backyard.”

The smell of Fish on the Barbie nauseates Vegan Carden

Carden had filed nearly 600 pages of documents in her appeal of the case.

Australian Courts were not convinced. A lower court threw out the case in February but Carden appealed.  Then, the Australian Supreme Court also rejected her claims dismissing the case.

Carden responded:  “I’m a good person. I just want peace and quiet.”  Carden intends to continue the legal fight but it is not clear what she is talking about since there is no court beyond the Australian Supreme Court. 

A spokesman for Outback Steakhouse said:  “While most Australians are carnivores and enjoy a great Steak or Chicken on the Barbie, Outback Steakhouse does cater to Vegans with our Bloom’n Onion offering”

Outback Steakhouse caters to meat loving Carnivores

The Bloom’n Onion at Outback Steakhouse is Vegan friendly

When questioned about this lawsuit, the Orange Sirloin Tweeted:

Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – October 8 @ 4:56AM

Australians love their Beef and the decision by the Australian Supreme Court will protect the rights of all meat eating Australians.  The Liberal Vegans are conducting a Witch Hunt.  Vegans are Beleaguered, Losers, Fools, Low Life, Low Energy, Climate Change Thugs.  

Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – October 8 @ 5:30AM

I need to check to see if I have imposed Tariffs on Australia.  If so, I will back off.  Any country that loves Beef as much as I do is doing the right thing.  I love Beef so much that I sell Trump Steaks.  Trump Steaks are Winners, the best Steaks of all time!!!  All I eat is Beef and I am the fittest President of all time.

The Orange Porterhouse loves his Beef and is in top shape, the fittest President in our History

Interracial Marriage in Mississippi

Executive Summary:

  • A Mississippi Wedding Venue refuses services to an Interracial Couple
  • Their reason…..their “Christian Beliefs”  

An interracial Mississippi couple in Jackson, Mississippi, was turned away from a wedding venue with the owner citing her refusal based on her “Christian Beliefs”

What, hmm, huh, they said that, are you kidding me, are they serious!

The owner of the venue, Donna Russell of Booneville, has since apologized, saying she was raised to believe Interracial Marriage was an “understood subject.”  In a now-viral video posted on Facebook by LaKambria Welch, sister of the Groom, Donna Russell said: “we don’t do gay weddings or mixed-raced (weddings) because of our Christian race, I mean our Christian belief.” 

What, hmm, huh, she said that, are you kidding me, is she serious!

Donna Russell has “Christian Beliefs” that prohibit Gay and Interracial Marriage

Mississippi is one of our enlightened Southern States mired in the 1800’s.   In 2016, the Mississippi legislation passed House Bill 1523, which allowed Mississippi businesses to deny services based on their religious views.   The bill was primarily directed at sexual orientation and same-sex marriage. Race was not a part of that legislation which must have been an oversight by the Dinosaur Legislators in Mississippi.

The Mississippi Legislature is predominantly Enlightened, Old, White Republican Men with values from the Jim Crow era

LaKambria Welch went to Boone’s Camp Event Hall in Booneville after finding out the venue would not host her brother, who is black, and his fiancée, who is white.  LaKambria Welch asked the woman at Boone’s Camp: “Well, we’re Christians as well so, what in the Bible tells you that interracial marriage is a sin?”

Boone’s Camp Donna Russell replied: “Well, I just don’t want to argue my faith. We just don’t participate, we just choose not to”

What, hmm, huh, she said that, are you kidding me, is she serious!

Later, Boone’s Camp Event Hall issued an apology and said, after researching, they found that their views on Interracial Marriage were unfounded. Their excuse:  “as a child growing up in Mississippi our racial boundaries were that you stayed in your own race”.

What, hmm, huh, they said that, are you kidding me, are they serious!

Gays and Interracial Couples are not welcomed at the Boones Camp Event Hall

Boone’s Camp Donna Russell spent the weekend looking into the Bible to find where the Bible mentioned “biracial relationships.” After consulting her Pastor, the woman said she realized her beliefs were “incorrect,” saying, “As my Bible reads, there are two requirements for marriage and race has nothing to do with either!”

Turns out that Our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ did not prohibit Interracial Marriage

Boone’s Camp Donna Russell then apologized for her “ignorance in not knowing the truth.  My intent was never of racism but to stand firm on what I assumed was right concerning marriage.”

Translation:  Donna Russell is NOT A RACIST, yeah Right, they never are.