Vegan in Distress

Executive Summary:

– An Australian Vegan woman sued her neighbors for barbecuing in their backyard

– What, huh, um, uh oh, she did what?!

A Vegan woman has filed a suit against her neighbors after complaining about the smell of meat and fish emanating from their barbecues.

Australians love their Beef and Sausages on the Barbie, although a lot of smoke is generated

Australian Cilla Carden took her case to the Supreme Court of Western Australia, citing her neighbors’ barbecuing, smoking, children playing basketball, among other complaints. 

Australian Cilla Carden does not appreciate Chicken on the Barbie

Carden accused her neighbors of intentionally setting up these nuisances.

“It’s deliberate, all I can smell is fish. I can’t enjoy my backyard.”

The smell of Fish on the Barbie nauseates Vegan Carden

Carden had filed nearly 600 pages of documents in her appeal of the case.

Australian Courts were not convinced. A lower court threw out the case in February but Carden appealed.  Then, the Australian Supreme Court also rejected her claims dismissing the case.

Carden responded:  “I’m a good person. I just want peace and quiet.”  Carden intends to continue the legal fight but it is not clear what she is talking about since there is no court beyond the Australian Supreme Court. 

A spokesman for Outback Steakhouse said:  “While most Australians are carnivores and enjoy a great Steak or Chicken on the Barbie, Outback Steakhouse does cater to Vegans with our Bloom’n Onion offering”

Outback Steakhouse caters to meat loving Carnivores

The Bloom’n Onion at Outback Steakhouse is Vegan friendly

When questioned about this lawsuit, the Orange Sirloin Tweeted:

Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – October 8 @ 4:56AM

Australians love their Beef and the decision by the Australian Supreme Court will protect the rights of all meat eating Australians.  The Liberal Vegans are conducting a Witch Hunt.  Vegans are Beleaguered, Losers, Fools, Low Life, Low Energy, Climate Change Thugs.  

Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – October 8 @ 5:30AM

I need to check to see if I have imposed Tariffs on Australia.  If so, I will back off.  Any country that loves Beef as much as I do is doing the right thing.  I love Beef so much that I sell Trump Steaks.  Trump Steaks are Winners, the best Steaks of all time!!!  All I eat is Beef and I am the fittest President of all time.

The Orange Porterhouse loves his Beef and is in top shape, the fittest President in our History

Interracial Marriage in Mississippi

Executive Summary:

  • A Mississippi Wedding Venue refuses services to an Interracial Couple
  • Their reason…..their “Christian Beliefs”  

An interracial Mississippi couple in Jackson, Mississippi, was turned away from a wedding venue with the owner citing her refusal based on her “Christian Beliefs”

What, hmm, huh, they said that, are you kidding me, are they serious!

The owner of the venue, Donna Russell of Booneville, has since apologized, saying she was raised to believe Interracial Marriage was an “understood subject.”  In a now-viral video posted on Facebook by LaKambria Welch, sister of the Groom, Donna Russell said: “we don’t do gay weddings or mixed-raced (weddings) because of our Christian race, I mean our Christian belief.” 

What, hmm, huh, she said that, are you kidding me, is she serious!

Donna Russell has “Christian Beliefs” that prohibit Gay and Interracial Marriage

Mississippi is one of our enlightened Southern States mired in the 1800’s.   In 2016, the Mississippi legislation passed House Bill 1523, which allowed Mississippi businesses to deny services based on their religious views.   The bill was primarily directed at sexual orientation and same-sex marriage. Race was not a part of that legislation which must have been an oversight by the Dinosaur Legislators in Mississippi.

The Mississippi Legislature is predominantly Enlightened, Old, White Republican Men with values from the Jim Crow era

LaKambria Welch went to Boone’s Camp Event Hall in Booneville after finding out the venue would not host her brother, who is black, and his fiancée, who is white.  LaKambria Welch asked the woman at Boone’s Camp: “Well, we’re Christians as well so, what in the Bible tells you that interracial marriage is a sin?”

Boone’s Camp Donna Russell replied: “Well, I just don’t want to argue my faith. We just don’t participate, we just choose not to”

What, hmm, huh, she said that, are you kidding me, is she serious!

Later, Boone’s Camp Event Hall issued an apology and said, after researching, they found that their views on Interracial Marriage were unfounded. Their excuse:  “as a child growing up in Mississippi our racial boundaries were that you stayed in your own race”.

What, hmm, huh, they said that, are you kidding me, are they serious!

Gays and Interracial Couples are not welcomed at the Boones Camp Event Hall

Boone’s Camp Donna Russell spent the weekend looking into the Bible to find where the Bible mentioned “biracial relationships.” After consulting her Pastor, the woman said she realized her beliefs were “incorrect,” saying, “As my Bible reads, there are two requirements for marriage and race has nothing to do with either!”

Turns out that Our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ did not prohibit Interracial Marriage

Boone’s Camp Donna Russell then apologized for her “ignorance in not knowing the truth.  My intent was never of racism but to stand firm on what I assumed was right concerning marriage.”

Translation:  Donna Russell is NOT A RACIST, yeah Right, they never are.

Orange People: America’s Smallest Minority

Executive Summary:

  • Trump says that Energy-Efficient Light Bulbs make him Look Orange
  • Sarkes calls for Equal Rights for Orange People 

Thanks to Sarkes Corner Contributor and Minnesota Bureau Chief Eric Pederson for this breaking news about our Orange POTUS. 

Faster than Walmart can Roll-Back prices on millions of products, the Orange Monarch’s administration has rolled-back HUNDREDS of Obama-era regulations.  One of the Orange Eminences Obama Roll Backs was for Energy Efficient Light Bulbs.

The Orange Cheeto Rolls Back Regulations like Walmart Rolls Back Prices

It turns out that the Roll Backs on Energy Efficient Light Bulbs was NOT about Making America Great Again, rather, this Roll Back occurred because the Orange Premier believes that Energy Efficient Light Bulbs make him look Orange.  The Orange Scientist claims his Orange hue is caused because the light emitted from the energy efficient bulbs is “not good”.  

The Orange Scientist claims Energy Efficient Light Bulbs are BAD for America

Its clear that the Orange Baron knows more about Science than the Scientists.  

For years, Scientists and the Media have tried to determine the source of the Orange Caesars Orange Hue.  The “Official” statement from the White House claims that the Orange Hue on the Orange Chosen One is caused by “Good Genes”.  Another school claimed the Orange Hue comes from Fake Tanning.  Now, the Orange Commandant blames Energy Efficient Light Bulbs.

The Orange Exalted Leader explained the Science behind his edict to Roll Back standards on Energy Efficient Light Bulbs:  

  • “The light bulb. People said what’s with the light bulb? I said here’s the story.  I looked at it, the bulb that we’re being forced to use, number one to me, most importantly, the light’s no good. I always look orange. And so do you. The light is the worst.”
  • “But number two, it’s many times more expensive than that old incandescent bulb that worked very well. And very importantly—I don’t know if you know this—they have warnings. If it breaks it’s considered a hazardous waste site. It’s gasses inside”
  • “I am not a vain person…but I look better under an incandescent light than these crazy lights that are beaming down.”
Donald Trump blames Energy Efficient Light Bulbs for his Orange Hue

Sarkes understands the position of the Orange Czar.  You see, Sarkes, a Brown Man, understands the life of person of Color living in America today.  When Sarkes goes to breakfast with the Spring Run Conservative Men’s Breakfast Club at local eateries, Sarkes is always at Risk of getting caught up in a ICE Raid looking for Illegal Mexican Cooks and Table Cleaners.

Sarkes is Brown but Granddaughter Addi is stone White

Sarkes believes that Orange People have an even tougher time in America verses Black, Brown, Red, and Yellow Americans.  The Orange People minority is So Small that most Racists Americans just assume that Orange People are just the victims of a Bad Tanning job.

Largely Ignored, Orange People are America’s smallest Minority

Sarkes is hereby starting a movement to get America to recognize Orange People for who they are, America’s Smallest Minority.  It time to get Orange People out of the Closet and allow them to live Free in America without making excuses like “Energy Efficient Light Bulbs make them look Orange”.  This is no way to live.

And what better time to push for Equal Rights for Orange People since the most powerful person in the Free World is himself an Orange Man.

Even Donald Trump, America’s 1st Orange President, gets ridiculed for his Orange Color 

Like all People of Orange Color, Donald Trump has no control over his Orange Hue

Chicken Sandwich Wars

Executive Summary:

  • A Tennessee man sues Popeyes for running out of chicken sandwiches
  • A Customer pulls Heat on a Popeyes employee for running out of chicken sandwiches

Thanks to Sarkes Corner Contributor and St. Louis friend Steve Peat Moss for this story about Chicken Sandwiches.  Sarkes is surprised a bit as friend Peat is a meat and potato kind of guy, but he must like Chicken also.

Sarkes doesn’t quite understand this Brew Ha Ha between Chick-fil-A and Popeyes Louisiana Chicken as to who has the better Chicken Sandwich.  In any case, this was marketing genius as Popeyes Louisiana Chicken sold out of its Chicken Sandwich nation wide and in record time.

This woman cannot get a Popeyes Chicken Sandwich

One unhappy customer, a Tennessee man Craig Barr, filed a lawsuit against Popeyes this week alleging it engaged in “false advertising” and “deceptive business practices by entity to public.”  Barr is seeking $5,000 in damages.

Barr said he suffered rim and tire damage totaling $1,500 while driving from Popeyes location to location to find a Popeyes Chicken Sandwich, and was humiliated when his friends laughed at him.

The Popeyes Chicken Sandwich comes in Classic and Spicy versions, Mmm Mmmm

This Chicken Sandwich Brew Ha Ha started when Chick-fil-A took a Jab at the Popeyes Chicken Sandwich stating that its Chicken Sandwich was “The Original”.

The Chic-fil-A Chicken Sandwich comes Breaded or Grilled, Mmm Mmmm

This started a Tweeter war with thousands of Chicken Sandwich Eaters weighing in on whose is their favorite Chicken Sandwich.

Americans prefer the Breaded and Fried Chicken Sandwich over Grilled

In a related story, Police in Houston are searching for a man who pulled a gun on employees at a Popeyes restaurant after they ran out of chicken sandwiches.

Two women, three men and a baby were told at the Popeyes drive-thru window that the Popeyes Chicken Sandwiches were sold out.  The hungry and angry customers got our of their car and one of the men attempted to get inside the restaurant displaying Heat, but one of the Minimum Wage Popeyes worker was alert and locked the door.  These customers were so hungry that they left their baby in the car as they attempted to Invade the Popeyes restaurant.  Oh my!

Popeyes employees were at peril because they ran out of Chicken Sandwiches

After watching these Chicken Sandwich Wars unfold on Fox News Fair and Balanced, the Orange Cheeto Tweeted:

Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – September 9 @ 4:56AM

Like Sarkes, I don’t understand this battle over Chicken Sandwiches.  The real battle is at our southern border where we are being Invaded by Mexicans who want to force us all to eat Tacos.  When we win our Tariff War with China, US Beef will be a Great Value for all Americans.

Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – September 9 @ 6:03AM

Hamburgers and Cheeseburgers were invented in America.  Other Loser nations try to copy our US Hamburgers and Cheeseburgers but Fail miserably.  And, I AM NOT OVERWEIGHT, I am the fittest President of all time.   

The Orange Whopper prefers a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese over a Chicken Sandwich any day

TV Co-Anchor Looks Like a Gorilla

Executive Summary:

  • A White Newscaster said her Black co-anchor looks like a Gorilla
  • After, the White Newscaster offered a tearful apology

Sarkes has always preferred Print Journalism verses TV or Radio Journalism.  “Many People Say” Sarkes, you have a face for Print Journalism.  In Live TV or Radio Journalism there is a Risk, once you put your Right Foot in your mouth its out there and can never be removed.

Sarkes considered TV Journalism but was told to stick with Print

In a tearful segment that aired on Oklahoma City’s KOCO-TV, morning White anchor Alex Housden apologized to her Black co-anchor Jason Hackett after comparing him to a gorilla during a broadcast Thursday. 

White co-anchor Alex Housden thinks her Black co-anchor looks like a Gorilla

The racist comment occurred after the pair reported on a story about a Gorilla at the Oklahoma City Zoo.  The Gorilla is named Finyezi, Fin for short.  White co-anchor Housden ended the segment with the comment: “Kind of looks like you,” directed at Black co-anchor Hackett.

Uh, what, hmmmm, uh oh, she said what

Fin was the focus of a news story at KOCO-TV in Oklahoma City 

In shock, and on live TV, and not sure what to say, Black co-ahchor Hackett said:  “He kind of does, actually, yeah,”  

Uh, what, hmmmm, uh oh, he said what

Does Black co-anchor Jason Hackett look like Fin to you?

The following day, Black co-ahchor Hackett accepted White co-anchor Housden’s apology and said he wanted to take the experience as a teachable moment to his viewers.

Black co-ahchor Hackett said:  “The lesson here is that words matter.  We have to understand the stereotypes, we have to understand each other’s backgrounds and the words that hurt, the words that cut deep.”

White co-anchor Housden called the comment inconsiderate and inappropriate. She said she knows it was wrong and that she would never intentionally hurt her colleague.

White co-anchor tearfully said:  “I hurt people. I want you to know I understand how much I hurt you out there and how much I hurt you”

White co-anchor Housden tearfully apologizes to Black co-anchor Hackett

At least White co-anchor Housden, in her apology, did not say that “she was not a Racist”.  We all know that when someone says they “are not a Racist” they probably are.

Finally, Sarkes is ready to give White co-anchor Housden a pass on her Racist guffaw.  No, not because White co-anchor Housden is a good looking blond in a short, tight fitting dress like the Women on Fox News Fair and Balanced.  Sarkes is not that shallow.  

You see, for those of you who have visited Oklahoma City know that there are very few Blacks.  White co-anchor Housden may have just made an honest mistake.  

A Castration Gone Bad

Executive Summary:

  • A Florida man was arrested after botching an in-home castration surgery
  • OUCH! 

Thanks to Sarkes Corner Special Corespondent and sister Cindy Mamelian for another story about the antics of Florida Man, the Florida Cracker.

Florida deputies have arrested a man for attempting to perform a castration inside his Highlands County, FL home.   Highlands County is in South Central Florida.  Lake Okeechobee is in the center of Highlands County.  Highlands County is Ground Zero for the Florida Cracker.

Deputies were called to 74-year-old Florida Cracker Gary Van Ryswyk’s home in Sebring, FL.  When they arrived, Cracker Van Ryswyk told a deputy he had just performed a castration on a man and encountered some major issues. Deputies found a victim on a bed, bleeding heavily, with a towel over his groin.

What?, Oh My, are you kidding me, OUCH!

Cracker Van Ryswyk performs Castrations in his home, a great value

The victim was flown to a nearby hospital and is said to be stable.  During their investigation, deputies found two body parts in a pink container, presumed to have belonged to the victim.

What 2 Body Parts?, Oh My, are you kidding me, OUCH!

Cracker Van Ryswyk had set up a room to look like a surgical center and had medical equipment and painkillers inside.  A camera was also set up to record the procedure.  Van Ryswyk told deputies he had met the victim on a the dark web on a site geared toward people who have a Castration Fetish.

What is a Castration Fetish?, Oh My, are you kidding me, OUCH!

According to Police, Cracker Van Ryswyk told the victim that he had experience performing Castrations on animals and had even removed one of his own testicles in 2012.

He removed WHAT?, Oh My, are you kidding me, OUCH!

Cracker Van Ryswyk was arrested and charged with practicing medicine without a license resulting in bodily injury, a second-degree felony.  His bond was set at $250,000.

Sarkes Corner Medical Reporters were able to interview Cracker Van Ryswyk in the Highland County Hoosegow.  Cracker Van Ryswyk, one of the Orange Johnsons Base, and a staunch Republican, blamed his actions on ObamaCare.  Cracker Van Ryswyk said that voluntary Castrations are not covered by ObamaCare and he was performing a Public Service. 

Like Sarkeses Conservative friends always say: “Its all Obamas fault”

If ObamaCare covered voluntary Castrations, Cracker Van Ryswyk’s victim would still have his Ying Yang and/or Boys

Another Senseless Mass Shooting: Odessa, TX

Executive Summary:

  • Sarkes uses his Mass Shooting Standard Form. 
  • This time, the Mass Shooting was in Odessa, TX

Another Mass Murder, by an angry White Man, has happened.  In this case, the Mass Murder was in (Fill in the Location) Odessa, TX.

The Mass Murder happened at the (Fill in the venue, example: school, mall, church, concert) on the streets in and around Midland and Odessa, TX, this was a first, a Mobile Mass Murder.

Special Note:  This mass murder by an angry white man happened one day before 10 new laws came into effect in Texas.   These relaxed Texas gun laws eased restrictions on where and how the good citizens of Texas can Pack Heat.

(Fill in the number of innocent people killed) 7 people were murdered and 22 were injured. 

The Mass Murderer, an angry White Man (Fill in the Murders Name and other details) Seth Ator, 36 years old, who was stopped for a traffic violation after being fired from his job hours before.

Angry Young Deranged White Man Seth Ator

The Mass Murderer used (Identify the weapon used) an AK-47 Assault Rifle

A Semi-Automatic AK-47 Assault Weapon, a favorite killing machine for the Angry White Mass Murderer

The Angry White Man Mass Murderer (Select one: killed himself, was killed by Police, was Captured by Police) killed by Police

Shortly after the Mass Murder:

  • Democrats say: “This is the time for strict gun laws”
  • Republicans say: “We are mourning the victims, it’s too soon to discuss gun legislation”
  • A spokesman for the NRA said:  “Guns don’t kill People, People kill People.”
  • President Trump, the Orange Rifleman, said: “If there were more people in Odessa and Midland with weapons the results would have been far better.”
  • The President of the NRA said:  “The only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.” 
  • A Conservative Friend of Sarkes said:  “These Mass Murders with Heat weapons are just the price of our Freedom” 
  • Countless Politicians said:  “Our Thoughts and Prayers are with the victims of this shooting and their families, Thoughts and Prayers.”
  • Another Conservative Friend of Sarkes said:  “Mass Shooters go to Gun Free Zones, like California, what do you expect”.

That’s if for this latest Mass Murder packing Heat.  Sarkeses use of the Standard Form should makes reporting the next Mass Murder much easier.  

Like our Politicians always say:  Thoughts and Prayers

Keep My City White

Executive Summary:

– A City Council Candidate in Marysville, Michigan, wants to keep her city White

–  She said What?, Huh, Uh, Oh My, Mmmmmmm

Jean Cramer, a city council candidate in Marysville, Michigan, stunned those assembled at an election Forum with her Racist Comments.   Unfazed, Bigot Cramer later Doubled Down, then Tripled Down on her position. 

Cramer is one of five candidates vying for three open council seats in the  November City Council election.  The Candidates were asked:  “Do you believe the diversity of our community needs to be looked at, and if so, should we be more aggressive in attracting foreign-born citizens?”

Racist Jean Cramer responded that she wants to: “Keep Marysville a white community as much as possible,”.

She said What?, Huh, Uh, Oh My, Mmmmmmm

Racist Jean Cramer wants to keep her city as White as Possible

Racist Cramer’s response, however, was the first of the group, and a brief guffaw fell over the council meeting room at City Hall before forum attendees heard from the other candidates.  Needless to say, the other Council Candidates did not agree with Cramer and her initiative to “Keeping Maryville White”:

Incumbent Councilman Paul Wessel said anyone who can find their way to Marysville “should be allowed to live in Marysville.” 

Council candidate Mike Deising paused before adding, “Just checking the calendar here and making sure it’s still 2019.”

Wayne Pyden, a former councilman added. “In my own heart and my own mind and people around me, people here at the table, everybody’s welcome to Marysville.”

Mayor Dan Damman and other local leaders have called for Racist Cramer to  withdraw from the City Council race (pun intended), “After the initial shock of what she said really sank in and (given) the deep-seated viewpoints that she has, I don’t believe that she is fit to serve as an elected official in Marysville or anywhere else.”

Unlike Racist Cramer, the rest of the Maryville Council Candidates embrace Diversity

But, like all good White Supremacists, Racist Jean Cramer DOUBLED DOWN.  After the forum, Racist Cramer expanded on her beliefs, particularly that people of different races shouldn’t get married.  

She said What?, Huh, Uh, Oh My, Mmmmmmm

Racist Cramer does not want Mixed Marriages in Maryville

Racist Cramer has cited the Bible in backing up her ideology. Despite the widespread condemnation of her views, she said she didn’t believe she was racist.  Then, Racist Cramer TRIPLED DOWN:  “As far as I know, as long as I’ve been here, Marysville has been a white community, a white city, if we have seen a black person here and there, whatever, we’re not bothered by it. I’m not bothered by it.”

She said What?, Huh, Uh, Oh My, Mmmmmmm

Jean Cramer claims that she is not bothered by Black people AND IS NOT A RACIST

Kevin Watkins, president of the Port Huron chapter of the NAACP, said that  he believed individuals like Racist Cramer are more recently emboldened to come forward, “taking a play out of the Trump playbook.”

When asked about the statement of Kevin Watkins, the Orange Chosen One Tweeted:

Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – August 27 @ 4:56AM

I DO NOT HAVE A PLAYBOOK.  I AM NOT A RACIST.  I do not have a racist bone in my body. I am the least racist President of all time.  Look at all that I have done for the Blacks, after all, what did they have to lose!  Case Closed.

The Orange Chosen One is NOT A RACIST and often surrounds himself with Blacks, and Blacks love him

In the Hospital While Black in America

Executive Summary:

  • This is the 13th in the Soon to be Award Winning Series of “XXXX” While Black in America”
  • In this edition, a black hospital patient went on a walk with an IV drip and was apprehended by a security guard who thought he was stealing medical equipment

Huh, what, um, wow, whoooa, are you kidding me. 

Thanks to Sarkes Corner subscribers Canadian Bureau Contributor Peter Perrin and St. Louis special correspondent Dave Schepers for this head scratching story of being Black in America.

A Black man says he was racially profiled by White police officers while he was being treated at an Illinois hospital and went for a walk hooked up to an IV drip.  Police arrested Shaquille Dukes, 24, of misdemeanor disorderly conduct after a security guard called them, saying that Black Man Dukes was trying to steal medical equipment.

The Freeport, Illinois Police Department confirmed that Black Man Dukes filed a complaint “alleging unfair and biased conduct by responding officers.” The department said it has retained an outside, third-party investigator to “gather the facts, interview all parties involved, and determine whether officers conducted themselves in adherence to department policies and guidelines.”

Huh, what, um, wow, whoooa, are you kidding me.

Black Man Dukes stated that he was on vacation in Freeport, about 100 miles west of Chicago, when he came down with double pneumonia and went to the hospital. Black Man Dukes was admitted to Freeport Memorial Hospital for two days.

Freeport Memorial Hospital, the scene of the crime

On the morning of the second day, Black Man Dukes said he was feeling better and asked doctors if he could go for a walk. He went outside with a friend and his brother, still wearing his hospital gown and pushing a steroid and antibiotic IV drip.  Once outside, Black Man Dukes said a White Security Guard called them over to his car and asked if they were trying to “leave the hospital and sell the IV equipment on eBay.”  Freeport, IL has a population of over 25,000 of which 16% are African American, so the White Security Guard must of had experience with the Criminal Black Man.

Black Man Shaquille Dukes was given permission by doctors to take a walk

Huh, what, um, wow, whoooa, are you kidding me.

“I was livid, I was irate,” Black Man Dukes said. “The first thing he said to me wasn’t, ‘What’s your name? Can I help you?’ but ‘Are you stealing this?'” Black Man Dukes said his friend began recording the encounter, as Black Man Dukes was trying to explain to the security guard that they were on a walk.

That’s when the security guard White Security Guard called for police backup. The White Security  Guard told police, “I have three black males attempting to steal medical equipment from the hospital.”

Huh, what, um, wow, whoooa, are you kidding me.

Police arrested all three men, charging them with misdemeanor disorderly conduct. Two of the men were also charged with misdemeanor resisting arrest, according to the Freeport Police. 

Black Man Dukes was handcuffed and was Perp-Walked to the Patrol Car

Balck Man Dukes stated that police officers took his emergency inhaler and his IV was removed, though not by a doctor. Black Man Dukes was taken back to hospital in handcuffs

The Freeoirt Police department has appointed an independent investigator to look at the case, and the hospital declined to comment, citing patient confidentiality.

Huh, what, um, wow, whoooa, are you kidding me.

The Sarkes Corner Medical bureau looked on E Bay but could not find the going resale rate for a steroid and antibiotic IV drip.

Its hard to find an IV Drip on Ebay

A Cracker Get Away Vehicle

Executive Summary:

  • A Crackertte Perp attempted to flee the scene of her crime in a Lyft, then an Uber
  • Is today’s Cracker learning to use current technology?

In the not so distance past, a Florida Cracker or Crackerette would flee the scene of their crime in an old, rusty, Ford F150 Pick Up Truck outfitted with a Gun Rack.  The Old Pick Up truck was often not dependable, leading to the apprehension of many a Cracker.

The Ford F150, the Get Away vehicle of choice of the Florida Cracker

Florida Crackerette, Kate Lamothe, 24, entered an Exxon in Pinellas Park and asked to buy a Juul Vaping device that cost $42.79. When the clerk handed it to Crackerette Lamothe, she fled the scene without paying.

Crackerette Lamothe needed her nicotine so she stole a high end Juul Vaping Device

Crackerette Lamothe had arrived at the Exxon station in a Lyft.  After stealing the Juul Vaping Device, Crackerette Lamothe ran out of the store and back into the Lyft vehicle that was told to wait.  Seeing that a crime was in progress, the Lyft Driver refused to drive and Crackerette Lamothe exited the Lyft vehicle.

Crackerette Lamothe is now in the Pinellas County Hoozegow

When the Lyft driver wouldn’t help her, Crackerette Lamothe called an Uber and began walking away from the Exxon station. Crackerette Lamothe was later apprehended inside an Uber in a nearby parking lot.

Like many young people today, Crackerette Lamothe depends on Lyft and Uber for her transportation

Crackerette Lamothe was arrested and charged with retail theft. and later freed on $150 bond.  

While this may seem to be just another amusing story about Cracker crime, it should be taken seriously.  You see, for decades, Police Departments in Florida have been trained to apprehend Cracker Perps fleeing the scene of the crime in their old, rusty, Pick Up Trucks.  Now, these Florida Police Departments must be retrained on how to recognize and safely apprehend Cracker Perps fleeing in Uber or Lyfts.  

Police departments will be spending Millions to retrain their Officers on Lyft and Uber