Another Senseless Mass Shooting: UNC Charlotte

Executive Summary:

  • Sarkes uses his newly created Mass Shooting Standard Form. 
  • This time, the Mass Shooting was at the University of North Carolina Charlotte 

Another Mass Murder, by an angry White Man, has happened.  In this case, the Mass Murder was in (Fill in the Location) Charlotte, CA.

The Mass Murder happened at the (Fill in the venue, example: school, mall, church, concert) the University of North Carolina Charlotte.  

(Fill in the number of innocent people killed) 2 people were murdered and 4 were injured. 

The Mass Murderer, an angry White Man (Fill in the Murders Name and other details) Trystan Andrew Terrell, was a student at UNC Charlotte but had recently dropped out.

Angry White Man Murderer Trystan Andrew Terrell

The Mass Murderer used (Identify the weapon used) a legally purchased Pistol

The Pistol used by the Angry White Man Mass Murderer

The Angry White Man Mass Murderer (Select one: killed himself, was killed by Police, was Captured by Police) Captured by Police

Shortly after the Mass Murder:

  • A spokesman for the NRA said:  “Guns don’t kill People, People kill People.”
  • President Trump, the Orange Rifleman, said: “If there was an Armed Guard at UNC Charlotte the results would have been far better.”
  • The President of the NRA said:  “The only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.” 
  • A Conservative Friend of Sarkes said:  “These Mass Murders with Heat weapons are just the price of our Freedom” 
  • Countless Politicians said:  “Our Thoughts and Prayers are with the victims of this shooting and their families, Thoughts and Prayers.”
  • Another Conservative Friend of Sarkes said:  “Mass Shooters go to Gun Free Zones, what do you expect”.

That’s if for this latest Mass Murder packing Heat.  Sarkeses use of the Standard Form should make reporting the next Mass Murder much easier.  

Another Senseless Mass Shooting: Synagogue

Executive Summary:

  • Sarkes uses his newly created Mass Shooting Standard Form. 
  • This time, the Mass Shooting was at the Poway Synagogue in suburban San Diego, CA.

Another Mass Murder, by an angry White Man, has happened.  In this case, the Mass Murder was in (Fill in the Location) San Diego, CA.

The Mass Murder happened at the (Fill in the venue, example: school, mall, church, concert) Poway Synagogue.  

(Fill in the number of innocent people killed) 1 person was murdered and 3 were injured.  This angry white man would have killed more innocent worshipers but his gun jammed. 

The Mass Murderer, an angry White Man (Fill in the Murders Name and other details) John Earnest, came in gun blasting ranting anti-Semitic slurs.

Angry White Man Murderer John Earnest

The Mass Murderer used (Identify the weapon used) an AR-15 Semi Automatic Assault rifle

The AR-15, the weapon of choice for the Angry White Man Mass Murderer

The Angry White Man Mass Murderer (Select one: killed himself, was killed by Police, was Captured by Police) Surrendered to Police

Shortly after the Mass Murder:

  • A spokesman for the NRA said:  “Guns don’t kill People, People kill People.”
  • President Trump, the Orange Rifleman, said: “If there was an Armed Guard at Poway Synagogue the results would have been far better.”
  • The President of the NRA said:  “The only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.” 
  • A Conservative Friend of Sarkes said:  “These Mass Murders with Heat weapons are just the price of our Freedom” 
  • Countless Politicians said:  “Our Thoughts and Prayers are with the victims of this shooting and their families, Thoughts and Prayers.”
  • Another Conservative Friend of Sarkes said:  “Mass Shooters go to Gun Free Zones, what do you expect”.

That’s if for this latest Mass Murder packing Heat.  Sarkeses use of the Standard Form makes reporting the next Mass Murder much easier.  

English is a Second Language for the Florida Cracker

Executive Summary:

  • Four White people in a Florida-based gang are accused of beating a Black gang member unconscious and tattooing a racial slur onto his neck, which they misspelled
  • English as a Second Language (ESL) should be taught to Crackers and Crackerettes in Florida Elementary Schools
  • While generally recognized as a Genius, every now and then, Sarkes learns more about his Florida Cracker neighbors and life in general

Sarkes had generally believed that Gangs were homogeneous, i.e., comprised of like people, people of the same ilk.  We are all familiar with Hispanic Gangs, Black Gangs, White Gangs (KKK), Italian Gangs (Mafia) and Rich Old White Men Gangs.  BUT, in Florida, there is apparently at least one gang that embraces Diversity.  This is so progressive. 

Hispanic Gangs are “Mean Hombres”

Black Gangs kill each other in Chicago

Old Rich White Man Gangs getting richer, celebrating TRICKLE DOWN

The Crazy White Boys gang, (CWB), in Marion County Florida, is a role model for Gangs in that it embraces Diversity with Cracker members, Women members and Black members.  Sarkes ponders the once the CWB embraced Diversity and welcomed Women and Black members, whey didn’t they change their name? Hmmmmm  Maybe the CWBs had a dwindling membership.  

White Gang members Luke Evans, Brandon Hayley and Mary Elizabeth Durham were charged with aggravated battery and armed robbery for attacking Black Gang member Michael Hart.  Black Gang Member Michael Hart told police that the Perps came to his home on the evening of Jan. 24 and shut the door. The Perps told Black Man Hart that  they planned to cover his  gang tattoo, “CWB” for Crazy White Boys, on his neck. Apparently, Black Man Hart had violated Gang rules.

The CWB Gang embraces Diversity

White Man Evans pulled out a knife and he and White Man Hayley held Black Man Hart down and began tattooing his neck. Black Man Hart tried to resist but was knocked out by White Man Hayley.  Black Man Hart woke up to find the message “F–k, Niger” tattooed on his neck.  Spelling is obviously not a strong suit for the Florida Gang Cracker as he meant to tattoo “F – – k, Nigger”.  Hmmmmmmmm

Black Man Hart said his hands were twisted and his butt hurt as though he had just been sodomized. He also saw blood, but couldn’t provide any more details about the alleged assault. His cell phone had also been stolen.

The Perps, White Gang members Evans, Haley, and Durham, were arrested for armed robbery and aggravated battery.  During their initial questioning by the  Marion County Sheriff’s Office, the Perps said said that they misspelled the tattoo and their intent was not to curse the landlocked West African nation, Niger.

Niger is a country in West Africa, close to where Obama was born

The Orange Diplomat calls Niger a “Shit Hole Country”

This is yet another example of the failed Elementary School systems in Florida.  Sarkes, a man of solutions, highly recommends that Education Secretary Betsy DeVos, in addition to making “The Art of the Deal” a mandatory read in Junior High Schools, make English as a Second Language (ESL) a required course in Florida Elementary Schools.  Hmmmm, Sarkes ponders, is the Orange P-Grabber Tapping Betsy?

Betsy DeVos has no qualifications but does have big Ta Tas.  In this pic, the Orange Sniffer is pointing out Betsy’s qualifications

No friends, Sarkes does not make this stuff up.  Many of you have led sheltered lives and do not realize that people like these Perps live amongst us in America, each in their own way, Making America Great Again.

Boeing Under Siege

Executive Summary:

  • Boeing has been in the news daily with vicious attacks
  • Boeing is a victim of a Hit Job, Hoax, Which Hunt, Coup, and Failed Take Down

Boeing is under siege by Whistle Blowers, the Liberal Press, The Government Accountably Office (GAO), and Third World Country Airlines.

Boeing has been accused of Design issues in the 737 Max8, and Foreign Object (FO) issues with the 787 and KC46 Tanker programs.

Boeing is the largest Aerospace company in the World and the largest EXPORTER of American Made products.  Boeing employs over 150,000 Americans with high paying technical jobs.  In addition to producing high Quality Commercial airplanes, Boeing produces high Quality products for the US Department of Defense. Just a few of these products are:

F/A 18 a much better value than the F35
B1 Bomber a workhorse for the US Air Force
Apache Helicopter provides close in support
Harpoon is one of many Boeing missiles
C17 State of the Art Cargo Plane
Boeing Satellites work 24/7/365

But wait, “Many People Say”, Sarkes, how can you objectively report on these Boeing scandals as a retired Boeing Executive.  Shouldn’t your Recuse yourself from reporting on Boeing?

Sarkes Responds:  Yes, Sarkes retired from Boeing, gets a Boeing Pension, has a few Boeing shirts, and may have a share or two of Boeing Stock.  Having said that, Sarkes WILL NOT RECUSE himself from reporting on Boeing.  Sarkes, a Truth Machine, is offended that his Journalistic integrity might be questioned.  Sarkes is committed to Fair and Balanced reporting.

Sarkes has an extensive wardrobe of Boeing shirts and hats

On the question of whether Sarkes should Recuse himself for reporting on Boeing, the Orange Orator weighed in via Tweeter on Air Force 1 on his way to another great weekend of Golf at Mir-a-Lago:

Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – April 27 @ 11:56PM

“Unlike that coward Jeff Sessions, I applaud Sarkes for NOT Recusing himself from reporting on Boeing.  Next to Sean Hannity, there is no more Fair and Objective reporter than Sarkes.  Mr. Magoo Sessions is a Dumb Southerner and should have never Recused himself from the Russian Hoax, and if he was going to recuse himself, he should have told me before he took the job and I would have picked somebody else.  Sarkes should stand strong against the Enemy of the People, the Fake News Media.”

Mr. Magoo Jeff Sessions should have never Recused himself

Boeing has been accused of:

  • Taking short cuts in the accreditation process for the 737 Max8
  • Intimidating and manipulating the FAA
  • Sloppy manufacturing practices in leaving Foreign Objects (shavings, tools, etc) in the 787 and KC46 Tanker programs.  
  • Conflict of Interest charges against Under Sec Def Pat Shanahan, a former Executive VP at Boeing

Sarkes and the crack Investigative Reporters at Sarkes Corner interviewed numerous Boeing employees from Mechanics, QA Inspectors, and Management.  Also interviewed were employees of the FAA and Domestic Air Carriers.  

Sarkeses Findings:

  • In regards to Pat Shanahan, it is true that he called the Lockheed Martin F35 program F – – ked Up.  The GAO found that to be true, the F35 is BILLIONS of dollars over cost and YEARS behind schedule.  Lockheed Martin has been feeding off the US Tax Payer Teat for years with their failed F35 program.  
Sarkes worked for Pat Shanahan at Boeing and has seen that look, and knows exactly what he is thinking

  • In regards to the FAA, Boeing stated that they were following the instructions of the FAA, a regulatory agency, and the FAA had the final approval of the Accreditation of the 737 Max8
  • In regards to the FO in the manufacturing processes, Boeing said that FO has been a part of aircraft manufacturing for years, but Boeing makes sure that all FO is removed from the aircraft before delivery to the customer.
  • Boeing stated that in the few instances were FO was found by the customer, while it was possible it could have been Boeing’s fault, it also could have been the Russians, or the Chinese, or a 400 lb guy sitting on a couch in his mothers basement.

Sarkeses Findings: 

“Many People Say” to Sarkes that they think it’s Boeing’s fault. Sarkes has talked to Boeing CEO Dennis Muilenburg; he said it’s not Boeing. Sarkes will say this: he does not see any reason why it would be.

While Sarkes has great confidence in Whistle Blowers and the Liberal Press, Sarkes will tell you that Boeing CEO Dennis Muilenburg was extremely strong and powerful in his denial.

Look at Muilenburg — what he’s doing with Boeing — I mean, you know, what’s going on over there. I mean this guy has done — whether you like him or don’t like him — he’s doing a great job in rebuilding the image of Boeing and also rebuilding Boeing period.

Every time Muilenburg talks to Sarkes, he says, ‘We didn’t do that,’ and Sarkes really believes he means it.

Dennis Muilenburg is a strong leader

Sarkes concludes that Boeing has been a victim of of a Hit Job, Hoax, Which Hunt, Coup, and Failed Take Down.  Boeing has been COMPLETELY EXONERATED.

“Many People Say”, Sarkes, should I buy Boeing Stock.  Sarkes says that while past performance is not indicative of future results, and Sarkes is not a Certified Financial Planner, ………the answer is Yes.


The Strongman Love Triangle

  • The Orange Romeo has had a love affair with both his Boy Toys; Vlads Putin and Kim Jung Un
  • Now, it is reported that Vlads Putin and Kim Jung Un are hooking up

Russian President Vladimir Putin is meeting with North Korean leader Kim Jong Un at a summit meant to highlight North Koreas pivot toward Moscow amid increasingly strained ties with Washington.  While on the surface, this would appear to be a Political move, Sarkes believes that there is much more to this meeting. 

Sarkes connects Dots where most cannot see Dots.  The Dots that Sarkes is connecting here is that there is a Love Triangle. A Love Triangle between the Orange Sniffer and his two Boy Toys, Vlads Putin and Kim Jung Un.

There is something strange going on with this high powered Love Triangle

First, the Golden Sombrero has been linked with Russian Strong Man Vlads Putin.  The Orange Oligarch has embraced and defended Russia and their Premier like no other US President.   

On Putin, the Orange Commandant has said:

“But our relationship has never been worse than it is now. However, that changed as of about four hours ago. I really believe that.”

“My people came to me, they said they think it’s Russia. I have President Putin; he just said it’s not Russia. I will say this: I don’t see any reason why it would be.”

“So I have great confidence in my intelligence people, but I will tell you that President Putin was extremely strong and powerful in his denial today.”

“Look at Putin — what he’s doing with Russia — I mean, you know, what’s going on over there. I mean this guy has done — whether you like him or don’t like him — he’s doing a great job in rebuilding the image of Russia and also rebuilding Russia period,”

 “Every time he sees me, he says, ‘I didn’t do that,’ and I really believe… he means it.”

Vlads and the Orange Babuska enjoying a day in the Russian Country
In the name of Detente, Trump and Putin decided to issue and joint Christmas Card

Trump & Putin, has their relationship gone South?

With the relationship between the Golden Gulag and his Boy Toy Vlads strained, a new relationship has been developing between the Orange Zest and North Korean Strong Man Kim Jun Un.

On Jung Un, the Golden Fortune Cookie has said:

“Great personality and very smart. Good combination. He’s a worthy negotiator. We had a terrific day, and we learned a lot about each other and about our countries.”

“We have exchanged letters and we fell in love”

“I like him. I get along with him great, we have a fantastic chemistry.”

“Kim is a great leader and his country has tremendous economic potential, unbelievable, unlimited”

Surely Nuclear Lovers would never push the button…..would they?
Trump and his boy toy Jung Un enjoying a public appearance

Trump and Jung Un have also issued a joint Christmas Card

It should come to no surprise that the Orange Cantaloupe is a temperamental lover and that his relationships with both Vlads and Kim have been like a roller coaster ride.  From this has developed a new relationship between Vlads Putin and Kim Jung Un.  Again, on the surface, this may seem like a political move to leverage the Russian and North Korean positions with the US.  But once more, Sarkes has connected the Dots where most can not see the Dots.  Sarkes believes that Vlads and Kim are hooking up.

Vlads and Kim Creating Nuclear Heat 
Vlads and Kim enjoying a quiet afternoon in the Russian countryside

So there you have it.  Love Triangles rarely turn out well.  A Love Triangle with the World’s Strongmen with Nuclear arsenals are a formula for disaster.

The Strongman Love Triangle in better times dancing to the Korean Hit “Gangnam Style”

Welcome Back George Zimmerman!

Executive Summary:

  • After several years of flying under the radar, Sarkes Corner Hall of Famer George Zimmerman is back in the news!  Hurray!

Sarkes has many skills and accolades.  Sarkes is renowned Statistician, could pass the Bar in any state after watching Judge Judy for 22 years, past Presidential Candidate, and future Pulitzer and Nobel Prize Winner.  But Sarkes recognizes that his fame as a Journalist is owed to George Zimmerman.

Recent Subscribers to Sarkes Corner might not know that Sarkes Corner was a struggling Blog until George Zimmerman came on the screen.  Sarkeses reporting on George Zimmerman cemented Sarkeses Journalistic Acumen. 

Well, George Zimmerman, the only celebrity in the Sarkes Corner Hall of Fame, is back in the news.  Many early subscribers to Sarkes Corner, including Sarkes Corner contributors sister Cindy Mamelian and friend Steve Peat Moss broke the story of George Zimmermans return to the headlines.

Sarkes Corner Hall of Famer George Zimmerman

You know George Zimmerman:

– Killer of of Skittle Eating, Ice Team Drinking, African Americans Teens

– Killer of Hoodie Sales in Florida

– 2nd Amendment Zombie

– NRA Poster Child

– Famed Artist and Copyright thief

– Serial women abuser

-Republican and staunch supporter of Donald Trump

Black Teen Trayvon Martin was killed for eating Skittles and drinking ice tea in a White neighborhood

After a failed marriage and several relationships with women that ended with our man George Zimmerman beating the women, George has resorted to Dating Apps to find his next girlfriend.  

Dating App Tinder recently removed Zimmerman from its platform. In true Zimmerman mode, our man went by an alias “Carter” and claimed to be looking for “carefree, fun!”

According to his fictitious bio, “Carter” (George) is a self-employed consultant who attended Liberty University (ironically, a Christian Evangelical University).  The profile stated that Carter enjoyed the outdoors, fishing, camping, hiking, quiet nights and takeout from Longhorn Steakhouse. The App shows George shirtless and wearing sunglasses. Another shows George with a dog, and yet another shows him in a cap and gown.  George (Carter) failed to say that he; Packs Heat, Abuses Women, hates Black People, and is a Serial Liar.

Carter has a different profile from George

Alas, our Man George was removed from Tinder citing impersonation as a violation of its policies.  Impersonation is one of George Zimmerman’s Core Competencies.  Recall that George tried to make money by stealing Black & White Photos, painting them, then tried to sell these fraudulent works on line as George Zimmerman original art.  George was just another staunch Republican executing a White Collar Crime.

George’s stole copywrited pictures and transformed them in to George Art

More fraudulent George Art

One must give George credit in his continued conquest of the Skirt.  Another Dating App, Bumble, previously banned George from their platform in December.  A spokesperson for Bumble stated:  “George Zimmerman was blocked and banned in December 2018 when we first discovered his profile and we have blocked and banned him again after we were informed by our users that he had created a new unverified profile.”  In his endless pursuit of the Skirt, George does not give up.  

In July 2013, a jury found Zimmerman not guilty of second-degree murder in the shooting death of Martin. Martin’s death and the subsequent verdict caused national outcry.  A fledgling Blog, Sarkes Corner, provided America, Fair and Balanced reporting on the Zimmerman trial, in addition to in-depth analysis and commentary.

A jury of his Cracker Peers found George Not Guilty of Murdering Trayvon Martin

Since his trial, our man George has NOT kept a low profile:

  • He was arrested on suspicion of aggravated assault and domestic violence for threatening the father of his then wife with a hand gun.
  • In order to make ends meet, George attempted to auction off the gun that he used to Kill Black Teen Trayvon Martin.
  • He was accused of stalking a private investigator who had been hired by a film company working on a documentary of George’s life. George threatened to feed the PI to an alligator!
  • On two separate occasions with 2 separate girl friends, George was arrested for domestic violence.  
Since being acquitted for killing Trayvon Martin, George has been arrested several times

George Zimmerman is a solid part of the Orange Emperors Base; George is an Uneducated, Underemployed, Heat Packing White Guy.  On his way to becoming the greatest Conservative President we ever had, the Orange Creamsicle was a regular guest on the Fox News Fair & Balanced show, Fox and Friends.  On Fox and Friends, the Orange Jumpsuit said about George Zimmerman:

  • “I Don’t Disagree With Verdict But George Zimmerman is Not Going To Heaven Very Quickly”
  • “This George Zimmerman is really a mess – he really has to just disappear! He attacked his wife last night.”
  • “Who was at fault, Zimmerman or Martin, You could have solved it very quickly with a camera in the right spot,”

As it turns out, the Orange Traffic Cone did not need George Zimmerman’s vote in 2016.  Had it not been for the 5 million votes cast by Illegal Mexicans, the Orange Cheeto would have won both the Electoral College and Popular votes.

Taking pictures with his Base at a Rally in Florida, Trump did not realize he had posed with Zimmerman

Welcome Back George, you have been gone too long.  All of the fame and accolades bestowed on Sarkes Corner would not have been possible with out you.  

Low Speed Golf Cart Police Chase

Executive Summary:

  • A St. Louis man was arrested at a Florida Keys resort after a wild Golf Cart Police Chase.

What started as a routine Police chase of a Golf Cart quickly escalated into a dangerous Low Speed Chase.

Dangerous Low Speed Golf Cart Out of Control

Parks Thornton Terry, 32, of St. Louis, was spotted by security officers in a golf cart in the gated Ocean Reef resort neighborhood in Upper Key Largo in Monroe County, Florida.

Ocean Reef Resort in the Florida Keys, the scene of the Crime

“Many People Say, Sarkes, we know what a Florida Cracker is, but are there Crackers in St. Louis, MO, your old home town?”

The short answer is Yes.  There are Florida Cracker-Like people in St. Louis but they are not called Crackers.  Rather, the Florida Cracker-Like person in St. Louis is called a “Hoosier”.  This is not to be confused with the good citizens of Indiana.  

In St. Louis, the word Hoosier has a different, more derogatory meaning. A St. Louis Hoosier is an epithet of for anyone perceived as less cultured, low intelligence, rustic, bumpkin, redneck, hick, uncouth or unskilled person.

St. Louis Hoosier Parks Thornton Terry

Sarkes is pleased to clear that up.  But back on Point.  

When Police arrived, Hoosier Terry led them on a Low Speed Chase through the neighborhood while continuously giving them the thumbs up sign. He soon switched tactics, however, and put up his middle finger while driving erratically and yelling obscenities at the pursuing Federalies.

Like his hero, the Orange Ameba, Hoosier Terry gave Police the Two Thumbs Up

Like his hero, the Orange Dotard, Hoosier Terry gave Police the Middle Finger

Eventually, Terry arrived at a home where he was staying and went inside. A paramedic and a deputy knocked on the door, but a woman, Terry’s mother, Hoosierette/Crackerette Martha Wolfner, refused to let them in.

Police entered the home through a side door and soon a fisticuffs started between Hoosier Terry and the Officer.  Police eventually shocked Terry with a stun gun, and four law enforcement officers were eventually able to get handcuffs on him.

Police said that Hoosier/Cracker Terry continued to kick and began growling like a dog and rubbing his face in the broken glass on the floor.

Once in a patrol car, Police reported the smell of alcohol while Hoosier/Cracker Terry continued to yell curses and scream out to Jesus for help.  Hoosier/Cracker Terry refused a blood-alcohol breath test.

Hoosier/Cracker Terry was charged with DUI, fleeing from police, property damage, resisting arrest with violence and four counts of battery on a law enforcement officer or paramedic.

Like a Florida Cracker, when a St. Louis Hoosier is liquored up, nothing good can happen.  When a St. Louis Hoosier is liquored up AND driving a Golf Cart at Hight Speed, that is a formula for disaster.  At that point, praying to Jesus for help will not work.

Even Jesus Christ cannot help a drunken St. Louis Hoosier

Sarkes sympathizes with Hoosier/Cracker Terry.  His name, “Parks Thornton Terry”, probably made hi the victim of bullying by Bully Hoosiers when he was growing up in St. Louis.  This young Hoosier had a Last Name for a First Name and a First Name for a Last Name.  He could never recover.

St. Louis Hoosier Bullies make the Orange Bully seem like a Pacifist

Crackers Should Watch CSI

Executive Summary:

  • A 1998 slaying went cold for 20 years, until the Cracker Suspect applied for a job
  • The Cracker Perp would be free today if he had just watched CSI

Thanks to Florida Bureau Chief and sister Cindy Mamelian for another story of the Florida Cracker, aka, Florida Man.

This is a tragic story, but a story none the less, about the intelligence of the Florida Cracker, who, “Many People Say” are at the bottom of the human intelligence food chain.  

This Tale started with the murder of Sondra Better 20 years ago in Delary Beach, FL.  The perpetrator seemed to vanish without a trace.

Victim Better was working alone at Lu Shay’s Consignment Shop when a man came into the store and killed her.  Although a witness saw the Perp and the Perp left behind a trail of his own blood and fingerprints, police weren’t able to catch him — until he applied for a job 20 years later.

During the investigation of Better’s murder, fingerprints lifted at the crime scene, were entered into the Automated Fingerprint Identification System (AFIS) database.  Two decades passed without any matches. DNA samples from 36 men also came up empty.

Police finally got a hit when Cracker Todd Barket, 51, of Brandon, Florida, submitted his fingerprints as part an application for a nursing assistant job.

Cracker Barket lived about 8 miles from the consignment shop at the time of the 1998 killing. His fingerprints and blood matched the samples found at the crime scene, and he fit the description that an eyewitness provided, authorities said.

Cracker Barket is not the sharpest knife in the drawer

Cracker Barket was arrested at his home and is being held in Hillsborough County Jail without bond until he’s extradited to Palm Beach County.

Cracker Barket apparently thought that he had avoided the long arm of the law having been on the lam for 20 years.  Apparently, Cracker Barket does not watch CSI, or CSI Miami, or CSI New York.  If he had, he would have never applied for a job where he had to submit Finger Prints or take a Blood Test.  

Cracker Barket would be free today had he watched CSI

Another Dumb Cracker is headed to the Hoosegow.  

Cracker Barket doing the Perp Walk

Foods Indigenous to St. Louis

Executive Summary:

  • Sarkes provides a culinary tour of foods indigenous to his hometown, St. Louis, MO.  This was motivated by recent national headlines of the process of Bread-Slicing bagels which started in St. Louis, MO.
  • Missouri, formerly the Show Me State, is now know as the Shoot Me State or more recently, the Show Meat State for its legislation to control the labeling of Meat products.

The Sarkes Corner Editorial Staff, Business Bureau, Political Bureau and Florida Bureau have been working overtime with the antics of the Florida Cracker (aka Florida Man) and the antics of the Orange Marmalade.  As such, Sarkes is giving these hard Sarkes Corner workers some well deserved time off and has created a new Food Bureau.

The Sarkes Corner staff has been overworked, but they are NOT underpaid

“Many People Say” Sarkes, you were an Engineer at Missouri Science & Technology, where did you get your Journalism Acumen?  A little known fact is that Sarkes worked his way up thru the ranks of the Missouri Science & Technology Yearbook, the RollaMO, eventually rising to Editor in Chief of the 1974 RollaMo.  

The 1974 Missouri Science & Technology Yearbook staff, Sarkes is in the Center with a Pipe and David Shep Schepers is 3rd from the left in a Suit and Hair

But Sarkes digresses, back on point. 

“Many People Say” Sarkes, we’ve been to your hometown St. Louis, Missouri, and your people have some strange and interesting foods.  With that, Sarkes provides a review and explanation of foods indigenous to St. Louis, MO.  

Bread Sliced Bagels:  The process of bread-slicing a bagel has recently made National headlines.  The bread-slicing of bagels started at St. Louis Bread Company, better known as Panera Bread in the rest of the country.  Why bread slice a bagel?  Well, that’s anybody’s guess, but the most logical explanation is that by bread-slicing a bagel, one gets exponentially more bagel area to spread cream cheese.  One look at the rotund people of St. Louis would provide testimony to this.  Note, one does NOT Toast a bread-sliced bagel.

By bread-slicing a bagel, one can spread much more cream cheese

Toasted Ravioli:  Classic St. Louis Toasted Ravioli is made using a meat filled ravioli, coating it in bread crumbs, and frying until golden and crisp. Then it’s served garnished with fresh grated Parmesan and marinara sauce for dipping.  

Like many culinary classics, Toasted Ravioli was invented by accident.  Toasted Ravioli emerged in the Italian Hill neighborhood in St. Louis at a restaurant which is now called Charlie Gitto’s.  A cook named Luigi was making scaloppini with red wine, which is to say he was drinking red wine while cooking scaloppini. In his tipsy state, Luigi accidentally dropped some ravioli into the deep fryer. When he pulled them out, he tried to salvage them with a sprinkling of Parmesan.  They were sent to the bar as an appetizer and, as they say, the rest is history.

St. Louis Toasted Ravioli, don’t be fooled, they are called Toasted by are really Deep-Fried

Provel Cheese:   Provel is a white processed cheese invented in St. Louis, also by accident.  Provel is a combination of cheddar, swiss, and provolone cheeses which are accented with liquid smoke.  Provel has a low melting point which makes gooey.  Provel is used on St. Louis style Pizza, Cheese soups, and a topping for Italian salad.  Provel is popular in St. Louis but is rarely used elsewhere.

Provel Cheese, um um um, Sarkes eats it right out of the box

St. Louis Style Pizza:   One thing that Sarkes has learned from moving to the Gunshine State with neighbors from all over the country, is that we all embrace the Pizza of our hometown.  When Sarkes returns to the Shoot Me State to visit family, there is one mandatory task, which is the consumption of a St. Louis Style Pizza.  So what is a St. Louis Style?  St. Louis Style Pizza is: super thin crust, Provel Cheese, and cut in squares.  Sarkes is drooling now just thinking about the St. Louis Style Pizza.

When Sarkes visits the Shoot Me State, a St. Louis Style Pizza is a must stop

St. Louis Style Spare Ribs:   St. Louis Style Spareribs are the meaty ribs cut from the belly of the pig. The rib becomes a St. Louis Style Spare Rib by cutting away the hard breastbone and chewy cartilage, so the slab is more rectangular in shape and meaty.  The St. Louis Style Spareribs is heavily sauced with a St. Louis Style BBQ Sauce like Maull’s, a very sweet, slightly acidic, sticky, tomato-based BBQ Sauce.

St. Louis Spare Ribs covered in sauce, there is no better Rib on the planet

St. Louis’s Maull’s BBQ Sauce, like their commercials since the 1950’s say: “Don’t Baste Your Barbecue!….You Gotta Maull It”

Gus’ Pretzels:   A St. Louis tradition since 1920, Gus’ Pretzel Shop is located on St. Louis’s south side, in the shadows of the world-famous Anheuser-Busch Brewery, in a German neighborhood.  In the early days, customers bought their Gus’ Pretzels from peddlers who sold the pretzels on street corners.   Their most popular style is the Stick Pretzel.  Gus’s Pretzels can be bought outside Busch Stadium to take into the game.

St. Louies have been eating Gus’ Pretzels since 1920

Gooey Butter Cake:  Gooey Butter Cake is unique to St. Louis.  The Gooey Butter Cake is a flat and dense cake made with cake flour, lots of butter, sugar, and eggs. When baked the cake is typically near an inch tall, and dusted with powered sugar.  Gooey Butter Cake is rich, sweet, firm, and able to be cut into pieces similarly to a brownie.  The Gooey butter cake is generally served as a type of coffee cake and not as a formal dessert cake.

St. Louis Gooey Butter Cake is NOT on the Weight Watchers Plan

Ted Drew’s Frozen Custard:  Ted Drew’s is a family-owned frozen custard company in south St. Louis.  The shop is located on the old US Route 66.  The signature dish is the Frozen Custard “Concrete” which is so thick that it is served to the customer upside down.  While Sarkes has no business eating a Ted Drews Frozen Custard, the countless times he has been to Ted Drews he has never seen a Frozen Custard slip out of the dish when served upside down.

There is always a line at Ted Drews Frozen Custard

The Ted Drews Concrete is so thick it is served upside down

Well that’s it for the culinary tour of St. Louis.  If you go to the Shoot Me State, take your bullet-proof vest and enjoy the foods indigenous to St. Louis.

Sarkes has always had problems controlling his weight eating foods indigenous to St. Louis

Sarkes Sues the Baltimore Orioles, An Update

Executive Summary:

  • In a recent edition of Sarkes Corner, Sarkes explained why he was in the process of Suing the Baltimore Orioles.
  • There is some late breaking update.

Sarkes has explained that he is suing the Baltimore Orioles for Breech of Contract as Pond Scum owner Bill Veeck had signed a contract with Baby Sarkes in August of 1952 for Sarkes to become a St. Louis Brown starting in March of 1970.  

Why is Sarkes suing the Baltimore Orioles? You see, the St. Louis Browns left St. Louis in 1953 and became the Baltimore Orioles.

Sarkes maintains that Veeck, the precursor to Pond Scum owner LA Rams owner Stan Kronke, was making plans to move the St. Louis Browns to Baltimore WHEN he issued that contract to Baby Sarkes.  Therefor the Breech, Veeck had no intention of honoring that contract with Baby Sarkes.

Baby Sarkes was a natural with a Ball, and would have been a Star Baseball Player

Sarkeses legal team has contacted the Baltimore Orioles with an offer to settle this embarrassing issue out-of-court.  As you may know, the Baltimore Orioles are the worse team in Major League Baseball and have enough troubles without the threat of a Sarkes law suit compounding their woes.

Well, the Baltimore Orioles counter offer to settle this law suit was a joke.  They said that Sarkeses law suit was a Hoax, a Witch Hunt, and a Failed Take Down.  

To settle this matter, the Baltimore Orioles sent Sarkes a vintage 1952 St. Louis Browns Baseball Cap in hopes to makes this legal action go away.  Sarkes thinks not, this is not over, more to come.

Sixty six years too late, Sarkes finally gets his St. Louis Browns Baseball Hat