– The Official Presidential Portrait of the Orange Cheese Ball is completed.
– Time Magazine has been given permission to use the Portrait as a cover to their June 18 magazine.
The Golden Gestapo has approved his Official Presidential Portrait which will hang in the White House during his presidency then will be moved to the Smithsonian Portrait Gallery after.
The Orange Oligarch was so happy with the Portrait that he ordered 100 prints which will be hung in Trump Properties across the world.
The June 18 cover of Time Magazine features the Golden Exalted Ruler looking proudly at his Presidential Portrait. Sarkes Corner’s source in the White House, Leaker, has confirmed that the Orange Emperor will use the unveiling of his Presidential Portrait to officially declare that he is the First King of the United States, King Donald the 1st.
King Donald was quoted by Leaker as saying “I have never left something simple like the Constitution stand in my way of my success. I am the greatest President of all time and will be the Greatest King in United States. The People Love me, Women Love Me, Blacks Love Me, Hispanics Love Me, Orientals Love Me, Veterans Love Me, Canadians Love Me, Mexicans Love Me, heck even the Chinese Love Me.”
– Trump invokes the War of 1812 as justification for tariffs in call with Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau
The Orange Historian and Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau had a testy phone call over new tariffs imposed by the Trump administration targeting steel and aluminum imports coming from Canada.
Canadian Trudeau pressed the Golden Bull Horn on how he could justify the tariffs as a “national security” issue. The Orange Jumpsuit told Trudeau, “Didn’t you guys burn down the White House?” referring to the War of 1812.
The problem with the Gold Fingers comments to Trudeau is that British troops burned down the White House during the War of 1812. Canada did not exist in 1812. Maybe the Orange Dufus should be placing steel and aluminum tariffs on the United Kingdom.
– An Off-Duty FBI agent accidentally shoots man while dancing at bar in Denver
An Off-Duty FBI agent was impressing a crowd at a downtown Denver distillery and bar with dance moves and an improvised backflip — until his handgun tumbled out of his waistband holster and a round went off as he picked it up, injuring another club goer.
The victim was hit in the lower leg and taken to a local hospital but is expected to be OK, according to Denver Police.
It’s unclear whether the FBI agent had been drinking and authorities are awaiting results of blood tests to determine whether alcohol was a factor. Yeah, what is the probability that alcohol was NOT involved!
The federal Law Enforcement Officers Safety Act, enacted in 2004, allows qualified law enforcement officers, and qualified retired law enforcement officers, to carry a concealed firearm in any jurisdiction in the United States, regardless of state or local laws.
The Orange Commander In Tweets chimed in on this issue with a Tweet:
Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – June 6 @ 3:56AM
FBI Agents dancing and doing backflips with loaded firearms all started with Comey and Obama. This will stop under my watch. This would have never happened under J. Edgar Hoover, now that was a man’s man, not a panty waist like the current FBI agents.
Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – June 6 @ 4:30AM
The Fake News Liberal Press is blowing this all out of proportion. I said that FBI agents can carry their guns, but they must stop doing back flips. For the real news, watch Fox News, Breitbart News or Sarkes Corner.
The problem here is obvious. The Off-Duty FBI agent was White. We all know that White Men cannot dance. Worse than that, White Men cannot do back flips.
Now if one wants to do a back flip, the perfect teacher is Ozzie Smith, Hall of Fame Shortstop for the perennial World Champion St. Louis Cardinals. Ozzie, a Black Man, would do an incredible Back Flip as he ran onto the field for every Season Home Opening Game. Ozzie did this for his 19 years as a Major League player, sticking his landing each and every time. If this was the Olympics, Ozzie would have been awarded a perfect 10 by the Judges, even the Commie Russian Judges.
The Lesson Learned for White Men trying to impress the gals at a Bar: Buy them a Drink, avoid dancing or trying a backflip.
– Florida woman named Crystal Methvin arrested for possession of Crystal Meth
– Florida Republican Leader posts support for Roseanne’s Racial Tweet
While Sarkes Corner Contributor and Sister, Cindy Mamelian, lives in Missouri, The Shoot Me State, she is a regular visitor to Florida, The Gunshine State. The Florida Cracker never ceases to amaze Cindy.
Cindy sent 2 stories of the antics of Florida Crackers which Sarkes shares here. Sarkes cannot make this stuff up.
Florida Cracker Story 1: Florida police arrested a woman named Crystal Methvin for possession of Crystal Meth Saturday morning. St. Augustine police said they arrested Cracker Methvin, 40, and her friend, Cracker Douglas Nickerson, 41, after getting an anonymous complaint.
Police say the Florida Crackers consented to a search, and officers arrested Methvin and Nickerson after finding crystal meth and drug paraphernalia.
Both were taken to St. Johns County Jail.
Sarkes Editorial: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Florida Cracker Story 2: A Republican leader in Leesburg, Florida has said he doesn’t understand the anger generated by Roseanne Barr’s tweet comparing a former adviser to President Barack Obama to an ape.
Lake County Republican Committeeman Ralph Smith posted an image of Valerie Jarrett side-by-side with an image of a character from “Planet of the Apes” on Facebook with the caption, “And the issue with Roseanne is?”
Cracker Smith is a proud, Heat Packing, Red Hat “Make America Great Again”, supporter of the Orange Dotard. He is the prototype member of “Trump’s Base”.
The Daily Commercial in Leesburg, Florida, published a story Wednesday quoting Smith as saying that he thought the comparison was “funny.”
Smith deleted his post Wednesday. On a radio show he hosts, he said he doesn’t care about a person’s color, only their values. Smith has made another Facebook post to apologize that his “attempt at humor was crass and inappropriate.”
“My knowledge of Valerie Jarrett, as a black woman, was only understood yesterday,” Smith’s apology post read. “My understanding was that she was of Iranian descent, a darker than average Caucasian, much like myself. Had no idea of her ancestry.”
Sarkes Editorial: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Sarkes finds Florida Cracker Story 1 amusing.
Sarkes finds Florida Cracker Story 2 ……………. well, Sarkes is speechless.
Yeti Products are being sacrificed by Heat Packing Great Americans.
CNN reported that the company that makes Yeti Products is the latest of a number of companies who have severed ties with the powerful gun lobby, the NRA, in the wake of February’s mass shooting at a high school in Parkland, Florida.
In protest, NRA supporters are blowing up their expensive YETI coolers and Yeti Mugs over a canceled discount that Yeti had provided to NRA Members.
Sarkes understands that many Subscribers to Sarkes Corner are City Dwellers who don’t pack Heat, and thus know very little about Yeti Products. There is a Strong, Positive Correlation between Heat Packing Americans and Americans who own Yeti products. So, Sarkes will provide a Yeti Tutorial.
Yeti produces Hight End Insulated Products popular with Heat Packing, Undereducated, Underemployed, Rural White Folk, i.e., Trump voters. These products include Mugs and Coolers. The Yeti Mugs cost as much as $50 and the Yeti Coolers typically cost $350 to $1,300.
The original target market for Yeti products were Hunters, Fisherman, and Campers. The performance of Yeti products in not Fake News. Yeti products do keep your Cold liquids Cold and your Hot liquids Hot.
Later, the market for Yeti’s shifted to the entirety of, Undereducated, Underemployed, White Rural Folk, i.e., Trump voters. Sarkes is amazed that the while the Heat Packing, Undereducated, Underemployed, White Rural Folk, i.e., Trump voters, struggle to make ends meet, they always find the money to buy their High End Yeti products, Beer, and Ammo for their Heat. In America, we are all free to make choices.
Today, it is common to see Yeti products in the hands of affluent White Folk, like Sarkeses neighbors in the Gated Golf Course Communities in Southwest Florida. Sarkes and his neighbors now display their Yetis as a status symbol of their wealth. Sarkeses research has not determined how the Brown and Black communities have embraced the Yeti, but it’s rare to see a Black Man or Brown Man with a Yeti Cooler or Yeti Mug.
Typical reactions to the Yeti slight of the NRA :
Bryan Atkinson of Buford, South Carolina packed his Yeti Cooler with 22 pounds of explosives and then blew it up with a burst from his Semi-Automatic AR-15. Akinson stated “If Yeti can’t stand behind the NRA, I ain’t standing behind Yeti no more,”. Obviously, Grammar is not a strong suit of Yeti Owners.
Leroy Franklin of Macon, GA, said: “I own several expensive Yeti products and planned on purchasing more, however, NOT NOW,”
Jimmy Phillips of Plano, TX said: “You just lost my family’s business. The second amendment is important, YETI is not. Shame on you.”
Joe Krawtschenko of Lakewood Ranch, FL, admitted his YETI coffee mug actually works pretty well. But Yeti’s slight of the NRA has changed his mind on using the mug. In protest, Krawtschenko Loaded and Locked his AR-15 and blasted his Yeti Mug.
The Orange Rifleman, who recently addressed the NRA Convention on the Yeti issue Ranted: “Yeti is no friend of the NRA. I would love to Bitch Slap those Traitors who are still using their Yeti’s. I would say get those son of a bitch Yeti users out of here right now, YOUR FIRED!. You know, those Yeti Turn Coats who want to keep using their Yeti’s, maybe they shouldn’t be in this Country. I say if you see a person using a Yeti, you should take their Yeti and go to court later, Yeti users do not deserve Due Process”. Note: Trump got a 5 minute standing ovation from those in attendance at the NRA Convention.
There you have it, the Heat Packing, Undereducated, Underemployed, White Rural Folk, i.e., Trump voters, are Mad as Hell, and are not taking this Politically Correct PC Crap anymore. While they truly love their Yeti Products, they will not Kowtow to The Yeti Man.
Yeti Products may be superior in keeping Cold things Cold and Hot things Hot, but they are no match with an AR-15. Load and Lock your AR-15, put on your Red “Make America Great Again” caps, and death to all things Yeti.
– Nope, Sarkes cannot make this stuff up
– Was Hillary Clinton behind this heinous act?
WARNING WARNING WARNING – This Sarkes Corner is not to be read by those with squeamish stomachs. Also, Old, Rich, White Folk who have people who clean their houses and can afford Orkin for Pest Control may believe that this is Fake News as they have never seen a Roach in their homes. WARNING WARNING WARNING
Sarkeses Florida Cracker neighbors never cease to amaze.
Normally, one would think of Roach infestation issues in the Black Ghettos or Brown Barrios of big cities like New York, Chicago, Los Angeles, etc. This Roach story comes from the Gunshine State, Florida, in the capital city of Tallahassee, in a White neighborhood.
Florida Cracker Blake Collins has been fighting roaches in his apartment near the campus of Florida State University for 3 years.
Collins said that roaches can be found everywhere in his house, and some come out of his bulb sockets. A bowl with dog food shortly attracts dozens of German roaches. But last week, the pest problem reached its peak. Collins woke up at 5 a.m. to a roach moving inside his ear.
Collins told medical personnel: “A roach was burrowing inside of my head. I could hear his legs inside me. It felt like someone was shoving a Q-tip all the way inside my head and there was nothing I could do to stop it.”
Doctors used a syringe to put lidocaine, a numbing medication, inside his ear to kill the roach — which also had laid eggs.
Collins went on to explain: “I heard the Roach die in my head. When the Doctor poured the lidocaine in, I could feel the Roach go super, super fast, kicking and try to dig its way out, and a faint little squeal and then two minutes later, it just stopped and he died.”
It is estimated that 92% of Registered Florida Cracker Voters voted for the Orange Good Ol Boy. It is also estimated that double the number of Registered Florida Crackers were not Registered to vote as they could not read or sign the Voter Registration application.
Understanding that Florida Crackers are an important part of his Base, the Golden Czar was incensed when informed about the Roach attack on Florida Crackers. He tweeted:
Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – May 30 @ 4:56AM
Before election day, Crooked Hillary hired SPIES, SPIES, to infiltrate Florida with MILLIONS of German Euro Roaches, Euro Roaches! These Roaches were trained to attack my voters to help Crooked Hillary Win. DIDN”T WORK!!!! I won in a landslide, largest Presidential victory in History, History. We even found Roaches at Mir-a-Lago! SHAME. This is a scandal larger than Watergate. The Justice Department WILL investigate Crooked Hillary and that Illegal Obama for this heinous crime.
Being a Florida Cracker, there is a high probability that Cracker Collins packs Heat. Thankfully, Cracker Collins went to the Emergency Room before trying to eliminate the Roach with his Heat.
– The US / North Korean Nuclear Summit is On Again, Off Again
– But, the Orange Dotard and The Miget Rocket-man continue planning for the Nuclear Summit
Trust Sarkes on this, there WILL be a US / North Korean Nuclear Summit, despite all of the rhetoric by the Miget Rocket-man and the Golden ICBM. Preparations continue in earnest and behind the scenes.
The Miget Rocket-man, Kim Jung Un, is preparing for the Nuclear Summit having read and studied the Number 1 Best Selling Book of ALL TIME (according to the Orange Novelist) The Art of the Deal, and the recent expose Fire and Fury.
The Golden Gazebo is preparing for the Nuclear Summit by having nightly phone calls with his trusted advisor, Sean O’Hannity from Fox News Fair and Balanced. Truth be told, The Orange Bobblehead had asked Sarkes for advise on the Nuclear Summit. Sarkes has declined as he is focusing all of his diplomatic, Foreign Relation efforts on the current, ongoing Political Turmoil in Sarkeses ancestral homeland, The Republic of Armenia.
– George Zimmerman is $2.5 Million in debt
– In trouble with the Law, George tells the Court he needs a Public Defender
– Sarkes calls for the creation of a George Zimmerman Legal Fund
You know Sarkes, he can never get enough George Zimmerman. After a long drought, Sarkes Corner Hall of Famer George was back in the news a few weeks ago for repeatedly threatening and harassing Dennis Warren.
Thanks to Sarkes Corner Contributors, Sister Cindy Mamelian and friend George Taylor, for this update to George Zimmerman’s recent Tale of Woe.
We all know George Zimmerman in his hay day, George is / was:
– Killer of Skittles eating, Ice Tea drinking, Black youth
– Killer of Hoodie sales in Florida for years
– Beneficiary of Florida’s “Stand Your Ground” Law
– Serial abuser of Women
– Guilty of Copyright Violations for his Fake Art
– Heat Packing, Poster Boy for the NRA
– A proud Red Hat “MAGA” part of the Orange Dotard’s Base
In his latest ordeal, our man Zimmerman is facing stalking accusations in his latest legal woes since his 2013 acquittal in the shooting death of Trayvon Martin.
A court recently allowed George Zimmerman to use a public defender in his alleged stalking case after he filed documents saying he’s $2.5 million in debt and has zero income. Zimmerman is accused of repeatedly threatening and harassing Dennis Warren between December 16 and December 25, 2017.
We all know the chances of a fair trial for George if he has a Public Defender. As the Orange Statistician would say “George has a 1000 percent chance of a guilty verdict with a Public Defender”.
Even though “Many People Say” that George was guilty of murdering Trayvon Martin, his Crack Legal Team, Mark O’Mara and Don West, worked their magic and got a jury of Zimmerman’s Cracker Peers to find him not Guilty. Since George has never paid his legal fees from the Trayvon Martin trial, there is zero chance that Mark O’Mara and Don West will represent George again.
Early subscribers to Sarkes Corner know how much joy and entertainment provided by George Zimmerman. Now it’s time for Sarkes Corner Subscribers to help our Man George in his time of need.
Sarkes asks his loyal subscribers to ponder what the future of Sarkes Corner would be if George Zimmerman lands in the Hoosegow, which he will if he has a Public Defender.
As such, Sarkes is calling on the Wealthy Subscribers of Sarkes Corner to open up your Hearts and Wallets and send your contributions to the George Zimmerman Legal Fund. Donations, starting at $100, can be sent to Sarkes who will make sure that the George Zimmerman Legal Fund is established. All donations, after a small Management Fee for Sarkes, will go to hire great Lawyers to keep our man George Free.
– Remember Evangelist Jim Bakker, well he’s back in the News
– Bakker has identified the Missouri Ozarks as the place to be when the Apocalypse comes
Southwest Missouri is the epicenter of the Bible Belt. A drive down Interstate 44 finds south of Rolla, MO, finds dozens of Uuuuuuuge Mega Churches where the God Fearing citizens of Southwest Missouri go to praise our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ.
The “Ozarks” is another term used to describe Southwest Missouri and includes the famous Branson area, Table Rock Lake, and dozens of Evangelical Bible Colleges.
This Sarkes Corner is about the APOCALYPSE and the fact that the Ozarks are the best place to be when the Judgement Day comes. What is the Apocalypse? The Apocalypse is a great catastrophe that results in widespread destruction and the collapse of civilization. The Apocalypse is the end of the World.
Jim Bakker has declared that the Ozarks are safest place to live during the Apocalypse. You remember Jim Bakker. He is the Televangelist who is a serial adulteress. Bakker spent five years in prison (of a 45 year sentence) in 1989 after being convicted of fraud and conspiracy for bilking his Flock out of millions of dollars that he put to his own personal use.
Right Wing Christian Fundamentalist at that time were shocked that Jim Bakker paid Hush Money to his secretary, Jesica Hahn to keep silent his affair with her. The Right Wing Christian Fundamentalist also condemned Jim Bakker for his adultery for having sex outside his marriage with Tammy Faye Bakker (LaValley). Tammy Faye Bakker, a real beauty, spent no time giving Jim Bakker the Old Heave Ho. While Bakker was in prison, Tammy Faye divorced him and married Jim Bakker’s best friend.
Today, Jim Bakker is back in the game as a Televangelist to the Right Wing Christian Fundamentalist community who apparently now believe that Adultery is NOT a sin and that paying Hush Money to fluzzies is OK. In that regards, Jim Bakker and the Orange Bird Dog are two peas in a Pod.
But the Jim Bakker of today is much more than a Skirt Chasing, Sniffing, Evangelical Televangelist. Jim Bakker also deals in Real Estate. Bakker is trying to sell condos and cabins at his Morningside development near Branson, MO.
To sweeten his sales pitch, Bakker claims that the Ozark mountains in southwest Missouri are the safest place to live when the Apocalypse comes. Not only will Bakker sell you an Apocalypse-safe Condo, but he also sells
water bottles with filters and buckets of preserved food that contains 273 servings of “warm and delicious comfort food” with a shelf life of 25 years. This is more than enough to get any God Fearing Right Wing Christian Fundamentalist thru the Apocalypse.
But wait, it gets better. Jim Bakker claims that NASA has confirmed that the Ozarks are the the safest place on earth to endure the Apocalypse. A spokeswoman for NASA said she was not familiar with any research from NASA that might fit with Bakker’s claim. Sarkes cannot make this stuff up.
There you have it. For the Right Wing Christian Fundamentalist Subscribers to Sarkes Corner, Sarkes encourages you to take a vacation in the Ozarks and look into Condos at Jim Bakker’s Morningside Development.
God Bless Jim Bakker, God Bless the deceased Tammy Faye Bakker, God Bless the good, God Fearing People of the Ozarks. Our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ, and NASA, will keep you safe in the Ozarks during the Apocalypse.
– One of the first Conservative principles Sarkes (a Recovering Liberal) embraced was that Climate Change is a hoax and a conspiracy spread by Self-Serving Scientists and Liberal Politicians.
– For the first time, the Climate Change Conspiracy, has been logically explained by GOP Alabama Conservative Representative Mo Brooks.
Sarkeses eyes have been opened as he makes the transition from an ignorant, Recovering Liberal, to a Great Trumpian Conservative. Sarkeses Florida neighbors have been coaching Sarkes as he travels the Orange Brick Road to become a Proud, Card Carrying Conservative. It’s as if Sarkeses has emerged from the dark, dense, Forrest of Liberalism and has emerged into the bright, sunny, open meadow of Conservatism.
But Sarkes digresses, back to the Climate Change hoax. For the first time, the Climate Change Conspiracy has been logically explained by Alabama Conservative Representative Mo Brooks.
Scientists say April 2018 marked the planet’s 400th consecutive month with above-average temperatures. At at a hearing held last week by the House Committee on Science, Space, and Technology, on how technology can be used to address climate change, Rep. Mo Brooks, R-Ala offered an alternative reason for the rise in Sea Levels.
Mo Brooks is uniquely qualified to discuss Climate Change. Sarkeses new Man Mo graduated from Duke University with a double major in political science and economics. Mo Brooks is yet another example of why Conservatives are much higher up the Intelligence Food Chain than Ignorant Liberals. Mo does not let Science get in the way of a logical explanation on this Liberal hoax called Climate Change.
Mo Brooks explained that rising Ocean levels are the result of Rocks and Boulders falling into Rivers, Lakes, and Oceans. Mo claims that rising Ocean levels are really the result of natural Erosion.
Sarkes new Man Mo explains: ”Every single year that we’re on Earth, you have huge tons of silt deposited by the Mississippi River, by the Amazon River, by the Nile, by every major river system — and for that matter, creeks, all the way down to the smallest systems, and every time you have that soil or rock whatever that is deposited into the seas, that forces the sea levels to rise. Because now you’ve got less space in those oceans because the bottom is moving up.”
Thanks Mo, finally an explanation that makes sense. Sarkes is now a firm believer that real Scientists get in the way of the Truth, and it takes a Street Smart, Common Sense, analysis, like that provided by Mo Brooks, to get to the Truth on Climate Change.
Sarkes warns the Subscribers of Sarkes Corner, every time you throw a rock into a river or skip a rock over a lake, YOU are contributing to Climate Change. So, STOP IT.