– Liberals, Academia, and the Fake News Media grade everyone of the Orange Professors Tweets
– A recent Golden Pulitzer Tweet, attacking those critical of his Typos, contained a Typo. Trump Misspelled used “POUR” when he should have used “PORE” in that Tweet.
The Orange Lecturer recently Tweeted:
Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – Jul 3 @ 7:13PM
After having written many best selling books, and somewhat priding myself on my ability to write, it should be noted that the Fake News constantly likes to pour over my tweets looking for a mistake. I capitalize certain words only for emphasis, not b/c they should be capitalized!
Uh oh, the Golden Tutor misspelled “POUR” in the tweet (……Fake News constantly like to pour over my tweets …..) after he bragged about his ability to write. Hours later, the Orange Educator corrected the Tweet using the correct spelling, “PORE”.
Even Merriam-Webster poked fun at the Golden Instructors mistake, providing the proper definitions to the Orange Commander in Tweets:
POUR OVER (original Tweet) – “to make expensive coffee”
PORE OVER (revised Tweet) – “to read or study carefully”
Before we criticize the Golden Savant for his writing malaprops, we forget all of his positive attributes. Just some of his positive attributes:
HONESTY – the Golden Rule is the most honest President we have had since Honest Abe Lincoln. Like Sarkes, our President is a Truth Machine.
CONSERVATISM – the Orange Bourgeois makes Ronald Reagan look like a Liberal Democrat. The GOP, formerly the Party of Reagan, is now the Conservative Party of Trump.
LIKABILITY -according to the Golden Amour, he is loved by Women, Blacks, Asians, Jews, Veterans, Native Americans, the Disabled, LGBTQs, and well, everyone except Hispanics. And even some Hispanics, Cubans, love the Orange Cupid.
WORLD LEADERSHIP – the Golden Eminence has the ultimate respect of countries all across the globe, well maybe not the predominantly Muslim countries, but they don’t count anyway. In just 2 days at the NATO meeting, the Orange Negotiator fixed NATO’s financial issues and all nations thanked him for holding them accountable for the financial commitments they had made.
DIPLOMACY – Any President can work with our Traditional Allies like Canada, Mexico, the UK, France, Germany, etc, but it takes a Special Kind of Leader, a Great Diplomat, to establish diplomacy with past Advisories, Totalitarians, Facists, Oligarths, and Dictators like Vlads Putin, Rodrigo Duterte, Recep Erdogan, and of course, Kim Jung Un. The Orange Ambassador is following his recipe for success documented in “The Art of the Deal” to make World Peace.
WORK ETHIC – The Golden Working Stiff accomplishes more in 4 days than Obama or the Bushes I and II could accomplish in 7 days. This Work Ethic allows the Orange Duffer to spend long weekends golfing in Mir-a-Lago to reenergize so he can hit it again for another productive 4 day work week. The Orange Alligator is the hardest working reptile in the Swamp.
So what do the Liberals, Academia, and the Fake News Media have left to knit pick? A few grammatical errors in some Tweets. While Sarkes does not condone or allow grammatical errors or sloppy composition in Sarkes Corner, given all of that the Golden Essayist has accomplished, Sarkes can give a pass on a malaprop or two, or three, in a Tweet.
– Stormy Daniels (Stormy D) was arrested while performing at a strip club
– Lawyer Michael Avenatti thinks Stormy D was set up
-The arrest came 1 day after Stormy D’s tell-all interview in Sarkes Corner
WARNING WARNING WARNING – this edition of Sarkes Corner contains Adult Content and Language that is not appropriate for readers under 17 years old and Right Wing Christian Fundamentalists. WARNING WARNING WARNING
Stormy Daniels was arrested while performing at the Sirens Gentlemen’s Club, a strip club, in Columbus, Ohio. Police say Stormy D touched patrons while performing onstage, which is a violation of Ohio state law. She was charged on three misdemeanor counts.
Detectives who were at the Sirens Gentlemen’s Club said they observed Daniels remove her top and force patrons’ faces into her ample bosom. The officers also observed Ms. Clifford fondling the breasts of female patrons.
Three detectives approached the stage. Daniels allegedly made her way toward two detectives, leaned over and grabbed their faces. She shoved each of their faces between her huge Ta Ta’s. She fondled a third officer’s buttocks and breasts and then forced the officer’s head between her Twin Peaks and then smacked the officer’s face with her huge melons. Whoa.
For those of you who have never been to a Strip Club, Stormy D’s actions are typical and business as usual for Strippers………or so Sarkes is told.
Stormy D’s arrest came 1 day after her revealing interview with Sarkes in Sarkes Corner, 1 day! In that interview, Stormy D provided graphic details of her sexual encounter with Donald Trump and described his Penis as Orange.
Stormy D’s lawyer, Michael Avenatti believes that Storm D’s arrest was a part of an elaborate sting operation. Avenatti claims that Trump is retaliating as Stormy D is suing Trump for defamation following comments he made after revelations of an alleged affair between the two went public.
Avenatti took to Twitter, declaring that Stormy D had been set up by police. “This was a setup & politically motivated,” Avenatti said. “It reeks of desperation. We will fight all bogus charges.”
Stormy D posted a $6,054 bail on Thursday and was scheduled to be arraigned on Friday morning, July 13, according to court records. But, the charges against Stormy D were subsequently dropped Thursday afternoon.
Sarkes was informed of Stormy D’s arrest and was able to call Stormy while she was still incarcerated in the Columbus, OH, hoosegow.
Sarkes: Stormy, I am so sorry if your interview in Sarkes Corner caused you to get arrested. The charges must have been bogus as you are going to get released soon. By the way, do I have your permission to tape this interview.
Stormy D: Yes Sarkes, it’s OK to tape this interview. Oh Sarkes, this is not your fault. My lawyer Michael Avenatti says that this is a gross violation of my 1st amendment rights to free speech and he will be suing “Don the Con” and the Secret Service .
Sarkes: By “Don the Con” I presume you are referring to Donald Trump?
Stormy D: Yes Sarkes, Michael says that if Donnie can give nicknames to his advisories like Crooked Hillary, Crazy Joe Biden, Low Energy Jeb, Ly’n James Comey, Hiawatha Warren, Al Frankenstein, etc he can call the President “Don the Con”
Sarkes: I see. Stormy, I understand that you will be released shorty and the charges will be dropped. What is your reaction?
Stormy D: Well Sarkes, the charges should be dropped. I DID NOT TOUCH ANYONES PECKERS in that Strip Club. You know that almost every square inch of that club is covered by surveillance cameras, so I can prove that I did not touch anyone’s Johnson.
Sarkes: Stormy, who do you think is responsible for your arrest.
Stormy D: Michael believes that the Secret Service, following orders given by Donnie, were responsible for my arrest.
Sarkes: For the record Stormy, when you say Donnie you are referring to President Trump.
Stormy D: Yes Sarkes, Donnie was my pet name for the President that weekend in Las Vegas. Sarkes, I believe that my description of Donnies Penis being Orange must have pushed Donnie over the edge. After all, he is a Counter Puncher.
Sarkes: Stormy, you know that President Trump is threatening to sue you about your allegation that his penis is small and Orange. Comment?
Stormy D: Sarkes, in our interview, I did not say that Donnie’s Penis is small, size is relative, but I did say that it was Orange. Michael says that he wants the President to sue me over this, as we have pictures that I took while Donnie was sleeping. Trust me, Donnies Pecker is Orange, yeah, it’s Orange. And Sarkes, if I ever release the proof that Donnie’s Pecker is Orange, it will be to Sarkes Corner.
Sarkes: Well thanks Stormy. Any final thoughts Stormy?
Stormy D: Well Sarkes, I may be a large breasted stripper, but I’m not stupid. The actions of Donnie and his henchmen smack of Nazi Germany. I had read in a history book that Adolph Hitler had a stripper jailed after she gave him a lap dance.
Sarkes: Ah, Stormy, I will need to validate your claim about Adolph Hitler and the Stripper. Thanks again for your time.
– Stormy Daniels (Stormy D) was in Washington, D.C., July 9 and 10, to open a new Gentleman’s Club, the Cloakroom, on 5th & H Street NW.
– Sarkes was granted an exclusive interview.
WARNING WARNING WARNING – this edition of Sarkes Corner contains Adult Content and Language that is not appropriate for readers under 17 years old and Right Wing Christian Fundamentalists. WARNING WARNING WARNING
While Sarkes was in WDC to visit granddaughter Baby Addison (and son David / daughter in law Meredith) he received a call from Stormy D’s Publicity Agent stating that Stormy D would like to be interviewed by Sarkes for Sarkes Corner.
Seems that Sarkes Corner WDC Bureau Chief, Ashok Agrawal, was an acquaintance of Julian, bouncer at the Cloakroom. At Ashok’s request, Julian reached out to Stormy D’s agent, pointing out that both Sarkes and Stormy D were in town at the same time.
Stormy D’s Agent said that Stormy D was a subscriber to Sarkes Corner and that she felt comfortable being interviewed by Sarkes as she knew that Sarkes was a Truth Machine, a Purveyor of Facts.
For the Millennium subscribers to Sarkes Corner, a Gentleman’s Club is a fancy name for a Strip Club where good looking, large breasted women take off their clothes and strut around a stage naked. Think of the Women of Fox News Fair and Balanced; instead of sitting in front of a camera in tight fitting, short dresses, they are on a stage with no clothes. Believe Sarkes, there are few Gentleman customers in a Gentleman’s Club.
Sarkes sat down for the Exclusive interview with Stormy D in the Presidential Suite (Lap Dance Room) on the upper floor of the Cloakroom in WDC:
Sarkes: Thanks for granting me this exclusive interview Stormy. Aren’t you taking a big risk talking to Sarkes on the record?
Stormy D: Yes Sarkes, I am taking a big risk but it will be worth it.
Sarkes: I don’t want to waste your valuable time, but what can you say to Sarkes Corner that you didn’t already say to Anderson Cooper in the now famous CBS 60 Minutes interview?
Stormy D: Well Sarkes, you saw the interview, Anderson Cooper threw me underhand softball questions and I was never able to properly defend myself. The interview on 60 Minutes was heavily edited and I trust that won’t happen with Sarkes Corner.
Sarkes: That’s right Stormy, our Mottos is: Sarkes Corner, No Spin – You Win. OK Stormy, let’s go. Did you have sex with Donald Trump?
Stormy D: Well, yes I did. It didn’t start out that way. I met Donnie at a celebrity golf tournament in Lake Tahoe in July, 2006. He invited me to dinner in his suite. Just after our appetizer and before the main course, he got up and grabbed my P – – – y, just like he said he does in the now famous Access Hollywood tape.
Sarkes: Well Stormy, after he grabbed your P – – – y, what did you do?
Stormy D: Well Sarkes, I told Donnie that he was being a naughty boy and then I spanked him on his rather large Ass a few times. After that, one thing led to another and bada boom, bada bing, we were in bed doing the big Nasty. It was really nothing more than that. I wasn’t surprised, as you know, Donnie prefers Blond women with big Tits.
Sarkes: Well that pretty much clears that up. So what is this law suit all about?
Stormy D: Sarkes, you are a Truth Machine, and all I want is for Donnie to be truthful and admit what he did. What’s the big deal? He’s been having extramarital affairs with 3 wives for over 40 years, it never bothered him before. Now, just because he is the President he clams up, he’s all Family Values, give me a break. Like we say in Louisiana where I was raised: “That dog don’t hunt”.
Sarkes: What about the $130,000 you took from Michael Cohen?
Stormy D: Just look around The Cloakroom here Sarkes, I have been doing Strip joints like the Cloakroom here for over 20 years. I don’t know how many more years that America’s Cock Hounds will pay to see me naked, my girls are starting to droop. When Donnie lied about our tryst, I figured there was a lucrative book deal and a made for TV movie in the future.
Sarkes: Great Stormy, anything else you’d like to get off your ample chest?
Stormy D: No Sarkes, that’s what I wanted to communicate to the American people. Thank you.
Sarkes: Stormy, let me conclude this interview with one last question. Was Marco Rubio correct, does Donald Trump have a small penis?
Stormy D: Well, Sarkes, I won’t comment on the size of Donnies pecker, but I will tell you something, it was Orange, oh yeah, it was Orange. I took a picture when Donnie wasn’t looking.
– The Orange Negotiator says Trade Wars are easy to Win.
– Most Economists say Trade Wars only hurt consumers.
– Children are fighting against Tariffs.
The Golden Ambassador has picked a fight, a Tariff War, with Canada, Mexico, China, the European Union, and well, everyone. The Orange Arbitrator is confidant that the rest of the world will blink first and another chapter of MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN will be finished. God Bless America……First……..and Only.
Most Economists say that Trade Wars only hurt consumers. These Economists must be Academic Liberals, so what do they really know about the real world. But the Golden Professor knows the real world and how to win.
But now, a new radical movement has been started by Children in Washington DC. This movement, Children Against Tariffs or CATs, is organizing peaceful protests against the ever escalating Trade War started by the Orange Adjudicator.
Now the CATs Movement is not to be confused with the PUSSY HAT Movement, where millions of women wore Pink knit hats in protest over the election of the Golden P-Grabber.
Sarkes was first exposed to the CATs Movement when visiting granddaughter Addison in Washington, DC. One morning, Addison and Nanny-Share friend Jackson were wearing shirts in support of US companies most harmed by the thoughtless Tariff War started by the Orange Emissary, Boeing and Harley-Davidson Naturally, Addison was wearing a Boeing shirt in support of her grandfather Sarkes and Jackson a Harley-Davidson shirt cause, well, he does look like a future biker. See picture below.
Harley-Davidson was viciously criticized by the Golden Counterpuncher when they announced that they would be forced to move some production of their motor cycles overseas as a result of the Tariff Wars. Of course, the Orange Conciliator continues to screw with Boeing, the number 1 United States EXPORTER of products which is perplexing. Sarkes wonders why the Golden Ringleader would attack America’s Cash Cow.
Both 11 months old, neither Addison or Jackson could provide details about why they had joined the CATs Movement, but Sarkes is proud that the youth of America today are getting involved in the political process. Lets hope that the Children Against Tariffs, the CATs, have more influence over the Golden Intellectual than all of the world’s failed Economists. Someone needs to put a stop this senseless Tariff War.
– An Arizona woman, 92, killed her son who wanted to put her in a Nursing Home
– This story hits too close to home for Sarkes
This story was provided by Sarkes Corner St. Louis Bureau Chief and sister Cindy Mamelian. When Sarkes first read this story, something seemed strange. You see, Cindy normally submits stories to Sarkes Corner about Florida Crackers doing stupid things that Florida Crackers usually do.
But this story was different. A 92 year-old woman in Arizona shot and killed her son because she did not want to be sent to an assisted living facility.
Arizonian Anna Mae Blessing was charged with first degree murder, aggravated assault, and kidnapping after authorities found her 72 year old son dead Monday at their home in Fountain Hills in the Phoenix area.
Blessing hid TWO pistols in the pockets of her robe and shot her son several times in his bedroom. Her son’s girlfriend was also in the room and said she heard Blessing telling her son she was tired of the way he treated her.
Blessing then pointed the gun at her son’s girlfriend, who struggled with Blessing until she lost her grip of the gun. When Blessing pulled out a second pistol from her robe, her son’s girlfriend also knocked the 2nd Heat from her hands.
Only in a Bright Red State, like Arizona, can a 92 year old mother Pack Dual Heat, and then pop her 72 year old son. Sarkes, a Constitutional Scholar, can guarantee that our Founding Fathers never envisioned 92 year old Women Packing Heat. In fact, our Founding Fathers gave no rights to Women.
But something was still bothering Sarkes about this story. And then, an A – HA moment, the Light Bulb went on.
Sarkeses and Cindy’s mother, Alice Korkoian, will be 92 in September. For the past several years, Alice has been living in a great Independent Living Senior Center, River’s Edge. In the past year, Alice has had some health set backs and, while still able to live at River’s Edge, there may come a day when she may need to go into an Assisted Living home. If that day comes, Alice will go kicking and screaming.
Is Sarkes at Risk? Could Mother Alice be Packing Heat? Sarkes does not believe that mother Alice is Packing Heat. But she does live in Missouri, the Shoot Me State, where anyone, including Felon’s on Parole, can Pack Heat.
But just to be safe, when Sarkes goes to St. Louis to visit Alice, he will call ahead to River’s Edge Security and have them search Alices apartment for any Heat. One can never be too safe in the Shoot Me State.
– A boycott of Walmart by Trump Voters has been launched after an outcry over the “Impeach 45” Clothing Line
– Sarkes has been boycotting Walmart since the St. Louis Rams moved to Los Angeles in 2016
A Boycott-Walmart campaign has been launched by the Orange Bobble Heads Base after it was discovered the store was selling “Impeach 45” clothing on its website. For Millennium Subscribers to Sarkes Corner, Donald Trump is our 45th President.
The outcry sparked a #BoycottWalmart trend on Twitter as Trump Voters expressed their distaste for Walmart promoting the impeachment of President Trump.
Ryan Fournier, chairman of the group “White Students for Trump”, was one of the first to discover Walmart was selling the clothing item. He asked the company in a tweet, “What kind of message are you trying to send?” Fournier continued: “Looks like @Walmart is looking to join the far left and maybe needs a good old #boycottwalmart to make them think a little!”
Old Glory is the company that sells the “Impeach 45” apparel and it’s not the only one. A search on Walmart.com revealed three other companies selling Trump impeachment merchandise.
Walmart has not commented on this blasphemy and has not removed this treasonous line of clothing from their website.
When asked about the “Impeach 45” clothing line on his way to Air Force 1 for another Golf Weekend at Mir-a-Lago, the Orange Shopper said: “Of course I have heard of Walmart but have never stepped foot in one. Isn’t that where poor Blacks and Hispanics shop? I also understand that all of Walmarts products are produced overseas, well we will see what my Great, Fair, Tariffs do to Walmart, Impeach 45, my ass!”
Alas, apparently the Orange Einstein did not realize that Walmart’s core target consumers are Uneducated, Underemployed, Rural, White folk………..the Gold Fingers Base. It is questionable if Walmart, already suffering the effects of a Sarkes Boycott, can survive this latest scandal.
Sarkes started boycotting Walmart when their Unethical, Immoral, Unscrupulous, Dishonorable, Wicked, Evil, Corrupt, Owner, Stan Kronke, moved the St. Louis Rams to Los Angeles in 2016. Kronke made his money the Old Fashioned way, he married Sam Walton’s daughter. To make matters worse, Jackass Kronke is a native Missourian and was named after St. Louis Cardinal legend Stan “The Man” Musial who is probably spinning in his grave. See Picture of Stan Kronke below, one would think that Mutli-Billionaires like Kronke and the Orange Coiffure could get a better hair do. Maybe if one is a Multi-Billionaire you don’t care about having a ridiculous hair do.
Sarkeses boycott of Walmart targeted Season Ticket Holders and Fans of the St. Louis Rams. This demographic is typically Older, Affluent, White Folk who could afford to spend $125 for an Upper Deck NFL ticket. While not a large population, Sarkeses boycott of Walmart hit them where it hurt, but did not knock them out.
– An Ontario, Canada, restaurant, The Olde Red Hen, was targeted by Sarah Sanders supporters
Thanks to Sarkes Corner Canadian Bureau Chief Dennis Parass with a story about American Cyber Bullying of Canadians.
An Ontario eatery, The Olde Red Hen, has been targeted by supporters of Sarah Sanders. After Sarah Sanders was asked to leave The Red Hen, in Lexington, VA, because she worked for the Orange Monarch , a tsunami of negative, angry, and threatening comments were posted on the Facebook Page of The Olde Red Hen, in Collingwood, Ontario, Canada.
Some of the postings on the Olde Red Hen’s Facebook Page:
Thomas Collins: “Hope you go out of business you liberal trash. Clean up this dump.”
Albert Holland: “I wonder how long before the Red Hen slop house folds and goes bankrupt?.”
Connie Szcepanik: “Shame on you, Bigots and hypocrites!”
Canadian Diane Smith, the owner of the Olde Red Hen, said she was initially baffled by the avalanche of Facebook notifications. She called her restaurant to make sure everything was OK. The staff was equally confused”.
After figuring out the source of the postings, Owner Smith said: “They were all Americans. We had to straighten it out. My restaurant was really attacked about bad service..”
The Golden Counter Puncher also weighed in on this issue, slamming The Red Hen in another classic Tweet: “The Red Hen Restaurant should focus more on cleaning its filthy canopies, doors and windows, it badly needs a paint job, rather than refusing to serve a fine person like Sarah Huckabee Sanders. I have a rule, if a restaurant is dirty on the outside, it is dirty on the inside!
OK, there are so many angles to this story that Sarkes, a Truth Machine, will sort this all out to the loyal subscribers to Sarkes Corner:
Many of the growing list of Canadian subscribers to Sarkes Corner have informed Sarkes that they are fed up with the constant bullying of Canada by the Gold Czar and his staff, and are taking action by cancelling their planned American vacations and are considering cancelling their subscription to Sarkes Corner.
Sarkes DOES feel badly for Sarah Sanders. People must understand that Sarah is a paid Lap Dog for the Orange Emperor. It is her job to try to interpret the often in-comprehensive rantings of the Golden Bull Horn. There is an Old Armenian Expression that fits here: “Don’t Shoot the Messenger”.
Sarkes is compelled to give a lesson to his Canadian friends. Dear Canadians, to make sense of all of this one must understand the Orange Bully’s “Base”. His Base are typically uneducated, underemployed, white, rural, folk who are not the brightest Leaf on the Maple Tree. These Americans are concerned about their Guns and Beer, and cannot be held responsible for confusing The Red Hen in Virginia with The Olde Red Hen in Ontario. It was an honest mistake. In America we have the Constitutional Right to be stupid.
Sarkes also dug into the vicious attack on The Red Hen in Virginia by the Golden Exhaled Leader. Sarkes confirmed that the Orange Burger Meister has never been to The Red Hen in Virginia, so his charges on the cleanliness of the establishment is questionable. Sarkes analyzed the menu at The Red Hen in Virgina and could not find a Quarter Pound Hamburger w/Cheese and Fries on the menu. Sarkes infers this lack of Red Meat is the real reason that the Golden Arches spewed such venom about The Red Hen.
In conclusion, Sarkes asks his Canadian friends to calm down and to not throw gas on an already raging fire. You can always build a wall on your Southern Border and try to make America pay. You can use the model that America is using to build a Great Beautiful wall on our Southern Border that will be paid by Mexico.
– Sarkes publishes the transcript of Donald Trump’s June 2018 Staff Meeting.
As you know, Sarkes has direct insight into the Trump White House through a confidential Source, LEAKER. LEAKER, at great risk, somehow records the Donald Trump Staff Meetings and sends the tape to Sarkes. Sarkes provides the transcript, word for word, for your reading pleasure.
WARNING WARNING WARNING – Some language used in the Donald Trump January Staff meeting is inappropriate for Sarkes Corner subscribers under 17 years old and Right Wing Christian Fundamentalists. WARNING WARNING WARNING
General John Kelly (Chief of Staff): “OK everyone, lets get going, we have a lot to discuss. You have the agenda in front of you. First, President Trump will not be attending today’s staff meeting as he wants to get an early jump on his 4th of July holiday at Mir-a-Lago. He is Teeing off right about now. Vice President Pence will chair today’s staff meeting.”
Mike Pence (Vice President): “Thank you John. If you don’t mind, I would like to change today’s agenda. But first, let’s start with a prayer. Everybody, please join hands and bow your heads.”
“Lord Jesus, we thank you for convincing Anthony Kennedy to retire from the Supreme Court. Justice Kennedy was once a Conservative but Satan’s temptation drove him to vote with the Godless Liberals. We pray that you forgive the sins of Justice Kennedy and, and with your love and guidance, we will select a strong Conservative judge to replace Kennedy. We also pray that President Trump, the greatest President in history, has a blessed vacation at Mir-a-Lago. And give all of us the strength to Make America Great Again. Amen”
The Entire Staff: “Amen, ah, Amen, what, Amen, (mumbling) give me a break, (mumbling) what the F – – K, Amen.”
Mike Pence (Vice President): “The first order of business, we need to come up with a strategy to overturn Roe v Wade. Since 1973, millions of babies have died and we now have our chance to change that. I was thinking we need to get at least 20 Red states to pass state laws abolishing abortion. When the ACLU sues, this will make it’s way to the Supreme Court, and our new Conservative Supreme Court will vote with the states. Can we make that happen?”
Dead silence, you could hear a pin drop.
Mike Pence (Vice President): “OK, now after we overturn Roe v Wade our next order of business is to overturn the rights of Gays and Lesbians to marry. In fact, if we can figure out a way, I want to drive these sinners back into the closet where they belong. Any ideas?”
Dead silence, you could hear a pin drop.
General Jim Mattis (Secretary of Defense): “Excuse me Mr. Pence, I just received a text that we have a military emergency and I need to leave. (whispering to General John Kelly on his way out: “what a F – – king moron”)
Steven Mnuchin (Secretary of Treasury): “Uh Mr. Pence, I need to help General Kelly with his military emergency, I will make sure he has all the funding he needs to solve his military emergency. (whispering to General John Kelly on his way out: you got to stop this Fundamentalist whacko, NOW).”
General John Kelly just shakes his bowed head.
Mike Pence (Vice President): “OK guys, good luck. Now, after we take care of the gays and lesbians, I want to work on the Affirmative Action laws that benefit the Blacks and Latinos at the expense of deserving White Americans. Now this might be a bit harder as the Blacks are still holding on to that Slavery thing and the Latinos are breeding like Rabbits, and their population is growing exponentially. Ben, you’re Black, and you never did that Affirmative Action thing, I want to assign this to you. Now, do we have any Hispanics on this staff?”
Ben Carson (Secretary of Housing and Urban Development): “Boss, I am proud to be the ONLY Black man in the Trump Cabinet, I’ll take care of it”
Jeff Sessions (Attorney General): “Mr. Pence, maybe we can use Nikki Haley to work the Hispanic issue. She is Brown and that might be close enough. I’ll call her back from the United Nations”
Mike Pence (Vice President): “Thanks Ben, thanks Jeff. Just think how Great America will be when we overturn Roe v Wade, put the LGBT’s back in the closet and stop this senseless Affirmative Action.”
“Now my final agenda item is a bit more challenging, I want to revoke the 19th Amendment. Since 1920, women have had the Right to Vote and look what’s happened. The results, Hillary Clinton, Nancy Pelosi, Maxine Waters, Elizabeth Waters, others. The 19th Amendment created these monsters. Women belong in the home supporting their man. Uh, no offense Betsy.”
Betsy De Vevos (Secretary of Education): “Oh Mr. Pence, no offense taken.”
Mike Pence (Vice President): “Well team, that should do it for this staff meeting. Everyone have a Safe and Blessed 4th of July Holiday. And, with the grace of God, we will return next week to continue to Make America Great Again, in the spirt of our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ, Amen. Meeting adjourned.”
– Indiana child fires handgun found in sofa at Ikea
Sarkes thanks Sarkes Corner Canadian Bureau Chief Dennis Parass for this story out of Indiana reported by Canadian Broadcasting Corporation (CBC).
Just when Sarkes had thought he had reported on all derivatives of senseless accidental gun shootings; Infant on Infant, Infant on Parent, Dog on Owner, Cracker on Cracker, Cracker on Self, etc, another classification of senseless shooting surfaces…… Child on Sofa.
A six-year-old child in Indianapolis, Indiana, found a loaded handgun in a sofa at Ikea and fired it. The Heat had fallen into the cushions as a shopper sat down to test the sofa at the IKEA store in a suburb of Indianapolis.
Nobody was hurt in the incident, but the sofa was ruined beyond repair. No arrests have been made. Ikea said it had expressed “sincerest apologies” to the child’s family.
Police reported that the gun owner did not notice that he had dropped his Heat. A police spokesperson reported: ”He sat down and somehow or another the firearm became dislodged from this body and when he got up he didn’t realize that he was without it”. The owner continued shopping and only became aware he had lost his gun when he heard gunfire.
Sarkes analyzes this Child on Sofa shooting:
While the name of the child and Gun Owner have not been released, Sarkes knows with 1,000 percent confidence, that the Gun Owner is a Lard Ass. Who amongst us has not witnessed, while shopping at a furniture store, a Lard Ass trying to get up off a sofa after checking it out. It’s not a pretty site. Brutal.
In its statement, IKEA said the “safety and security of customers and co-workers is the top priority”. IKEA “has a no-weapon policy in our locations to prevent exactly these types of situations,” their statement continued. Are you kidding me, the IKEA no-weapon policy is no more a deterrent to Heat Packing Americans than their Swedish Meat Balls.
This story hits close to home for Sarkes. Sarkes has 3 great snowbird neighbors who live in Indianapolis; Rich C., Jim H. and Larry B. These Indiana neighbors could have easily been resting on an IKEA sofa while their wives were shopping IKEA, in harms way of a stray bullet fired by a Child Packing Heat.
Wait a second, what was Sarkes thinking, his Indianapolis Florida Snowbird neighbors would never be caught in an IKEA. IKEA is for students, Young people just starting, and the Poor, not Old Rich White Guys who can afford so much more.
Finally, The Orange Rifleman, does what he does best, he weighed in on Twitter:
Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – June 27 @ 4:57AM
Another tragic shooting in an IKEA store in Indianapolis. My thoughts and prayers to any piece of furniture that may have been shot. This is not a gun issue, it is a negligence issue on IKEA. IKEA sofas are too hard to get up out of by most Americans who may be a bit overweight. Americans are overweight because our Economy is thriving, unemployment is the lowest ever, and there is enough food to go around for all Americans. America can thank me.
Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – June 27 @ 5:28AM
IKEA will not get away with their gross negligence. Donald J. Trump hereby orders a 40% Tariff on all goods sold in IKEA stores. I will have the health department check the IKEA Swedish Meatballs. IKEA Swedish Meatballs are Phony, Fake, Low Rated, Fools…..give me a good old American Quarter Pounder with Cheese any day, now that’s what Makes America Great.