Recovery From Halloween Needed

Executive Summary:

  • A Florida Lawmaker wants kids to have a recovery day after Halloween Trick or Treating
  • She wants what?

Thanks to Sarkes Corner Contributor and Florida neighbor Georgie Taylor for this story from the Florida Legislature.

Florida State Senator Annette Taddeo, Dem-Miami, has proposed declaring the day after Halloween, November 1, an official public school holiday to give kids a chance to recover from Trick or Treating. 

Senator Taddeo is concerned that Florida children need a day to recover after Halloween

Senator Taddeo says she filed Bill 1462 at the request of students and parents.  A student-driven petition had collected more than 300,000 signatures from Miami-Dade, Broward, and Palm Beach counties. 300,000 signatures!

Children in South Florida attained 300,000 signatures

Senator Taddeo explained:  “As a parent, I totally get it, the children need a day of rest after a night of feasting on chocolate and other sweets”.  The day after Halloween holiday would apply to K – 12 students.

Trick or Treating can be exhaustive

Kids eat mass quantities of candy on Halloween

Halloween is rooted in All Hallows Eve, the beginning of a three day observance to remember the dead, including saints and martyrs.   But Halloween has evolved into a day where children dress in costumes to collect candy from neighbors, teens play pranks on adults, and adults can relive their childhood and eat candy collected by their kids.

As usual, Sarkes did and in-depth investigation on kids and Halloween:

Children in Catholic schools have always gotten the day after Halloween off from school as a religious holiday, All Saints Day.  As such, they can eat mass quantities of candy on Halloween and recover the next day.

Catholic School students always have the day off after Halloween

Instead of a Florida Bill for school holiday the day after Halloween, Senator Taddeo should consider a bill outlawing the distribution of Candy on Halloween.  American Children do not need a day off after Halloween, they need to eat more vegetables. 

Americas Rotund Children should eat less candy and more vegetables 

No, Sarkes cannot make this stuff up.  Only in America, only in America.

The Animal Kingdom Revolts

Executive Summary:

  • Lenny Harding has connected some Disturbing Dots
  • The Animal Kingdom is planning to overthrow Mankind 

As you know, Sarkes, a renowned Statistician, can Connect Dots where most don’t even see the Dots.  Well, Sarkeses friend and Special Sarkes Corner Contributor, Lenny Harding, has Connected some Dots in the Animal Kingdom.  Sarkes must admit, he did not see these Dots.

Lenny Harding is a descendent of our 29th President, Warren Harding.  Republican Warren Harding was President from 1921 until his death in 1923 from Heart issues.  Like most Presidents, Warren Harding was a Sniffer.  Harding was also known for the Teapot Dome scandal.  Harding is often rated as one of our worst presidents.  But Sarkes knows Lenny Harding, and Lenny is no Warren Harding.

GOP President Warren Harding was corrupt and rated as our worst President

Lenny Harding is a descendent of Warren Harding but is nothing like his ancestor  

Thought exhaustive journalistic investigation, Lenny Harding has connected Dots to conclude that the Animal Kingdom is in the early stages of rebellion against Humans and have a Master Plan to lower Humans to the Bottom of the Food Chain.  Lenny presents the following Dots:

Dot 1:  Rhino Poacher Killed by Elephant and Eaten by Lions: 

A man suspected of being a rhino poacher was killed last week by an elephant and his remains devoured by a pride of lions at a South African park.  

Rangers at Kruger National Park found only a human skull and a pair of pants.   Four of the dead man’s accomplices were arrested.  The man’s accomplices said that they had been in the park to poach rhinos when he was attacked and killed by an elephant.

Elephants usually win any close combat with Humans
A Pride of Hungry Lions will eat anything

——————————————————————————————————-

Dot 2: New Jersey residents say Wild Turkeys are attacking community:

A gaggle of 40 to 60 wild turkeys have been aggressively terrorizing residents in a 55-and-up community in Ocean County daily.  Holiday City residents say the turkeys are blocking doorways, pecking at cars and behaving aggressively when they are shooed away.

The wild turkeys weigh between 16 and 24 pounds and run up to 20 miles per hour.  The township has received dozens of complaints but says it’s animal control is powerless in capturing or stopping the birds since they are not licensed to trap wildlife.

Turkeys are better when served at Thanksgiving with all the Fixings

—————————————————————————————————————

Dot 3: Chimps are killing people in Uganda:

Chimpanzees are attacking people in Uganda, part of a disturbing trend going on in the country that has led to crop loss and even death.

National Geographic reports that the problem has been going on for several years starting in 2014 when a chimp fatally attack a 2-year-old child, stealing the baby from his mother.

Villagers have built a bamboo fence around their backyards to prevent the chimps from getting in but the fence was no match for the chimps, who kept returning.   Three deaths have been reported and six additional injuries or escapes have occurred as a result of the Chimpanzee attacks.

Angry Chimps can scale any Wall

Well, maybe not the big, beautiful Trump Wall paid for by the Mexicans

———————————————————————————————————-

Dot 4: Feral hogs in Texas attacked and killed a woman:

A Texas woman was found dead after pre-dawn attack by a group of feral hogs.  Christine Rollins, a 59-year old caregiver to an elderly couple in Anahuac, failed to show up at her normal time on Sunday and the  homeowner found her lying in the front yard between her car and the house.

It appears that multiple hogs assaulted Rollins when she arrived at work.  lt

was determined Rollins was attacked by different hogs because of the various size of the bites on her body.  Mature feral hogs can weigh between 100 and 400 pounds.

Ferrel Hogs are the new White Meat

The Dots have been connected by Lenny Harding and it is clear that the Animal Kingdom is planning a Coup de Ta against Mankind.

An angry President Trump Tweeted:

Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – December 11 @ 4:23 AM

Thanks to that Great American and Republican Lenny Harding for connecting the Dots and making America aware of this imminent attack against mankind.  Only I can stop the attack of Wild Animals against our People.  I will stop these Wild Animals like I stopped the Hoards of Mexican Rapist, Gangsters, Druggies and Muslims who were Invading America.

Only Donald Trump can Stop the Invasion of the Animal Kingdom

Iowa, Enough Said

Executive Summary:

  • An Iowa woman runs over a 14 year old girl with her SUV because the girl “is a Mexican”
  • She did what?  Because the girl was what?  What?

Nicole Poole Franklin, 42, from Des Moines, Iowa, was smoking Meth and driving around town when she saw a 14 year old girl, Natalia Miranda.   Racist Franklin then intentionally ran over the Miranda with her SUV because the girl looked “Mexican”. 

Mixing Meth with a Racist is a formula for disaster

Racist Franklin is not the smartest White Suprematist in the Klan as later she admitted to police that she intentionally targeted her victim because the girl “is Mexican.”  Racist Franklin now faces an attempted murder charge.

Natalia Miranda is Guilty of Being “Mexican” in Iowa

But running over a 14 year old “Mexican” was just a warm-up for Racist Franklin.  Less than an hour after running over the “Mexican”, Racist Franklin went to a Conoco gas station in West Des Moines.

Racist Franklin dropped into the Conoco station for a pack of smokes

At the Conoco gas station, Racist Franklin commenced a Racist rant against owner Waheed Abdul.  Racist Franklin was throwing potato chips, destroying merchandise and spewing racial slurs against Adbul.  Police were called and Racist Franklin was charged with assault, operating under the influence, theft, and public intoxication. Hate charges are also being considered. 

Abdul is guilty of being a Brown man in Iowa

Racist Franklin may have some anger management issues.  In 2018, Racist Franklin was charged with harassment and domestic abuse assault after she bit her boyfriend and struck him in the back of the neck. During the confrontation, Racist Franklin picked up a butcher’s knife and repeatedly said she would kill her boyfriend.

Even though Sarkes grew up in Missouri, the Shoot Me State, which is borders Iowa immediately to the south, Sarkes doesn’t know much about Iowa.  So, the Sarkes Corner Research Team provided Sarkes the following facts about Iowa:

  • Iowa has a population of just over 3 million, 90% are white, 6% Hispanic, and 4% Black.
  • Iowa has more Golf Courses per capita than any other state, and as we know, Golf is the sport of choice for Rich, Old, White Men.
Golfing in Iowa is for the Rich White Man, Brown People not Welcome
  • Sliced Bread, White of course, was invented in Iowa
The Bread in Iowa, like the People, is White

Confirmed Racist House Representative Steve King is from Iowa.  Racist King is so Racist that the GOP had no choice but to Censure him and remove him from several of his prestigious committees.

Steve King is a Proud Racist representing other Proud Racists in Iowa

So, Iowa is a great place to live and raise a family, as long as one is White.

Penis Fish

Executive Summary:

  • Thousands of Penis Fish washed up on a beach in California
  • Penis Fish, what?

WARNING WARNING WARNING – This Sarkes Corner contains material that might make Family Value Conservatives Uncomfortable – WARNING WARNING WARNING

The Penis Fish is a worm that looks like a man’s Johnson

After a powerful storm,  thousands of unsightly, and phallic-looking worms were washed up on a California beach.  Fat Innkeeper worms, also known as “Penis Fish”, washed up on Drakes Beach in Point Reyes, Calif., around fifty miles northwest of San Francisco.

Thousands of Penis Fish found dead on the beach, what a waste

The “Penis Fish” that washed ashore is the Urechis Caupo, a type of spoonworm that primarily lives on the Pacific coast from southern Oregon to Baja California.  At around 10 inches, its peculiar shape is perfect for coastal life, allowing it to dig a U-shaped burrow for itself.  

Penis Fish can grow to over 10 inches, oh my

The burrow that Urechis Caupo makes is also useful for catching food, letting them take water in using a mucus “net” and sucking in plankton and other bacteria. It even leaves behind residuals for its guests, hence the “innkeeper” moniker. 

The Penis Fish does what?

But how, exactly, did thousands of Penis Fish end up washed ashore? Since their homes are constructed out of sand or mud, strong storms can wash them away. This renders them entirely visible during high-storm seasons such as the ones in El Niño years.

The Penis Fish is commonly eaten in South Korea, Japan, China and Russia as a delicacy, often served raw.

The Penis Fish is eaten raw, what?

Stormy Daniels Tweeted:

Stormy Daniels@StormyD – December 15 @ 10:00AM

I have been around Penises my whole life and I must admit that I am impressed with the size of the Penis Fish.  If only Donnie had a Long Schlong anywhere close to the size of a Penis Fish, I would be the First Lady today.

If the Orange Johnson was bigger, Stormy D could have been our First Lady 

The Orange Commander in Tweets Tweeted:

Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – December 16 @ 4:26AM

The report that I have a small Penis is Fake News, Alternate Facts, Phony, a Failed Take Down, Witch Hunt, Scam, Hoax, Hit Job, Harassment, Lynching, Triple Hearsay and Treasonous.

Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – December 16 @ 5:07AM

The charges that I have a small Penis has been perpetrated by the Deep State, Crazed Democrats, Never Trumpers, RINOs and Human Scum.  

Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – December 16 @ 5:16AM

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH MY PENIS.  My Penis did nothing wrong.  My Penis is Perfect, Perfecto.  History will show that I am the greatest US President and that I have a large Penis.  No other President in history has had a bigger Penis than ME!!!!!!! My Penis will be completely Exonerated and Vindicated.  Case Closed.

No other President in history has had a larger One Eyed Snake

Deer Kills Hunter

Executive Summary:

  • An experienced Arkansas hunter was found severely injured in the woods, his body riddled with Antler puncture wounds from a Deer. 
  • The Hunter later died from his injuries

Thanks to St. Louis Contributor Lenny Hardy for this tragic story from the Ozark Mountains.  The Ozark Mountains is a mountain range that traverses Missouri and Arkansas.  

Who lives in the Ozarks?  For those of you have seen the Netflix series “Ozark”, starring Jason Bateman and Laura Linney, you have a good idea about the inhabitants of the Ozark Mountains.  For the Older readers of Sarkes Corner, another reference would be the 1972 Movie “Deliverance” staring Jon Voight, Burt Reynolds, Ned Beatty, and Ronny Cox.

The cast of Netflix “Ozarks” depicts the simple people of the Ozark Mountains
Many people who live in the Ozarks have dental issues

Who can forget the epic Banjo Boy in “Deliverance”

Inhabitants of the Ozark Mountains are Salt of the Earth, Simple, Uneducated, Underemployed, 2nd Amendment Heat Packing, God Fearing people, in other words, Trumps Base.   People who live in the Ozarks all Pack Heat and all hunt Deer.

The Scenic Ozark Mountains are home to Heat Packing Hearty Folk to love to hunt Deer

An Arkansas hunter, 66 year old Thomas Alexander, thought he had fatally shot a deer was killed when the very much alive animal turned the tables and gored him in a sudden attack.

Alexander was an experienced hunter who had lived in the Ozark Mountain area for several years. Alexander was hunting using a primitive firearm known as a muzzleloader.  He called his nephew to tell them he had successfully shot a buck and to join him to Field dress the Deer.

Alexander used a Muzzleloader when Deer hunting, he should have used an AR-15

When his nephew found him, Alexander was injured but alert and talking.  Sadly, Alexander stopped breathing by the time paramedics could get him to the hospital.  Officials are not certain that the antler wounds are the official cause of his death, as he may have died from other medical issues such as a heart attack.  

Game and Wildlife Officials say that, on occasion, hunters may approach a deer thinking it is dead when it is only stunned or injured. Usually, they jump up and run away.  Sarkes believes that if Alexander was using an AR-15, the Deer that he had plugged would have gone down and not gotten up.

The wounded Deer has not been found, but Sarkes wonders if this Deer is part of a mutant species with super powers to thwart the assault on Deer. Sarkes does not understand the lure of Deer hunting, but his Deer hunting family and friends tell Sarkes that Deer hunting is important to “Thin the Herd”.

This time the Deer won, but smart money is to bet on the Ozark hunter

Castration Update

Sarkes had published a Sarkes Corner about a North Carolina woman who tied up her husband and cut off his Ying Yang. She was arrested for Castrating her husband.

Well, Sarkes must provide clarification. Sarkes Corner Science Editor and Cousin Dr. Greg Wilson provided clarification for Sarkes:

“The North Carolina woman performed a penile amputation, not castration.  Castration removes the testicles.  However, in ancient Egypt the eunuchs had both testicles and penis removed just to keep them in line as slaves.  Some ancient Christian religious orders did this to themselves as well.”

Sarkes, a Truth Machine, is always driven to provide just the facts in Sarkes Corner. Sarkes Corner is a No Spin Zone. Like this story, on a very rare occasion, Sarkes must provide clarification.

Whatever you call it, Castration or Penile Amputation, when one’s Johnson gets loped off, it’s not a good day.

Another Castration!

Executive Summary:

  • A North Carolina wife is accused of tying up and castrating her husband 
  • OUCH!

Authorities in North Carolina have locked up a woman, 56-year-old Victoria Thomas Frabutt, accused of cutting off her husband’s penis.

Oh, what, huh, did she really do that, OUCH!

Victoria Thomas Frabutt had enough with her husband so she cut off his Pecker

The Husband, 61-year-old James Frabutt told Carteret County deputies his wife, 56-year-old Victoria Thomas Frabutt, tied him up and pulled out a knife.

James Frabutt was taken to a Greenville hospital where his condition is unknown. Deputies were able to recover the body part, his Ying Yang, put it on ice, and give it to medical personnel. A motive for the castration is unclear.

Victoria practiced cutting off her husbands Johnson using a Johnsonville  Brat

Victoria Thomas Frabutt has been charged with kidnapping and malicious castration. She’s in jail on a $100,000 bond.

There has been no report on the condition of James Frabutt’s Ying Yang.

Oh, what, huh, did she really do that, OUCH!

Interracial Marriage in Mississippi

Executive Summary:

  • A Mississippi Wedding Venue refuses services to an Interracial Couple
  • Their reason…..their “Christian Beliefs”  

An interracial Mississippi couple in Jackson, Mississippi, was turned away from a wedding venue with the owner citing her refusal based on her “Christian Beliefs”

What, hmm, huh, they said that, are you kidding me, are they serious!

The owner of the venue, Donna Russell of Booneville, has since apologized, saying she was raised to believe Interracial Marriage was an “understood subject.”  In a now-viral video posted on Facebook by LaKambria Welch, sister of the Groom, Donna Russell said: “we don’t do gay weddings or mixed-raced (weddings) because of our Christian race, I mean our Christian belief.” 

What, hmm, huh, she said that, are you kidding me, is she serious!

Donna Russell has “Christian Beliefs” that prohibit Gay and Interracial Marriage

Mississippi is one of our enlightened Southern States mired in the 1800’s.   In 2016, the Mississippi legislation passed House Bill 1523, which allowed Mississippi businesses to deny services based on their religious views.   The bill was primarily directed at sexual orientation and same-sex marriage. Race was not a part of that legislation which must have been an oversight by the Dinosaur Legislators in Mississippi.

The Mississippi Legislature is predominantly Enlightened, Old, White Republican Men with values from the Jim Crow era

LaKambria Welch went to Boone’s Camp Event Hall in Booneville after finding out the venue would not host her brother, who is black, and his fiancée, who is white.  LaKambria Welch asked the woman at Boone’s Camp: “Well, we’re Christians as well so, what in the Bible tells you that interracial marriage is a sin?”

Boone’s Camp Donna Russell replied: “Well, I just don’t want to argue my faith. We just don’t participate, we just choose not to”

What, hmm, huh, she said that, are you kidding me, is she serious!

Later, Boone’s Camp Event Hall issued an apology and said, after researching, they found that their views on Interracial Marriage were unfounded. Their excuse:  “as a child growing up in Mississippi our racial boundaries were that you stayed in your own race”.

What, hmm, huh, they said that, are you kidding me, are they serious!

Gays and Interracial Couples are not welcomed at the Boones Camp Event Hall

Boone’s Camp Donna Russell spent the weekend looking into the Bible to find where the Bible mentioned “biracial relationships.” After consulting her Pastor, the woman said she realized her beliefs were “incorrect,” saying, “As my Bible reads, there are two requirements for marriage and race has nothing to do with either!”

Turns out that Our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ did not prohibit Interracial Marriage

Boone’s Camp Donna Russell then apologized for her “ignorance in not knowing the truth.  My intent was never of racism but to stand firm on what I assumed was right concerning marriage.”

Translation:  Donna Russell is NOT A RACIST, yeah Right, they never are.

Chicken Sandwich Wars

Executive Summary:

  • A Tennessee man sues Popeyes for running out of chicken sandwiches
  • A Customer pulls Heat on a Popeyes employee for running out of chicken sandwiches

Thanks to Sarkes Corner Contributor and St. Louis friend Steve Peat Moss for this story about Chicken Sandwiches.  Sarkes is surprised a bit as friend Peat is a meat and potato kind of guy, but he must like Chicken also.

Sarkes doesn’t quite understand this Brew Ha Ha between Chick-fil-A and Popeyes Louisiana Chicken as to who has the better Chicken Sandwich.  In any case, this was marketing genius as Popeyes Louisiana Chicken sold out of its Chicken Sandwich nation wide and in record time.

This woman cannot get a Popeyes Chicken Sandwich

One unhappy customer, a Tennessee man Craig Barr, filed a lawsuit against Popeyes this week alleging it engaged in “false advertising” and “deceptive business practices by entity to public.”  Barr is seeking $5,000 in damages.

Barr said he suffered rim and tire damage totaling $1,500 while driving from Popeyes location to location to find a Popeyes Chicken Sandwich, and was humiliated when his friends laughed at him.

The Popeyes Chicken Sandwich comes in Classic and Spicy versions, Mmm Mmmm

This Chicken Sandwich Brew Ha Ha started when Chick-fil-A took a Jab at the Popeyes Chicken Sandwich stating that its Chicken Sandwich was “The Original”.

The Chic-fil-A Chicken Sandwich comes Breaded or Grilled, Mmm Mmmm

This started a Tweeter war with thousands of Chicken Sandwich Eaters weighing in on whose is their favorite Chicken Sandwich.

Americans prefer the Breaded and Fried Chicken Sandwich over Grilled

In a related story, Police in Houston are searching for a man who pulled a gun on employees at a Popeyes restaurant after they ran out of chicken sandwiches.

Two women, three men and a baby were told at the Popeyes drive-thru window that the Popeyes Chicken Sandwiches were sold out.  The hungry and angry customers got our of their car and one of the men attempted to get inside the restaurant displaying Heat, but one of the Minimum Wage Popeyes worker was alert and locked the door.  These customers were so hungry that they left their baby in the car as they attempted to Invade the Popeyes restaurant.  Oh my!

Popeyes employees were at peril because they ran out of Chicken Sandwiches

After watching these Chicken Sandwich Wars unfold on Fox News Fair and Balanced, the Orange Cheeto Tweeted:

Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – September 9 @ 4:56AM

Like Sarkes, I don’t understand this battle over Chicken Sandwiches.  The real battle is at our southern border where we are being Invaded by Mexicans who want to force us all to eat Tacos.  When we win our Tariff War with China, US Beef will be a Great Value for all Americans.

Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – September 9 @ 6:03AM

Hamburgers and Cheeseburgers were invented in America.  Other Loser nations try to copy our US Hamburgers and Cheeseburgers but Fail miserably.  And, I AM NOT OVERWEIGHT, I am the fittest President of all time.   

The Orange Whopper prefers a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese over a Chicken Sandwich any day

TV Co-Anchor Looks Like a Gorilla

Executive Summary:

  • A White Newscaster said her Black co-anchor looks like a Gorilla
  • After, the White Newscaster offered a tearful apology

Sarkes has always preferred Print Journalism verses TV or Radio Journalism.  “Many People Say” Sarkes, you have a face for Print Journalism.  In Live TV or Radio Journalism there is a Risk, once you put your Right Foot in your mouth its out there and can never be removed.

Sarkes considered TV Journalism but was told to stick with Print

In a tearful segment that aired on Oklahoma City’s KOCO-TV, morning White anchor Alex Housden apologized to her Black co-anchor Jason Hackett after comparing him to a gorilla during a broadcast Thursday. 

White co-anchor Alex Housden thinks her Black co-anchor looks like a Gorilla

The racist comment occurred after the pair reported on a story about a Gorilla at the Oklahoma City Zoo.  The Gorilla is named Finyezi, Fin for short.  White co-anchor Housden ended the segment with the comment: “Kind of looks like you,” directed at Black co-anchor Hackett.

Uh, what, hmmmm, uh oh, she said what

Fin was the focus of a news story at KOCO-TV in Oklahoma City 

In shock, and on live TV, and not sure what to say, Black co-ahchor Hackett said:  “He kind of does, actually, yeah,”  

Uh, what, hmmmm, uh oh, he said what

Does Black co-anchor Jason Hackett look like Fin to you?

The following day, Black co-ahchor Hackett accepted White co-anchor Housden’s apology and said he wanted to take the experience as a teachable moment to his viewers.

Black co-ahchor Hackett said:  “The lesson here is that words matter.  We have to understand the stereotypes, we have to understand each other’s backgrounds and the words that hurt, the words that cut deep.”

White co-anchor Housden called the comment inconsiderate and inappropriate. She said she knows it was wrong and that she would never intentionally hurt her colleague.

White co-anchor tearfully said:  “I hurt people. I want you to know I understand how much I hurt you out there and how much I hurt you”

White co-anchor Housden tearfully apologizes to Black co-anchor Hackett

At least White co-anchor Housden, in her apology, did not say that “she was not a Racist”.  We all know that when someone says they “are not a Racist” they probably are.

Finally, Sarkes is ready to give White co-anchor Housden a pass on her Racist guffaw.  No, not because White co-anchor Housden is a good looking blond in a short, tight fitting dress like the Women on Fox News Fair and Balanced.  Sarkes is not that shallow.  

You see, for those of you who have visited Oklahoma City know that there are very few Blacks.  White co-anchor Housden may have just made an honest mistake.