Florida, Goats, and Iguanas

Executive Summary:

– Sarkes, the Executive Editor of Sarkes Corner is tired of stories about Caronavirus, Trump, etc.

– Sarkes tasked the Staff of Sarkes Corner to get back to the Basics

Sarkes has been bothered for some time that the daily news cycle is focused on Caronavirus, his Orange Majesty, Statues of Losing Generals, etc.  Sarkes called an Emergency Staff Meeting of the Sarkes Corner staff and tasked them to get back to the Basics with stories that has made Sarkes Corner Award Winning media.  An animated Sarkes shouted to the Staff; “Where are the stories about Crackers, George Zimmerman, Packing Heat, Judge Judy?  Lets get back to our Core Competency!!!”

Sarkes was not happy with the direction headed by Sarkes Corner

The Sarkes Corner Staff responded immediately with two stories that are Sarkes Corner Worthy:

A Florida Woman Sues for the Paternity of her Goats

A Florida woman has filed a lawsuit seeking either a paternity test on her goats or a refund.  Kris Hedstrom filed the suit against her neighbor, Heather Dayner, last month seeking DNA for the goats she purchased. Hedstrom paid Dayner $900 for five Nigerian Dwarf Goats.

What’s so special about Nigerian Dwarf Goats?  Nigerian Dwarf Goat milk is 6 to 10 percent higher in butterfat and higher in protein than milk from most dairy goat breeds. These Goats make great pets, do not make much noise, and take up little space. 

Nigerian Dwarf Goats are an American Breed with West African Roots, and are the Who’s Who of Goats

According to the lawsuit, Hedstrom believed the goats — Bella, Gigi, Rosie, Zelda and Margoat — could be registered with the American Dairy Goat Association, a group that records goat pedigrees. Registered goats have higher values than unregistered goats.  The American Dairy Goat Association is dedicated to promote the Dairy Goat industry, maintaining and publishing herd books and production records of milk goats; and issuing certificates of registration and recordation.

The American Dairy Goat Association is THE source for anything Goats 
The ADGA Goat Show is rivaled only by the Westminster Dog Show 

Dayner, who has been selling goats at Baxter Lane Farm for about 10 years, typically provides information to her clients so they can register their animals themselves.  She said the father goat was registered, but the American Dairy Goat Association rejected Hedstrom’s application to register the 5 babies because Dayner is not an active member.  Proving paternity would require about 40 of the father goat’s hair follicles for a DNA test.

Kris Hedstrom is not happy that she could not register her Nigerian Dwarf Goats, a 1st World Problem

Sausage, Onion, and Iguana Pizza

Only in Florida, the Sunshine State, can one get an Iguana Pizza.  State Food Inspectors found an 80-pound iguana stashed in the refrigerator at a local pizza joint, Pizza Mambo, in West Palm Beach.  Pizza Mambo was forced to close for a day following the inspection by the Florida Department of Business and Professional Regulation.

Iguana is an off-menu topping offered at Pizza Mambo in West Palm Beach

A Pizza Mambo employee said that the Iguana was given as a personal gift to the owner and was not used as a pizza topping.  Yeah, right. The employee said that the Iguana was stored in a separate freezer away from the restaurant’s food.

Pizza Mambo offers a wide assortment of pizza toppings, including Iguana

Iguanas are multiplying so rapidly in South Florida that a state wildlife agency has been encouraging people to kill them. Iguanas aren’t dangerous or aggressive to humans, but they damage seawalls, sidewalks, landscape foliage and can dig lengthy tunnels.  The reptile is considered a delicacy.

Iguana meet is tender and tastes a lot like Chicken

Just like you cannot find any Cats around Chinese Restaurants, there is not an Iguana to be found around Pizza Mambo.

“Many People Say” that Cat meat tastes like Chicken

Sarkes is proud of the Sarkes Corner Staff.  Any newsroom today can report on the Caronavirus, the Orange Emperor, Statues, etc, but it takes a special staff like the staff of Sarkes Corner to deliver the news that meets the standards of Sarkes Corner.

The staff of Sarkes Corner responded to Sarkeses Rant and got back to the Basics and Core Competency of Sarkes Corner

Caronavirus, Black Lives Matter, and The Constitution

Executive Summary:

– Sarkes provides a Constitutional Tutorial in the context of the Caronavirus and Black Lives Matter 

– Sarkes provides evidence of the Genius of our Founding Fathers

On this July 4 Holiday weekend, Sarkes publishes this Special Edition of Sarkes Corner to provide a Tutorial on our Constitution, in the context of current events; The Caronavirus and Black Lives Matter.  

Sarkes, a Constitutional Scholar, provides a history lesson:

Sarkes is not only an Award Winning Journalist, marginal Engineer, esteemed Statistician, but it is not widely known that Sarkes is a Constitutional Scholar

Americans celebrate Independence Day on the Fourth of July every year. July 4, 1776, is a day that represents the Declaration of Independence and the birth of the United States of America as an independent nation.

Fireworks are now a staple of The 4th of July Celebrations

What’s often overlooked in this Celebration of Independence is our Constitution which came much later. Our Constitution was written during the Philadelphia Constitutional Convention in 1787. Our Constitution was ratified on September 17, 1787, 11 years after our Declaration of Independence.  

Our Founding Fathers worked long and hard to develop our Constitution 

Finally, the first 10 Amendments of the Constitution were ratified on December 15, 1791, and form what is known as the “Bill of Rights.”  The Bill of Rights define specific guarantees of personal freedoms and Rights, clear limitations on the government’s power, and explicit declarations that all powers not specifically granted to the U.S Congress by the Constitution are reserved for the Individual States or the People.   It’s these Bill of Rights that get most attention.  

Sure, the Founding Fathers can be Rightfully criticized for declaring African Americans worth only three-fifths of a human being and providing NO Rights for Women.  But these slight oversights were corrected by our Congress and Supreme Courts in the Civil Rights Act of 1964 which stated: The Civil Rights Act of 1964 is a landmark civil rights and labor law that outlaws discrimination based on race, color, religion, sex, or national origin.

The Equal Rights for African Americans and Women must have been a complex issue as it took the Rich, Old, White Politicians in our US Congress 177 years to fix.

African Americans and Women finally got Equal Right in 1964 …….. or did they?  Hmmmmmm

Two Current Events demonstrate the power of our Constitution, Bill of Rights, and Genius of our Founding Fathers:

A white couple stood outside their St. Louis mansion and pointed guns at Black Lives Matter Protesters 

This current event focuses on our 1st Amendment, which provides Americans the Right to Freedom of Speech and the Right to Peacefully Assemble.  Also, the 2nd Amendment, which provides Americans the Right to Keep and Bear Arms.

Rich, Old, White Folk, Mark McCloskey, 63, and his 61-year-old wife, Patricia, stood outside their St. Louis Mansion last week in the city’s well-to-do Central West End neighborhood, Packing Heat.   Black Lives Matter protesters were marching toward the near-by St. Louis Mayor’s home to demand her resignation. As the Protestors passed the McCloskey Mansion, they could hear the McCloskeys yelling at them while Packing Heat.  

Think of the Central West End in St. Louis as an Oreo Cookie; Rich, White, filling surrounded by Black Cookies.  The McCloskeys claim that they Are Not Racists (of course not), but were protecting their home on their Private Street from an Angry Black Mob, and were in fear of their lives.  

The McCloskeys are not Racists, and were only protecting their Multi Million dollar Mansion from an Angry Black Mob
The Central West End in St. Louis is like an Oreo Cookie, Rich White filling surrounded by 2 Black Cookies

Disclaimer:  Sarkes wife of 45 years (in August), Chris is a St. Louis McCloskey.  Her grandfather, James McCloskey lived in St. Louis, but it is not clear if the Heat Packing Mark McCloskey is related to Chris.

Christine Korkoian (nee McCloskey) does not think she is related to Mark McCloskey, but for sure, Chris does not Pack Heat

The fact that the Rich, Old, Heat Packing McCloskey’s could Pack Heat to protect their Multi Million dollar Mansion is a testament to the Genius of our Founding Fathers.  You see while in the times of our Founding Fathers, the only Heat they had were single shot muskets.  But, our Founding Fathers had the vision that some day, technology would provide for the development of more sophisticated weaponry, like the Semi Automatic Assault weapon, used by Mark McCloskey, to imitate the hoard of Angry Black Protestors.

The Founding Fathers had a vision that Heat would evolve from their Muskets to today’s Semi Automatic Assault Rifles, Genius!

Alabama Students have Caronavirus Parties

This current event focuses on the entire Bill of Rights, the first 10 Amendments to our Constitution. 

College Students in Tuscaloosa, Alabama, organized “COVID-19” parties as a contest to see who would get the virus first.   Huh, um, ahhh, are you kidding me, they did what??!!!  Students hosted the parties to intentionally infect each other with the Caronavirus.  These College Student Einsteins purposely invited guests who had previously tested positive for COVID-19. The Einstein Students put money in a pot and whoever got COVID first would get the cash.

Dr. Ramesh Peramsetty, a local physician, said that there had been rumors of COVID-19 parties for about a month. Dr. Peramsetty said:  “While my nursing staff was triaging patients for COVID-19 swabbing, they were told about the COVID-19 house parties and were even shown videos of the parties by college students.  Later, when the Students were called with the test results, we noticed that some were very excited and happy that they were positive, while others were very upset that they were negative.”  Huh, um, ahhh, are you kidding me, they said what??!!! 

Alabama students will use any excuse to party, even infecting themselves with the Caronavirus

On the surface, “Many People Say” that the College Student COVID-19 parties in Alabama were caused by the Mega STUPIDITY of these Alabamian Students.  Sarkes, always digging down deep to get to the Root Cause of a story, believed that the Alabamian Students may NOT be Stupid, rather, the Students might have believed that an increase in the COVID-19 statistics might force the University to cancel classes in the Fall, the goal of derelict Students all across America.  Alas, Sarkes could not prove his alternate theory, and now concludes that yes, the Alabama Students were indeed, STUPID.

Yes, Alabama Students are STUPID

So, how does the Stupidity of Alabama Students relate to our Constitution and Bill of Rights.  Simple.  Our Bill of Rights, in their entirety, gives ALL Americans the Constitutional Right to be STUPID.  And, Americans are exercising their Constitutional Right to be STUPID ever day.

Sarkes is working on a sure fire, Nobel Prize winning book:  The Next American Revolution, The Irreversible Dumbing of America.  This book documents the Continuing and Irreversible Dumbing of America.  This Dumbing  evolves to a point in time, estimated to be 2040, when Americans become so Dumb that the gap between Rich and Poor widens, causing the next American Revolution where the Poor, Stupid and the Dumb take over America.  

Sarkes works hard every day to complete his future Nobel Prize for Literature

Orange Lives Matter

Executive Summary:

– Sarkes brings to light the struggles of Orange Americans

DISCLAIMER DISCLAIMER DISCLAIMER:  Sarkes and the staff of Sarkes Corner support the Back Lives Matter Movement and nothing in this Sarkes Corner should be misconstrued as anything different. DISCLAIMER DISCLAIMER DISCLAIMER: 

While the current news cycle is focused on the death of George Floyd, and rightfully so, Sarkes is compelled to educate America on the plight of Americas smallest, disenfranchised Minority – Orange Americans.

According to the US Census Bureau, the racial make up of America is:

White – 61%

Brown – 18%

Black – 13%

Yellow – 6%

Red – 1%

Orange – Less than 1/2 of 1%

Orange Americans are the Forgotten Minority.  Americans are not born Orange, rather they become Orange over time.  Usually, Orange Americans start turning Orange in their teen years.

“Many People Say” that Americans turn Orange thru the use of self tanning spray products.  Self tanning spray products are intended to turn White people Brown, but often turn White People Orange.  Or so, that is what “Many People Say”.

Self Tanning Products can turn White Americans Orange

Sarkes has a source inside the CDC (Center of Disease Control) in Atlanta, GA, code name CDC Leaker.  CDC Leaker will remain anonymous as he/she provided Sarkes Classified data on what turns White people Orange.  

The CDC knows what turns White People Orange

A review of the Classified Data provided by CDC Leaker reveals that the primary cause of turning White People Orange is LED LIGHTS, yes, LED LIGHTS.  “Many People Said” that President Donald J. Trump was delirious when he blamed LED Lights for his Orange Hue.  Turns out that President Donald J. Trump was RIGHT.  

President Donald J. Trump turned Orange with the LED Lights in the White House.
LED Lights have an adverse impact on some White Americans

Further review of the Classified CDC documents revealed that the use of LED Lights, now in almost every home and business in America, was a conspiracy of the Liberal Climate Change Scientists.  The Liberal Climate Change Scientists are responsible for the demise of the Incandescent light bulb, which cannot be found in any store in America today.

Liberal Climate Change Scientists are responsible for the Genocide of the Incandescent Light Bulb
The Incandescent Light Bulb NEVER turned White Americans Orange

Even more disturbing in the review of the Classified documents is what the CDC has identified as the Side Effects of LED Lights on the skin of some White People.  These Side Effects HAVE NEVER been released to Americans.

The CDC has documented that extended exposure to LED Lights not only can make White American Oranges, but has the following devastating side effects:

Habitual Lying

Narcissistic Behavior

Excess Weight Gain

Craving For Red Meat

Bone Spurs

LED Lights can make White Women Orange
LED Lights can make White Men Orange
LED Lights, in rare cases, can make White Infants Orange

So, what can be done to help the forgotten, disenfranchised Orange Americans?  Sarkes asks all subscribers to Sarkes Corner to email, call, write their Congressperson and Senators and demand that they enact legislation to bring back the Incandescent Light Bulb.  This could happen fast as the plight of Orange Americans should be a bi-partisan issue.  LED Lights impact White Republicans the same as White Democrats.

Also Americans should demand that Congress ask President Trumps Personal Attorney, Bill Barr, to open an investigation into the CDC as to why they have kept the damaging data on the Side Effects of LED Lights from innocent Americans.

President Trumps Personal Attorney Bill Barr will get to the bottom of this LED Lights Conspiracy

Until Congress acts, Sarkes asks all Americans to have compassion with Orange Americans.  The Orange American did not know that they would be adversely impacted by LED Lights.  Sarkes reminds all that Americans did not understand the adverse impact of Second Hand Smoke until Americans were diagnosed with Lung disease having never smoked.  

Americans did not understand the negative impact of 2nd Hand Smoke
Despite the impact of LED Lights, President Trump has been the most effective President in our History

Orange Lives Matter

The Lake of the Ozarks

Executive Summary:

  • The Lake of the Ozarks is a wonderful place for resorts, water sports, and weekend chalets 
  • The Lake of the Ozarks is the background for the Netflix Hit Show “Ozarks”

– The Lake of the Ozarks draws Stupid Americans like a magnet

Thanks to Sarkes Correspondent and Sister Cindy Mamelian and daughter Cathy Korkoian for this story about the Jewel of Missouri, the Lake of the Ozarks.  

The Lake of the Ozarks was formed with the construction of Bagnell Dam on the Osage River in the heart of Missouri.  Construction started on the dam in 1929 and was completed in 1931. The resulting reservoir, the Lake of the Ozarks, has a surface area of 55,000 acres, over 1,150 miles of shoreline, and stretches 94 miles from end to end. At the time of construction, it was one of the largest man-made lakes in the world and the largest in the United States.  Bagnell Dam was built with the purpose of Hydroelectric generation.  

Bagnall Dam created the Lake of the Ozarks in 1931
The Lake of the Ozarks is a popular water sport, weekend destination

Florida, the Gunshine State, has a Bi-Modal Population Distribution, Crackers and Rich Old White Retired Snowbirds.  Likewise, Missouri, The Shoot Me State, has a Bi-Modal Population Distribution,  Redneck/Hillbillies and Rich White People (young and old), from St. Louis and Kansas City.

The Lake of the Ozarks is the setting for the popular Netflix show Ozarks.  Ozarks is the story of 2 families, the Byrds (Rich White People) and the Langmores (Ozark Hillbillies).

The Byrds, Rich White Folk, had a difficult time adjusting from life in Chicago to life in the Ozarks
The Langmores are typical Ozark natives, content with their beer and single wide Trailers

When Sarkes was growing up in Missouri, then called the Show Me State, the  state was an important Purple Swing state.  Now, the Shoot Me State is Bright Red, with all state-wide and national offices held by God-fearing, Great American, Conservative Republicans.  The transition started when George Bush 2 flushed out the Evangelical Christians as a powerful voting block, and finished with the University of Missouri, Mizzou, entering the SEC Athletic Conference in 2012.  

The Shoot Me States transition form Purple to Red had some predictable consequences.  One is the fact that the good citizens of the Shoot Me State will not let the Government tell them what to do.  The citizens of the Shoot Me State have the Constitutional Right to be Stupid.

And, Stupid they were on Memorial Day Weekend.  After the Orange Potentate called for the LIBERATION of States to Open Up, Missouri Governor Mike Parson opened up the Shoot Me State on May 4, rolling out the “Show Me Strong Recovery Plan”.

Some pictures of how the LIBERATION “Show Me Strong Recovery Plan” looks at the Lake of the Ozarks follow.  These pictures were taken at a Pool Party at a popular watering hole, Backwater Jacks Bar & Grill in Osage Beach.

This is Social Distancing…….Missouri Style
Missourians are Booze Hounds and won’t let the Government tell them what to do

Yes, the Good Citizens of the Shoot Me State have a Constitutional Right to be Stupid, and there is ample evidence that they take that Right Seriously.  Sarkes will avoid his home state for a while.

Caronavirus Crimes

Executive Summary:

– The Caronavirus is bringing out the worse in Americans

– Caronavirus related Crime is on the rise

Sarkes, a Constitutional Scholar, is on record that our Constitution gives all Americans Rights un-paralleled anywhere else in the world………including the Right to be Stupid.

The Great American Philosopher George Carlin said it best about Americans

One such stupid American is Gloricia Woody from Oklahoma City, OK.  Woody had entered a McDonalds restaurant despite the dining area being closed because of coronavirus restrictions.  The McDonalds Drive-Thru was open but Woody was too hungry to wait in the line.

Goricia Woody, craving a Big Mac and not wanting to wait in the Drive-Thru line, is heading to the Hoosegow

When employees asked Woody to leave, she refused and got into a scuffle with the employees. Employees eventually forced Woody outside, but she re-entered the restaurant with a handgun and fired three rounds.  One McDonalds worker was shot in the arm, two others were struck by shrapnel, and a fourth worker suffered a head injury.  The injuries were not life threatening.

Lines are long at McDonalds Drive-Thru these days as customer need their tasty Big Macs and Fillet-O-Fish

The incident is one of a number reported across the country that authorities said were related to restrictions put in place to combat the spread of the coronavirus. 

In Michigan, a Security Guard at a Family Dollar Store in Flint, MI, was tragically fatally shot after arguing with a customer who did not want to wear a face mask in the store, a mandate in place by Michigan for all retail stores.  Ramonyea Bishop, 23, and his stepfather, Larry Teague, 44, have been charged with first-degree murder.

Retail Stores in Michigan require customers to wear Face Masks
Bishop and Tucker are heading to the Hoosegow charged with Murder

In Southern California, a customer wore a Ku Klux Klan Hood during a trip to the grocery store – – – and repeatedly ignored staff requests to remove it.   The incident took place at a Vons Super Market in San Diego one day after health officials in the county ordered residents to wear face coverings in public to stymie the spread of Covid-19.

This Great American wore his KKK Hood to comply with Government Mask requirements

When asked at a recent 2 hour Caronavirus Press Conference at the White about these 3 Caronavirus incidents, his Orange Majesty said:

“I am not responsible for these acts of crime.  I don’t take responsibility at all.  These crimes were caused by a set of circumstances and rules, regulations and specifications from Obama, he is to blame.” 

“Now listen, the guy in the KKK hood should have found another mask, but there are very fine people on both sides”

“They should throw the book at those 2 Black Guys that killed the Security Guard in Michigan, they are animals.  I told my personal lawyer, William Barr, not to call that woman in Michigan (Governor Gretchen Witmer), she is useless.”

“If they convict the woman in the McDonalds shooting I will have my personal Lawyer William Barr issue her a Pardon.  America depends on McDonalds to provide tasty Big Macs, Quarter Pounders with Cheese, Fillet-O-Fish, Fries, Cokes and Shakes.  If McDonalds does not get their act together, I will order the Defense Production Act on McDonalds.”

Like the Orange Eminence always says: “Its Obamas Fault”
The Orange Carnivore prefers McDonalds Big Macs over Fillet-O-Fish 
The Orange Messiahs personal lawyer, William Barr, is very busy these days

Economic Impact Payments

Executive Summary:

-Economic Impact Payment Checks were issued to Americans, Dead or Alive

In this time of the year when Pulitzer Prizes are awarded, Sarkes, Editor of Sarkes Corner, had really believed that he would receive a Pulitzer for his investigative reporting that resulted in the declaration that Donald J. Trump is really a Liberal Democrat in Reagan-Conservative clothing.   

Sarkes based his inference on one data point, that is, that his Deceased mother, Alice Korkoian, had received a $1,200.00 ECONOMIC IMPACT PAYMENT – DONALD J. TRUMP. Liberal Democrats have a history of allowing the Deceased to Vote and receive Government Checks long after they have made their Celestial Exit. This is proof positive that Donald J. Trump is really a Liberal in Reagan-Conservative Clothing.

The Orange Liberal-in-Reagan-Conservative Clothing knowingly issued Tens of Thousands ECONOMIC IMPACT PAYMENT Checks to the Deceased, like this one issued to Alice Korkoian, as the checks were addressed to the Deceased (note the DECD next to the addressee name)

It turns out that Tens of Thousands of $1,200 ECONOMIC IMPACT PAYMENT checks were issued to Deceased Americans. The Orange U.S. Treasury, realizing that they may have made a mistake, then asked that the $1,200 ECONOMIC IMPACT PAYMENT checks be VOIDED and returned to the Treasury.

Since no postage was provided, the Deceased realized a loss of $1,200.55.

The Orange Indian-Giver Flipped asked the Deceased Americans to VOID the checks and return to the Treasury

The Deceased were required to mail back the Voided Checks at a cost of 55 cents for 1st Class postage

The Orange Treasury has learned their lesson. On more recent $1,200 ECONOMIC IMPACT PAYMENT checks issued, the Orange Treasury has a box on the front of the envelope that states: If Recipient is Deceased check here and drop in Mail Box. This even with the $1,200 ECONOMIC IMPACT PAYMENT check enclosed was addressed to Deceased!!!

This Economic Impact Payment Check, issued to Sarkeses deceased Aunt Rosalie, had the new Return Box, saving Sarkeses Cousin Dorthy 55 cents

God Bless the Orange Philanthropist, he was only trying to help all Americans, Dead or Alive.

More WWE Wrestling

Executive Summary:

  • Florida Governor DeSantis has declared that WWE Wrestling is an “Essential Service”
  • The next day, several WWE Superstars were given the Old Heave Ho

Thanks to Sarkes Corner Contributor and sister Cindy Mamelian for this timely story about WWE Wrestling.  Sarkes does not know if Cindy  is a WWE Wrestling fan or not.

Thanks to the clueless Florida Governor Ron DeSantis, WWE Wrestling, in Orlando, was declared an “Essential Service”, becoming the only American sport to hold live matches.  When asked how WWE could be an “Essential” Business, Governor DeSantis said:  “As a brand that has been woven into the fabric of society, WWE and its Superstars bring families together and deliver a sense of hope, determination and perseverance.”  What, huh, um, he said what?

Well, DeSantis was a bit late on the draw.  WWE Wrestling announced it had released a number of its wrestler-performers.

Given the Old Heave Ho were Super Stars and Great Athletes: Drake Maverick, Zack Ryder, Curt Hawkins, Karl Anderson, Luke Gallows, Heath Slater, Eric Young, Rowan, Sarah Logan, No Way Jose, Mike Chioda, Mike Kanellis, Maria Kanellis, EC3, Aiden English, Lio Rush, Primo and Epico.

No Way Jose got thrown out of the WWE Ring, Literally
Primo was shocked that he got the Old Heave Ho
EC3’s mussels are all natural, no Steroids for EC3
Sarah Logan is one tough Philly, don’t mess with her

WWE Wrestling released a statement regarding budget cuts the company had to make in response to the coronavirus pandemic. The company said that it would reduce executive and board member compensation, decrease operating expenses and cut talent expenses.  As WWE Wrestling was giving these great athletes the Old Heave Ho, they Tweeted: “We wish them all the best in their future endeavors” 

WWE Wrestling continued:  ”Given the uncertainty of the situation, the Company also identified headcount reductions and made the decision to furlough a portion of its workforce effective immediately.  The fundamentals of the Company’s business remain strong reflecting the passion of WWE’s fans and the quality of its content.”  The budget cuts are estimated to save $4 million monthly and improve cash flow by $140 million, according to WWE.

When told about the WWE Wrestling Layoffs a day after he declared them an “Essential Service”, Florida Governor DeSantis said:  “I ah, its ah, um, No Comment”

Governor DeSantis was speechless when told about the WWE Layoffs

The Orange Grappler Tweeted:

Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – April 16 @ 4:56AM

I am a Big Fan of the WWE, the biggest Fan.  Why did they layoff their Great Athletes after I gave them Free Money.  WWE are traitors and will pay the Price.  I will have my Personal Attorney, William Barr, initiate an investigation.  WWE will not get away with this.

The Orange Bruiser was the Best Wrestler in WWE History, History

Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – April 16 @ 5:28AM

My experiences with WWE Wrestling made me the Great President that I am today.  I am the Greatest President of all time.   WWE taught me to be the  Great Counterpuncher I am today.  No one gives President Trump and shit, NOBODY!

The Orange Counterpuncher was Undefeated during his WWE career

Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – April 16 @ 5:56AM

WWE is NOT FAKE!!!!!!!.  WWE are real athletes like me battling out mano un mano.  I became the biggest star in the WWE despite my painful Bone Spurs.  Now CNN and MSNBC are Fake, not WWE.  

Unlike CNN and MSNBC, WWE is NOT FAKE!!

Essential Businesses in Florida

Executive Summary:

– Florida Governor, Ron DeSantis, is trying to make life easy for Floridians

– Some of the  list of “Essential” businesses are unique to Florida

Thanks to Sarkes Corner Contributors and brothers Don and Dave Schepers for sending this story about some unique “Essential” businesses in Florida.  Both Schepers brothers are residents of Missouri, so it is understandable that they might be confused.

Sarkes has been called a hypocrite for his Florida-bashing all the while taking advantage of life in a gated Golf Course community.  The harsh truth is that Florida has two distinct populations.  The first, like Sarkes, live in gated, Golf Course Communities, most are transplants from “up north”.  The second, are native Floridians, salt of the earth, many of which are Crackers.  These two distinct Floridian populations don’t usually mix, but co-exist, crossing paths at Publix, CVS, etc. 

Sarkes is a Truth Machine and cannot make this stuff up

Sarkes, a Truth Machine, only reports, you decide.  Do not shoot the messenger.  

Like most States, Florida has published a list of “Essential” businesses that can stay open during the Stay-at-Home Coronavirus Protocols.  Logical businesses that are considered “Essential” in Florida include; Pharmacies, Grocery Stores, Gas Stations, Hardware Stores, Banks, Health Clinics, etc.  

But Florida has some unique “Essential” businesses that makes a non-Floridian scratch their heads. This list includes:

Pool Service Providers:  These essential businesses keep our swimming pools clean, balanced and safe.  While most all “public” pools are closed, the swimming pools in our Florida homes are essential to provide owners a place to cool off, water aerobics, rest and relaxation, essential for both the physical and mental health of Floridians.

Sarkes and Son David relaxing in the Korkoian Pool
Water Aerobics are one way to stay in shape during the Caronavirus sequestration 

Churches and Synagogues:  In most states, large assemblies of people have been prohibited.  Gathering of more than 10 people is the rule.  The same rule is in place Florida, EXCEPT for Churches and Synagogues.  Florida Governor Ron DeSantis said he believes churches and synagogues are serving an important role.  Defying any common sense in these pandemic times, Governor DeSantis has cow-towed to the Religious Right, allowing them to assemble as usual.  DeSantis said: “I think that the government has the authority to close the church. I’m certainly not going to do that.  In times like this I think what churches are doing is very important.”  What, huh, um, he did what?

Gov DeSantis is letting large congregations assemble to Praise The Lord, Amen

Alcohol Stores:  In these trying times, the Floridian needs the comfort of their beer, wine, or hard liquor.  Being cooped up with ones spouse and children 24/7 can cause stress and angst that can often be mitigated with a good stiff drink.  Both Floridian populations; the Gated Communities and the Salt of the Earth native Floridians, have one thing in common – they love their Booze. 

Floridian Booze Hounds need their hooch to get thru these stressful times

Fire Arms Stores:  Florida, the “Gunshine State” is the Benchmark state for the NRA.  The “Gunshine State” has issued over 2 Milion, Million, with an M, Concealed Carry Permits.  It is estimated that more than 2 Million Floridians are Packing Concealed Heat without a Permit.  Given the strong, NRA-bred, Gun culture in Florida, it is no surprise that Gun Shops are considered “Essential” businesses.  Florida Gun shops are experiencing record sales rivaling the Gun sales of Heat and Ammo during the Obama years.  

Fire Arms and Ammo are flying off the shelves in Florida Gun Shops

WWE Wrestling:  But probably the most bizarre Florida “Essential” Business is the WWE, World Wrestling Entertainment.   Not initially been deemed essential, the wrestling operation was subsequently deemed an essential business.  WWE is produced from a studio in Orlando.  When asked how WWE could be an “Essential” Business, Governor DeSantis said:  “As a brand that has been woven into the fabric of society, WWE and its Superstars bring families together and deliver a sense of hope, determination and perseverance.”  What, huh, um, he said what?

The WWE is wholesome entertainment and brings families together all across America
Sarkes prefers watching Judge Judy over the WWE

Sarkes has been recognized by the Statistical Academia community for being able to make an inference with just one data point.  Here, Sarkes has multiple data points.  While being sequestered with the Stay-at-Home Coronavirus protocols, Floridians can go out in public to buy Booze, Guns, and Ammo.  Sarkes infers that this is a formula for disaster.  

A Cooped up, Booze Hound, Floridian who packs Heat is a formula for disaster 

Florida Governor, Ron DeSantis is an Orange Oracle Stooge and NRA Lemming.  With the strong Leadership of Governor DeSantis, Floridians can; worship our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ next to thousands of their neighbors, and watch WWE Wrestling in the comfort of their homes with the knowledge that they are safe Packing Heat all while drinking their favorite Hooch.

Ron DeSantis is an Orange Oligarch Puppet

They are Howling at the Moon in Denver

Executive Summary:

  • Like most Americans, the good citizens of Denver, CO are going stir crazy
  • At 8:00 pm, they go outside and start howling

The city of Denver, CO is howling.  Yes, howling.  

Shelsea Ochoa and Brice Maiurro started the Facebook group “Go Outside and Howl at 8pm” on March 27. A little more than a week later, that Facebook group has more than 420,000 members, most from Colorado. 

Denverites Ochoa Maiurro could have been raised by a Pack of Wolves

So why are Denverites howling?  There’s not really a set reason. Some people howl to find joy in a communal experience. Others howl to grieve. Some howl to honor medical workers. Ochoa and Maiurro left the reasoning behind the howl open-ended. It’s up for you to decide. 

Denverites are Howling like a wild Wolf

Many of the Denverites say that there’s something innately enjoyable about howling. Maiurro suggests that it’s a mix of being given permission to do something so wild and hearing the call and response with your neighbors. Plus, “there’s something western about howling that people really enjoy.”

There’s something about the Denver Moon that makes one want to Howl

How does it work?

  • Step one: Note when the clock strikes 8 o’clock
  • Step two: Open up your window or step into your backyard
  • Step three: Howl.

Sarkeses cousin Tip Wilson and her husband Greg live in Denver and have heard the Howling but claim that they have not Howled.

Sarkes Cousins Tip, Greg, and Emily Wilson do not Howl at the Moon

Crime Against Electric Scooters

 Executive Summary:

  • A Florida Cracker has issues with Electric Scooters
  • The Florida Cracker is a Serial Scooter Vandalizer

Thanks to Sarkes Corner Contributor and Sister Cindy Mamelian for this story of Florida Cracker Crime.

A Florida Cracker, 59 year old Randall Williams, has been sneaking around his Ft. Lauderdale neighborhood tampering with electric scooters parked on the streets.

Fort Lauderdale police posted a surveillance video showing Cracker Williams walking up to an electrical scooter on the street, slapping a white sticker on its QR code, and cutting its brake lines, thus rendering it impossible to use.

Cracker Randall Williams is a Serial Scooter Vandalizer

Police report that more than 140 scooters have been disabled and vandalized in a similar way in the southeast part of Fort Lauderdale.  Police had already homed in on Cracker Williams as a possible suspect, and the majority of the acts of vandalism happened within two blocks of his apartment.

Hoping to nab the saboteur, cops staked out the area over the weekend.

In the early hours of Saturday and Sunday, police say they saw Cracker Williams leave his apartment on his nightly rounds of scooter sabotage.

He “walked the neighborhood in a stealthy fashion, utilizing the shadows and the alleyways to conceal his movements,” according to their report.

Police say they saw him vandalize seven scooters on Saturday, and an additional nine on Sunday.

When Police arrested Cracker Williams, he had with him two sets of wire cutters, a pair of hand-held lock pliers, and he was wearing a glove, the police report says.

While Sarkes does not condone the Mass Vandalism of Electric Scooters by Cracker Williams, the issue of Electric Scooters is yet resolved in our major cities.  How many of us have had to avoid these Scooters on our sidewalks or step around these Scooters left helter skelter on sidewalks or yards.   Not to mention that almost none of these Scooter riders are wearing helmets.

Police estimated the cost to fix each scooter at $70.  The cost estimate for the vandalism doesn’t take into account lost revenues from rentals while the scooters are inactive.  Cracker Williams did not discriminate, as he vandalized multiple brands of scooters; Lime, Bird, and Bolt!

Bird Scooters were viciously attacked by Cracker Williams

Lime Scooters were victims of a Scooter Hate Crime
What did Bolt Scooters do to Cracker Williams to deserve their mass destruction

Cracker Williams was booked on charges of criminal mischief, resisting officers, and loitering.