A Sarkes Corner Survey and Results

Executive Summary:

  • Sarkes conducted a Survey to assess the publics response to sending Missouri and Florida K-12 Children back to School during the Caronavirus Pandemic
  • Specifically, the public was asked about Florida Gov DeSantis, Missouri Gov Parsons and Education Secretary DeVos

This Sarkes Corner Survey was constructed using the tightest Statistical techniques.  While it has been proven that Sarkes can make an accurate inference with just one data point, this Sarkes Corner Survey had DOUBLE the standard sample size required by Statisticians world-wide.  As such, the Margin of Error for this Sarkes Corner Survey was 1%, unheard of in todays polling and surveys.

Sarkes crunches the numbers for the Sarkes Corner Survey

Responses to the Sarkes Corner Survey were controlled tighter than DOD Classified Data, and protected by Firewalls that protected the data from; the Russians, the Ukrainians, the Chinese, or a 400 pound  hacker living in his mothers basement.  Survey responses were generated by email, phone calls, and personal interviews. 

Uber Firewalls protect Sarkes Corner Survey data from 400 Lb Hackers living in their mothers basement

Originally, Sarkes wanted to use Mail-In Surveys.  This approach was NOT used after Sarkes learned that the Orange Jumpsuit had provided evidence that Liberals had commissioned Children to Steal Ballots from the Mailboxes of Conservatives.  Since the integrity of the Sarkes Corner Survey was paramount, no Mail-In surreys were used. 

Sarkes cancelled Mail Ballots due to Children, commissioned by Liberals, were caught stealing Ballots from Conservatives Mail Boxes

The Survey:

The topic of the Sarkes Corner Survey was the sending of our K-12 children back to schools during the Caronavirus Pandemic.  On this topic:

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis said:  ”I’m confident if you can do Home Depot, if you can do Walmart, if you can do these things, we absolutely can do the schools.  My kids aren’t school-age yet, I got a 3-year-old daughter, 2-year-old son, and a newborn daughter. And I can tell you if they were school-age, I would have zero concern sending them.”

If the 3 DeSantis children were school age, they would go to school in Florida

Missouri Governor Mike Parsons said: “These kids have got to get back to school.  They’re at the lowest risk possible. And if they do get COVID-19, which they will — and they will when they go to school — they’re not going to the hospitals. They’re not going to have to sit in doctor’s offices. They’re going to go home and they’re going to get over it.” 

Parsons is confident that Missouri children can “get over it”

Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos said:  “There’s nothing in the data that suggests that kids being in school is in any way dangerous.  More and more studies show that kids are actually stoppers of the disease and they don’t get it and transmit it themselves, so we should be in a posture of – the default should be getting back to school kids in person, in the classroom.”

The Orange Sniffer checks out Devos’s Ta Tas, DeVos, an Expert on Kids and Education, knows that Kids “are actually stoppers of the disease”

The Sarkes Corner Survey

Who is the biggest Moron, Buffon, Dolt, Dotard, Nincompoop, Oaf, Imbecile?  (Select ONE of the options below):

A. Florida Governor Ron DeSantis

B.  Missouri Governor Mike Parsons

C.  Education Secretary Betsy DeVos

D. DeSantis, Parsons and DeVos are equally Moronic

E.  None if the above, it’s Obama’s Fault, it’s always Obama’s Fault

Before conducting the Sarkes Corner Survey, Sarkes and the Sarkes Corner Analysts, had predicted that the final results of the Sarkes Corner Survey would follow Political Party Lines.  I.E., Liberal Democrats would reply that Florida Governor DeSantis, Missouri Governor Parsons, and Education Secretary DeVos were all Morons.  And, Conservative Republicans would reply that It was Obama’s Fault, it’s always Obama’s Fault.  The Wild Card was Independents.  Sarkes and Staff could not predict how Independents would reply to the Sarkes Corner Survey.

The Results of the Sarkes Corner Survey:

Who is the biggest Moron, Buffon, Dolt, Dotard, Nincompoop, Oaf, Imbecile? 

A. Florida Governor Ron DeSantis = 3%

B.  Missouri Governor Mike Parsons = 2%

C.  Education Secretary DeVos = 4%

D. DeSantis, Parsons and DeVos are equally Moronic = 51%

E.  None of the above, it’s Obama’s Fault, it’s always Obama’s Fault = 40%

The People have spoken, DeSantis, Parsons and DeVos are Morons
After close to 4 years out of Office, its still Obamas Fault

Sarkes Corner Survey Results Analysis:

Well, the People have spoken.  Sarkes and the Sarkes Corner staff were surprised on how the results of the Sarkes Corner Survey mirror the current Polls that show Sleepy Joe Biden with a Uuuuuuge lead over the Orange Stable Genius.  Hmmmmm, interesting.  

WARNING WARNING WARNING, Sarkes warns all to review the result of the Sarkes Corner Survey with caution.  After all, in 2016, Crooked Hillary held a 15 point lead over the Orange Kind of the Jews but lost the election in November, even with 5 million illegal Mexicans voting for her.  

Hillary lost the election even with the 5 million votes by illegal Mexicans imported by Democrats

So what is the Sarkes Takeaway based on the Sarkes Corner Survey results AND the results of the 2016 President Election:  By November, it might be proven that DeSantis, Parson and DeVos are  NOT Morons, that it’s still Obamas Fault, and the Orange Magician will pull out another Orange Rabbit out of his Orange Hat and win the 2020 Presidential Election.

The 4 Frijoles in a Goya Can say “Kids Must Go Back To School In The Fall”


Don’t be surprised if the Orange Magician pulls out an Orange Rabbit out of his Hat, and wins in November
This Survey was exhausting for Sarkes, time to Chill out and wait until November

All Armenian Men Look Alike

Executive Summary:

– GOP Senators confused Rep. John Lewis with Rep. Elijah Cummings

– Sarkes understands, as all Armenian Men Look the Same

With the sad passing of US Representative John Lewis, 2 GOP Senators, Marco Rubio, Florida, and Dan Sullivan, Alaska, posted tributes to John Lewis but used photos of US Representative Elijah Cummings, who passed away in October 2019.  Rubio and Sullivan are not to be blamed.  You see, both Rubio and Sullivan very rarely see African Americans in their home states of Florida or Alaska, so their confusion can be justified.  

Both Lewis and Cummings were both Old, Bald and African American
Rubio and Sullivan just made an honest mistake

“Many People Say” Sarkes, are you nuts!  Why are you giving these two US Senators a pass on an obvious egregious screwup!!!  This was no simple misunderstanding as you claim.  Sarkes, Sarkes, Sarkes what the (Boink) is wrong with you!!!.

Sarkes declares, hold on, contraire mon ferre.   You see, Sarkes, as a Brown, Armenian, Man, understands that differentiating people of color can be confusing as we all look alike.

To prove this point, Sarkes provides the Sarkes Quiz below.  In each picture, Sarkes is in one of the Frames and another, dark skin, Armenian, is in the other Frame.  Sarkes bets you will have difficulties picking him out of this photo array.  After all, we dark skin, Armenian Men, all look the same.

Armenian Men all enjoy a great BBQ meal
Many Armenian Men love to ride Bicycles
Armenian Men like to Flex their muscles on the Beach
Armenian Men often have White Friends
Armenian Men look good in Tuxedos
Armenian Men love games of chance
Since Armenia is landlocked, Armenian Men love to Cruise
Armenian Men look sharp in Bib Overalls
Sometimes, Armenian Men are in Gangs

So there you have it.  Sarkes asks that all NOT jump to conclusions when two of our countries highest ranking officials, Marco Rubio and Dan Sullivan, make honest mistakes. It’s not their fault. After all, we people of color all look the same.

Walmart, Home Depot, and Florida K-12 Schools

Executive Summary:

– Florida Governor Ron DeSantis says fully opening K – 12 schools is like shopping at Walmart or Home Depot

– Sarkes misses former Florida Governor, now Florida US Senator, Tricky Ricky Scott

Thanks to Sarkes Corner Florida Correspondent Cheryl Katz for this amazing story out of the Gunshine State.

Florida Governor Ron DUHSantis is an Orange Emperor loyalist.  DUHSantis is consistent as he always walks Lock Goose Step with our Orange Excellency.  Recently, the Orange Educator declared that all K-12 schools will open in the Fall or he would withhold funding to the school district that don’t.

Governor DUHSantis and the Orange Messiah are two peas in a pod

Always ahead of the Orange curve, DUHSantis declared that Florida Schools would open in the Fall.  Using scientific data, DUHSantis said:  ”I’m confident if you can do Home Depot, if you can do Walmart, if you can do these things, we absolutely can do the schools.”  Um, huh, aaaah, uh oh, he said what?

DUHSantis is a graduate of Yale and Harvard Law School, but many people don’t know that DUHSantis is smart enough to have been a medical doctor.  DUHSantis continued saying: “the risk posed by COVID-19 is much lower for children than for older people”

According to Gov DUHSantis, if you can do Walmart you can go to K-12 schools in Florida
According to Gov DUHSantis, if you can do Home Depot you can go to K-12 schools in Florida
According to Gov DUHSantis, if you can do K-12 schools in Florida you can go to Walmart or Home Depot

“Many People Say”, Sarkes, is this DUHSantis nuts, how can he compare going to Walmart to buy groceries or to Home Depot to buy Hardware to sitting in a crowded classroom for 8 hours!!!!!?  

Sarkes, Fair and Balanced, a Truth Machine, had not been in a classroom since graduating from Missouri Science & Technology in 1975 and Maryville University in 1989, maybe DUHSantis was Right.   As such, Sarkes tasked the Staff of Sarkes Corner to do in-depth, investigative reporting on this issue.  Governor DUHSantis could be Right, Sarkes asked: “if you can do Home Depot, if you can do Walmart, if you can do these things, maybe you can do schools?”.

The last time Sarkes was in school, he sported a stylish Hair Do and Side Burns at MO S&T in the early 1970’s
Sarkes was confident in his masculinity at MO S&T and had no issues wearing a dress
Sarkes was always in Deep Thought as an Engineering Student at MO S&T, solving complex equations and Engineering challenges 

Well, the Investigative Reporters of Sarkes Corner reported back to Sarkes with disturbing news.  The young Sarkes Corner reporters told Sarkes:  “If you can do Home Depot, if you can do Walmart, if you can do these things, YOU ABSOLUTELY CANNOT DO SCHOOLS”.  

The young Sarkes Corner reporters then asked Editor In Chief Sarkes if they could Investigate whether DUHSantis is suffering from Covid-19 as that could be the only explanation for his asinine comparisons.  Sarkes, worried about the health of his young reporters, DID NOT give them permission to determine if DUHSantis was, in fact, delirious from Covid-19.  

Sarkes WILL NOT sponsor a Witch Hunt to determine if DUHSantis is suffering from Covid-19

The Florida Governor for 8 years before DUHSantis was Tricky Ricky Scott.  Sarkes always wondered how the good Citizens of the Gunshine State, both Crackers and SnowBirds, could have elected a Crook into the top job in the 3rd largest state of our Union.  Recall that Tricky Ricky Scott was the CEO of Columbia/HCA, a Health Care organization that were found to have committed 1.7 BILLION, (BILLION) dollars in Medicare Fraud under his Leadership.

Columbia/HCA committed the Largest Medicare Fraud in History, History!

Under oath, Tricky Ricky Scott invoked the 5th Amendment 75 times, 75, as the Government was investigating this Uuuuuge Medicare Fraud.  Tricky Ricky also claimed that, as CEO, he was unaware of the Fraudulent Acts committed by his employees.  Columbia/HCA agreed to repay the Government 881 MILLION, (MILLION) dollars to settle the case.  Shortly after, Tricky Ricky Scott was given the Old Heave Ho from Columbia/HCA. 

Sarkes did not worry about the future of Tricky Ricky Scott.  He received a Golden Parachute from Columbia/HCA of over 10 MILLION, (MILLION), enough to hold him over until he decided to run for Governor of the Gunshine State.

CEO Tricky Ricky Scott was unaware that his company was committing record Medicare Fraud

Again, Sarkes was no Fan of the Crook Tricky Ricky Scott……..until Hurricane Irma in 1997.  Irma devastated Florida.  During this tragic time, Tricky Ricky Scott exhibited strong Leadership.  He made quick, science based decisions on when to evacuate, he reached out to other states and the Federal Government to provide manpower and resources to take care of those impacted by Irma, and, he kept everyone informed with daily, short, fact based, updates.  

Tricky Ricky Scott may be a Crook, but his Leadership during Irma was outstanding and must be recognized

So Sarkes reaches out to Tricky Ricky Scott, currently the junior Senator from Florida, no, Sarkes Begs and Pleads to the Trickster; COME BACK TO FLORIDA, FAST, and take DUHSantis under your wing.  Tell him what he needs to do to help the good citizens of Florida make it thru this pandemic.  Going to Walmart, Home Depot, as the reason to open our Grade Schools is nuts. 

Tricky Ricky Scott may be a Crook, but he is far from being a Moron

Florida, Goats, and Iguanas

Executive Summary:

– Sarkes, the Executive Editor of Sarkes Corner is tired of stories about Caronavirus, Trump, etc.

– Sarkes tasked the Staff of Sarkes Corner to get back to the Basics

Sarkes has been bothered for some time that the daily news cycle is focused on Caronavirus, his Orange Majesty, Statues of Losing Generals, etc.  Sarkes called an Emergency Staff Meeting of the Sarkes Corner staff and tasked them to get back to the Basics with stories that has made Sarkes Corner Award Winning media.  An animated Sarkes shouted to the Staff; “Where are the stories about Crackers, George Zimmerman, Packing Heat, Judge Judy?  Lets get back to our Core Competency!!!”

Sarkes was not happy with the direction headed by Sarkes Corner

The Sarkes Corner Staff responded immediately with two stories that are Sarkes Corner Worthy:

A Florida Woman Sues for the Paternity of her Goats

A Florida woman has filed a lawsuit seeking either a paternity test on her goats or a refund.  Kris Hedstrom filed the suit against her neighbor, Heather Dayner, last month seeking DNA for the goats she purchased. Hedstrom paid Dayner $900 for five Nigerian Dwarf Goats.

What’s so special about Nigerian Dwarf Goats?  Nigerian Dwarf Goat milk is 6 to 10 percent higher in butterfat and higher in protein than milk from most dairy goat breeds. These Goats make great pets, do not make much noise, and take up little space. 

Nigerian Dwarf Goats are an American Breed with West African Roots, and are the Who’s Who of Goats

According to the lawsuit, Hedstrom believed the goats — Bella, Gigi, Rosie, Zelda and Margoat — could be registered with the American Dairy Goat Association, a group that records goat pedigrees. Registered goats have higher values than unregistered goats.  The American Dairy Goat Association is dedicated to promote the Dairy Goat industry, maintaining and publishing herd books and production records of milk goats; and issuing certificates of registration and recordation.

The American Dairy Goat Association is THE source for anything Goats 
The ADGA Goat Show is rivaled only by the Westminster Dog Show 

Dayner, who has been selling goats at Baxter Lane Farm for about 10 years, typically provides information to her clients so they can register their animals themselves.  She said the father goat was registered, but the American Dairy Goat Association rejected Hedstrom’s application to register the 5 babies because Dayner is not an active member.  Proving paternity would require about 40 of the father goat’s hair follicles for a DNA test.

Kris Hedstrom is not happy that she could not register her Nigerian Dwarf Goats, a 1st World Problem

Sausage, Onion, and Iguana Pizza

Only in Florida, the Sunshine State, can one get an Iguana Pizza.  State Food Inspectors found an 80-pound iguana stashed in the refrigerator at a local pizza joint, Pizza Mambo, in West Palm Beach.  Pizza Mambo was forced to close for a day following the inspection by the Florida Department of Business and Professional Regulation.

Iguana is an off-menu topping offered at Pizza Mambo in West Palm Beach

A Pizza Mambo employee said that the Iguana was given as a personal gift to the owner and was not used as a pizza topping.  Yeah, right. The employee said that the Iguana was stored in a separate freezer away from the restaurant’s food.

Pizza Mambo offers a wide assortment of pizza toppings, including Iguana

Iguanas are multiplying so rapidly in South Florida that a state wildlife agency has been encouraging people to kill them. Iguanas aren’t dangerous or aggressive to humans, but they damage seawalls, sidewalks, landscape foliage and can dig lengthy tunnels.  The reptile is considered a delicacy.

Iguana meet is tender and tastes a lot like Chicken

Just like you cannot find any Cats around Chinese Restaurants, there is not an Iguana to be found around Pizza Mambo.

“Many People Say” that Cat meat tastes like Chicken

Sarkes is proud of the Sarkes Corner Staff.  Any newsroom today can report on the Caronavirus, the Orange Emperor, Statues, etc, but it takes a special staff like the staff of Sarkes Corner to deliver the news that meets the standards of Sarkes Corner.

The staff of Sarkes Corner responded to Sarkeses Rant and got back to the Basics and Core Competency of Sarkes Corner

Caronavirus, Black Lives Matter, and The Constitution

Executive Summary:

– Sarkes provides a Constitutional Tutorial in the context of the Caronavirus and Black Lives Matter 

– Sarkes provides evidence of the Genius of our Founding Fathers

On this July 4 Holiday weekend, Sarkes publishes this Special Edition of Sarkes Corner to provide a Tutorial on our Constitution, in the context of current events; The Caronavirus and Black Lives Matter.  

Sarkes, a Constitutional Scholar, provides a history lesson:

Sarkes is not only an Award Winning Journalist, marginal Engineer, esteemed Statistician, but it is not widely known that Sarkes is a Constitutional Scholar

Americans celebrate Independence Day on the Fourth of July every year. July 4, 1776, is a day that represents the Declaration of Independence and the birth of the United States of America as an independent nation.

Fireworks are now a staple of The 4th of July Celebrations

What’s often overlooked in this Celebration of Independence is our Constitution which came much later. Our Constitution was written during the Philadelphia Constitutional Convention in 1787. Our Constitution was ratified on September 17, 1787, 11 years after our Declaration of Independence.  

Our Founding Fathers worked long and hard to develop our Constitution 

Finally, the first 10 Amendments of the Constitution were ratified on December 15, 1791, and form what is known as the “Bill of Rights.”  The Bill of Rights define specific guarantees of personal freedoms and Rights, clear limitations on the government’s power, and explicit declarations that all powers not specifically granted to the U.S Congress by the Constitution are reserved for the Individual States or the People.   It’s these Bill of Rights that get most attention.  

Sure, the Founding Fathers can be Rightfully criticized for declaring African Americans worth only three-fifths of a human being and providing NO Rights for Women.  But these slight oversights were corrected by our Congress and Supreme Courts in the Civil Rights Act of 1964 which stated: The Civil Rights Act of 1964 is a landmark civil rights and labor law that outlaws discrimination based on race, color, religion, sex, or national origin.

The Equal Rights for African Americans and Women must have been a complex issue as it took the Rich, Old, White Politicians in our US Congress 177 years to fix.

African Americans and Women finally got Equal Right in 1964 …….. or did they?  Hmmmmmm

Two Current Events demonstrate the power of our Constitution, Bill of Rights, and Genius of our Founding Fathers:

A white couple stood outside their St. Louis mansion and pointed guns at Black Lives Matter Protesters 

This current event focuses on our 1st Amendment, which provides Americans the Right to Freedom of Speech and the Right to Peacefully Assemble.  Also, the 2nd Amendment, which provides Americans the Right to Keep and Bear Arms.

Rich, Old, White Folk, Mark McCloskey, 63, and his 61-year-old wife, Patricia, stood outside their St. Louis Mansion last week in the city’s well-to-do Central West End neighborhood, Packing Heat.   Black Lives Matter protesters were marching toward the near-by St. Louis Mayor’s home to demand her resignation. As the Protestors passed the McCloskey Mansion, they could hear the McCloskeys yelling at them while Packing Heat.  

Think of the Central West End in St. Louis as an Oreo Cookie; Rich, White, filling surrounded by Black Cookies.  The McCloskeys claim that they Are Not Racists (of course not), but were protecting their home on their Private Street from an Angry Black Mob, and were in fear of their lives.  

The McCloskeys are not Racists, and were only protecting their Multi Million dollar Mansion from an Angry Black Mob
The Central West End in St. Louis is like an Oreo Cookie, Rich White filling surrounded by 2 Black Cookies

Disclaimer:  Sarkes wife of 45 years (in August), Chris is a St. Louis McCloskey.  Her grandfather, James McCloskey lived in St. Louis, but it is not clear if the Heat Packing Mark McCloskey is related to Chris.

Christine Korkoian (nee McCloskey) does not think she is related to Mark McCloskey, but for sure, Chris does not Pack Heat

The fact that the Rich, Old, Heat Packing McCloskey’s could Pack Heat to protect their Multi Million dollar Mansion is a testament to the Genius of our Founding Fathers.  You see while in the times of our Founding Fathers, the only Heat they had were single shot muskets.  But, our Founding Fathers had the vision that some day, technology would provide for the development of more sophisticated weaponry, like the Semi Automatic Assault weapon, used by Mark McCloskey, to imitate the hoard of Angry Black Protestors.

The Founding Fathers had a vision that Heat would evolve from their Muskets to today’s Semi Automatic Assault Rifles, Genius!

Alabama Students have Caronavirus Parties

This current event focuses on the entire Bill of Rights, the first 10 Amendments to our Constitution. 

College Students in Tuscaloosa, Alabama, organized “COVID-19” parties as a contest to see who would get the virus first.   Huh, um, ahhh, are you kidding me, they did what??!!!  Students hosted the parties to intentionally infect each other with the Caronavirus.  These College Student Einsteins purposely invited guests who had previously tested positive for COVID-19. The Einstein Students put money in a pot and whoever got COVID first would get the cash.

Dr. Ramesh Peramsetty, a local physician, said that there had been rumors of COVID-19 parties for about a month. Dr. Peramsetty said:  “While my nursing staff was triaging patients for COVID-19 swabbing, they were told about the COVID-19 house parties and were even shown videos of the parties by college students.  Later, when the Students were called with the test results, we noticed that some were very excited and happy that they were positive, while others were very upset that they were negative.”  Huh, um, ahhh, are you kidding me, they said what??!!! 

Alabama students will use any excuse to party, even infecting themselves with the Caronavirus

On the surface, “Many People Say” that the College Student COVID-19 parties in Alabama were caused by the Mega STUPIDITY of these Alabamian Students.  Sarkes, always digging down deep to get to the Root Cause of a story, believed that the Alabamian Students may NOT be Stupid, rather, the Students might have believed that an increase in the COVID-19 statistics might force the University to cancel classes in the Fall, the goal of derelict Students all across America.  Alas, Sarkes could not prove his alternate theory, and now concludes that yes, the Alabama Students were indeed, STUPID.

Yes, Alabama Students are STUPID

So, how does the Stupidity of Alabama Students relate to our Constitution and Bill of Rights.  Simple.  Our Bill of Rights, in their entirety, gives ALL Americans the Constitutional Right to be STUPID.  And, Americans are exercising their Constitutional Right to be STUPID ever day.

Sarkes is working on a sure fire, Nobel Prize winning book:  The Next American Revolution, The Irreversible Dumbing of America.  This book documents the Continuing and Irreversible Dumbing of America.  This Dumbing  evolves to a point in time, estimated to be 2040, when Americans become so Dumb that the gap between Rich and Poor widens, causing the next American Revolution where the Poor, Stupid and the Dumb take over America.  

Sarkes works hard every day to complete his future Nobel Prize for Literature

Orange Lives Matter

Executive Summary:

– Sarkes brings to light the struggles of Orange Americans

DISCLAIMER DISCLAIMER DISCLAIMER:  Sarkes and the staff of Sarkes Corner support the Back Lives Matter Movement and nothing in this Sarkes Corner should be misconstrued as anything different. DISCLAIMER DISCLAIMER DISCLAIMER: 

While the current news cycle is focused on the death of George Floyd, and rightfully so, Sarkes is compelled to educate America on the plight of Americas smallest, disenfranchised Minority – Orange Americans.

According to the US Census Bureau, the racial make up of America is:

White – 61%

Brown – 18%

Black – 13%

Yellow – 6%

Red – 1%

Orange – Less than 1/2 of 1%

Orange Americans are the Forgotten Minority.  Americans are not born Orange, rather they become Orange over time.  Usually, Orange Americans start turning Orange in their teen years.

“Many People Say” that Americans turn Orange thru the use of self tanning spray products.  Self tanning spray products are intended to turn White people Brown, but often turn White People Orange.  Or so, that is what “Many People Say”.

Self Tanning Products can turn White Americans Orange

Sarkes has a source inside the CDC (Center of Disease Control) in Atlanta, GA, code name CDC Leaker.  CDC Leaker will remain anonymous as he/she provided Sarkes Classified data on what turns White people Orange.  

The CDC knows what turns White People Orange

A review of the Classified Data provided by CDC Leaker reveals that the primary cause of turning White People Orange is LED LIGHTS, yes, LED LIGHTS.  “Many People Said” that President Donald J. Trump was delirious when he blamed LED Lights for his Orange Hue.  Turns out that President Donald J. Trump was RIGHT.  

President Donald J. Trump turned Orange with the LED Lights in the White House.
LED Lights have an adverse impact on some White Americans

Further review of the Classified CDC documents revealed that the use of LED Lights, now in almost every home and business in America, was a conspiracy of the Liberal Climate Change Scientists.  The Liberal Climate Change Scientists are responsible for the demise of the Incandescent light bulb, which cannot be found in any store in America today.

Liberal Climate Change Scientists are responsible for the Genocide of the Incandescent Light Bulb
The Incandescent Light Bulb NEVER turned White Americans Orange

Even more disturbing in the review of the Classified documents is what the CDC has identified as the Side Effects of LED Lights on the skin of some White People.  These Side Effects HAVE NEVER been released to Americans.

The CDC has documented that extended exposure to LED Lights not only can make White American Oranges, but has the following devastating side effects:

Habitual Lying

Narcissistic Behavior

Excess Weight Gain

Craving For Red Meat

Bone Spurs

LED Lights can make White Women Orange
LED Lights can make White Men Orange
LED Lights, in rare cases, can make White Infants Orange

So, what can be done to help the forgotten, disenfranchised Orange Americans?  Sarkes asks all subscribers to Sarkes Corner to email, call, write their Congressperson and Senators and demand that they enact legislation to bring back the Incandescent Light Bulb.  This could happen fast as the plight of Orange Americans should be a bi-partisan issue.  LED Lights impact White Republicans the same as White Democrats.

Also Americans should demand that Congress ask President Trumps Personal Attorney, Bill Barr, to open an investigation into the CDC as to why they have kept the damaging data on the Side Effects of LED Lights from innocent Americans.

President Trumps Personal Attorney Bill Barr will get to the bottom of this LED Lights Conspiracy

Until Congress acts, Sarkes asks all Americans to have compassion with Orange Americans.  The Orange American did not know that they would be adversely impacted by LED Lights.  Sarkes reminds all that Americans did not understand the adverse impact of Second Hand Smoke until Americans were diagnosed with Lung disease having never smoked.  

Americans did not understand the negative impact of 2nd Hand Smoke
Despite the impact of LED Lights, President Trump has been the most effective President in our History

Orange Lives Matter

The Lake of the Ozarks

Executive Summary:

  • The Lake of the Ozarks is a wonderful place for resorts, water sports, and weekend chalets 
  • The Lake of the Ozarks is the background for the Netflix Hit Show “Ozarks”

– The Lake of the Ozarks draws Stupid Americans like a magnet

Thanks to Sarkes Correspondent and Sister Cindy Mamelian and daughter Cathy Korkoian for this story about the Jewel of Missouri, the Lake of the Ozarks.  

The Lake of the Ozarks was formed with the construction of Bagnell Dam on the Osage River in the heart of Missouri.  Construction started on the dam in 1929 and was completed in 1931. The resulting reservoir, the Lake of the Ozarks, has a surface area of 55,000 acres, over 1,150 miles of shoreline, and stretches 94 miles from end to end. At the time of construction, it was one of the largest man-made lakes in the world and the largest in the United States.  Bagnell Dam was built with the purpose of Hydroelectric generation.  

Bagnall Dam created the Lake of the Ozarks in 1931
The Lake of the Ozarks is a popular water sport, weekend destination

Florida, the Gunshine State, has a Bi-Modal Population Distribution, Crackers and Rich Old White Retired Snowbirds.  Likewise, Missouri, The Shoot Me State, has a Bi-Modal Population Distribution,  Redneck/Hillbillies and Rich White People (young and old), from St. Louis and Kansas City.

The Lake of the Ozarks is the setting for the popular Netflix show Ozarks.  Ozarks is the story of 2 families, the Byrds (Rich White People) and the Langmores (Ozark Hillbillies).

The Byrds, Rich White Folk, had a difficult time adjusting from life in Chicago to life in the Ozarks
The Langmores are typical Ozark natives, content with their beer and single wide Trailers

When Sarkes was growing up in Missouri, then called the Show Me State, the  state was an important Purple Swing state.  Now, the Shoot Me State is Bright Red, with all state-wide and national offices held by God-fearing, Great American, Conservative Republicans.  The transition started when George Bush 2 flushed out the Evangelical Christians as a powerful voting block, and finished with the University of Missouri, Mizzou, entering the SEC Athletic Conference in 2012.  

The Shoot Me States transition form Purple to Red had some predictable consequences.  One is the fact that the good citizens of the Shoot Me State will not let the Government tell them what to do.  The citizens of the Shoot Me State have the Constitutional Right to be Stupid.

And, Stupid they were on Memorial Day Weekend.  After the Orange Potentate called for the LIBERATION of States to Open Up, Missouri Governor Mike Parson opened up the Shoot Me State on May 4, rolling out the “Show Me Strong Recovery Plan”.

Some pictures of how the LIBERATION “Show Me Strong Recovery Plan” looks at the Lake of the Ozarks follow.  These pictures were taken at a Pool Party at a popular watering hole, Backwater Jacks Bar & Grill in Osage Beach.

This is Social Distancing…….Missouri Style
Missourians are Booze Hounds and won’t let the Government tell them what to do

Yes, the Good Citizens of the Shoot Me State have a Constitutional Right to be Stupid, and there is ample evidence that they take that Right Seriously.  Sarkes will avoid his home state for a while.

Caronavirus Crimes

Executive Summary:

– The Caronavirus is bringing out the worse in Americans

– Caronavirus related Crime is on the rise

Sarkes, a Constitutional Scholar, is on record that our Constitution gives all Americans Rights un-paralleled anywhere else in the world………including the Right to be Stupid.

The Great American Philosopher George Carlin said it best about Americans

One such stupid American is Gloricia Woody from Oklahoma City, OK.  Woody had entered a McDonalds restaurant despite the dining area being closed because of coronavirus restrictions.  The McDonalds Drive-Thru was open but Woody was too hungry to wait in the line.

Goricia Woody, craving a Big Mac and not wanting to wait in the Drive-Thru line, is heading to the Hoosegow

When employees asked Woody to leave, she refused and got into a scuffle with the employees. Employees eventually forced Woody outside, but she re-entered the restaurant with a handgun and fired three rounds.  One McDonalds worker was shot in the arm, two others were struck by shrapnel, and a fourth worker suffered a head injury.  The injuries were not life threatening.

Lines are long at McDonalds Drive-Thru these days as customer need their tasty Big Macs and Fillet-O-Fish

The incident is one of a number reported across the country that authorities said were related to restrictions put in place to combat the spread of the coronavirus. 

In Michigan, a Security Guard at a Family Dollar Store in Flint, MI, was tragically fatally shot after arguing with a customer who did not want to wear a face mask in the store, a mandate in place by Michigan for all retail stores.  Ramonyea Bishop, 23, and his stepfather, Larry Teague, 44, have been charged with first-degree murder.

Retail Stores in Michigan require customers to wear Face Masks
Bishop and Tucker are heading to the Hoosegow charged with Murder

In Southern California, a customer wore a Ku Klux Klan Hood during a trip to the grocery store – – – and repeatedly ignored staff requests to remove it.   The incident took place at a Vons Super Market in San Diego one day after health officials in the county ordered residents to wear face coverings in public to stymie the spread of Covid-19.

This Great American wore his KKK Hood to comply with Government Mask requirements

When asked at a recent 2 hour Caronavirus Press Conference at the White about these 3 Caronavirus incidents, his Orange Majesty said:

“I am not responsible for these acts of crime.  I don’t take responsibility at all.  These crimes were caused by a set of circumstances and rules, regulations and specifications from Obama, he is to blame.” 

“Now listen, the guy in the KKK hood should have found another mask, but there are very fine people on both sides”

“They should throw the book at those 2 Black Guys that killed the Security Guard in Michigan, they are animals.  I told my personal lawyer, William Barr, not to call that woman in Michigan (Governor Gretchen Witmer), she is useless.”

“If they convict the woman in the McDonalds shooting I will have my personal Lawyer William Barr issue her a Pardon.  America depends on McDonalds to provide tasty Big Macs, Quarter Pounders with Cheese, Fillet-O-Fish, Fries, Cokes and Shakes.  If McDonalds does not get their act together, I will order the Defense Production Act on McDonalds.”

Like the Orange Eminence always says: “Its Obamas Fault”
The Orange Carnivore prefers McDonalds Big Macs over Fillet-O-Fish 
The Orange Messiahs personal lawyer, William Barr, is very busy these days

Economic Impact Payments

Executive Summary:

-Economic Impact Payment Checks were issued to Americans, Dead or Alive

In this time of the year when Pulitzer Prizes are awarded, Sarkes, Editor of Sarkes Corner, had really believed that he would receive a Pulitzer for his investigative reporting that resulted in the declaration that Donald J. Trump is really a Liberal Democrat in Reagan-Conservative clothing.   

Sarkes based his inference on one data point, that is, that his Deceased mother, Alice Korkoian, had received a $1,200.00 ECONOMIC IMPACT PAYMENT – DONALD J. TRUMP. Liberal Democrats have a history of allowing the Deceased to Vote and receive Government Checks long after they have made their Celestial Exit. This is proof positive that Donald J. Trump is really a Liberal in Reagan-Conservative Clothing.

The Orange Liberal-in-Reagan-Conservative Clothing knowingly issued Tens of Thousands ECONOMIC IMPACT PAYMENT Checks to the Deceased, like this one issued to Alice Korkoian, as the checks were addressed to the Deceased (note the DECD next to the addressee name)

It turns out that Tens of Thousands of $1,200 ECONOMIC IMPACT PAYMENT checks were issued to Deceased Americans. The Orange U.S. Treasury, realizing that they may have made a mistake, then asked that the $1,200 ECONOMIC IMPACT PAYMENT checks be VOIDED and returned to the Treasury.

Since no postage was provided, the Deceased realized a loss of $1,200.55.

The Orange Indian-Giver Flipped asked the Deceased Americans to VOID the checks and return to the Treasury

The Deceased were required to mail back the Voided Checks at a cost of 55 cents for 1st Class postage

The Orange Treasury has learned their lesson. On more recent $1,200 ECONOMIC IMPACT PAYMENT checks issued, the Orange Treasury has a box on the front of the envelope that states: If Recipient is Deceased check here and drop in Mail Box. This even with the $1,200 ECONOMIC IMPACT PAYMENT check enclosed was addressed to Deceased!!!

This Economic Impact Payment Check, issued to Sarkeses deceased Aunt Rosalie, had the new Return Box, saving Sarkeses Cousin Dorthy 55 cents

God Bless the Orange Philanthropist, he was only trying to help all Americans, Dead or Alive.

More WWE Wrestling

Executive Summary:

  • Florida Governor DeSantis has declared that WWE Wrestling is an “Essential Service”
  • The next day, several WWE Superstars were given the Old Heave Ho

Thanks to Sarkes Corner Contributor and sister Cindy Mamelian for this timely story about WWE Wrestling.  Sarkes does not know if Cindy  is a WWE Wrestling fan or not.

Thanks to the clueless Florida Governor Ron DeSantis, WWE Wrestling, in Orlando, was declared an “Essential Service”, becoming the only American sport to hold live matches.  When asked how WWE could be an “Essential” Business, Governor DeSantis said:  “As a brand that has been woven into the fabric of society, WWE and its Superstars bring families together and deliver a sense of hope, determination and perseverance.”  What, huh, um, he said what?

Well, DeSantis was a bit late on the draw.  WWE Wrestling announced it had released a number of its wrestler-performers.

Given the Old Heave Ho were Super Stars and Great Athletes: Drake Maverick, Zack Ryder, Curt Hawkins, Karl Anderson, Luke Gallows, Heath Slater, Eric Young, Rowan, Sarah Logan, No Way Jose, Mike Chioda, Mike Kanellis, Maria Kanellis, EC3, Aiden English, Lio Rush, Primo and Epico.

No Way Jose got thrown out of the WWE Ring, Literally
Primo was shocked that he got the Old Heave Ho
EC3’s mussels are all natural, no Steroids for EC3
Sarah Logan is one tough Philly, don’t mess with her

WWE Wrestling released a statement regarding budget cuts the company had to make in response to the coronavirus pandemic. The company said that it would reduce executive and board member compensation, decrease operating expenses and cut talent expenses.  As WWE Wrestling was giving these great athletes the Old Heave Ho, they Tweeted: “We wish them all the best in their future endeavors” 

WWE Wrestling continued:  ”Given the uncertainty of the situation, the Company also identified headcount reductions and made the decision to furlough a portion of its workforce effective immediately.  The fundamentals of the Company’s business remain strong reflecting the passion of WWE’s fans and the quality of its content.”  The budget cuts are estimated to save $4 million monthly and improve cash flow by $140 million, according to WWE.

When told about the WWE Wrestling Layoffs a day after he declared them an “Essential Service”, Florida Governor DeSantis said:  “I ah, its ah, um, No Comment”

Governor DeSantis was speechless when told about the WWE Layoffs

The Orange Grappler Tweeted:

Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – April 16 @ 4:56AM

I am a Big Fan of the WWE, the biggest Fan.  Why did they layoff their Great Athletes after I gave them Free Money.  WWE are traitors and will pay the Price.  I will have my Personal Attorney, William Barr, initiate an investigation.  WWE will not get away with this.

The Orange Bruiser was the Best Wrestler in WWE History, History

Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – April 16 @ 5:28AM

My experiences with WWE Wrestling made me the Great President that I am today.  I am the Greatest President of all time.   WWE taught me to be the  Great Counterpuncher I am today.  No one gives President Trump and shit, NOBODY!

The Orange Counterpuncher was Undefeated during his WWE career

Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – April 16 @ 5:56AM

WWE is NOT FAKE!!!!!!!.  WWE are real athletes like me battling out mano un mano.  I became the biggest star in the WWE despite my painful Bone Spurs.  Now CNN and MSNBC are Fake, not WWE.  

Unlike CNN and MSNBC, WWE is NOT FAKE!!