A man in Florida rescued his puppy from the jaws of an alligator
The puppy is OK, the Gator is OK, the Man is OK, the Man’s Cigar is OK
Thanks to the smartest Subscriber to Sarkes Corner, Dr. Todd Ruecker, for this story from Sarkeses back yard.
First of all, “Many People Say” Sarkes, have you been on sabbatical? We haven’t received an Award Winning Sarkes Corner is a while. We even called our Internet Provider and Email Provider to see if the Trump Administration had censored Sarkes Corner!! What gives??!!!
Dear Subscribers, don’t fret, Sarkes Corner was not censored by the Orange Pulitzer. No, Sarkes was not on sabbatical. Simply stated, Sarkes was taking a Mental Health break as the daily drama since Election night has made Sarkes nauseous. Alas, with rest and relaxation, limiting TV time to reruns of Judge Judy, and avoiding ALL Cable News, Sarkes is renewed and ready to resume his journey to a Nobel Prize in Literature.
An Estero, Florida man, Richard Wilbanks, rescued his puppy from the jaws of an alligator, diving under the water and wrestling the reptile all without dropping the cigar in his mouth. “Many People Say” Sarkes, don’t you live in Estero, Florida? Indeed, Sarkes does live in Estero, Florida (formerly Bonita Springs) but does not know Richard Wilbanks. You see, Estero has a bi-model demographic: Gated Country Club communities where residents wear collared golf shirts tucked into nice shorts, AND, other communities where residents wear sleeveless T-shirts and Cargo shorts or Phys Ed shorts. These two Estero communities do cross paths at Publix but Sarkes does not remember meeting Wilbanks.
Wilbanks, 74, was walking his Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, Gunner, around the pond near his retirement home when the alligator raced up from the water and grabbed the dog. Wilbanks said: It came out of the water like a missile. I never thought an alligator could be that fast. It was so quick.”
The vicious attack on little Gunner was captured on Camera
Cameras set up by the Florida Wildlife Federation captured the encounter, which shows Wilbanks in the pond, his head submerged as he tries to grab a hold of the alligator. He then emerges holding the reptile, which still has the dog in its jaws. In Wilbank’s jaws is a cigar – which he never drops. Wilbanks moves to the edge of the pond while trying to pry the dog free. Eventually he succeeds, and Gunner runs away while Wilbanks tries to extract his own hands from the creature’s mouth.
Gunner has since seen a vet, and while he suffered a small puncture wound to his stomach, he is otherwise fine. Wilbanks suffered puncture wounds to his hands.
It is easy for us to place blame on the Gator, but Sarkes digs deeper and cautions all to not jump to this conclusion. You see, it is a requirement in most Florida communities that Dogs must be on a leash when out of the house. In Florida, a strong Red state, this requirement is often ignored as many of Sarkeses neighbors do not want the Government interfering with their Rights.
Also, most ponds and lakes where Gators reside are clearly marked with warning signs, and this was the case in Wilbank’s neighborhood.
Wilbanks said that he will be keeping Gunner on a leash and at least 10 feet from the pond from now on. Duh, really, you figured this out all by yourself!!
In the end, all is well, the puppy is OK, the Gator is OK, the Man is OK, the Man’s Cigar is OK.
– The first Presidential Debate is scheduled for Tuesday, September 29
– Sarkes has been asked to provide an assessment AND to declare a winner
The first Presidential Debate, between Slo Mo Jo Biden and the Orange Emperor Donald J. Trump, is scheduled for Tuesday, September 29. While the exact time of the Debate is still being determined, it should be early as these two Septuagenarians (people in their 70’s) could fall asleep at the podium if the Debate is scheduled too late.
“Many People Say” Sarkes, we look forward to your post-debate assessment and declaration of a Debate Winner. Alas, Sarkes must DISAPPOINT, sorry. Sarkes will NOT be watching the Presidential Debate on Tuesday, September 29.
Sarkeses time is too valuable to waste on this Garbage TV. Sarkes prefers to spend his TV Capital on watching socially redeeming programs like Reruns of JUDGE JUDY, where Sarkes attained his Legal Acumen, and THE APPRENTICE, where Sarkes attained his Business Acumen. Also, Sarkes, learned more at Trump University than he did at Missouri University of Science and Technology.
Another reason to skip watching the Debate…….who has not already made up their mind on who they will vote for President? NOBODY! Ask yourself, do you know anybody; family, friends, coworkers, acquaintances, etc, who have not decided on voting for the Orange Messiah or Sleepy Joe Biden? Trust Sarkes on this.
In fact, Sarkes will provide a service to Americans who also do not want to waste their time on this Garbage TV. Who wants to watch two Septuagenarians yell and scream at each other, calling the other incompetent and unfit for office, all while trying to stay awake. NOT SARKES. Let Sarkes deliver the Harsh Truth; during this Debate, there will be no discussion on policy, plans, or initiatives, just 2 plus hours of vicious character assassination.
But, since Sarkes has a Fiduciary duty to Subscribers of Sarkes Corner, Sarkes will now provide a Summary of the Presidential Debate on Tuesday, September 29. Whaaaaaaaaaaaat?, “Many People Say”, Sarkes, how can you do that, are you clairvoyant? No, Sarkes is NOT clairvoyant, but has watched Bozo Joe Biden and Ronald McDonald Donald long enough to script the debate.
In fact, Sarkes will save you time the morning of Wednesday, September 30, by telling you here and now what you will see if you tune into your favorite morning Cable TV channel.
If you watch FOX NEWS or ONE AMERICA NEWS NETWORK, you will learn:
Donald J. Trump clearly won the Debate
Biden is a tool of the Radical Liberal Left
A Biden Presidency will turn America into a Socialist state
Biden will confiscate your Guns and Ammo
Under Biden, small business will close and millions laid off permanently
Biden has dementia
Biden is easy on China
Biden will let Black Mobs invade the Suburbs and threaten White Women
Biden will empty the Prisons and Criminals will run rampant
There will be riots and chaos in the streets if Biden gets elected
Biden is using the Caronavirus to Rig and Steal the November Election
Kamala Harris is not eligible to be VP, her parents were not US Citizens
If you watch CNN or MSNBC, you will learn:
Joe Biden clearly won the Debate
Trump is a dismal failure and has failed to do his job
Trump throws gas on the fire, dividing America
Trump is unfit for office
Trump’s America is for the Rich White or Uneducated White
The GOP has become a Trump Booster Club without a Platform
Trump botched the Caronavirus killing 10s of thousands Americans
Trump calls our Military heroes Losers and Suckers
Trump is a serial lier and continues to lie to America
Trump embraces Americas enemies and has shunned our allies
Trump is a friend of the White Supremacist
Trump’s policies have driven our Record Debt and Deficits
There you have it. DO NOT waste your time watching these Sham Debates. Sarkes has told you everything you will see and hear if you decide to waste your time and watch the Debate. There is one thing that Sarkes is unsure……will either of these Septuagenarians fall asleep or have a heart attack during the Debate.
A North Carolina woman used a Racial slur in a confrontation with a Black woman saying that she was too Loud
This proud White bigot said that: “I would say it again”
A North Carolina White Woman, Nancy Goodman, used a racial slur in an argument with a group of black women, and like the Orange Orator, Doubled down, then Tripled down in an interview with a local television station and said she’d do it again.
In a video posted to Facebook by Black Woman Chanda Stewart, White Woman Goodman calls the Black Women “stupid” and called them the N-word. The confrontation was at the Bonefish Grill in Raleigh.
White Woman Racist Goodman said that she’s a 71-year-old woman who suffers from “tremendous anxiety.” “I’m not going to say I’m sorry to them because they kept pushing at it. I used that “N” word because they forced me into it.”
Duh, uh, oh, ummmm, she said what, they forced her to say the “N” word?
When asked by a TV Reporter: ”Do you see how that’s (using the N-Word) incredibly offensive?” White Woman Racist Goodman Doubled Down: “Yes, I do. That’s why I said it. I would say it again to them.”
Duh, uh, oh, ummmm, she said what, she would do it again!
The confrontation started when White Woman Racist Goodman approached a Table of Black Women enjoying dinner at the Bonefish Grill and told them that they were too Loud. When one of the Black Women said: “In your opinion”, White Woman Racist Goodman quickly responded, like the Orange Counterpuncher, “You’re so stupid, N-word”
When interviewed, Black Woman Chanda Stewart said: “The climate of the country today has some people thinking whatever they feel….they can say. The reality is if we were to retaliate with this same kind of hate and ignorance we would be called ANGRY BLACK WOMEN.’”
Finally, in her Facebook, White Woman Racist Goodman TRIPLED Down stating that she offers an apology to her family, friends and other patrons at the Bonefish, but refers to Stewart and her friends as “rude, loud, obnoxious black women.”
Duh, uh, oh, ummmm, she said what, now that’s a sincere apology?
Between rounds of Golf at his Trump National Golf Club in Bedminster, New Jersey, the Orange Bull Horn Tweeted his wisdom about this incident between Goodman and Stewart:
Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – September 9 @ 4:56PM
I condemn in the strongest possible terms this egregious display of hatred, bigotry, and violence. It has no place in America. There was blame on both sides. You had a group on one side that was bad, and you had a group on the other side that was also very violent. And, you also had people that were very fine people, very fine, on both sides.
Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – September 9 @ 5:14PM
I am not a racist, I don’t have a Racist bone in my body. I am the least Racist President in History, History! I have done more for Blacks than Abe Lincoln. Black people love me. Look at all that I have done for the Blacks. If not for me, they would still be unemployed. In 2016, Blacks voted for me, what the Hell did they have to lose!
Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – September 9 @ 5:35PM
This is a Hit Job against Nancy Goodman. I understand that she is a very fine woman. I am not a Racist, but, we all know that when 2 or more Black Women get together they can get very loud, very very loud. The loud noise made by a pack of Black Women can be disruptive in a restaurant or bar.
An Arkansas sheriff resigns after a leaked audio of his racist rant
He claims that HE IS NOT A RACIST!
Is he Right?
Before investigating this story, Sarkes had believed that when a person made an overtly racist statement that, well, they WERE A RACIST. But after an in-depth analysis, Sarkes believes that these Great Americans may NOT BE RACISTS, rather they were influenced by outside forces. So, when someone says that I AM NOT A RACIST!, we should consider the fact that they are victims, not Racists.
A casual conversation at a grocery store in DeWitt, Arkansas, led to a racist rant between Arkansas County Sheriff Todd Wright and the mother of his child, Desiree Middlebrooks, his Baby Mama. Baby Mama Middlebrooks was on the receiving end of verbal threats from Sheriff Wright after she had a friendly conversation with a Black employee of the grocery store. Later, at home, Baby Mama Middlebrooks secretly recorded Sheriff Wright as he expressed rage that she would talk to Blacks and repeatedly used a racist slur against Black people.
A special meeting was held at the Arkansas County Courthouse to discuss Sheriff Wright’s behavior and present a resolution requesting his resignation. Sheriff Wright addressed the room stating what he said was in the privacy of his own home, and blamed his actions on the Devil, the Devil! Finally, Sheriff Wright mentioned that he had many Black constituents whom he had formed close bonds, and that HE WAS NOT A RACIST!
Sarkes is Fair and Balanced, a Truth Machine, and digs deep into a story. While Sheriff Wrights Racist Rant may seem like just another story of a red neck, White Supremacist, ranting against people of color, Sarkes does not discount the presence of outside influences that make innocent white folk make Racist statements, sort of like an Out of Body experience. What outside influences? The Devil, The Deep State, Anarchists, Socialists, etc.
To prove this point, Sarkes provides evidence of other Great Americans who made Racist statements and claim that THEY ARE NOT A RACIST! Like Sherriff Wright, these Great White Americans were victims of; The Devil, The Deep State, Anarchists, Socialists, etc.:
Steve Lyons is a former baseball player. After his pro career was over Lyons become a broadcaster. For whatever reason, Fox Sports did not balk at hiring a guy whose nickname was “Psyco”. Lyons fist set off warning bells for his comments on Shawn Green in 2004, after Green sat out a game during Yom Kippur, Lyons ranted: “He’s not even a practicing Jew. He didn’t marry a Jewish girl. And from what I understand, he never had a bar mitzvah, which is unfortunate, because he doesn’t get the money.” That was bad, but merely earned Psycho a suspension. His firing came in 2006, after Lyons said that Lou Piniella, who is a Hispanic, would steal Lyon’s wallet if given half a chance. But, Lyons claimed that HE IS NOT A RACIST!
John Rocker was a star pitcher who was the Closer for the Atlanta Braves. Rocker’s success would be short-lived though; in 1999, John Rocker had an interview with Sports Illustrated, which was full of Rocker’s personal observations about New York City. Rocker made derogatory comments about minorities, homosexuals, AIDS patients, and single mothers, and pretty much anyone else who wasn’t as pale as him. Racist Rocker ranted; “The biggest thing I don’t like about New York are the foreigners. I’m not a big fan of foreigners. You can walk an entire block in Times Square and not hear anybody speaking English. Asians and Koreans and Vietnamese and Indians and Russians and Spanish people and everything up there. How the hell did they get in this country?” But, Rocker claimed that HE IS NOT A RACIST!
Don Imus built up his show Imus in the Morning over the course of four decades. In 2007, Imus was a nationally syndicated radio host who was simulcast by the cable network MSNBC. During one of his morning conversations on air, Imus referred to the mostly-black Rutgers women’s basketball team as “Rough Girls”, because they had tattoos, as well as “Nappy-Headed Hos.” Imus was eventually dropped by both MSNBC and CBS radio over the comments. Imus responded by suing and claiming that the phrase had originated in the “black community.” And, Imus claimed that HE IS NOT A RACIST!
Paula Deen had an award winning show on the Food Network in 1999. Deen would grow to be one of the Food Network’s biggest stars, with endorsement deals following through national chains. However, during a deposition filed in a harassment case by a former employee, Deen admitted to the court that she had, in fact, used racial slurs as well as told racially-based jokes. In addition, she admitted that she had planned a “Southern” wedding for her brother, which would had all black waiters dressed up as Slaves. In response, the Food Network did not renew Deen’s contract, and severed ties with her altogether. Deen’s various sponsorship deals also started to dry up. It is estimated that the controversy ended up costing Deen and her family over $17 million in lost revenue. But, Dean claimed that SHE IS NOT A RACIST!
President Donald J. Trump
President Donald J. Trump used the word “Shithole Countries” to describe African countries during an Oval Office meeting with a bipartisan group of six senators. The president also questioned the need to admit more Haitians to the U.S. Doubling down, Trump also said in the meeting that he would prefer immigrants from countries like Norway instead; “Put me down for wanting more Europeans to come to this country. Why don’t we get more people from Norway?”
When questioned by the Press about those statements, President Donald J. Trump defended himself declaring that “I am not a racist. I am the least racist person you have ever interviewed. That I can tell you.”
Defending charges of racism on other occasions, Trump has said; “Blacks love me, I have a great relationship with the blacks. I’ve always had a great relationship with the blacks. Hispanics love me, I’m leading in the polls with the Hispanics because I produce jobs, and they know it. I have thousands of Hispanics that work for me.” So, Donald J. Trump claims that HE IS NOT A RACIST!
There you have it, all of these Great White Americans; Steve Lyons, John Rocker, Don Imus, Paula Deen, and Donald J. Trump have all been charged with being Racists. It’s clear that they are not Racists, just ask them.
Sarkes used to believe that if a person said that they ARE NOT A RACIST, they probably were. But that was before Sarkes realized that these Great White Americans could be victims of; The Devil, The Deep State, Anarchists, Socialists, etc.
– Jerry Falwell Jr. joins a long list of disgraced, P-Grabbing, Right Wing Evangelical Pastors
– The Sarkes Corner Theological Bureau investigates why these Men of the Cloth become Shameful, Sniffing, Sinners
The word hit the street that Sarkes was investigating why Right Wing Evangelical Pastors get involved with Sinful, Adulterous, and sometimes Perverse Sexual scandals. “Many People Said”, Sarkes, we know that you are an Award Winning Journalist, Rocket Engineer, and Renowned Statistician, but what do you know about Religion?
It’s a little known fact that after retiring from Boeing, Sarkes had visions of becoming an Armenian Orthodox Priest. “Many People Said”, Sarkes, who are you trying to kid, Orthodox Priests must be celibate and you have been married to Chris (nee McCloskey) for 45 years! Let Sarkes educate. In the Armenian Orthodox Church, married priests called Der Hayr, and Celibate priests called Hayr Soorp, have exactly the same hierarchical rank and identical duties and responsibilities.
Sarkes road to becoming an Armenian Der Hayr is a challenge. Sarkes must be able to speak, read, and write fluent Armenian. Sarkes must learn to Chant and suck in pungent incense, and finally, Sarkes must grow an Armenian Der Hayr beard. Sarkes is about 1/3 completed in his quest to become an Armenian Der Hayr.
So now that Sarkeses Theological Acumen has been validated, Sarkes investigated why many Right Wing Christian Evangelical Pastors dip their Wick in their Congregation Candles. There are over 100 Bible Verses that address adultery. Two of Sarkes favorite Bible Verses that address adultery are clear and concise:
Exodus 20:14 – “You shall not commit adultery”.
Hebrews 13:4 – “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”
So, Sarkes concludes that it is pretty clear that, in the Bible, Adultery is a No No. It is also clear to Sarkes that the Bible does not provide any exceptions to the Adultery Sin, Men of the Cloth are as guilty as say, the Orange Bird Dog. Sarkes figures that the disgraced Right Wing Christian Evangelical Pastors must have skipped class on the day that their Evangelical Bible Colleges discussed Adultery.
Next, Sarkes identified the excuses given by these Congregational Cock Hounds. The pastors who have fallen into sin have all kinds of excuses: I didn’t do it, it wasn’t me, it wasn’t technically illegal, it was a youthful mistake, it was a conspiracy orchestrated by the Vatican, it was a conspiracy orchestrated by the Devil. As such, the excuses given by regular Adulterers is not much different than from the Right Wing Christian Evangelical Pastors.
The list of disgraced Right Wing Christian Evangelical Pastors, who have succumbed to the lure of the flesh and have committed Adultery and sexual perversions, is too long for Sarkes to cover in one Sarkes Corner. As such, Sarkes provides a summary of the Who’s Who of Disgraced Right Wing Christian Evangelical Pastors. These are the Creme de la Creme of Right Wing Christian Evangelical Pastors. Over the years, these Disgraced Right Wing Christian Evangelical Pastors have extorted BILLIONS, BILLIONS, from their flock by preaching the Gospel of our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ, all the while engaging in Sinful, Adulterous, P-Grabbing.
Next, the list of Who’s Who of Disgraced Right Wing Christian Evangelical Pastors is presented in alphabetical order, not in the order of their perversion or magnitude of their Adultery.
Alamo rocketed to fame in the 1970s for preaching a fundamentalist interpretation of Christianity. When his wife died in 1982, Alamo went a little crazy. He displayed her embalmed body for months and claimed she would rise from the dead. And it only got worse from there. In 2009, Alamo was sentenced to 175 years in prison. The charges included sexual abuse, transporting underage girls across state lines for sexual purposes, pedophilia, marrying an eight-year-old girl, and child rape. Alamo’s defense: he was framed by the Vatican.
Jim Bakker was perhaps the most popular televangelist in the 1980s, though his wife Tammy Faye gave him a run for his money. That all ended when Bakker was brought down by an enormous scandal that included sexual abuse and fraud. In 1987, Bakker’s secretary publicly accused the televangelist of raping and drugging her. After Bakker resigned from his ministry, he was charged with accounting fraud and sentenced to 45 years in prison. Bakker was replaced by Jerry Falwell Sr. who called his predecessor, “the greatest scab and cancer on the face of Christianity in 2,000 years of church history.” Ironically, Falwell Sr.’s successor, Falwell Jr., was also a scab and cancer on the face of Christianity.
Coy was the most famous evangelical pastor in Florida. His Fort Lauderdale Megachurch had 25,000 members, 25,000! But it all came crashing down in 2014 when he admitted to multiple affairs and a pornography addiction. He resigned in disgrace––but the worse was still to come. In 2017, Coy was publicly accused of molesting a four-year old child.
Jerry Falwell Jr.
Evangelical leader Jerry Falwell Jr. has recently resigned as president of Liberty University, a Christian university founded by Falwell’s father and famous for its strict code of moral conduct for its students. A recent scandal involves Falwell Jr. and his wife Becki’s relationship with a younger man, Giancarlo Granda, over several years. The Falwell’s met Giancarlo at a hotel in Miami Beach where Giancarlo worked as a Pool Boy, a plot from any classic Porn movie. Falwell Jr liked to watch Giancarlo boinking Becki Falwell. Falwell confirmed the affair. But it proved to be the breaking point for his job at Liberty, which he was already on leave due to controversy about a racy photo he posted on Instagram.
Gothard is famous for his homeschooling ministry, known as the Gothard Institute of Basic Life Principles, similar to Trump University. He promoted extreme submission of women and ordered them to dress modestly. Gothard was also close with the Duggar family and a number of Republicans. In 2014, more than 30 women accused Gothard of molestation and assault, including underage girls. The allegations included sexual harassment, inappropriate touching, molestation, and rape. Gothard was forced to resign from his ministry, though he resurfaced on the Internet with a blog in 2016.
Evangelical pastor Ted Haggard ranted against the evils of premarital sex, adultery, and gay marriage. That is, until he was caught in a gay sex scandal in 2006. A male escort named Mike Jones publicly claimed that Haggard had been a client for years. Not only that, Haggard had allegedly used crystal Meth in front of his male lover. Ted Haggard was forced to resign from his church. Following his downfall, he attempted Conversion Therapy and embraced his heterosexual side. His wife stood by Haggard during the scandal.
Phillips was president of an extreme Christian-Right group called Visit Forum Ministries. He was an advocate of the Tea Party Conservative political movement. Phillips argued that women must be completely submissive to their husbands and fathers. Daughters should not even have a say in who they marry, according to Phillips, and women should have as many children as possible. In 2013, Phillips was forced to resign after being publicly accused of sexual abuse and assault against a woman he met when she was only 15 years old. Several years later, Phillips had moved the woman into his house as his nanny. Phillips sexually abused her by masturbating on the woman multiple times while she cried and asked him to stop.
One of Sarkeses all time favorite Scum Bags, Swaggart was a Pentecostal televangelist who got his start on television in 1975. In the 1980s, he teamed up with Reverend Jerry Falwell Sr., Reverend James Robison, and Reverend Pat Robertson to use the Christian Right to shape the Republican party. Satan’s agents are everywhere, according to Swaggart, and include Feminists, Democrats, and Rock Musicians. Swaggart’s fall from grace happened in 1988 when it became public that he was cheating on his wife with a New Orleans prostitute. Not only that, Swaggart was an avid consumer of porn and experimented with BDSM, all while condemning such “immoral” acts.
What did Sarkes learn from his Investigative Reporting on these Right Wing Evangelical Pastors who got caught up with Sinful, Adulterous, and sometimes Perverse Sexual scandals?
None of their pitiful excuses condone their hypocrisy of preaching one standard for their Flock and then flaunting those rules in their private lives.
Our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ may forgive these Pond Scum but Sarkes finds it difficult to do so.
Given the fact that these Deviant Slime Buckets made BILLIONS, BILLIONS, Sarkes has decided to start his own version of one of these Right Wing Evangelical Mega Churches. But Sarkes needs your help. Please send your generous contribution to: Der Hayr Sarkes Korkoian, ℅ Sarkes Corner Headquarters, Estero, FL. Your contributions are tax deductible and should be large and delivered on a regular basis.
Finally, whenever the Orange Disciple leaves office, 2024, 2044, or in November, he has great potential as Right Wing Evangelical Pastor. In fact, the Orange Potentate could be the Greatest of all Right Wing Evangelical Pastors. His qualifications are impeccable. He has TV experience from his #1 Hit Show The Apprentice, is a God-fearing devout church goer – spending more time in church than on the Golf Course, and finally, a Serial Adulterer and confirmed P-Grabber.
– Joe Biden is the Democratic Candidate for President in 2020
– Sarkes identifies the path to a November Win for Biden
Disclaimer Disclaimer Disclaimer: Sarkes is a Pure Independent, a Truth Machine, and always Fair and Balanced. Nothing in this Sarkes Corner should be interpreted as endorsing ANY candidate for the 2020 Presidential Election. Disclaimer Disclaimer Disclaimer
Warning Warning Warning: This in-depth report on how Joe Biden can beat Donald Trump in November is a lengthy analysis but worth the time to read. While Sarkes Corner offerings are typically short and concise, this analysis required a lengthy report. Warning Warning Warning:
During the Democratic National Convention in 2016, Michelle Obama said: “When they go low, we go high.” Alas, that strategy did not work in 2016 and will not work in 2020.
With all due respect to Michelle Obama, Sarkes tells Joe Biden that if he wants to win in November, his mantra must be: “When they go low, and they will, we go lower.”
Sleepy Joe Biden may be slow but he is far from stupid. Slow Joe knows that the Orange Oligarch won the 2016 Presidential Election with tactics never seen previously in a Presidential Election…….and, of course with the help of his buddy Vlads Putin and the Russian Commies.
So, for the 2020 Presidential election, if Tired Joe Biden wants to win, he must use the Orange Knute Rockne Playbook on how to win a Presidential Election. The Playbook has 4 simple, tried and true, Pages:
THE DONALD TRUMP PLAYBOOK ON WINNING ELECTIONS:
Playbook Page 1 – Have Extramarital Affairs and/or Sexually harass women
In 2016 we learned that Americans do not care that their elected politicians sexually harass women or have adulterous affairs. Many men charged with sexual harassment, or found to have cheated on their wives, get elected and re-elected over and over again. In fact, White Christian Fundamentalist Evangelicals recently declassified Adultery as a sin.
The Orange Bird Dog was accused of Sexually Harassing and P-Grabbing over 25 women. In each and every case, the Orange Cock Hound denied that he was a P-Grabber. He claimed that all of these women were Gold Diggers who were only after his money, and 10 minutes of fame. Note, this count does not include the 2 women who became the Orange Bird Dogs second and third wives after adulterous affairs.
Crazy Joe Biden was also accused of P-Grabbing, but by only one women. If Tepid Joe is to use the Orange Kaisers Play Book on how to win a Presidential election, he should continue to say that he is innocent. And, if Joe is smart, he should find several more women to accuse him of P-Grabbing. Using the Trump playbook, the more P-Grabbing the better.
Playbook Page 2 – Insult, Insult, Insult!
The SHORT List of who the Orange Bully insulted on his way to the landslide 2016 Presidential election include:
Republicans in Name Only (RINOs)
Never Trumpers (Human Scum)
Lame Stream Media
Catholics, specifically the Pope
African Shit Hole Countries
Military Gold Star Mothers and Fathers
Again, this is just a short list. What makes this Page in the Playbook effective is to NEVER EVER APOLOGIZE, NEVER, EVER, NEVER, when using Junior High School insults and bullying. In fact, the Orange Exalted Leader not only Insulted, but he Double Downed, Tripled Down, and Quadrupled Down.
Now, Quid Pro Joe is in the early stages of using Page 2 of the Playbook, Insult. Slow Mo Joe insulted African Americans who voted Republican. Joe claims that these Black Americans who voted Republican are “not Black”. Sweet Joe, BUT, instead of Doubling Down and Tripling Down like the Orange Eminence, Slow Joe APOLOGIZES! Joe, Joe, Joe, NEVER, EVER, APOLOGIZE, NEVER. If Joe is smart, he needs to find other Minorities or Disenfrachinsed Americans and ramp up the Insults. It’s a tired and proven technique to win an election.
Playbook Page 3 – Degrade / Intimidate Your Opponents Base
Not only has the Orange Orator insulted a large percentage of the American Demographic, he has also perfected the science of degrading and intimidating his opponents Base, the classic Bully syndrome. You see, the Orange Einstein is smart enough to know that he will NEVER get votes from his Opponents Base, so there is no risk in degrading and intimidating. In fact, it makes him look strong. No Risk, High Reward.
Smokin Joe Biden must do the same with the Orange Supreme Leaders Base. Tired Joe has nothing to Lose as he will never get the votes of the Orange Sultans Base, and by going on the attack, he will show strength.
The Orange Profits base is bi-model. Clarification Clarification Clarification: The next discussion describes a Bi-Model Distribution. Bi-Model Distributions may be too complex or technical for some Sarkes Corner subscribers who do not have a Statistics acumen like Sarkes. If so, Sarkes recommends that you Google Bi-Model Distribution for details. Clarification Clarification Clarification
The Orange Monarch’s Base has two distinct populations, i.e, Bi-Model:
Uneducated, Underemployed, White Folk; this Mode is characterized as having Low Intelligence and Low Wealth. This Mode makes up the largest majority of the Orange Profits Base.
Rich, Old, White, Men; this Mode is characterized as having High Intelligence and High Wealth. While a much smaller Mode, by an order of magnitude, it is a very powerful force for the Orange Duke.
So, Snoozing Joe Biden must degrade and intimidate BOTH of the Modes of the Orange Pasha’s Base with separate and distinct strategies. In the 2016 election, Hillary Clinton tried to degrade by calling the Orange Sultan’s supporters “a basket of Deplorables”. This tactic backfired for Clinton because she did not sustain the attack, nor did she recognize the Bi-Model Distribution.
So, what should Drowsy Joe Biden do to attack the Bi-Model distribution of the Orange Raja’s base? It’s simple, he must treat both Modes separately and have an intelligent, well organized attack for each mode.
For the Uneducated, Underemployed White Folk Mode, Languid Joe Biden must make sure that Americans know that this group is; Dumb, Gap Toothed, Heat Packing, Cammo Wearing, Beer Drinking, Meth ingesting, High School Drop Out, Pickup Truck Driving, Dufases, that practice Animal Husbandry.
For the Rich, Old, White, Men Mode, Lethargic Joe Biden must make sure that Americans know this group as; 1%ers, High Income, High Wealth, Captains of Industry, The MAN, Greedy, Country Clubbers, Suit Wearing, Live in Gated Communities, Luxury Car Drivers, No conscious, with allegiance to one entity, their Portfolios.
Playbook Page 4 – Quippy Nicknames
The Orange Chosen One has the unique skill of giving opponents Quippy Nicknames. The Orange Carnival Barker honed this skill during his time with the #1 TV show for 15 years, The Apprentice. His Quippy Nicknames stick like glue to the victim and are a very effective campaign tool. The Orange Generalli is an equal opportunity, Junior High School, Name caller, labeling Liberals, Conservatives, and people of all colors. A small sample of names used by the Orange Kaiser for Political opponents include:
Mini Mike (Mike Bloomberg)
Low Energy Jeb (Jeb Bush)
Alfred E. Newman (Pete Buttigieg)
Crooked Hillary (Hillary Clinton)
Lying Ted (Ted Cruz)
Flakey (Jeff Flake)
Al Frankenstein (Al Franken)
Fat Jerry (Jerry Nadler)
Dummy Beto (Beto O’Rourke)
Nervous Nancy (Nancy Pelosi)
Little Marco (Marco Rubio)
Braindead Bernie (Bernie Sanders)
Shifty Schiff (Adam Schiff)
Mr. Magoo (Jeff Sessions
Pocahontas (Elizabeth Warren)
Comatose Joe must IMMEDIATELY come up with Quippy Nicknames for President Trump and him minions, and use these Quippy Nicknames with each and every interview. Sarkes provides a list of Quippy Nicknames for Drowsy Joe to use:
Dotard Donnie (Donald Trump)
Penis Head Pence (Mike Pence)
Bullshit Barr (William Barr)
Howdy Dooty (Mitch McConnell)
Bobblehead Betsy (Betsy DeVos)
Pompous Ass Pompeo (Mike Pompeo)
Malarkey Mark (Mark Meadows)
Jerkoff Jared (Jared Kushner)
Munchkin Mnuchin (Steven Mnuchin)
The Token (Ben Carson)
Wiiiiiiiiiiilber (Wilber Ross) Reference: 1960’s TV Sitcom Mr. Ed
Lying Kellyanne Conway
There you have it, Sarkes has laid out the sure path for a 2020 Presidential Victory for Yawning Joe Biden. Four simple, easy to execute, pages from the Orange Majesty’s Playbook on how to win an election.
Will Nodding Joe Biden take Sarkeses recommendations and execute this playbook? Probably not. It takes a certain type of person to Sexually Harass, Insult, Degrade, Intimidate, and give Junior High Nicknames to one’s opponent. Sarkes does not believe that Dozing Joe has the personality to credibly pull this off.
– This Sarkes Corner Special Report investigates Animals that attack bicyclists
– While these events may seem to be unrelated, is this really a conspiracy against mankind by the Animal Kingdom?
Thanks to Crack Sarkes Corner Investigative Reporter Lenny Harding for his in-depth analysis of animal attacks on bicyclists. Lenny Harding is a relative of our 29th President, Warren Harding. Republican Warren Harding only served 2 1/2 years as President and died in office. “Many People Say” Harding was poisoned by his Wife, Florence Harding, as Harding was a Tier 1 Cockhound, having several extra marital affairs. Harding was best known for the famous Tea Pot Scandal. All in all, Warren Harding was not a shining star of the GOP.
While not as good as Sarkes in connecting the dots, Investigative Reporter Lenny Harding saw a connection with Animals attacking bicyclists. While Sarkes only needs 1 data point (Dot) to make an inference, it took Investigative Reporter Lenny Harding 4 data points to break this story:
Iguana attacks cyclists in Florida
A Florida man was recently injured in a bicycle crash after an Iguana unexpectedly darted into his path. The Florida man was riding his bike in Marathon when the reptile ran out in front of him and caused him to crash.
According to the cyclist, the Iguana became lodged in between the front tire and front wheel fork of the bicycle, causing the front tire to lock. The cyclist flew over the handlebars and onto the asphalt. The stomach of the iguana was restrained in the fork of the tire, leaving the reptile unable to breathe. The iguana was DOA at a local animal hospital
2. Kangaroo attacks cyclist in Australia
A Peloton of Cyclists were riding along a dusty road in eastern Australia when they observed a couple of small Kangaroos to their left. Suddenly, a much larger Kangaroo lunges at the Peloton of Cyclists attacking one of the Cyclists. In this case, neither the Kangaroo or the Cyclists were severely injured.
Marcus Berghardt, of Team Telekom, was hanging on at the back of the Peleton when suddenly a Golden Retriever decided it was time to cross the road. Unfortunately, Burghardt didn’t see the dog until it was right in front of him. There was a violent crash. Burghardt’s front wheel snapped in half instantly upon impact, scrapping a $500 carbon fiber wheel. Miraculously, neither Burghardt nor the dog suffered any injuries from the collision.
4. Squirrel attacks cyclist in Upstate New York
Sarkes neighbor in Florida, Georgie Taylor, is a snowbird from upstate New York. One of Georgies neighbors was out for leisurely ride one afternoon. While taking in the beautiful scenery around the Erie Canal, the bicyclist was viciously attached by a rabid squirrel. The attacking squirrel barely missed the rider but met an untimely demise when it got wedged in the rear wheel of the bicycle.
Investigative Reporter Lenny Harding makes the inference that these seemingly unrelated attacks on cyclists (different continents, different animals, different types of bicycles) are really an organized plot by the Animal Kingdom to wipe out Mankind.
You see, Humans have not been kind to the Animal Kingdom. Animals are slaughtered for our Big Macs, Mankind has taken the Animals natural environment thru the building of sprawling Suburbs, and Hunters around the world continue to “Thin Out the Herd”. Like the Orange Rocky, the Animal Kingdom is Counter Punching, one Cyclist at a time.
Investigative Reporter Lenny Hardings findings will surely lead him to winning a Nobel Prize in one of several categories: Science, Literature, or Peace. It’s quite possible that Lenny Harding could win multiple Nobel Prizes for the same story.
The publication of this story is not without risk. Investigative Reporter Lenny Harding must now wear sunglasses for disguise so as not to be attacked by an animal when riding his bike. Sarkes has it on good authority that there is a bounty on Lenny Harding by the Animal Kingdom.
A Florida sheriff orders deputies not to wear masks and bans civilians in masks from the sheriffs office
Masks?, We Don’t Need No Stink’n Masks!
Thanks to St. Louis Sarkes Corner Contributor Bob Bellm for this breaking news out of Florida. One of Florida’s finest Sheriffs just might have broken the code on the Caronavirus.
Marion County Florida Sheriff Billy Woods barred deputies from wearing masks even as Florida continues to struggle with record breaking coronavirus numbers. To date, there have been over 500,000 Floridans with Caronavirus, 31,000 Floridians hospitalized and over 9,000 Floridians have died from the China Virus. But those statistics may be Fake News.
Einstein Sheriff Billy Woods insisted there’s no conclusive evidence that wearing masks curbs the spread of the virus, despite data from the US Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). Einstein Sheriff Billy Woods must believe that if the Orange Lab Technician doesn’t believe the CDC why should he. After all, The Orange Scientist knows more the Caronavirus than anyone in our country.
Einstein Sheriff Billy Woods said: ”Now, I can already hear the whining and just so you know I did not make this decision easily and I have weighed it out for the past 2 weeks. We can debate and argue all day of why and why not. The fact is, the amount of professionals that give the reason why we should, I can find the exact same amount of professionals that say why we shouldn’t. This is no longer a debate nor is it up for discussion.”
Another data point as to why the use of Masks is a Hoax to take away the freedom of Great Americans, is the 2020 Motorcycle Rally in Sturgis, SD. Over 250,000 Motorcyclists, from all over America, have congregated in Stugis for their annual Rally. These Great Americans do not wear Motorcycle Helmets nor do they wear Masks. Since Motorcyclists are widely recognized as one of the more intelligent demographics in America, they provide yet another data point to support Florida Marion County Einstein Sheriff Billy Woods.
Finally, Sarkes is reminded of that great scene from the 1974 Mel Brooks movie classic BLAZING SADDLES. Governor William J. Le Petomane assembles a Posse by deputizing them with official badges. A band of Mexican desperados refuse to take the badges saying: “Badges, we don’t need no Stink’n Badges.”
There you have it. It’s clear American Scientists, almost all of whom are Angry Democrats, have pulled a Hoax over America. The China Virus, aka Kung Flu, is a Hoax on America. This Hoax has not fooled the Orange Einstein, Florida Marion County Einstein Sheriff Billy Woods, or the 250,000 Great American Motorcyclists at Sturgis.
So America, take off your Masks, gather in mass at Restaurants and Bars, and send your children to K-12 schools and Colleges. LIBERATE! All is well in America.
Sarkes Note: Sarkes encourages young subscribers to Sarkes Corner who have never watched the 1974 Mel Brooks Movie Classic Blazing Saddles to do so. This movie classic does more to explain the conquering of the United States by the White Man than any history book.
Sarkes conducted a Survey to assess the publics response to sending Missouri and Florida K-12 Children back to School during the Caronavirus Pandemic
Specifically, the public was asked about Florida Gov DeSantis, Missouri Gov Parsons and Education Secretary DeVos
This Sarkes Corner Survey was constructed using the tightest Statistical techniques. While it has been proven that Sarkes can make an accurate inference with just one data point, this Sarkes Corner Survey had DOUBLE the standard sample size required by Statisticians world-wide. As such, the Margin of Error for this Sarkes Corner Survey was 1%, unheard of in todays polling and surveys.
Responses to the Sarkes Corner Survey were controlled tighter than DOD Classified Data, and protected by Firewalls that protected the data from; the Russians, the Ukrainians, the Chinese, or a 400 pound hacker living in his mothers basement. Survey responses were generated by email, phone calls, and personal interviews.
Originally, Sarkes wanted to use Mail-In Surveys. This approach was NOT used after Sarkes learned that the Orange Jumpsuit had provided evidence that Liberals had commissioned Children to Steal Ballots from the Mailboxes of Conservatives. Since the integrity of the Sarkes Corner Survey was paramount, no Mail-In surreys were used.
The topic of the Sarkes Corner Survey was the sending of our K-12 children back to schools during the Caronavirus Pandemic. On this topic:
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis said: ”I’m confident if you can do Home Depot, if you can do Walmart, if you can do these things, we absolutely can do the schools. My kids aren’t school-age yet, I got a 3-year-old daughter, 2-year-old son, and a newborn daughter. And I can tell you if they were school-age, I would have zero concern sending them.”
Missouri Governor Mike Parsons said: “These kids have got to get back to school. They’re at the lowest risk possible. And if they do get COVID-19, which they will — and they will when they go to school — they’re not going to the hospitals. They’re not going to have to sit in doctor’s offices. They’re going to go home and they’re going to get over it.”
Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos said: “There’s nothing in the data that suggests that kids being in school is in any way dangerous. More and more studies show that kids are actually stoppers of the disease and they don’t get it and transmit it themselves, so we should be in a posture of – the default should be getting back to school kids in person, in the classroom.”
The Sarkes Corner Survey
Who is the biggest Moron, Buffon, Dolt, Dotard, Nincompoop, Oaf, Imbecile? (Select ONE of the options below):
A. Florida Governor Ron DeSantis
B. Missouri Governor Mike Parsons
C. Education Secretary Betsy DeVos
D. DeSantis, Parsons and DeVos are equally Moronic
E. None if the above, it’s Obama’s Fault, it’s always Obama’s Fault
Before conducting the Sarkes Corner Survey, Sarkes and the Sarkes Corner Analysts, had predicted that the final results of the Sarkes Corner Survey would follow Political Party Lines. I.E., Liberal Democrats would reply that Florida Governor DeSantis, Missouri Governor Parsons, and Education Secretary DeVos were all Morons. And, Conservative Republicans would reply that It was Obama’s Fault, it’s always Obama’s Fault. The Wild Card was Independents. Sarkes and Staff could not predict how Independents would reply to the Sarkes Corner Survey.
The Results of the Sarkes Corner Survey:
Who is the biggest Moron, Buffon, Dolt, Dotard, Nincompoop, Oaf, Imbecile?
A. Florida Governor Ron DeSantis = 3%
B. Missouri Governor Mike Parsons = 2%
C. Education Secretary DeVos = 4%
D. DeSantis, Parsons and DeVos are equally Moronic = 51%
E. None of the above, it’s Obama’s Fault, it’s always Obama’s Fault = 40%
Sarkes Corner Survey Results Analysis:
Well, the People have spoken. Sarkes and the Sarkes Corner staff were surprised on how the results of the Sarkes Corner Survey mirror the current Polls that show Sleepy Joe Biden with a Uuuuuuge lead over the Orange Stable Genius. Hmmmmm, interesting.
WARNING WARNING WARNING, Sarkes warns all to review the result of the Sarkes Corner Survey with caution. After all, in 2016, Crooked Hillary held a 15 point lead over the Orange Kind of the Jews but lost the election in November, even with 5 million illegal Mexicans voting for her.
So what is the Sarkes Takeaway based on the Sarkes Corner Survey results AND the results of the 2016 President Election: By November, it might be proven that DeSantis, Parson and DeVos are NOT Morons, that it’s still Obamas Fault, and the Orange Magician will pull out another Orange Rabbit out of his Orange Hat and win the 2020 Presidential Election.
– GOP Senators confused Rep. John Lewis with Rep. Elijah Cummings
– Sarkes understands, as all Armenian Men Look the Same
With the sad passing of US Representative John Lewis, 2 GOP Senators, Marco Rubio, Florida, and Dan Sullivan, Alaska, posted tributes to John Lewis but used photos of US Representative Elijah Cummings, who passed away in October 2019. Rubio and Sullivan are not to be blamed. You see, both Rubio and Sullivan very rarely see African Americans in their home states of Florida or Alaska, so their confusion can be justified.
“Many People Say” Sarkes, are you nuts! Why are you giving these two US Senators a pass on an obvious egregious screwup!!! This was no simple misunderstanding as you claim. Sarkes, Sarkes, Sarkes what the (Boink) is wrong with you!!!.
Sarkes declares, hold on, contraire mon ferre. You see, Sarkes, as a Brown, Armenian, Man, understands that differentiating people of color can be confusing as we all look alike.
To prove this point, Sarkes provides the Sarkes Quiz below. In each picture, Sarkes is in one of the Frames and another, dark skin, Armenian, is in the other Frame. Sarkes bets you will have difficulties picking him out of this photo array. After all, we dark skin, Armenian Men, all look the same.
So there you have it. Sarkes asks that all NOT jump to conclusions when two of our countries highest ranking officials, Marco Rubio and Dan Sullivan, make honest mistakes. It’s not their fault. After all, we people of color all look the same.