The Lake of the Ozarks

Executive Summary:

  • The Lake of the Ozarks is a wonderful place for resorts, water sports, and weekend chalets 
  • The Lake of the Ozarks is the background for the Netflix Hit Show “Ozarks”

– The Lake of the Ozarks draws Stupid Americans like a magnet

Thanks to Sarkes Correspondent and Sister Cindy Mamelian and daughter Cathy Korkoian for this story about the Jewel of Missouri, the Lake of the Ozarks.  

The Lake of the Ozarks was formed with the construction of Bagnell Dam on the Osage River in the heart of Missouri.  Construction started on the dam in 1929 and was completed in 1931. The resulting reservoir, the Lake of the Ozarks, has a surface area of 55,000 acres, over 1,150 miles of shoreline, and stretches 94 miles from end to end. At the time of construction, it was one of the largest man-made lakes in the world and the largest in the United States.  Bagnell Dam was built with the purpose of Hydroelectric generation.  

Bagnall Dam created the Lake of the Ozarks in 1931
The Lake of the Ozarks is a popular water sport, weekend destination

Florida, the Gunshine State, has a Bi-Modal Population Distribution, Crackers and Rich Old White Retired Snowbirds.  Likewise, Missouri, The Shoot Me State, has a Bi-Modal Population Distribution,  Redneck/Hillbillies and Rich White People (young and old), from St. Louis and Kansas City.

The Lake of the Ozarks is the setting for the popular Netflix show Ozarks.  Ozarks is the story of 2 families, the Byrds (Rich White People) and the Langmores (Ozark Hillbillies).

The Byrds, Rich White Folk, had a difficult time adjusting from life in Chicago to life in the Ozarks
The Langmores are typical Ozark natives, content with their beer and single wide Trailers

When Sarkes was growing up in Missouri, then called the Show Me State, the  state was an important Purple Swing state.  Now, the Shoot Me State is Bright Red, with all state-wide and national offices held by God-fearing, Great American, Conservative Republicans.  The transition started when George Bush 2 flushed out the Evangelical Christians as a powerful voting block, and finished with the University of Missouri, Mizzou, entering the SEC Athletic Conference in 2012.  

The Shoot Me States transition form Purple to Red had some predictable consequences.  One is the fact that the good citizens of the Shoot Me State will not let the Government tell them what to do.  The citizens of the Shoot Me State have the Constitutional Right to be Stupid.

And, Stupid they were on Memorial Day Weekend.  After the Orange Potentate called for the LIBERATION of States to Open Up, Missouri Governor Mike Parson opened up the Shoot Me State on May 4, rolling out the “Show Me Strong Recovery Plan”.

Some pictures of how the LIBERATION “Show Me Strong Recovery Plan” looks at the Lake of the Ozarks follow.  These pictures were taken at a Pool Party at a popular watering hole, Backwater Jacks Bar & Grill in Osage Beach.

This is Social Distancing…….Missouri Style
Missourians are Booze Hounds and won’t let the Government tell them what to do

Yes, the Good Citizens of the Shoot Me State have a Constitutional Right to be Stupid, and there is ample evidence that they take that Right Seriously.  Sarkes will avoid his home state for a while.

Caronavirus Crimes

Executive Summary:

– The Caronavirus is bringing out the worse in Americans

– Caronavirus related Crime is on the rise

Sarkes, a Constitutional Scholar, is on record that our Constitution gives all Americans Rights un-paralleled anywhere else in the world………including the Right to be Stupid.

The Great American Philosopher George Carlin said it best about Americans

One such stupid American is Gloricia Woody from Oklahoma City, OK.  Woody had entered a McDonalds restaurant despite the dining area being closed because of coronavirus restrictions.  The McDonalds Drive-Thru was open but Woody was too hungry to wait in the line.

Goricia Woody, craving a Big Mac and not wanting to wait in the Drive-Thru line, is heading to the Hoosegow

When employees asked Woody to leave, she refused and got into a scuffle with the employees. Employees eventually forced Woody outside, but she re-entered the restaurant with a handgun and fired three rounds.  One McDonalds worker was shot in the arm, two others were struck by shrapnel, and a fourth worker suffered a head injury.  The injuries were not life threatening.

Lines are long at McDonalds Drive-Thru these days as customer need their tasty Big Macs and Fillet-O-Fish

The incident is one of a number reported across the country that authorities said were related to restrictions put in place to combat the spread of the coronavirus. 

In Michigan, a Security Guard at a Family Dollar Store in Flint, MI, was tragically fatally shot after arguing with a customer who did not want to wear a face mask in the store, a mandate in place by Michigan for all retail stores.  Ramonyea Bishop, 23, and his stepfather, Larry Teague, 44, have been charged with first-degree murder.

Retail Stores in Michigan require customers to wear Face Masks
Bishop and Tucker are heading to the Hoosegow charged with Murder

In Southern California, a customer wore a Ku Klux Klan Hood during a trip to the grocery store – – – and repeatedly ignored staff requests to remove it.   The incident took place at a Vons Super Market in San Diego one day after health officials in the county ordered residents to wear face coverings in public to stymie the spread of Covid-19.

This Great American wore his KKK Hood to comply with Government Mask requirements

When asked at a recent 2 hour Caronavirus Press Conference at the White about these 3 Caronavirus incidents, his Orange Majesty said:

“I am not responsible for these acts of crime.  I don’t take responsibility at all.  These crimes were caused by a set of circumstances and rules, regulations and specifications from Obama, he is to blame.” 

“Now listen, the guy in the KKK hood should have found another mask, but there are very fine people on both sides”

“They should throw the book at those 2 Black Guys that killed the Security Guard in Michigan, they are animals.  I told my personal lawyer, William Barr, not to call that woman in Michigan (Governor Gretchen Witmer), she is useless.”

“If they convict the woman in the McDonalds shooting I will have my personal Lawyer William Barr issue her a Pardon.  America depends on McDonalds to provide tasty Big Macs, Quarter Pounders with Cheese, Fillet-O-Fish, Fries, Cokes and Shakes.  If McDonalds does not get their act together, I will order the Defense Production Act on McDonalds.”

Like the Orange Eminence always says: “Its Obamas Fault”
The Orange Carnivore prefers McDonalds Big Macs over Fillet-O-Fish 
The Orange Messiahs personal lawyer, William Barr, is very busy these days

Economic Impact Payments

Executive Summary:

-Economic Impact Payment Checks were issued to Americans, Dead or Alive

In this time of the year when Pulitzer Prizes are awarded, Sarkes, Editor of Sarkes Corner, had really believed that he would receive a Pulitzer for his investigative reporting that resulted in the declaration that Donald J. Trump is really a Liberal Democrat in Reagan-Conservative clothing.   

Sarkes based his inference on one data point, that is, that his Deceased mother, Alice Korkoian, had received a $1,200.00 ECONOMIC IMPACT PAYMENT – DONALD J. TRUMP. Liberal Democrats have a history of allowing the Deceased to Vote and receive Government Checks long after they have made their Celestial Exit. This is proof positive that Donald J. Trump is really a Liberal in Reagan-Conservative Clothing.

The Orange Liberal-in-Reagan-Conservative Clothing knowingly issued Tens of Thousands ECONOMIC IMPACT PAYMENT Checks to the Deceased, like this one issued to Alice Korkoian, as the checks were addressed to the Deceased (note the DECD next to the addressee name)

It turns out that Tens of Thousands of $1,200 ECONOMIC IMPACT PAYMENT checks were issued to Deceased Americans. The Orange U.S. Treasury, realizing that they may have made a mistake, then asked that the $1,200 ECONOMIC IMPACT PAYMENT checks be VOIDED and returned to the Treasury.

Since no postage was provided, the Deceased realized a loss of $1,200.55.

The Orange Indian-Giver Flipped asked the Deceased Americans to VOID the checks and return to the Treasury

The Deceased were required to mail back the Voided Checks at a cost of 55 cents for 1st Class postage

The Orange Treasury has learned their lesson. On more recent $1,200 ECONOMIC IMPACT PAYMENT checks issued, the Orange Treasury has a box on the front of the envelope that states: If Recipient is Deceased check here and drop in Mail Box. This even with the $1,200 ECONOMIC IMPACT PAYMENT check enclosed was addressed to Deceased!!!

This Economic Impact Payment Check, issued to Sarkeses deceased Aunt Rosalie, had the new Return Box, saving Sarkeses Cousin Dorthy 55 cents

God Bless the Orange Philanthropist, he was only trying to help all Americans, Dead or Alive.

More WWE Wrestling

Executive Summary:

  • Florida Governor DeSantis has declared that WWE Wrestling is an “Essential Service”
  • The next day, several WWE Superstars were given the Old Heave Ho

Thanks to Sarkes Corner Contributor and sister Cindy Mamelian for this timely story about WWE Wrestling.  Sarkes does not know if Cindy  is a WWE Wrestling fan or not.

Thanks to the clueless Florida Governor Ron DeSantis, WWE Wrestling, in Orlando, was declared an “Essential Service”, becoming the only American sport to hold live matches.  When asked how WWE could be an “Essential” Business, Governor DeSantis said:  “As a brand that has been woven into the fabric of society, WWE and its Superstars bring families together and deliver a sense of hope, determination and perseverance.”  What, huh, um, he said what?

Well, DeSantis was a bit late on the draw.  WWE Wrestling announced it had released a number of its wrestler-performers.

Given the Old Heave Ho were Super Stars and Great Athletes: Drake Maverick, Zack Ryder, Curt Hawkins, Karl Anderson, Luke Gallows, Heath Slater, Eric Young, Rowan, Sarah Logan, No Way Jose, Mike Chioda, Mike Kanellis, Maria Kanellis, EC3, Aiden English, Lio Rush, Primo and Epico.

No Way Jose got thrown out of the WWE Ring, Literally
Primo was shocked that he got the Old Heave Ho
EC3’s mussels are all natural, no Steroids for EC3
Sarah Logan is one tough Philly, don’t mess with her

WWE Wrestling released a statement regarding budget cuts the company had to make in response to the coronavirus pandemic. The company said that it would reduce executive and board member compensation, decrease operating expenses and cut talent expenses.  As WWE Wrestling was giving these great athletes the Old Heave Ho, they Tweeted: “We wish them all the best in their future endeavors” 

WWE Wrestling continued:  ”Given the uncertainty of the situation, the Company also identified headcount reductions and made the decision to furlough a portion of its workforce effective immediately.  The fundamentals of the Company’s business remain strong reflecting the passion of WWE’s fans and the quality of its content.”  The budget cuts are estimated to save $4 million monthly and improve cash flow by $140 million, according to WWE.

When told about the WWE Wrestling Layoffs a day after he declared them an “Essential Service”, Florida Governor DeSantis said:  “I ah, its ah, um, No Comment”

Governor DeSantis was speechless when told about the WWE Layoffs

The Orange Grappler Tweeted:

Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – April 16 @ 4:56AM

I am a Big Fan of the WWE, the biggest Fan.  Why did they layoff their Great Athletes after I gave them Free Money.  WWE are traitors and will pay the Price.  I will have my Personal Attorney, William Barr, initiate an investigation.  WWE will not get away with this.

The Orange Bruiser was the Best Wrestler in WWE History, History

Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – April 16 @ 5:28AM

My experiences with WWE Wrestling made me the Great President that I am today.  I am the Greatest President of all time.   WWE taught me to be the  Great Counterpuncher I am today.  No one gives President Trump and shit, NOBODY!

The Orange Counterpuncher was Undefeated during his WWE career

Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – April 16 @ 5:56AM

WWE is NOT FAKE!!!!!!!.  WWE are real athletes like me battling out mano un mano.  I became the biggest star in the WWE despite my painful Bone Spurs.  Now CNN and MSNBC are Fake, not WWE.  

Unlike CNN and MSNBC, WWE is NOT FAKE!!

Essential Businesses in Florida

Executive Summary:

– Florida Governor, Ron DeSantis, is trying to make life easy for Floridians

– Some of the  list of “Essential” businesses are unique to Florida

Thanks to Sarkes Corner Contributors and brothers Don and Dave Schepers for sending this story about some unique “Essential” businesses in Florida.  Both Schepers brothers are residents of Missouri, so it is understandable that they might be confused.

Sarkes has been called a hypocrite for his Florida-bashing all the while taking advantage of life in a gated Golf Course community.  The harsh truth is that Florida has two distinct populations.  The first, like Sarkes, live in gated, Golf Course Communities, most are transplants from “up north”.  The second, are native Floridians, salt of the earth, many of which are Crackers.  These two distinct Floridian populations don’t usually mix, but co-exist, crossing paths at Publix, CVS, etc. 

Sarkes is a Truth Machine and cannot make this stuff up

Sarkes, a Truth Machine, only reports, you decide.  Do not shoot the messenger.  

Like most States, Florida has published a list of “Essential” businesses that can stay open during the Stay-at-Home Coronavirus Protocols.  Logical businesses that are considered “Essential” in Florida include; Pharmacies, Grocery Stores, Gas Stations, Hardware Stores, Banks, Health Clinics, etc.  

But Florida has some unique “Essential” businesses that makes a non-Floridian scratch their heads. This list includes:

Pool Service Providers:  These essential businesses keep our swimming pools clean, balanced and safe.  While most all “public” pools are closed, the swimming pools in our Florida homes are essential to provide owners a place to cool off, water aerobics, rest and relaxation, essential for both the physical and mental health of Floridians.

Sarkes and Son David relaxing in the Korkoian Pool
Water Aerobics are one way to stay in shape during the Caronavirus sequestration 

Churches and Synagogues:  In most states, large assemblies of people have been prohibited.  Gathering of more than 10 people is the rule.  The same rule is in place Florida, EXCEPT for Churches and Synagogues.  Florida Governor Ron DeSantis said he believes churches and synagogues are serving an important role.  Defying any common sense in these pandemic times, Governor DeSantis has cow-towed to the Religious Right, allowing them to assemble as usual.  DeSantis said: “I think that the government has the authority to close the church. I’m certainly not going to do that.  In times like this I think what churches are doing is very important.”  What, huh, um, he did what?

Gov DeSantis is letting large congregations assemble to Praise The Lord, Amen

Alcohol Stores:  In these trying times, the Floridian needs the comfort of their beer, wine, or hard liquor.  Being cooped up with ones spouse and children 24/7 can cause stress and angst that can often be mitigated with a good stiff drink.  Both Floridian populations; the Gated Communities and the Salt of the Earth native Floridians, have one thing in common – they love their Booze. 

Floridian Booze Hounds need their hooch to get thru these stressful times

Fire Arms Stores:  Florida, the “Gunshine State” is the Benchmark state for the NRA.  The “Gunshine State” has issued over 2 Milion, Million, with an M, Concealed Carry Permits.  It is estimated that more than 2 Million Floridians are Packing Concealed Heat without a Permit.  Given the strong, NRA-bred, Gun culture in Florida, it is no surprise that Gun Shops are considered “Essential” businesses.  Florida Gun shops are experiencing record sales rivaling the Gun sales of Heat and Ammo during the Obama years.  

Fire Arms and Ammo are flying off the shelves in Florida Gun Shops

WWE Wrestling:  But probably the most bizarre Florida “Essential” Business is the WWE, World Wrestling Entertainment.   Not initially been deemed essential, the wrestling operation was subsequently deemed an essential business.  WWE is produced from a studio in Orlando.  When asked how WWE could be an “Essential” Business, Governor DeSantis said:  “As a brand that has been woven into the fabric of society, WWE and its Superstars bring families together and deliver a sense of hope, determination and perseverance.”  What, huh, um, he said what?

The WWE is wholesome entertainment and brings families together all across America
Sarkes prefers watching Judge Judy over the WWE

Sarkes has been recognized by the Statistical Academia community for being able to make an inference with just one data point.  Here, Sarkes has multiple data points.  While being sequestered with the Stay-at-Home Coronavirus protocols, Floridians can go out in public to buy Booze, Guns, and Ammo.  Sarkes infers that this is a formula for disaster.  

A Cooped up, Booze Hound, Floridian who packs Heat is a formula for disaster 

Florida Governor, Ron DeSantis is an Orange Oracle Stooge and NRA Lemming.  With the strong Leadership of Governor DeSantis, Floridians can; worship our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ next to thousands of their neighbors, and watch WWE Wrestling in the comfort of their homes with the knowledge that they are safe Packing Heat all while drinking their favorite Hooch.

Ron DeSantis is an Orange Oligarch Puppet

They are Howling at the Moon in Denver

Executive Summary:

  • Like most Americans, the good citizens of Denver, CO are going stir crazy
  • At 8:00 pm, they go outside and start howling

The city of Denver, CO is howling.  Yes, howling.  

Shelsea Ochoa and Brice Maiurro started the Facebook group “Go Outside and Howl at 8pm” on March 27. A little more than a week later, that Facebook group has more than 420,000 members, most from Colorado. 

Denverites Ochoa Maiurro could have been raised by a Pack of Wolves

So why are Denverites howling?  There’s not really a set reason. Some people howl to find joy in a communal experience. Others howl to grieve. Some howl to honor medical workers. Ochoa and Maiurro left the reasoning behind the howl open-ended. It’s up for you to decide. 

Denverites are Howling like a wild Wolf

Many of the Denverites say that there’s something innately enjoyable about howling. Maiurro suggests that it’s a mix of being given permission to do something so wild and hearing the call and response with your neighbors. Plus, “there’s something western about howling that people really enjoy.”

There’s something about the Denver Moon that makes one want to Howl

How does it work?

  • Step one: Note when the clock strikes 8 o’clock
  • Step two: Open up your window or step into your backyard
  • Step three: Howl.

Sarkeses cousin Tip Wilson and her husband Greg live in Denver and have heard the Howling but claim that they have not Howled.

Sarkes Cousins Tip, Greg, and Emily Wilson do not Howl at the Moon

Crime Against Electric Scooters

 Executive Summary:

  • A Florida Cracker has issues with Electric Scooters
  • The Florida Cracker is a Serial Scooter Vandalizer

Thanks to Sarkes Corner Contributor and Sister Cindy Mamelian for this story of Florida Cracker Crime.

A Florida Cracker, 59 year old Randall Williams, has been sneaking around his Ft. Lauderdale neighborhood tampering with electric scooters parked on the streets.

Fort Lauderdale police posted a surveillance video showing Cracker Williams walking up to an electrical scooter on the street, slapping a white sticker on its QR code, and cutting its brake lines, thus rendering it impossible to use.

Cracker Randall Williams is a Serial Scooter Vandalizer

Police report that more than 140 scooters have been disabled and vandalized in a similar way in the southeast part of Fort Lauderdale.  Police had already homed in on Cracker Williams as a possible suspect, and the majority of the acts of vandalism happened within two blocks of his apartment.

Hoping to nab the saboteur, cops staked out the area over the weekend.

In the early hours of Saturday and Sunday, police say they saw Cracker Williams leave his apartment on his nightly rounds of scooter sabotage.

He “walked the neighborhood in a stealthy fashion, utilizing the shadows and the alleyways to conceal his movements,” according to their report.

Police say they saw him vandalize seven scooters on Saturday, and an additional nine on Sunday.

When Police arrested Cracker Williams, he had with him two sets of wire cutters, a pair of hand-held lock pliers, and he was wearing a glove, the police report says.

While Sarkes does not condone the Mass Vandalism of Electric Scooters by Cracker Williams, the issue of Electric Scooters is yet resolved in our major cities.  How many of us have had to avoid these Scooters on our sidewalks or step around these Scooters left helter skelter on sidewalks or yards.   Not to mention that almost none of these Scooter riders are wearing helmets.

Police estimated the cost to fix each scooter at $70.  The cost estimate for the vandalism doesn’t take into account lost revenues from rentals while the scooters are inactive.  Cracker Williams did not discriminate, as he vandalized multiple brands of scooters; Lime, Bird, and Bolt!

Bird Scooters were viciously attacked by Cracker Williams

Lime Scooters were victims of a Scooter Hate Crime
What did Bolt Scooters do to Cracker Williams to deserve their mass destruction

Cracker Williams was booked on charges of criminal mischief, resisting officers, and loitering. 

Dog Shoots Owner

Executive Summary:

  • Sarkes regrets to report on another Dog on Owner Gun Crime.
  •   A Mississippi man is in Intensive Care after being shot by a dog while Duck Hunting near Eagle Lake in Mississippi.

Micah Heckford said he and a group of friends were on an annual Duck and Deer hunting trip in Mississippi. The outing took place on land owned by family members of Heckford’s best friend, Matt Branch, the victim.

Heckford explains:  ”For the most part there’s five to eight of us that have been going six or seven years now. We Deer hunt in the evenings and Duck hunt in the mornings.”

Micah Heckford and Hunting friends bag a lot of Ducks

Early the morning of the hunt, the Hunters were standing around the bed of a Polaris Ranger.  Hunter Branch laid his gun in the bed of the Polaris Ranger and walked around the vehicle to finish loading. 

The Polaris Ranger, scene of the Crime

Seeing that the hunters were loading the vehicle, the Perp,  a Labrador Retriever named Tito, jumped in the bed of the Ranger. As he walked around finding a place to sit, Tito stepped on the safety of Branch’s shotgun and pulled the trigger. Despite his name, Tito is not of Puerto Rican decent.

Labrador Retriever Tito, accused of Assault and Battery 

The shot went thru the bed of the Polaris Ranger and struck Hunter Branch in the left thigh.  

Matt Branch, an innocent victim of Dog on People gun crime

Branch was taken to a medical facility in Vicksburg.  Sadly, Hunter Branch suffered serious leg injuries and he has undergone several surgeries.

The motive for Tito’s attack on Hunter Branch is unknown.  Tito is not talking.

A spokesman for the NRA said:

  • “Guns don’t kill people, Dogs kill people”
  • “the problem is not guns, it’s the mental health of Dogs with guns”
  • “if Tito had gone thru an NRA approved training class, this tragedy would have been avoided.”
  • “the only way to stop a Bad Dog with a Gun is with a Good Dog with a gun”
The NRA believes that the Problem is not Guns and that Dogs can safely shoot guns

The Kansas City Chiefs play in Kansas

Executive Summary:

  • Congratulations to the Kansas City Chiefs for their exciting Super Bowl XIV victory over the San Francisco 49ers.
  • XIV is 54 for those of you who are not a Roman
  • After the game, the nation learns that the Chiefs play in Arrowhead Stadium which is located in Kansas, not Missouri

Thanks to cousin Greg Wilson for breaking this news late last night after the Super Bowl.  Cousins Dorothy and Greg are in Bonita for the annual Cousins Super Bowl party which was hosted this year by Cousin Debbie Esayian.  But Sarkes digresses.  

Super Bowl XIV (54) was played in Miami between the Kansas City Chiefs and the San Francisco 49ers.  The Chiefs executed another come from behind victory, winning 31 -20.  It was an exciting game for sure.

The Chiefs put a beat down on the 49ers, winning 31 – 20

Sarkes, a Brown Man, particularly enjoyed the Half Time show with Shakira and Jennifer Lopez (Ja Lo).  At the Super Bowl Party that Sarkes attended, almost all of the participants, Rich, Old, White Men and Women, were confused, did not know Shakira, and for sure did not relate to to the Latin Pop music.  And no, there was no Wardrobe Malfunction, both Shakira and Ja Lo wore costumes with bare asses.  

Latin Pop was an appropriate Genre in Miami where Super Bowl XIV was played

Apparently, the Orange Linebacker was also watching Super Bowl XIV in the lush Theater at Mir-a-Lago.  Sarkes was invited to the Super Bowl party at Mir-a-Lago but prefers to watch the Super Bowl with his cousins. 

Shortly after Super Bowl XIV was over, the Orange Corner Back Tweeted:

Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – February 2 @ 9:36PM

Congratulations to the Kansas City Chiefs on a great game, and a fantastic comeback, under immense pressure. You represented the Great State of Kansas and, in fact, the entire USA, so very well. Our Country is PROUD OF YOU!

Immediately, Clarie McCaskill, former Senator from Missouri, Tweeted:

Claire McCaskill @ clairecmc – February 2 @ 10:02PM

Its Missouri you stone cold idiot!

Claire McCaskill thought that the Chiefs played in Kansas City, Missouri

The Orange Counter Puncher quickly counter punched:

Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – February 2 @ 10:19PM

Claire, you are a Loser you Fat Cow.  You are so dumb that you don’t know anything about your own state.  You are beleaguered and dumb as a rock. Let me share a map of your state as proof:

This map is proof positive that the Chiefs play in Kansas

The Map provided by the Orange Geographer clearly shows that Kansas City is in the state of Kanas, NOT Missouri.  Who would have guessed.  For the 58 years that Sarkes was a Missouri Citizen, he always thought that the Chiefs and baseball Royals played in Missouri. But Sarkes, a Truth Machine, must admit that he rarely traveled to the western side of Missouri.

While Sarkes has clear vision with his $6,000 Cataract Lenses, the Map provided by the Orange Topologist looks like it was altered by a Sharpie.  No, that’s not possible.

Do People Really Eat Iguanas Road Kill?

Executive Summary:

  • A recent cold snap in South Florida cased the death of hundreds of Iguanas
  • What happened to these dead Iguanas?

A cold snap in South Florida caused Iguanas to literally fall from the trees in which they reside.  Since iguanas are cold-blooded reptiles, they can become immobile in temperatures 40 degrees and colder.  At this temperature, the Iguanas are not dead, but they do fall out their trees.  In temperatures lower than 40 degrees, South Floridians should avoid walking under trees.  

a Frozen Iguana falls from a Tree and is 4 paws up

Most often, the “frozen” Iguana will wake up as the temperature rises.  But sometime the fall will kill the Iguana.  What happens to this Iguana Road Kill?  Does anyone eat Iguana Meat?  The short answer is YES.

Eating iguana meat is nothing new. In fact, it’s a common delicacy in Mexico, Central and South America, and in trendy U.S. restaurants that cater to anyone craving a lizard entree.  Iguanas can range from 9 pounds to 30 pounds and can grow to over 3 feet long. 

a Large Iguana can provide a meal for a family of 6 or more

guana gourmets in the U.S. are sometimes immigrants from other countries looking for a taste of home. Other times, they’re just red-blooded Americans looking for something new.  Dr. William Kern, University of Florida, explains:  “Iguana has been called the Chicken of the Trees”. 

Dr. William Kern, U of F, is an expert on Iguanas as a food source

Dr. Kern, continues:  ”People have been eating iguanas since at least 10,000 years ago, when humans reached the New World tropics. It was a readily available, not-too-dangerous food source. It’s always been part of the diet”.

BBQ Iguana, mmmm, mmmm, mmmm, Tasty

Iguana meat is high protein and low fat.  Iguana is a tasty meat alternative for Tacos, Burritos, Curries, Soups, Stews, and Gumbo according to the University of Florida Institute of Food and Agricultural Sciences. The meat is thick, so it’s often boiled for long periods of time to soften it up.  Dr. Kern clarifies:  ”When Iguana is cooked, it’s almost a white meat, like you might see with chicken or grouper. It’s a mild-flavored meat — milder than alligator.”  

a skinned and gutted Iguana ready to become a Tasty Taco or Stew