More Cracker on Cracker Violence

Executive Summary:

– A Florida man, 72, tries to mow down his neighbor with a tractor

– This shows that Cracker on Cracker violence is not limited to Packing Heat.

Thanks to Sarkes St. Louis friend Betty Wucher for this story about Cracker on Cracker violence in St. Augustine, FL.

Sarkeses Cracker neighbors never cease to amaze. Sarkes cannot make this stuff up.

Typically, Cracker on Cracker violence involves one or both Crackers Packing Heat. But, there are other forms of Cracker on Cracker violence like using broken beer bottles, knifes, and now………..Tractors.

A 72-year-old Florida man was arrested after he was caught on video chasing down his neighbor on a tractor during a dispute over a property dispute.

Cracker Howell Lamar Morris of St. Augustine was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon without intent to kill.

When officers arrived on scene, neighbor Cracker Scott Lynch, 53, told them he was arguing with Cracker Morris over property when Cracker Morris climbed onto his tractor and chased him yelling, “Run, you Fat Ass, Run.”

The video, filmed by Lynch’s wife, does verify that Cracker Lynch, is indeed, a Fat Ass. The video led to Cracker Morris’ arrest.

Huffing and Puffing, Cracker Lynch was able to escape when he entered his garage and shut the door.

Sarkes pondered, how could Cracker Morris, riding his tractor on full throttle, not run down Fat Ass Cracker Lynch? Sarkeses reached out to the University of Illinois School of Agriculture who analyzed the video. The answer was simple. Cracker Morris was riding a foreign made Kubota Tractor. Had Cracker Morris been riding an American Made John Deer Tractor, he would have easily mowed down Fat Ass Cracker Lynch.

The Orange Homesteader Tweeted:
Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – July 15 @ 4:58AM

Thankfully, a great supporter of mine, Scott Lynch of Florida, is safe, but was almost killed by a neighbor, probably a Liberal, driving a Foreign tractor. Just goes to show that AMERICA MAKES THE BEST FARM EQUIPMENT, none better. Republicans make the best Farmers and Ranchers, and they only buy American Farm Equipment. Republican Farmers…..using American Farm Equipment…….Making America Great Again.

No shots fired, but one Fat Ass Cracker could have died from a heart attack.

Cracker Morris (on Tractor) running down Fat Ass Cracker Lynch
Mug Shot of Cracker Perp Howell Lamar Morris
An Inferior, Foreign Made Kubota Tractor
Superior American Made John Deer Tractor

Two Florida Cracker Stories

Executive Summary:

– Florida woman named Crystal Methvin arrested for possession of Crystal Meth

– Florida Republican Leader posts support for Roseanne’s Racial Tweet

While Sarkes Corner Contributor and Sister, Cindy Mamelian, lives in Missouri, The Shoot Me State, she is a regular visitor to Florida, The Gunshine State. The Florida Cracker never ceases to amaze Cindy.

Cindy sent 2 stories of the antics of Florida Crackers which Sarkes shares here. Sarkes cannot make this stuff up.

Florida Cracker Story 1: Florida police arrested a woman named Crystal Methvin for possession of Crystal Meth Saturday morning. St. Augustine police said they arrested Cracker Methvin, 40, and her friend, Cracker Douglas Nickerson, 41, after getting an anonymous complaint.

Police say the Florida Crackers consented to a search, and officers arrested Methvin and Nickerson after finding crystal meth and drug paraphernalia.
Both were taken to St. Johns County Jail.

Sarkes Editorial: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Florida Cracker Story 2: A Republican leader in Leesburg, Florida has said he doesn’t understand the anger generated by Roseanne Barr’s tweet comparing a former adviser to President Barack Obama to an ape.

Lake County Republican Committeeman Ralph Smith posted an image of Valerie Jarrett side-by-side with an image of a character from “Planet of the Apes” on Facebook with the caption, “And the issue with Roseanne is?”

Cracker Smith is a proud, Heat Packing, Red Hat “Make America Great Again”, supporter of the Orange Dotard. He is the prototype member of “Trump’s Base”.

The Daily Commercial in Leesburg, Florida, published a story Wednesday quoting Smith as saying that he thought the comparison was “funny.”

Smith deleted his post Wednesday. On a radio show he hosts, he said he doesn’t care about a person’s color, only their values. Smith has made another Facebook post to apologize that his “attempt at humor was crass and inappropriate.”

“My knowledge of Valerie Jarrett, as a black woman, was only understood yesterday,” Smith’s apology post read. “My understanding was that she was of Iranian descent, a darker than average Caucasian, much like myself. Had no idea of her ancestry.”

Sarkes Editorial: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Sarkes finds Florida Cracker Story 1 amusing.

Sarkes finds Florida Cracker Story 2 ……………. well, Sarkes is speechless.

Cracker Crystal Methvin
Crystal Meth
Cracker Nickerson
Cracker Ralph Smith. This pictures tells it all.

Yeti Products at Risk

Sarkes Corner –

Executive Summary:

Yeti Products are being sacrificed by Heat Packing Great Americans.

CNN reported that the company that makes Yeti Products is the latest of a number of companies who have severed ties with the powerful gun lobby, the NRA, in the wake of February’s mass shooting at a high school in Parkland, Florida.

In protest, NRA supporters are blowing up their expensive YETI coolers and Yeti Mugs over a canceled discount that Yeti had provided to NRA Members.

Sarkes understands that many Subscribers to Sarkes Corner are City Dwellers who don’t pack Heat, and thus know very little about Yeti Products. There is a Strong, Positive Correlation between Heat Packing Americans and Americans who own Yeti products. So, Sarkes will provide a Yeti Tutorial.

Yeti produces Hight End Insulated Products popular with Heat Packing, Undereducated, Underemployed, Rural White Folk, i.e., Trump voters. These products include Mugs and Coolers. The Yeti Mugs cost as much as $50 and the Yeti Coolers typically cost $350 to $1,300.

The original target market for Yeti products were Hunters, Fisherman, and Campers. The performance of Yeti products in not Fake News. Yeti products do keep your Cold liquids Cold and your Hot liquids Hot.

Later, the market for Yeti’s shifted to the entirety of, Undereducated, Underemployed, White Rural Folk, i.e., Trump voters. Sarkes is amazed that the while the Heat Packing, Undereducated, Underemployed, White Rural Folk, i.e., Trump voters, struggle to make ends meet, they always find the money to buy their High End Yeti products, Beer, and Ammo for their Heat. In America, we are all free to make choices.

Today, it is common to see Yeti products in the hands of affluent White Folk, like Sarkeses neighbors in the Gated Golf Course Communities in Southwest Florida. Sarkes and his neighbors now display their Yetis as a status symbol of their wealth. Sarkeses research has not determined how the Brown and Black communities have embraced the Yeti, but it’s rare to see a Black Man or Brown Man with a Yeti Cooler or Yeti Mug.

Typical reactions to the Yeti slight of the NRA :

Bryan Atkinson of Buford, South Carolina packed his Yeti Cooler with 22 pounds of explosives and then blew it up with a burst from his Semi-Automatic AR-15. Akinson stated “If Yeti can’t stand behind the NRA, I ain’t standing behind Yeti no more,”. Obviously, Grammar is not a strong suit of Yeti Owners.

Leroy Franklin of Macon, GA, said: “I own several expensive Yeti products and planned on purchasing more, however, NOT NOW,”

Jimmy Phillips of Plano, TX said: “You just lost my family’s business. The second amendment is important, YETI is not. Shame on you.”

Joe Krawtschenko of Lakewood Ranch, FL, admitted his YETI coffee mug actually works pretty well. But Yeti’s slight of the NRA has changed his mind on using the mug. In protest, Krawtschenko Loaded and Locked his AR-15 and blasted his Yeti Mug.

The Orange Rifleman, who recently addressed the NRA Convention on the Yeti issue Ranted: “Yeti is no friend of the NRA. I would love to Bitch Slap those Traitors who are still using their Yeti’s. I would say get those son of a bitch Yeti users out of here right now, YOUR FIRED!. You know, those Yeti Turn Coats who want to keep using their Yeti’s, maybe they shouldn’t be in this Country. I say if you see a person using a Yeti, you should take their Yeti and go to court later, Yeti users do not deserve Due Process”. Note: Trump got a 5 minute standing ovation from those in attendance at the NRA Convention.

There you have it, the Heat Packing, Undereducated, Underemployed, White Rural Folk, i.e., Trump voters, are Mad as Hell, and are not taking this Politically Correct PC Crap anymore. While they truly love their Yeti Products, they will not Kowtow to The Yeti Man.

Yeti Products may be superior in keeping Cold things Cold and Hot things Hot, but they are no match with an AR-15. Load and Lock your AR-15, put on your Red “Make America Great Again” caps, and death to all things Yeti.

Trump Voter Blowing Up his High End Yeti Cooler
The Orange Rifleman ranting against Yeti at the NRA Convention

Roach Lays Eggs in Florida Man’s Ear

Executive Summary:

– Nope, Sarkes cannot make this stuff up
– Was Hillary Clinton behind this heinous act?

WARNING WARNING WARNING – This Sarkes Corner is not to be read by those with squeamish stomachs. Also, Old, Rich, White Folk who have people who clean their houses and can afford Orkin for Pest Control may believe that this is Fake News as they have never seen a Roach in their homes. WARNING WARNING WARNING

Sarkeses Florida Cracker neighbors never cease to amaze.

Normally, one would think of Roach infestation issues in the Black Ghettos or Brown Barrios of big cities like New York, Chicago, Los Angeles, etc. This Roach story comes from the Gunshine State, Florida, in the capital city of Tallahassee, in a White neighborhood.

Florida Cracker Blake Collins has been fighting roaches in his apartment near the campus of Florida State University for 3 years.

Collins said that roaches can be found everywhere in his house, and some come out of his bulb sockets. A bowl with dog food shortly attracts dozens of German roaches. But last week, the pest problem reached its peak. Collins woke up at 5 a.m. to a roach moving inside his ear.

Collins told medical personnel: “A roach was burrowing inside of my head. I could hear his legs inside me. It felt like someone was shoving a Q-tip all the way inside my head and there was nothing I could do to stop it.”

Doctors used a syringe to put lidocaine, a numbing medication, inside his ear to kill the roach — which also had laid eggs. 

Collins went on to explain: “I heard the Roach die in my head. When the Doctor poured the lidocaine in, I could feel the Roach go super, super fast, kicking and try to dig its way out, and a faint little squeal and then two minutes later, it just stopped and he died.”

It is estimated that 92% of Registered Florida Cracker Voters voted for the Orange Good Ol Boy. It is also estimated that double the number of Registered Florida Crackers were not Registered to vote as they could not read or sign the Voter Registration application.

Understanding that Florida Crackers are an important part of his Base, the Golden Czar was incensed when informed about the Roach attack on Florida Crackers. He tweeted:

Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – May 30 @ 4:56AM
Before election day, Crooked Hillary hired SPIES, SPIES, to infiltrate Florida with MILLIONS of German Euro Roaches, Euro Roaches! These Roaches were trained to attack my voters to help Crooked Hillary Win. DIDN”T WORK!!!! I won in a landslide, largest Presidential victory in History, History. We even found Roaches at Mir-a-Lago! SHAME. This is a scandal larger than Watergate. The Justice Department WILL investigate Crooked Hillary and that Illegal Obama for this heinous crime.

Being a Florida Cracker, there is a high probability that Cracker Collins packs Heat. Thankfully, Cracker Collins went to the Emergency Room before trying to eliminate the Roach with his Heat.

Roach Attack Victim Florida Cracker Blake Collin
The Euro Roach removed from Cracker Collins’ Ear
The Orange Exterminator checking for Euro Roaches at Mir-a-Lago

Violence in Bonita Springs, FL

Executive Summary:

– A Bonita Springs man, upset over wife’s vacuuming, is charged for assault and battery after attacking Lee County Deputies

Subscribers to Sarkes Corner know that after Sarkes retired from Boeing, he moved to Bonita Springs, FL. Contrary to popular belief, Bonita Springs is NOT all Gated, Guarded, Golf Course communities populated by Old, Rich, White Folk. Bonita Springs DOES have a Heat Packing, Florida Cracker Community.

One such Bonita Springs Florida Cracker, Ashton Provost, who had just returned from a Rehab stint to solve his drinking problem, was DRUNK and passed out at his home. Obviously, Cracker Ashton must have flunked his Rehab Final Exam.

Cracker Ashton awoke when his Cracker Wife started to vacuum the house. It is a little know fact that NOT ALL Crackers are slobs that live in squalor (trash, empty beer cans, pizza boxes, etc), some Crackers, not many, maintain a clean home.

An argument followed with Cracker Ashton getting violent and throwing household items at his wife. Lee County Sheriffs Deputies were called. The Sheriffs Deputies subdued Cracker Ashton with a Taser after Cracker Ashton pointed a loaded rifle at the Sheriffs Deputies.

A Drunk, Heat Packing Cracker is a formula for disaster.

“Many People Say” Sarkes, are you in harms way living in Bontia Springs with a Cracker Community so close by? Sarkes wants to ensure his loyal subscribers that Sarkes is safe and clear of any Cracker violence. You see, Sarkes lives in one of the Gated, Guarded, Golf Course communities populated by Old, Rich, White Folk. Crackers NOT welcomed, Crackers NOT allowed.

NO shots fired, one Cracker Tased, order is restored in Bonita Springs.

From the Ft. Meyers News-Press:

Bonita Springs man, upset over wife’s vacuuming, charged for alleged assault, battery on deputies

A Bonita Springs man upset that his wife was vacuuming the home while he was trying to sleep was later tasered by Lee County sheriff’s deputies after he pointed a rifle at them.

Ashton C. Provost, 47, was charged with battery, two counts of aggravated assault on a police officer and resisting arrest. He was released on $38,000 bond and will be arraigned May 29.

Deputies were called to a Delaware Street address for a domestic disturbance shortly after 9 p.m. Friday. A woman at the home identified as Provost’s wife told deputies that Provost was drunk, had just returned from rehab and attacked her.

A Lee County sheriff’s report said she told deputies that Provost pulled the vacuum cord out of the wall and told her to stop with the noise.

When the woman told Provost she was calling the sheriff he threw a barstool at her,  hitting her and smashing apart on the kitchen table, the report said.

When deputies approached Provost he fled into the home and exited again through the rear with a rifle, pointing the weapon at an officer armed with a taser.

The deputy shot Provost with the taser, forcing the man to drop the rifle, and then arrested him.

Bontia Springs Cracker Ashton Provost