An Early Christmas Present for Sarkes

Executive Summary:

– Sarkes had been off the Grid for a while

– Sarkes explains this AWOL

Many People Say:  “Sarkes, why haven’t you been publishing Sarkes Corner?”  Well, Sarkes has had intensive Writers Block.  Why?

Even with a Hemingway-like writing environment, Sarkes has Writers Block

The core sources of topics for Sarkes Corner had all but Dried Up:

Judge Judy ended her decades run of dishing out justice on regular TV and started a new show on Cable TV.  Sarkes admits that he watched 4 episodes of the new show; Judy Justice, and was not impressed.

Judge Judy, the Cases are Real, the People are Real, the Rulings are Final, Judy Justice, no so much

Sarkes Corner Hall of Fame, George Zimmerman, has gone underground, hasn’t been heard from in years.  You know George Zimmerman; serial abuser of women, a Police wannabe, killer of Ice Tea Drinking Skittles Eating Trayvon Martin, killer of Hoodie Sales in Florida, failed Artist, etc. 

Where have you gone George Zimmerman, Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you, woo, woo, woo

Mass shootings and the slaughter of innocent citizens, usually by crazed White Men using Semi-Automatic Weapons, have occurred with such frequency that it is no longer news.  Like a Conservative friend of Sarkes once told him: “These mass shootings are a price we pay for our freedom”

The AR-15 is the preferred weapon of choice for the crazed White Mass Murderer

The Former Guy, the Orange Dotard, is no longer in every news cycle.  Sure, many Orange Mini-Me’s are trying to perpetuate the Big Lie and to minimize the January 6 insurrection / attack on our Democracy, but in general, this is all just noise and not worthy of any further consideration for Sarkes Corner.

The Orange P-Grabber has been silenced ……. for now
This is not your Fathers Ronald Reagan GOP anymore

With the highest standards of Journalism that form the foundation of Sarkes Corner, Sarkes decided that NO reporting is better than junk reporting.   Sarkes still aspires to win the Nobel Prize in Literature and a race to the Bottom with the National Enquirer would be fatal to that cause.

Sarkes will Shut Down Sarkes Corner before it becomes another National Enquirer

Even Florida Man, the Florida Cracker, has not given Sarkes any Sarkes Corner-Worthy stories to report on the past few months.  It’s quite possible that the Covid Virus Pandemic has impacted the Florida Cracker’s ability to go out in public and do Stupid things.  After all, the Florida Cracker is typically White, Republican, Anit-Vaxer, and Covid Hoax believer.  Sarkes hopes that Covid has not adversely “thinned out the Florida Cracker Herd”.

Sarkes Prays that the Florida Cracker has just gone underground and is not on the way to becoming Covid Extinct

But then, on the Eve of Christmas Eve, Sarkes received a very early Christmas gift.  Florida Man has come thru for Sarkes, providing a story that is finally Sarkes Corner worthy!!!!

A Florida man was arrested over the weekend after police said they found baggies of cocaine and meth strapped to his Penis during a traffic stop, his Penis!!!

Patrick Florence, 34, was a passenger in the vehicle when the car was stopped by deputies with the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office early Saturday morning when they noticed the car did not have its headlights or tail lights on.   The vehicle was searched by officers who found a gun under the passenger’s seat where Florence was sitting.

Note to Florida Man:  Do not drive at 4am in Pinellas County with no headlights or tail lights!

Florence was then searched by officers, who found two baggies strapped to his Penis with one containing cocaine and the other methamphetamine.

He then denied the narcotics and weapon were his.   Florence was charged with four felonies including possession of cocaine, meth, ammunition and a firearm.  This is where the Main Stream Media reporting of this story stopped.  

Not 1, but 2 bags of Drugs were attached to Florence’s Penis!!!

This was not good enough for Sarkes.  Sarkes assigned his Award Winning Crime Bureau to conduct a more in-depth investigation.  The Police Report of the incident, obtained by Sarkes under the Freedom of Information Act, did NOT disclose:

– Why the Pinellas County Sheriffs Officers decided to Search Florence’s Penis for Drugs.

– How could 2 Bags of Drugs be attached to a Penis.  Could Florence’s Penis be large enough to support not 1 but 2 bags of Drugs. How were the Bags of Drugs attached to the Penis, Duct Tape?

– If Florence is telling the truth, and the Drugs were not his, did the real owner of the Drugs know that Florence had them strapped to his Penis?

While the Main Stream Media is satisfied with the information they receive from the Pinellas County Sheriffs Office, Sarkes will not rest until the entire facts of this case are uncovered.  

In closing, Sarkes graciously thanks Patrick Florence for this early Christmas Present and wishes Florence a Merry Christmas in the Pinellas County Hoosegow.  

Sarkes wishes a Merry Christmas and Prosperous New Year to all (except Crazed White Mass Murderers with Semi-Automatic Weapons)

Have Him Die Somewhere Else

Executive Summary:

  • A driver in Palm Beach Florida was having a seizure in his car, which came to a stop in his neighbor’s yard
  • The owners told a man who rushed to the driver’s aid to “get off our lawn”

Thanks to Sarkes Corner Contributor Betty Wucher who has long found the ways of the Floridans strange and frightening to her.

A driver in Palm Beach Florida was having a seizure in his car, which came to a stop in his neighbor’s yard. The owners told the man who rushed to the driver’s aid to “get off our lawn,” officials said.  It was unclear if the owner of the home was Packing Heat.

Who knows, maybe the Owner had just mowed his Lawn

As the driver convulsed in his car in their front yard, the owners the home started yelling at a Lawn Worker who rushed to the man’s aid.  “Get the man out of here,” the homeowners told the good Samaritan. “Have him die somewhere else.”  Huh, Ummmm, they said Whaaaaaat?

According to the sheriff’s office, the Lawn Worker, identified, as Tony, was walking to work when he saw the driver having a seizure in his car. Good Samaritan Tony ran toward the moving vehicle and grabbed the car’s fender in an attempt to stop it from rolling farther down the street.  The car ran over Good Samaritan Tony’s foot, but thankfully he had steel-toe boots on! The car finally stopped in the homeowners’ yard.

Good Samaritan Tony’s Steel Toe Shoes saved him from serious injury

The convulsing driver was “in terrible shape” when Good Samaritan Tony got to him, according to the Sheriff’s office. The car’s windows were up and the doors locked, so Good Samaritan Tony started screaming and begging for someone to help, authorities said.  That is when the homeowners told him to “get off our lawn,” according to the Sherif Office.

Good Samaritan Tony recognized the driver, remembered he lived nearby, and ran down the street to the man’s house, where he was able to reach the driver’s wife and call 911.

“Because of Tony’s actions, we received a call yesterday from the man he helped,” stated the Sheriff’s Office, “The man called us to ask for Tony’s phone number. The man said, ‘I want to talk to Tony….. He saved my life.’”

“The grateful man and his wife went and found Tony, and gave him a hug,” the sheriff’s office said.

Tony may be a Cracker, but he is a good Samaritan

And no, not all Lawn Workers are Brown…….but most are

One Honest Cracker

Executive Summary:

  • Florida Cracker told police that he was racing home after cheating on his wife
  • Florida Crackers, so often misunderstood, are generally honest, Good People, Salt of the Earth

Sarkeses Florida Cracker neighbors never cease to amaze.

Florida Cracker John Earl Pickard, 52, was going above 90 mph in a 55 mph zone on U.S. 19 in Tarpon Springs when he was pulled over by police.  Cracker Pickard told the Tarpon Springs Police Officer that his driving was reckless and endangering because he needed to get home in a hurry ………. because he had been cheating on his wife.  What, huh, oh my, mmmmm, he said what?

Pickard is one Honest Cracker

While taking Cracker Pickard into custody, an officer found Crack Cocaine in a plastic sandwich baggie in his front T-shirt pocket.  Cracker Pickard told the officer he had just purchased the Crack Cocaine for $50.  Cracker Pickard is one honest Cracker.  Cracker Pickard was cuffed and cited for reckless driving. 

Mixing Crack Cocaine and a Cracker is a formula for disaster

Like most Crackers, Cracker Pickard has run afoul with the law in the past.  According to jail records, Cracker Pickard has been previously charged with domestic battery, a common crime committed by the Florida Cracker, usually facilitated by a drunken or drug induced stupor.

A Cracker hopped up on booze or drugs is no stranger to the Hoosegow

The Florida Cracker is often misunderstood.  Yes, the Florida Cracker Drinks to excess, Packs Heat, and is no Stranger to the Criminal Justice System.  But in general, the Florida Cracker is Good People, Salt of the Earth, and a very Honest person.

A Protective Mother Crackerette

Executive Summary:

  • There is nothing more dangerous than a Mother protecting her children
  • This is amplified if the Mother is a Crackerette 
There is nothing Stronger than a Mother protecting her Child 

Sarkeses Cracker neighbors never cease to amaze.  Sarkes cannot make this stuff up. 

A Florida mom, with a boxing glove superglued to one hand, fought a student at her daughter’s school.   The Crackerette, Edith Riddle, 34, showed up at the school wearing one boxing glove.  The Beatdown occurred at Dupont Middle School in Jacksonville, FL.

Crackerette Riddle has Anger issues for sure

A school safety officer heard a frantic announcement over their school radio around noon that there was a fight underway outside the cafeteria.  According to police, Crackerette Riddle had just left the school with her daughter after a meeting with the Principal about her eighth-grader’s “hostile outbursts” at another student.

The young Crackerette Daughter must also have Anger issues like her Mother

Instead of leaving the campus after the meeting, the Crackerette Daughter made a beeline for the cafeteria to fight the Girl. The Daughter Crackerette was pummeling the other girl when the Mother Crackerette Riddle joined in, throwing punches herself, with her Boxing Gloved hand.   Crackerette Riddle told Police that the Boxing Glove was superglued to her wrist and that she couldn’t remove it.  What, she did what, she said what, huh, uh, oh my, are you kidding me. 

Apparently it is normal for a Cracker to wear a Boxing Glove to a School conference 

The Victim was found with abrasions on her knees and forearms.  The Victims Mother arrived at the school and told police she wanted to pursue criminal charges before taking the child to a nearby hospital.  Crackerette Riddle was arrested and charged with: child abuse with a personal/special weapon.

Regardless of Species, do not mess with a Mother protecting her Children  
Sarkes knows who he is placing his money on amongst these Great Fighters

In most cases, erratic Cracker behavior is associated with excess booze or drug consumption.  In this case, there is no evidence that Crackerette Riddle was under the Influence.

No, Sarkes cannot make this stuff up.

Cracker Needs a Ride

Executive Summary:

– A Florida Cracker called 911 to get a ride home

– This is one dense Cracker

Matthew Kyle Leatham is a Florida Cracker who made headlines after he was arrested for calling 911 to request a ride home.  Calling 911 to get a ride home in itself is not unusual behavior for The Cracker, whose judgement is commonly influenced by booze or drugs.  

But, Cracker Leatham celebrity is that his Mug Shot shows that Cracker Leatham has the state of Florida tattooed on his forehead, with the peninsula reaching between his eyes.

Cracker Leatham is proud to be a resident of The Gunshine State

Cracker Leatham has been charged because he called 911 TWICE to request a ride home, according to the criminal complaint posted on the Pasco County website. It’s against the law in Florida to make a “false alarm” and misuse emergency responder resources. 

Florida has an Open Kimono policy where when you do the Crime, Everyone knows what you did 

Cracker Leatham called 911 to ask for a ride home early in the morning on January 31. Cracker Leatham “cursed” at the 911 Emergency Dispatcher who answered the call. The Dispatcher provided Leatham with the non-emergency phone number to reach law enforcement “for future reference” and ended the call.

Later, when arrested, Cracker Leatham told the Deputy that he had called 911 because he was looking for a ride home. The deputy offered to call a taxi for Cracker Leatham, but Leatham declined, citing that he didn’t have money to pay for a cab.  When faced with the decision to buy booze or have money for a cab, the choice is obvious to the Cracker.

Cracker Leatham could not afford a Cab and did not have an Uber account

One of the more Denser Crackers, Cracker Leatham did not get the message. Cracker Leatham started walking home, then dialed 911 a Second time and asked for someone to give him a ride home. This in front of the Deputy that had just given him a warning!!!!!!  The deputy placed Cracker Leatham under arrest after observing that he was not having an emergency.

Cracker Leatham is one of the Dullest knifes in a drawer of Dull knifes 

Surprise, Surprise, Surprise…..Cracker Leatham was also hit with a drug charge.  The Deputy noted that Leatham appeared to be under the influence of alcohol at the time of the arrest. The Deputy found that Cracker Leatham was in physical possession of under 20 grams of Marijuana.  Of course, Cracker Leatham offered the tried and true Cracker Defense, denying that the Marijuana was his and had no idea how it got in his pocket.

The Evil MaryJane has been the downfall of many a Cracker

If Sarkes was not so busy with Golf, Pickleball, Bike Riding, and other Florida activities, he would offer to represent Cracker Leatham in fight these charges in Court.   You see, Sarkes would ask the court to consider:  What is more egregious; Calling 911, while inebriated, for a Non Emergency, or Driving While Under the Influence.  Sarkes for sure would get a Not Guilty verdict.  This is a no brainer.  

Sarkeses Juris Prudence comes from watching Judge Judy for over 22 years

How A Cracker Spends Their Stimulus Checks

Executive Summary:

– The $1.9 Trillion Recovery/Stimulus Bill has passed Congress

– The Florida Cracker is Chomping to spend their $1,400

The Florida Cracker is typically low on the Socio Economic Food Chain.  While the Cracker has little savings, living Paycheck to Paycheck, the Cracker is happy spending their income on Booze, Drugs, Heat, and Bullets.  The Cracker lives a Happy Life.

All a Cracker needs is his Booze and Heat

After another night of Boozing and Target Practice, the Cracker woke up to the News (on Fox News or One America Network or NewsMax) that they soon would be receiving $1,400 for everyone in their household.  This caused a rush of Crackers running back to their trailers where they had previously left their wife and children, to get the maximum payout from the Government.

Nothing unites a Family like a $1,400 Stimulus Check per Person

So how does the Cracker spend their $1,400 per person Stimulus Check?  Well, no doubt, a small number of Crackers will donate to their Orange Messiah’s Super PAC – Save America.  

The Cracker will make small donations to STOP THE STEAL and to Save America!

But more likely, the Cracker will spend their Stimulus checks on buying Heat and Bullets.  Every time a Democrat is elected President, Great 2nd Amendment Mericans run to their Gun Shops to buy Heat and Bullets in bulk, fearful that a Democratic President will confiscate their Guns and Bullets. 

There is no better sales stimulus for Gun Shops than the election of a Democrat President

Personal Defense World (PDW) Magazine is ready to help the Cracker select the RIGHT Gun at the RIGHT Price to spend their Stimulus Check.  Each issue of PDW covers a variety of topics, including gun reviews, personal and home product reviews, and more.

PDW Magazine makes sure that Great Americans buy the RIGHT Heat for their individual needs

Shortly after the Congress approved the $1.9 Trillion Recovery Bill, PDW Magazine published the following guidance for how Great Mericans can spend their $1,400 Stimulus checks:

From PDW Magazine:

“Are you one of the lucky Americans receiving a $1,400 stimulus check courtesy of the Coronavirus outbreak? Can you think of a better way to spend the hard-earned tax money the government is giving back to you than using it to practice your Second Amendment rights? After all, buying a new gun would stimulate the economy and help both manufacturers and retailers, which is the overriding purpose of the stimulus program. At the same time, you might just use that gun to save your life or the lives of your family members if the nation’s social situation continues to spiral out of control. Buying a gun with your coronavirus stimulus check is your duty as an American!”

With his Stimulus Check, Sarkes will not need to call 911

So, as a service to Great Mericans looking to buy Heat with their $1,400 Stimulus Checks, PDW Magazine identified the Top 5 Handguns to buy with our Coronavirus Stimulus Checks:

The Springfield XD-M 

The Springfield XD-M Elite series pistols build on the success of earlier XD-M pistols, with a number of improvements. In fact, Springfield boasts that the 9mm Elite line “represents the pinnacle of performance in factory striker-fired pistols. One notable improvement is the Elite pistols are built around Springfield’s MET trigger. It sports a flat face, crisp break and integral overtravel stop. The Elite series is available in four different models from a full-sized pistol to a concealed-carry variant. MSRPs range from $559 to $709. 

The MET Trigger separates the Springfield XD-M from the rest

The SIG Sauer P320 RXP

The SIG Sauer P320 RXP series of pistols combines all the time-proven P320 features with the company’s SIG Romeo1Pro red-dot optic. All four models—Full Size, Compact, XFull and XCompact—are chambered in the popular, easy-to-find 9mm cartridge. The Romeo that comes mounted on the pistol is a time-proven 6-MOA reflex sight. It features 12 brightness settings and a 20,000-hour battery life. Depending on what model you choose, the P320 RXP comes out-of-the box-ready for competition, range, self-defense and even concealed carry. MSRP is around $800.

You can’t beat the PRO Red-Dot Optic, time proven on the SIG Sauer P320

The Smith & Wesson M&P M2.0

The Smith & Wesson M&P M2.0 pistol is the newest version in the popular, polymer-framed M&P line. You can get it chambered in 9mm, .40 S&W or .45 ACP. Featuring a lower barrel bore axis for reduced muzzle rise and faster follow-up shots, the M2.0 also has a greatly improved, crisper trigger with a lighter pull and audible reset. The striker-fired pistol is a great improvement over earlier M&Ps and comes at an MSRP of under $500, so those shopping with their stimulus check can afford two, plus some practice ammo.

Priced to sell, one can buy 2 Smith & Wesson M&P’s with our Stimulus Checks!

The Kimber K6S DASA

For revolver fans, don’t overlook the K6S DASA Combat. Kimber chambered the 4-inch-barreled, 6-shot revolver in .357 Mag. It takes the hugely popular K6s system and outfits it with a double- and single-action trigger mechanism. The platform has all the benefits of the original K6s, including its awesome double-action trigger pull, but with the added advantage of a single-action trigger. The new 4-inch model features an extended combat grip with finger grooves for better control and white-dot sights. MSRP is $890.

One never knows when they will need a Combat Handgun, the answer, the Kimber K6S

The Taurus G3

For those whose mortgage will eat up a large part of their stimulus kickback, check out the Tarus G3. The full-sized polymer-framed, striker-fired pistol is chambered in 9mm and has a capacity of 15+1 with available extended magazines. The G3 comes in a number of frame colors and both matte stainless and matte black slide finishes. The G3 even features an adjustable rear sight—a rarity on budget-priced handguns. MSRP is around $350.

The Cracker can buy a Taurus G3 and have money left over for Booze and Drugs

While PDW Magazine provides a definitive guide for Crackers on how to spend their $1,400 Stimulus checks, the word will need to spread word of mouth.  You see, the Cracker is also low on the Literacy Food Chain and will have troubles reading these great reviews in PDW Magazine.

Sarkes, motivated by the PDW Magazine Reviews, will use his Stimulus Check to buy some Heat

Young Florida Crackeretts Pose as Grannies

Executive Summary:

  • 2 Florida Crackeretts Pose As “Grannies” to get a 2nd COVID-19 Vaccine
  • Alas, their plot was Foiled

Two Florida Crackeretts disguised themselves as elderly grandmothers in an unsuccessful attempt to get their second doses of the COVID-19 vaccine.

In the Gunshine State, vaccines are worth more than Gold …. or a box of ammo

Dr. Raul Pino, the director of the Florida Department of Health in Orange County, said that the women were caught dressing up as “Grannies” with: “the bonnets, the gloves, the glasses, the whole thing”, at the vaccination site. Pino said he was not sure how the Fake Grannies had managed to get their first doses.

Dr. Pino is glad the Grannie Perps were caught, but can’t figure how they beat the system to get the 1st vaccine shot

The Orange County Sheriff’s Office stated that the Crackerett’s ages are 34 and 44. The Gunshine State is currently prioritizing vaccinations for adults 65 and older, health care personnel and long-term care facility residents and staff.

When not hopped up on booze or drugs, the Florida Cracker can be very resourceful 

How did the Faux Crackerette Grannies get caught?  The dates of birth on their driver’s licenses did not match those they had used to register for the vaccines, though their names did.  Health department personnel asked the deputies to issue trespass warnings.,video_rover_16x9_360p_sd_1613773034_8441,video_rover_16x9_720p_hd_1613773034_91155,video_rover_16x9_480p_sd_1613773034_20393/master.m3u8?subtitles=en

See the video of the Faux Grannies caught red handed

When asked whether there have been other cases of people misrepresenting themselves to try to get vaccinated, Pino said there had been a few, including one man who shared the same name as his elderly father.  “As we are engaged in this process of trying to move people quickly, some people could squeeze in, so it’s probably higher than we suspect,” Pino said of the exact number.

And, noting that vaccines are “the hottest commodity,” Pino said officials have increased security around the site to prevent similar incidents from happening in the future.

Now this is what a Real Florida Grannie looks like

Cracker Election Vandalism

Executive Summary:

  • A Cracker drove through a Florida town in a Backhoe digging up Biden-Harris Campaign Signs
  • The Cracker then led police in an O.J. Simpson Slow Motion Chase thru town

Thanks to Sarkes Corner Contributors Jerry Katz and Cindy Mamelian for this head shaking story of Cracker Vandalism in Haines City, Florida. 

Sarkeses Cracker neighbors never cease to amaze.  Crackers are usually, friendly, Salt of the Earth people………….UNTIL they get hopped up on Booze or Drugs.  Once on Booze or Drugs, the Cracker transforms into a different person.  Add Heat to that mix, and the results are often tragic.

Cracker James Blight was arrested in Haines City, FL, for stealing a Backhoe to dig up the yards and vandalize the homes of people displaying Joe Biden signs.

Biden-Harris Campaign Signs were the target of this Cracker’s vicious attack

Cracker James Blight, 26, was arrested and charged with Grand Theft Auto and Trespassing.  Cracker Blight told police that he had been drinking whiskey all day and did not remember most of the day.  Cracker Blight said that he couldn’t remember stealing the Backhoe or remembering damaging the Joe Biden signs. Cracker Blight also admitted that he did not know how to operate a Backhoe. Thankfully, Cracker Blight was not Packing Heat.

Cracker Blight did a good job of operating this Backhoe with no training

In addition, Cracker Blight took out a chain-link fence and a city-owned speed limit sign.  Haines City Police Chief Jim Elensky said: “It’s absurd that a grown man could think he had the right to destroy someone else’s property based on a difference in political opinion. The fact that he was driving this heavy equipment, that he did not know how to operate, down busy roads could have been disastrous. We’re thankful that no one was hurt in this matter,”.

Police Chief Jim Elensky is dismayed with Cracker Blights behavior 

Good Samaritan and Resident neighbor Cornelius Marion witnessed the vicious attack said:  “He revved up the engine and rammed the fence.  I saw the driver scooping up the yard and the Biden-Harris campaign sign. I thought something was wrong.  I jumped into my truck and called 911 and followed him along, and the whole time he’s riding down the road, he’s yelling at people, cussing them out.”

Cracker Blight defines the Orange Oligarch’s Base, and hates Democrats 

After his initial attack on Biden Campaign Signs, Cracker Blight then led Police on a slow-motion Backhoe chase across town similar to the famous slow-motion car O.J Simpson Bronco Car chase.  Cars started backing up behind the slow moving Backhoe. 

Cracker Blight had them backed up like the OJ Slo Mo Bronco Car Chase

But Cracker Blight was not done.  As Cracker Blight passed by another lawn with multiple Biden-Harris campaign signs, he turned the Backhoe and dug more Signs and then hit the the Speed Limit Sign, knocking it down.

Part of the Carnage done by the vicious attack by Cracker Blight 

Cracker Blight’s vicious attack on Biden Campaign Signs and City Property was done in a Black neighborhood.  But, Cracker Blight IS NOT A RACIST, it’s just that Blacks vote predominantly for Democrats, DESPITE all that the Orange MLK has done for Blacks the past 4 years.

The Orange Freedom Fighter has done more for Blacks than any President since Abe Lincoln

Haines City Police were questioning Cracker Blight’s explanation of his behaviors stating:  ”Blight claimed he was drunk, but if he was drunk, how could he steal and drive a tractor right up here to this area, that’s a predominantly Black area? Operating the backhoe like a normal person. Blight said that he accidentally ran into something, but no, you don’t deliberately dropped your front end loader at the other house and scoop up in their yard, so I don’t buy the drunkenness part.”

Haines City Police are questioning Cracker Blights explanation, but they should know better as they deal with Drunk Crackers every day

Sarkes is surprised that the Haines City Police are as naive as they seem.  They should know the power of a Cracker hopped up on Booze and Drugs.  It happens everyday in Florida.  Inebriated Crackers have accomplished some amazing feats. 

Crackers Are Suffering During The Pandemic

Executive Summary:

– The Florida Cracker is the Forgotten Minority

– The Pandemic is making the Cracker behaviors more bizarre than normal

The Caronavirus has upset life in America for every socio and economic demographic.  While the national media reports that Black and Brown communities have been hit especially hard, Sarkes reports that there is another minority suffering more than most; the white, uneducated, underemployed …….. the Florida Cracker.  

The Florida Cracker community has been devastated by the Caronavirus 

Warning Warning Warning:  This Sarkes Corner reports on antics and  disturbing behaviors, more disturbing than normal, of the Florida Cracker.  The Cracker has been adversely impacted by the Caronavirus.  Warning Warning Warning

Cracker Hangs on to Truck Windshield:

Thanks to Sarkes Corner contributor Dr. Todd Ruecker, probably the most intelligent and smartest subscriber to Sarkes Corner.  Dr. Ruecker is often confused by the bizarre behavior of the Florida Cracker.  It is rumored that Dr. Ruecker is seeking a Federal Grant to study the Florida Cracker to determine why they behave the way they do.  Dr. Ruecker has multiple degrees, is a Fulbright Scholar, widely published, and friend to Sarkes son David.  Todd Ruecker is not related to Recording Artist Darrius Rucker.

One Rucker is Rich, One Ruecker is Smart

In dramatic video posted to social media, a bloodied man is seen clinging to the hood of a semi truck as it barrels down a Florida highway.  Watch the attached video with caution. Make sure that no-one under 17 is in the room when watching this video.

The Florida Highway Patrol got a call about a disoriented Florida Cracker abandoning his vehicle on an exit ramp on Interstate 95 near Boynton Beach. After the Cracker abandoned his car, he jumped the concrete divider between the turnpike’s southbound and northbound sides, causing traffic to slow.  

Edward Hughes, a truck driver, saw the Cracker frantically waving for him to stop. The Cracker was wearing only underwear and socks.  Trucker Hughes did stop, concerned as the Cracker was covered in blood.  Then, the Cracker jumped onto the hood of the semi tractor-trailer and started bashing the windshield with a crow bar.

In a panic, Trucker Hughes hit the gas, trying to shake off the Cracker. The Cracker remained latched onto the hood for almost nine miles, nine miles!  Sarkes suspects that the deranged Cracker was on a drug induced, adrenalin rush.  What else can explain holding onto a moving truck for 9 miles.

This deranged Cracker held onto the truck for 9 miles, 9 miles!

Police were able to pull the truck over and took the Cracker into custody. The Cracker was taken to Wellington Regional Hospital for evaluation.  No reason has been given for this Crackers strange behavior. The Highway Patrol did not say if the Cracker or Trucker Hughes would be charged.

Cracker Assaults a Child:

Thanks to Sarkes Corner Contributor and Sister Cindy Mamelian for another story of a deranged Florida Cracker suffering from the impact of the Caronavirus.  Sister Cindy has been studying the behaviors of the Florida Cracker and comparing to a similar demographic in Missouri, the St. Louis Hoosier. Like the Cracker, the St. Louis Hoosier likes their Guns, Beer, Cammo, and do not wear Caronavirus Masks.  As of this time, Cindy’s findings are inconclusive, but Cindy does not need to be a Fulbright Scholar to know that there is something very wrong in the St. Louis Hoosier and Florida Cracker Communities. 

The St. Louis Hoosier has much in common with the Florida Cracker

A Florida Cracker Jason Copenhaver, has been charged with battery after he told a child to take off his mask at a restaurant, got into the child’s face and told him “you now have coronavirus.”

Cracker Copenaver must have been hopped up on something

Treasure Island police have charges Cracker Copenhaver with simple battery and disorderly conduct.  According to an arrest affidavit, Copenhaver was at Ricky T’s Bar & Grille when he walked over to the child and asked why he was wearing a face mask. Cracker Copenhaver then told the child to take off the mask and shake his hand.

Ricky T’s is like a magnet to the Florida Cracker

When the child refused, Cracker Copenhaver grabbed the child’s hand and said, “You now have coronavirus”.  The child told police that Cracker Copenhaver was so close to him that saliva particles from Copenhaver’s mouth landed on his face.  Cracker Copenhaver told police he is unsure if he has coronavirus and has never been tested.  

When asked about this incident, the Orange Scientist said:  “This is no big deal, children are almost immune from this disease.  Jason Copenhaver has been treated very unfairly.  If needed, I will issue a Pardon.  Listen to me, only I can fix this Caronavirus”

With the help of our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ, the Orange Pontiff will cure the Caronavirus
Along with Hydroxychloroquine and Lysol Injections, consumption of tasty Goya products will cure the Caronavirus

Florida Governor DeSantis was also not concerned about the incident with Cracker Copenhaver and the child.  DUHSantis said:  “My kids aren’t school-age yet.  I got a 3-year-old daughter, 2-year-old son, and a newborn daughter. And I can tell you if they were school-age, I would have zero concern sending them to school.  With respect to the schools, if Walmart is an essential service and Home Depot is an essential service, and Fast food restaurants are essential service, How is it that the schools for our kids would not be considered an essential service?”

DUHSantis and the Orange Chemist march lock goose step when it comes to Children and the Caronavirus

As a result of the strong Leadership by Governor DUHSantis and the Orange Physicist, Sarkes is no longer concerned for the children of the Florida Cracker.  BUT, the Cracker and Crackerette are a different story.  State and Federal agencies must take their heads out of the sand and start providing resources to help the Crackers who cannot help themselves.  The White Cracker, like Blacks and Browns, have been adversely affected by the Caronavirus. 

Don’t fret, the offspring of the Cracker are immune from the Caronavirus

Come Back With a Warrant

Executive Summary:

– The Florida Cracker has many unique characteristics

– Humor is one of those characteristics

Drugs were found at a Cracker home in Palm Coast, FL.  That in itself is common in a Cracker home.  But what made this a unique story is that a  welcome mat at the front door read “come back with a warrant” — and that’s just what deputies did, finding drugs, including fentanyl, and drug paraphernalia inside. 

The Crackers in this home sent a strong Challenge to law enforcement

Fentanyl is 50 times stronger than Heroin and 100 times stronger than Morphine.  In 2018, the DEA stated that as little as two milligrams of Fentanyl would be a lethal dose for most people.

Crackers are ever increasingly migrating from Crack Cocaine to Fentanyl

“This poison peddler had a doormat that said, ‘Come back with a warrant,’ so we did,” Flagler County Sheriff Rick Staly said. “Our detectives did a great job in following up on tips received on this residence. We still have some follow-up work to do, but for now the deadly drugs and syringes seized are off the streets.”

Sheriff Staly was just following the instructions on the Door Mat

Investigators say there were four Crackers inside and one Cracker child.  The Florida Department of Children and Families were contacted and took possession of the child. 

Young Crackers are so innocent but often go bad in their teens