George Zimmerman is Back!

Executive Summary:

George Zimmerman is back in the News, making Headlines, and Sarkes is thrilled.

Thanks to Sarkes Corner Contributor and Sister Cindy Mamelian for this much overdue story about the first member of the Sarkes Corner Hall of Fame, George Zimmerman.

You remember George Zimmerman:
– Killer of the Skittle eating, Ice Tea drinking, Black teen Trayvon Martin
– Killer of Hoodie sales in Florida for years
– Neighborhood Watch captain who specialized in watching for Black men
– Police Officer Wannabe
– Serial abuser of women, including his wife and several girlfriends
– Copyright violator and Fake Artist who painted over published pictures and claimed as original art
– NRA poster child

George Zimmerman is responsible for making Sarkes Corner the Award Winning publication it is today. In 2012, it seemed like George Zimmerman was in the news EVERY DAY, providing a plethora of topics and a cornucopia of Sarkes Corner blogs.

Sarkes owes much to George Zimmerman. In fact, in his acceptance speech that Sarkes would have delivered had he received the Nobel Prize in Literature, Sarkes had George Zimmerman on the top of his list to Thank. This, of course, before Sarkes got screwed by the Nobel Academy.

George Zimmerman never disappointed. In that respect, George Zimmerman was the Orange Ameba before there was a Golden Gestapo.

George Zimmerman is the typical Florida Cracker, a Heat Packing, Florida native, White guy who doesn’t like Blacks, Immigrants, LGBTQ’s, and treats women like they are his property. Like his fellow Florida Crackers, George Zimmerman bypassed the 1st Amendment and went straight to the 2nd Amendment. George Zimmer IS the Orange Dotard’s Base.

Why is George Zimmerman back in the news? He is now accused of Criminal Stalking, one of his core competencies. He continually harassed a private investigator who was doing research for a Production Company who is doing a documentary on The George.

The Production Company could have saved all of this rigamarole by reading past editions of Sarkes Corner. George Zimmermans life and antics are documented in detail by the Truth Machine, Sarkes, and are part of the public domain.

In typical George Zimmerman behavior, instead of ignoring the private investigator, our man George went on the Offense, repeatedly threatened and harassed the private investigator. In many respects, George Zimmerman is a Counter Puncher like the Gold Bully.

Thanks for coming back to Sarkes Corner George Zimmerman. You were missed. Please, Please, Please, come around more often.

From CNN:

George Zimmerman accused of criminal stalking in Florida

(CNN) — George Zimmerman, the man who was acquitted of murder in the shooting death of Trayvon Martin, has received a criminal summons for stalking, the Seminole County Sheriff’s Office said in a press release on Monday.

Zimmerman is accused of repeatedly threatening and harassing Dennis Warren between December 16 and December 25 of last year, the sheriff’s office said.

Warren is a private investigator who was hired by a production company that was working on a documentary about Martin’s life, according to CNN affiliate WKMG. Deputies said Zimmerman called Warren 55 times, left 36 voicemails, texted him 67 times and sent 27 emails over a nine-day span, WKMG reports.

The criminal charge adds to a lengthy list of legal issues for Zimmerman. He was a neighborhood watch captain in Sanford, Florida in February 2012 when he shot and killed Martin, an unarmed black 17-year-old. After a public outcry, he was charged in April 2012 with second-degree murder. A jury found him not guilty in July 2013.

Later, Zimmerman was arrested on suspicion of aggravated assault and domestic violence with a weapon in January 2015. Prosecutors decided not to file charges in the case after the alleged victim backed off her claims.
He also drew outrage when he attempted to auction off the gun that he purportedly used to kill Martin.

Best Place to Hide Heat from the Police

Executive Summary:

A woman from the Shoot Me State, Missouri, thought she had found the perfect place to hide her Heat from the Police.

Thanks to Sarkes Corner Contributor and friend Betty Wucher for this head shaking story about a woman from Sarkeses former home state, the Shoot Me State, Missouri.

Sarkes is thankful to be able to report on a story that does not include the Golden Gestapo, Stormy Daniels, Rudy Giuliani, Paul Ryan, Patrick Conroy (House Catholic Priest), Sarah Sanders, Robert Mueller, Homey Comey, and the rest of the Clowns that dominate the News each and every day.

Sarkeses neighbors from the Shoot Me State, Missouri, never cease to amaze.

Oh wear to start. Let’s start here. Sarkes cannot make this stuff up. Sarkes is a Truth Machine. Sarkes reports, you decide.

Anika Witt, 27, from Ozark, MO, was caught running drugs in Illinois with her boyfriend, Clinton McDonald, 29. Witt was a long way from home. Ozark, MO, is in the far Southwest corner of The Shoot Me State. Ozark, MO is rural, and it’s inhabitants are uneducated, underemployed, Heat Packing, White Folk, i.e, the Orange Julius’s base.

When these 2 Drug Running Einsteins were pulled over by the Illinois State Federalies, they found Ecstasy in Witt’s bra and Heroin in the car.

Kitt was processed in the McLean (IL) County hoosegow, a standard procedure during that processing is to Strip Search the Perps. During the Strip Search of Witt, a Correctional Office found a fully loaded Kimber .380 pistol, with a bullet in the chamber, ready to fire. Witt had inserted the Kimber .380 pistol ……… into her Vagina……. her Vagina!

Sarkes knows a thing or two about Vagina’s, but the ONE topic that Sarkes is deficient is Heat. So, Sarkes was compelled to do some research on the Kimber .380 pistol. Was it really possible to insert a Kimber .380 pistol into ones Vagina?

First of all, Sarkes must go full komomo, Sarkes has NEVER done a Product Review on a Pistol. Sarkes, a recovering Liberal and soon-to-be Conservative, is still struggling with his new Red Teams love of the 2nd Amendment and Packing Heat.

But Sarkes digresses, back on point.

The Kimber Micro Raptor is a true “Pocket Pistol”. This pistol has a capacity of 7 bullets, 6 in the clip and one in the chamber. The Kimber Micro Raptor weighs 13.4 ounces, is 5.6 inches long and 1 inch wide.

So Sarkes concludes, based on some recent research on Stormy Daniels, a Kimber Micro Raptor pistol CAN be comfortably inserted into a women’s vagina. Who would have thought.

More research by the Sarkes Corner staff revealed that stashing a gun in one’s Vagina is a more common tactic than one might think.

A Waco, Texas woman was given 10 years of probation last year for possession of methamphetamine and had stuffed a .22 caliber pistol in her Vagina.

A 19-year-old Kingsport, Tennessee, woman was sentenced to three years in prison for the mini-revolver jailers found in her Vagina during a 2014 arrest. A retired car salesman, who reported that gun missing, said the gun would need “a bath in bleach.”

What do these Vagina Heat Packing women have in common? They are all from Bright Red states, proud Conservative Republicans; Missouri, Texas, Tennessee. How could our Founding Fathers ever have predicted the evolution of Vagina Heat Packing Women when then crafted the 2nd Amendment: “……. the Right to Bear Arms…….” Heck, our Founding Fathers never recognized Women at all in our Constitution.

But, there is still more to this story. By inserting fully loaded Heat into their Vagina’s, these Rural, uneducated, underemployed, Heat Packing, White Women, not only put themselves at Risk of a Premature, Accidental shot, but others are also at Risk.

As an example, what would happen if the Orange Lothario Birddog P-Grabbed one of these Vagina Heat Packing Women? This could be result in the strangest assassination attempt of all time.

Sarkes Predicts that Trump Will Win in 2020

Executive Summary:

– Sarkes has connected the Dots and boldly predicts that the Orange Emperor will win the 2020 Presidential Election.

– Sarkes provides his analysis.

Sarkes, here an now, boldly predicts that the Golden Palomino will win the 2020 Presidential Election. Sarkes connects Dots where most can not even see the Dots.

DISCLAIMER DISCLSIMER DISCLAIMER: Sarkes prediction is Null and Void IF:
the Orange Ameba is Impeached
the Golden Goliath is incapacitated due to a Heart Attack from eating too many Steaks and Hamburgers OR if the Orange Cheese Ball has a Stroke due to angst over the Russian Collusion investigation or Stormy Daniels.

Sarkeses investigation shows that the Golden Bull Horn has SOLID base of 35% to 40% of the Electorate. This base consists of:

Heat Packing, Undereducated, Underemployed Rural, White Folk: This constituency has bought in FULLY to the Anti-Immigrant, Islamaphobic, Homophobic, 2nd Amendment, America First, America Only, rhetoric of the Orange Cheeto. As the Golden Goof Ball said on the Campaign Trail: “I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose voters”.

Educated, Rich, Old, White Folk, like Sarkeses Florida Neighbors: This constituency is not happy with the 1.3 TRILLION Deficit generated by the Golden Economists TAX CUT and SPEND economic policies. But Sarkeses Rich, Old, White neighbors are happy with the Tsunami of Cash that has bloated their Portfolios. As long as the Trickle Down continues, and the Rich get Richer, this constituency will be a solid voting block for the Orange Pulp.

American Evangelicals: American Evangelicals are solidly behind the Golden Scepter. At the 2018 Evangelical Convention, scheduled for the Fall of 2018, it is predicted that the Evangelical Convention will Declassify Adultery as a Sin, clearing the way for all God Fearing Christinas to vote for the Orange Crucifix.

“Many People Say”, but Sarkes, 35% to 40% of the Electorate is solid but not enough to win the Presidential Election. And, it is anticipated that Women and Young New voters will NOT be voting for the Golden Gestapo. So, where will the Orange Cantaloupe get the votes to make up the delta.

The answer – BLACK AMERICANS. Sarkes predicts that the Golden Dipstick will bring home the Black Vote in 2020. “Many People Say”, Sarkes, are you nuts. The Black Community always votes Democrat. In the last Presidential election, only 8% of Black voters voted Republican.

So, how will BLACKS bring home a victory for Orange Oligarch? 4 reasons:

Ben Carson: Ben Carson is the token Black in the Trump Cabinet. With the exception of the $30,000 Dining Room Table scandal, Carson has been a role model for America’s RICH Black community. While the Rich Black community is small, it’s still something. Rich Blacks will follow Carson to the polls and will vote for the Golden Gemuck.

Kenya West: Kenya West has professed his ‘love’ for the Orange Jumpsuit and proudly sports a Red “Make America Great Again Hat”. West is a popular Hip Hop AND Pop Recording Artist. Many Blacks enjoy Kenya West’s music, and this will be enough to bring a large block of Blacks to vote for the Gold Bullet. The only baggage with Kenya West is that he is married to an Armenian, Kim Kardashian. But Kardashian has a Big Butt which is a Black Men love. (Reference: Baby Got Back – I like Big Butts, 1992, Sir-Mix-Alot)

The Black Guy at Donald Trump Rallies: Maurice Symonette, who is also called “Michael the Black Man” is a fixture at every Golden Gulag’s Political Rallies. Michael the Black Man is always strategically placed behind the Orange Is The New Black for everyone Black person to see and holds up a “Blacks for Trump” poster. Poor blacks are always exposed to “Michael the Black Man”, no matter what Cable Channel they are watching. “Michael the Black Man” relates to the majority of the Black population in America who just might follow Michael the Black Man to the vote for the Gold Fish.

Diamond and Silk: Here is the Wild Card. Diamond and Silk are 2 Conservative Black Women who spread the Gospel according to Golden Gestapo to Black people. Diamond and Silk especially resonate with Black Women. Black Women are a powerful influence in the Black community and Diamond and Silk may be the difference makers.
Take it to the bank, the Blacks will bring home 4 more years of Strong, Conservative Leadership in 2020 for the Gold Trumpet.

Like the Orange Mac & Cheese bellowed to Blacks during his campaign:

“Blacks Love Me”
“I am the least racist person”
“I have a great relationship with the blacks. I’ve always had a great relationship with the blacks.”
“What the Hell Do You Have to Lose”

So Sarkes declares, take it to the Bank, American Blacks will bring home a victory in 2020 for the Golden Czar.

Man Kills His Wife and Daughter

Executive Summary:
Why is a story about a Man killing his Wife and Daughter Sarkes Corner Worthy?
Well, it’s because his Wife was also his Daughter!

Oh my, see story below from the Associated Press. A man, Steven Pladl, killed his wife, who was also his daughter, and their 7-month-old son and then took his own life after she broke up with him.

Let’s see if Sarkes can get this straight.

We have a Wife who is also a Daughter and we have a Son who is also a Grandson.

Steven Pladl’s mother, who was the first victim’s Mother In Law and Grandmother, and the second victim’s Grandmother and Great Grandmother, called police to check on the Well Being of her Son, Daughter in Law, Granddaughter, Grandson, and Great Grandson.

Police found the entire family killed and were struggling to determine the relationship between the victims, much less how the crime unfolded. Neighbors reported hearing semi-automatic gun fire.

At first, Sarkes assumed that this tangled web of Incest and semi-automatic gun violence had taken place in Arkansas, Alabama, Georgia, or any of the other Bright Red states with Heat Packing, Uneducated, Underemployed, Simple Rural White Folk, i.e., Trumps Base, where Incest is not only common but a birth right. Alas, Sarkes finds that this all took place in Connecticut, Connecticut! Who would have thought.

Sarkes can only speculate as to how Heat Packing, Uneducated, Underemployed, Simple Rural White Folk, i.e., Trumps Base, infiltrated Connecticut.

From the Associated Press:

NEW MILFORD, Conn. (AP) — A man killed his wife — who was also his daughter — and their 7-month-old son and then took his own life after she broke up with him, according to a 911 call.

Steven Pladl’s mother called police to say she’d had a disturbing call from him and to ask officers to check on the well-being of her infant grandson.

The mother told police Pladl said he’d killed his baby and his 20-year-old daughter and her adoptive father, who were shot in Connecticut. Pladl’s mother said he was upset because his daughter had broken up with him. The slain infant had been born of the relationship between Steven Pladl and his daughter Katie Pladl.

The 911 call came shortly after witnesses in rural western Connecticut reported hearing what sounded like semi-automatic gunfire Thursday morning. Inside a pickup truck with the window shot out police found the bodies of Katie Pladl and her adoptive father, 56-year-old Anthony Fusco.
Shawn Boyne, chief of police in New Milford, Connecticut.
Police said Steven Pladl later was found dead of a self-inflicted gunshot wound in a minivan across the state line in Dover, New York.

Sarkes Back on the Grid

Executive Summary:

  • Sarkes and staff are back from an Excellent vacation to cities in Croatia on the Adriatic Sea.  

Sarkes and staff are back from our Croatia vacation with side trips to Bosnia and Slovenia.  Sarkes Corner has it’s first European subscriber, Tour Guide Marina.  It’s just a matter of time until Sarkes Corner will be spreading the Truth across the entire European Union. 

Sarkes, a benevolent employer, has given the Sarkes Corner Staff the rest of this week off.  With no Sarkes Corner worthy stories ready for Publication, Sarkes will pass on a Poem sent to Sarkes while he was in Croatia.

The author of the Poem wished to remain anonymous. 

Ode to Stormy Daniels

by:  Anonymous

This is the story of Porn Actress and Stripper Stormy D

Who, in 2006, had sex with the Orange Grabber of P


Details of this adulteress affair is just now hitting the press

The Gold Bird Dog liked the way Stormy filled out her dress



Fake News! cried the Orange Sniffer, oh who do we believe


130 Large paid to Stormy by Scheister Michel Cohen

The Gold Lothario had no idea the cash was a flowin


Stormy slapped the Orange Skirt Chaser on the Ass

Time Magazine, Trump on the cover, an issue from the past


When asked about the size of the Golden Gigolo’s member

Stormy shrugged, Orange was its color, that’s all I remember


Don’t blame the Orange Adulterer, this is so far in the past

3 wives and a yearning Johnson, his marriages don’ t last


Evangelists endorse the Gold Don Juan, they continue to give

Adultery no longer a sin, our Savior and Lord Jesus forgives


Will this story, exaggerated by the Liberal Press, affect the Orange Crown

Not at all, after all, the only thing that’s important is TRICKLE DOWN


Many victims of this story, Stormy, the Golden Stud, and more

The real victims are the citizens of America, disgusted to the Core


Sarkes thanks Anonymous for backing up Sarkes

Sarkes Corner – Sarkes on Vacation

Executive Summary:

  • Sarkes and Sarkes Corner Staff will be vacationing in Croatia
  • Sarkes will be off the Grid until April 23

Sarkes and the Sarkes Corner Staff will be taking a well deserved vacation starting today and ending on April 23.  The vacation is in Croatia and Sarkes and the Sarkes Corner staff will not have Internet connectivity and will be off the Grid.

This vacation is well deserved and Sarkes and the Sarkes Corner Staff have been working Overtime since the Election of the Orange Emperor. It seems like the Golden Bugler has dominated the News cycle every day.  Sarkes, for one, is exhausted.  

Stories that Sarkes is working on but has not yet completed:

1.  Is the Bromance between Vlads Putin and the Orange Jumpsuit over?  OR, is the Bully language by both lovers a smoke screen for their Bromance which has been criticized by both Russians and Americans? 

2.  Did Speaker of the House Paul Ryan decide not to run for reelection to spend more time with his family?  OR, is Ryan suffering from TRUMPVERTIGO, that is, constant dizziness and loss of balance caused by the constant Flipping and Change of Positions of the Golden Goose.  

3.  Are the actions of the FBI and Special Prosecuter Robert Mueller really an “ATTACK ON OUR COUNTRY” as claimed by the Orange Nehi?  If yes, can’t a President just eliminate the FBI?    And why is this a “WITCH HUNT”?  Isn’t that sexist, what isn’t this a SORCERER HUNT?

4.  Will the Orange Mac & Cheese fire:

a. Prosecutor Robert Mueller

b. Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein

c. Attorney General Jeff Sessions

d. Saturday Night Live Actor Alex (Alec) Baldwin

e. (a., b., and c.) above

5.  Did the Golden Lathario really tap Stormy Daniels and  Karen McDougal in an Extra Marital Affair?  When did the Evangelical Right Wing Christian Fundamentalists eliminate Adultery as a Sin?

6.  Why are most P-Grabbers and A-Pinchers Old White Rich Men?  Is Bill Cosby really White?  

7.  If, for some reason, the Orange Cheeto does not / cannot finish his term as President, is Stan Kronke, Owner of the LA Rams, a viable replacement?  After all, the Gold Goliath and Stan Kronke are two Peas in a Pod.  Kronke is an unethical, unscrupulous, ruthless Business man who made his money the Old Fashioned way, he married Sam Walton’s Daughter.  

Sarkes will finish these stories upon his return from Croatia.  

Since Sarkes will be off the Grid, in his absence, he asks all subscribers to Sarkes Corner to email him any stories about: George Zimmerman, Judge Judy, Infant on Infant Shootings, Crackers being Crackers, Stupid Human Tricks, etc.  Send you emails to: .    

Another Brother on Sister Shooting

Sarkes Corner – Another Brother on Sister Shooting

Executive Summary:

  • A Mississippi boy, 9, shoots sister, 13, over video game controller.  Sadly, this sister died.

Thanks to Sarkes Corner Contributor Jerry Katz for this tragic shooting story out of Mississippi.

A 13 year old Mississippi girl is dead after her 9 year old brother shot her in the back of the head when she would not hand over a video game controller.  

Times for sure have changed.  55 years ago, when Sarkes was a 10 year old is St. Louis, he may have had a disagreement or two with younger sister Cindy (now Mamelian).  Sarkes may have pushed Cindy down, given her a Nuggie, snapped her with a towel, or any similar innocent juvenile prank.  NEVER did it occur to Sarkes to find Heat and shoot Cindy. For one thing, the Korkoian house was Heat Free. 

But here we are 55 years later in Mississippi, a bright Red state.  A state that typically ranks last in Education and Income.  A state where the 2nd Amendment is held in high esteem, 2nd only to the Holy Bible.  Mississippi is ground Zero for Trumps Base, uneducated, underemployed, rural white folk.  

Monroe County, where the crime was committed, is a county on the northeast border of Mississippi next to Alabama.  There are no big cities in Monroe County.  Monroe County is full of simple White Folk and poor Black Folk.

What more can be said.  Sarkes, a Recovering Liberal,  can only spew his new Party (the GOP) Line, “our Hearts and Prayers go out to the family of the slain teenager”.  

From the USA Today:  A Mississippi boy, 9, shoots sister, 13, over video game controller.  

Police say a 13-year old girl in Mississippi is dead after being shot in the back of head Saturday by her 9-year old brother, after she refused to give up her video game controller. 

Monroe County Sheriff Cecil Cantrell said the girl would not give up a video game controller when her brother wanted it.   Cantrell said she was shot in the back of the head, and that the bullet went through her brain.

The girl was rushed to Le Bonheur’s Children’s Hospital in Memphis. Cantrell said late Sunday that she died of her injuries, WLOV-TV and other media reported.

Authorities don’t yet know how the child had access to the weapon they say he used to shoot his sister. It’s also unclear how much knowledge the boy had of the dangers of guns.

“He’s just 9. I assume he’s seen this on video games or TV,” Cantrell said. “I don’t know if he knew exactly what this would do. I can’t answer that. I do know it’s a tragedy.”

Did the Orange Birddog know about the payment to Stormy Daniels

Executive Summary:

– Sarkes analyzes who is lying in the $130,000 payment to Stormy Daniels

Case closed as far as Sarkes is concerned. 

Addressing the Press on Air Force 1 (another Great Boeing Product) the Orange Sniffer says he knew nothing about the $130,000 payment to Stormy Daniels, and the White House Press Secretary says that the Golden P-Grabber did not tag Stormy.

Who are we to believe?  No contest.  Sarkes, a Recovering Liberal transitioning to be a good Trumpian/Regan Conservatives, believes the Orange Lathorio. After all who should we believe:

  • Stormy D, a Stripper and Porn Actress
  • Michael Cohen, a Schiester
  • Sarah Huckabee Sanders, a paid Lap Dog
  • Donald Trump, the Golden Commander in Tweets

And check the track record, when has the Orange Bull Horn ever lie to the American people?

The real Criminal here is Attorney Michael Cohen. His $130,000 payment right before the election to Stormy was obviously Insurance to take down the Golden A-Pincher if he won the election. Cohen is part of the largest conspiracy in the history of American politics to take down the Trump Administration.


See the article from the Associated Press:

Did Trump know about payment to Stormy Daniels? He says no

ABOARD AIR FORCE ONE (AP) – In his first public comments about Stormy Daniels, President Donald Trump said he didn’t know abo…

Sarkes Is Pissed

Executive Summary:  Sarkes is not happy with the Trade War With China

OK, enough is enough.

It is well documented that Sarkes, a Recovering Liberal, has gone all in, to become a Reagan/Trumpian Conservative.

Sarkes is on the Record as stating that it’s all about the TRICKLE DOWN, nothing else matters.

Sarkes has embraced the tenants of the NEW Conservative GOP:
– Tax Cut and Spend
– Increase the Deficit, who cares
– increase our Military to protect the Mexican Border to keep out Rapists, Criminals, and Drug Dealers
– America first, America only, we are the Big Dog, screw everyone else
– Family Values abandoned, P-Grabbing, A-Pinching and Sniffing now acceptable
– Massive, Uuuuuuuge cuts in regulations on Corporations who are people too, they have learned their lesson and will not screw us anymore
– Uuuuuuge, Tax Cut, Sarkes got more than his fair share of TD here

So why is Sarkes pissed?!!!

Well, it’s simple, the Orange Dotard may have gone too far with this Tarrif Bull S – – t, Trade War with China.

Let the Record also show that Sarkes, in general, could care less about a Tariff War which will increases costs to American consumers. You see, Sarkeses TRICKLE DOWN will more than compensate for increased product costs.

So why is Sarkes going ballistic like a Boeing ICBM?

Yesterday, China, in retaliation to the Golden Gemucks Tarrifs, announced a 25% Tariff on Boeing Commercial Aircraft. A 737 delivered to China was $90 Million before the Orange Traffic Cones Tariff War will now be $112.5 Million.  What the F – – -, what is the Golden Parachute thinking!

The Trade War Score Card For Commercial Aircraft:

– AirBus, this European, Government Subsidized, Commercial Aircraft company could now pass Boeing in deliveries of Commercial airplanes.  Tragic, Beleaguered,  Carnage, Evil, Cowardly, Phony, Death Spiral, Deplorable, Failed, Seriously Flawed, Thugs, Covfefe.

– America, Boeing is the Biggest Exporter of American products, well, that could end
– 145,000 Boeing employees who have Great Paying Manufacturing and Engineering Jobs under strong leaders like Sarkes
– Sarkes, whose portfolio is under seige. Boeing stock dropped 3% yesterday, more to come.

So Sarkes shouts to the Orange Ameba:  Stop it Now,  Your stupid campaign promises are negatively impacting Sarkes

Sarkes is now considering a 2020 Run for President on the Sarkes Independent Party.

Sarkes Corner – Childbirth Blamed on Chinese Food

Executive Summary:

  • A Florida woman mistakes her 37-week pregnancy on bad Chinese food 

See the story below from the USA Today.

Oh, where to start. Sarkeses Florida neighbors never cease to amaze.

Cracker Crystal Gail Amerson, 29, of Pensacola, FL woke up around 4 am with stomach pains which she self-diagnosed as food poisoning from eating General Tso’s Chinese food the night before.  It is unclear if the General Tso’s eaten by Cracker Amerson was Chicken, Shrimp, Beef, Pork or Happy Family.  

Alas, Cracker Amerson did not have food poisoning from eating General Tso’s Chinese food, she was actually in the process of delivering a baby.  Later, Cracker Amerson revealed that her Fortune Cookie fortune after eating her General Tso’s Chinese food was:  “The greatest danger could be your stupidity.”

Thankfully, her baby boy was delivered with no issues although the Delivery Room nurses said that they thought they detected the smell of Soy Sauce after the birth.

Sarkes pondered, who is General Two?  Sarkeses Crack Investigative reporters found that General Tso was a real person. Tso Tsungtang was a war hero who served with brilliant distinction during China’s civil war, the Taiping Rebellion (1850-1864), which claimed millions of lives over 14 years. Tso’s ruthlessness was legendary, causing many thousands to emigrate from China. Those who came to America largely worked on the Transcontinental Railroad, which was completed in 1869.  There is no definitive record as to why there is a Chinese Food entree named for General Tso, but if General Tso was as ruthless as claimed, it may have to do with the Gastric disruptions that result after eating General Tso’s Chinese food. 

But Sarkes digresses, back on point. 

Cracker Amerson claims that she had no idea that she was pregnant.  She claimed:

  • she did not have morning sickness
  • she did not notice any meaningful weight gain
  • she had a previous childbirth and would have known
  • she wears scrubs at work so no-one would have noticed 

It is well known that Sarkes could pass the Bar in any state having watched Judge Judy for over 21 years.  Sarkes maintains a high Legal Acumen. 

It is NOT as well known that Sarkes could practice medicine in any state as he has over 40 years of watching great Medical shows like:  St. Elsewhere, Marcus Welby MD, Emergency, M.A.S.H, Quincy, Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman, Dr. Kildare, and Ben Casey.  Face it, if Doogie Howser could practice medicine, how hard can it be.  

Sarkeses Medical Acumen rivals his niece, Dr. Kristen Mamelian Ledbetter, who went to Medical School for 7 years at a cost of hundreds of thousands of dollars.

But Sarkes digresses yet again, back on point.

Sarkes concludes that Cracker Amerson must be a robust, plus size, Cracker woman.  That can be the only logical explanation why she did not realize that she was pregnant.  

It is a well know fact that the Robust Florida Cracker does not embrace a well balanced, healthy diet.  The Robust Florida Cracker embraces Fast Food Hamburgers, Chinese Food, and anything that they kill during a Hunt.  

From the USA TODAY:

Florida woman mistakes 37-week pregnancy for bad Chinese food

PENSACOLA, Fla. — A Florida woman gave new meaning to the term “food baby” over the weekend.

Crystal Gail Amerson, 29, of Pensacola said she woke up around 4 a.m. Sunday with stomach pains that had her running back and forth between the bathroom and bedroom for more than an hour.

“I had Chinese food the night before and I kind of figured maybe I had food poisoning or something like that,” Amerson said.

But it turned out there was nothing wrong with the General Tso’s chicken Amerson ate the previous night. Unbeknownst to her, she was actually 37 weeks pregnant and was on the verge of giving birth to her second son.

“The stomach pains were just excruciating and I could hardly move,” Amerson said. “I think it was about 6:30 (a.m.) when (the ambulance) got there. … It escalated so quickly that I was having contractions and we figured out kind of what was going on because at first we really didn’t know what was going on.”

So how was it possible that Amerson didn’t realize she was pregnant?

Amerson had already been through one pregnancy but said she was never the type to feel a lot of the symptoms typically aligned with pregnancy, such as morning sickness. She also said she didn’t notice much weight gain.


“I gained a little bit of weight, but I think with my first baby I didn’t notice either,” Amerson said. “I never gained that pregnancy shape, really. And then I wear scrubs to work because I work at a retirement home for Alzheimer’s and dementia patients. So I guess the way they fit me as well, it was hard to notice anything or tell anything.”

As for the Chinese food, Great China restaurant won’t be receiving a negative Yelp review. It was a false alarm, Great China, you’re good.

Regardless, Amerson said she thinks she’ll lay off the Chinese for a while.

“That’s what I was telling my mother-in-law, I think I’m traumatized from Chinese food,” Amerson said. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to look at it the same way again.”