Donate to the George Zimmerman Legal Fund

Executive Summary:

– George Zimmerman is $2.5 Million in debt
– In trouble with the Law, George tells the Court he needs a Public Defender
– Sarkes calls for the creation of a George Zimmerman Legal Fund

You know Sarkes, he can never get enough George Zimmerman. After a long drought, Sarkes Corner Hall of Famer George was back in the news a few weeks ago for repeatedly threatening and harassing Dennis Warren.

Thanks to Sarkes Corner Contributors, Sister Cindy Mamelian and friend George Taylor, for this update to George Zimmerman’s recent Tale of Woe.

We all know George Zimmerman in his hay day, George is / was:
– Killer of Skittles eating, Ice Tea drinking, Black youth
– Killer of Hoodie sales in Florida for years
– Beneficiary of Florida’s “Stand Your Ground” Law
– Serial abuser of Women
– Guilty of Copyright Violations for his Fake Art
– Heat Packing, Poster Boy for the NRA
– A proud Red Hat “MAGA” part of the Orange Dotard’s Base

In his latest ordeal, our man Zimmerman is facing stalking accusations in his latest legal woes since his 2013 acquittal in the shooting death of Trayvon Martin.

A court recently allowed George Zimmerman to use a public defender in his alleged stalking case after he filed documents saying he’s $2.5 million in debt and has zero income. Zimmerman is accused of repeatedly threatening and harassing Dennis Warren between December 16 and December 25, 2017.

We all know the chances of a fair trial for George if he has a Public Defender. As the Orange Statistician would say “George has a 1000 percent chance of a guilty verdict with a Public Defender”.

Even though “Many People Say” that George was guilty of murdering Trayvon Martin, his Crack Legal Team, Mark O’Mara and Don West, worked their magic and got a jury of Zimmerman’s Cracker Peers to find him not Guilty. Since George has never paid his legal fees from the Trayvon Martin trial, there is zero chance that Mark O’Mara and Don West will represent George again.

Early subscribers to Sarkes Corner know how much joy and entertainment provided by George Zimmerman. Now it’s time for Sarkes Corner Subscribers to help our Man George in his time of need.

Sarkes asks his loyal subscribers to ponder what the future of Sarkes Corner would be if George Zimmerman lands in the Hoosegow, which he will if he has a Public Defender.

As such, Sarkes is calling on the Wealthy Subscribers of Sarkes Corner to open up your Hearts and Wallets and send your contributions to the George Zimmerman Legal Fund. Donations, starting at $100, can be sent to Sarkes who will make sure that the George Zimmerman Legal Fund is established. All donations, after a small Management Fee for Sarkes, will go to hire great Lawyers to keep our man George Free.

Sarkes Hall of Famer George Zimmerman
George, Failed Artist, with one of his Fake Art pieces
The Legal Team that George Zimmerman stiffed

The Ozarks are the Safest Place to Live During the Apocalypse

Executive Summary:

– Remember Evangelist Jim Bakker, well he’s back in the News

– Bakker has identified the Missouri Ozarks as the place to be when the Apocalypse comes

Southwest Missouri is the epicenter of the Bible Belt. A drive down Interstate 44 finds south of Rolla, MO, finds dozens of Uuuuuuuge Mega Churches where the God Fearing citizens of Southwest Missouri go to praise our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ.

The “Ozarks” is another term used to describe Southwest Missouri and includes the famous Branson area, Table Rock Lake, and dozens of Evangelical Bible Colleges.

This Sarkes Corner is about the APOCALYPSE and the fact that the Ozarks are the best place to be when the Judgement Day comes. What is the Apocalypse? The Apocalypse is a great catastrophe that results in widespread destruction and the collapse of civilization. The Apocalypse is the end of the World.

Jim Bakker has declared that the Ozarks are safest place to live during the Apocalypse. You remember Jim Bakker. He is the Televangelist who is a serial adulteress. Bakker spent five years in prison (of a 45 year sentence) in 1989 after being convicted of fraud and conspiracy for bilking his Flock out of millions of dollars that he put to his own personal use.

Right Wing Christian Fundamentalist at that time were shocked that Jim Bakker paid Hush Money to his secretary, Jesica Hahn to keep silent his affair with her. The Right Wing Christian Fundamentalist also condemned Jim Bakker for his adultery for having sex outside his marriage with Tammy Faye Bakker (LaValley). Tammy Faye Bakker, a real beauty, spent no time giving Jim Bakker the Old Heave Ho. While Bakker was in prison, Tammy Faye divorced him and married Jim Bakker’s best friend.

Today, Jim Bakker is back in the game as a Televangelist to the Right Wing Christian Fundamentalist community who apparently now believe that Adultery is NOT a sin and that paying Hush Money to fluzzies is OK. In that regards, Jim Bakker and the Orange Bird Dog are two peas in a Pod.

But the Jim Bakker of today is much more than a Skirt Chasing, Sniffing, Evangelical Televangelist. Jim Bakker also deals in Real Estate. Bakker is trying to sell condos and cabins at his Morningside development near Branson, MO.

To sweeten his sales pitch, Bakker claims that the Ozark mountains in southwest Missouri are the safest place to live when the Apocalypse comes. Not only will Bakker sell you an Apocalypse-safe Condo, but he also sells
water bottles with filters and buckets of preserved food that contains 273 servings of “warm and delicious comfort food” with a shelf life of 25 years. This is more than enough to get any God Fearing Right Wing Christian Fundamentalist thru the Apocalypse.

But wait, it gets better. Jim Bakker claims that NASA has confirmed that the Ozarks are the the safest place on earth to endure the Apocalypse. A spokeswoman for NASA said she was not familiar with any research from NASA that might fit with Bakker’s claim. Sarkes cannot make this stuff up.

There you have it. For the Right Wing Christian Fundamentalist Subscribers to Sarkes Corner, Sarkes encourages you to take a vacation in the Ozarks and look into Condos at Jim Bakker’s Morningside Development.

God Bless Jim Bakker, God Bless the deceased Tammy Faye Bakker, God Bless the good, God Fearing People of the Ozarks. Our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ, and NASA, will keep you safe in the Ozarks during the Apocalypse.

Jim Bakker and Our Savior & Lord Jesus Christ
Tammy Faye Bakker
NASA will not confirm or deny that the Ozarks will survive the Apocalypse

Climate Change Logically Explained

Executive Summary:

– One of the first Conservative principles Sarkes (a Recovering Liberal) embraced was that Climate Change is a hoax and a conspiracy spread by Self-Serving Scientists and Liberal Politicians.

– For the first time, the Climate Change Conspiracy, has been logically explained by GOP Alabama Conservative Representative Mo Brooks.

Sarkeses eyes have been opened as he makes the transition from an ignorant, Recovering Liberal, to a Great Trumpian Conservative. Sarkeses Florida neighbors have been coaching Sarkes as he travels the Orange Brick Road to become a Proud, Card Carrying Conservative. It’s as if Sarkeses has emerged from the dark, dense, Forrest of Liberalism and has emerged into the bright, sunny, open meadow of Conservatism.

But Sarkes digresses, back to the Climate Change hoax. For the first time, the Climate Change Conspiracy has been logically explained by Alabama Conservative Representative Mo Brooks.

Scientists say April 2018 marked the planet’s 400th consecutive month with above-average temperatures. At at a hearing held last week by the House Committee on Science, Space, and Technology, on how technology can be used to address climate change, Rep. Mo Brooks, R-Ala offered an alternative reason for the rise in Sea Levels.

Mo Brooks is uniquely qualified to discuss Climate Change. Sarkeses new Man Mo graduated from Duke University with a double major in political science and economics. Mo Brooks is yet another example of why Conservatives are much higher up the Intelligence Food Chain than Ignorant Liberals. Mo does not let Science get in the way of a logical explanation on this Liberal hoax called Climate Change.

Mo Brooks explained that rising Ocean levels are the result of Rocks and Boulders falling into Rivers, Lakes, and Oceans. Mo claims that rising Ocean levels are really the result of natural Erosion.

Sarkes new Man Mo explains: ”Every single year that we’re on Earth, you have huge tons of silt deposited by the Mississippi River, by the Amazon River, by the Nile, by every major river system — and for that matter, creeks, all the way down to the smallest systems, and every time you have that soil or rock whatever that is deposited into the seas, that forces the sea levels to rise. Because now you’ve got less space in those oceans because the bottom is moving up.” 

Thanks Mo, finally an explanation that makes sense. Sarkes is now a firm believer that real Scientists get in the way of the Truth, and it takes a Street Smart, Common Sense, analysis, like that provided by Mo Brooks, to get to the Truth on Climate Change.

Sarkes warns the Subscribers of Sarkes Corner, every time you throw a rock into a river or skip a rock over a lake, YOU are contributing to Climate Change. So, STOP IT.

A Family Contributing to Rising Sea Levels
US Representative Mo Brooks, (R) Alabama and Climate Change Expert
Mo Brooks explaining Climate Change to the Orange Environmentalist
Mo Brooks doing Climate Change Research at Mir-A-Lago

Donald Trump IS NOT a Liar

Executive Summary:

– “Many People Say” How do you know when Donald Trump is lying? ……….. His Lips are moving.

– Sarkes has proof positive that Donald Trump IS NOT a LIAR

The Washington Post has reported that the Orange Pinocchio has told over 3,000 lies since he has taken office. This is world class performance.

The constant lies spewed by the Golden Perjurer has fueled the Demon Dems to believe that they will win the 2018 Mid Term Elections. On the Right Side, the GOPs tell Sarkes to “not take Trump Literally, but take him Seriously”. The Right Wing Christian Fundamentals say that since they recently declassified Adultery as a Sin, lying is now a virtue.

In any case, the Orange Fibber has been labeled as a Serial Lier.

In a meeting this week, the Gold Fabler went on a rant against Illegal Immigrants, Mostly Mexican.

The Orange Fabricator used extraordinarily harsh rhetoric to renew his call for stronger immigration, calling Illegal Immigrants “Animals” and venting frustration at Mexican officials who he said “do nothing” to help the United States.

The Golden Liar Liar Pants on Fire stated: “We have people coming into the country or trying to come in, we’re stopping a lot of them, but we’re taking people out of the country. You wouldn’t believe how bad these people are,” Trump said.  “These aren’t People. These are ANIMALS.”

Sarkes has dispatched several Reporter / Photographer Teams to the Mexican Border to Fact Check the Orange Spinner of Yarns assertion that Illegal Immigrants aren’t People, rather, they are Animals. Lowly and Beholy, Sarkes has determined that DONALD TRUMP IS NOT A LIAR, and provides the evidence below:

Illegal Immigrants, mostly Mexicans, apprehended crossing into America:

Alejandro Cardenas caught in Nogales

Guadalupe Lopez caught in Mexicali

Pablo Martinez caught in Juarez

Pedro Gonzalez caught in Laredo
Juan Perez caught in Tijuana

There you have it, proof positive that Donald Trump IS NOT a LIAR.

Violence in Bonita Springs, FL

Executive Summary:

– A Bonita Springs man, upset over wife’s vacuuming, is charged for assault and battery after attacking Lee County Deputies

Subscribers to Sarkes Corner know that after Sarkes retired from Boeing, he moved to Bonita Springs, FL. Contrary to popular belief, Bonita Springs is NOT all Gated, Guarded, Golf Course communities populated by Old, Rich, White Folk. Bonita Springs DOES have a Heat Packing, Florida Cracker Community.

One such Bonita Springs Florida Cracker, Ashton Provost, who had just returned from a Rehab stint to solve his drinking problem, was DRUNK and passed out at his home. Obviously, Cracker Ashton must have flunked his Rehab Final Exam.

Cracker Ashton awoke when his Cracker Wife started to vacuum the house. It is a little know fact that NOT ALL Crackers are slobs that live in squalor (trash, empty beer cans, pizza boxes, etc), some Crackers, not many, maintain a clean home.

An argument followed with Cracker Ashton getting violent and throwing household items at his wife. Lee County Sheriffs Deputies were called. The Sheriffs Deputies subdued Cracker Ashton with a Taser after Cracker Ashton pointed a loaded rifle at the Sheriffs Deputies.

A Drunk, Heat Packing Cracker is a formula for disaster.

“Many People Say” Sarkes, are you in harms way living in Bontia Springs with a Cracker Community so close by? Sarkes wants to ensure his loyal subscribers that Sarkes is safe and clear of any Cracker violence. You see, Sarkes lives in one of the Gated, Guarded, Golf Course communities populated by Old, Rich, White Folk. Crackers NOT welcomed, Crackers NOT allowed.

NO shots fired, one Cracker Tased, order is restored in Bonita Springs.

From the Ft. Meyers News-Press:

Bonita Springs man, upset over wife’s vacuuming, charged for alleged assault, battery on deputies

A Bonita Springs man upset that his wife was vacuuming the home while he was trying to sleep was later tasered by Lee County sheriff’s deputies after he pointed a rifle at them.

Ashton C. Provost, 47, was charged with battery, two counts of aggravated assault on a police officer and resisting arrest. He was released on $38,000 bond and will be arraigned May 29.

Deputies were called to a Delaware Street address for a domestic disturbance shortly after 9 p.m. Friday. A woman at the home identified as Provost’s wife told deputies that Provost was drunk, had just returned from rehab and attacked her.

A Lee County sheriff’s report said she told deputies that Provost pulled the vacuum cord out of the wall and told her to stop with the noise.

When the woman told Provost she was calling the sheriff he threw a barstool at her,  hitting her and smashing apart on the kitchen table, the report said.

When deputies approached Provost he fled into the home and exited again through the rear with a rifle, pointing the weapon at an officer armed with a taser.

The deputy shot Provost with the taser, forcing the man to drop the rifle, and then arrested him.

Bontia Springs Cracker Ashton Provost

Sarkes In The Swamp

Executive Summary:

– Sarkes is in the Swamp visiting Granddaughter Addison (Baby Adds)
– Sarkes had scheduled a meeting with the Orange Orator
– Sarkes introduces “Sarkes Street Speak”

Sarkes is in the Swamp, WDC, visiting granddaughter Addison (Baby Adds) Katz-Korkoian. While Baby Adds was born a Washington Nationals fan, her baseball roots are with the St. Louis Cardinals. See attached pic.

But Sarkes digresses, back on Point.

While in the Swamp, Sarkes contacted the Golden Gazebo to discuss the impact to Sarkes, and other Boeing retirees, as a result of the Orange Tabby’s removing the US out of the Iran Nuclear Deal, and the impending cancellation of the 20 BILLION, that’s BILLION with a B, order for Commercial jets.

The Golden Globe agreed to meet with Sarkes on Friday morning at the Trump International Hotel in downtown WDC. See attached pic. Alas, Sarkes received a call from Chief of Staff John Kelly with regrets that the Orange Tide had to cancel as he was running behind schedule and was on his way to Mar-a-Lago for another great weekend of Golf.

While standing in front of the Trump International Hotel, Sarkes decided not to waste a Golden opportunity. So standing outside the Trump International Hotel, Sarkes launched the inaugural edition of “Sarkes Street Speak”.

So what is “Sarkes Street Speak”? “Sarkes Street Speak” is like Jay Leno’s Jaywalking segment where Jay asks everyday people on the street questions that every American should be able to answer. “Many People Say” that Jay Leno’s Jaywalking is Fake News or at least they cherry picked the dumbest answers for Entertainment value.

This is not the case for “Sarkes Street Speak”. Sarkes is a Truth Machine. “Sarkes Street Speak” is presented, unedited, as-answered by the People on the streets of WDC.

“Sarkes Street Speak” – Outside the Trump International Hotel on Pennsylvania Avenue in WDC.

Sarkes asked: “What does the J. stand for in Donald J. Trump?”

The answers from the People:

Jennifer P. age 23, New York, NY: “I know, I know, it stands for JACKASS”

Ron K. age 42, Boston, MA: “Simple, it’s JERK”

Joyce M. age 18, Berkeley, CA: “Um, is it J – – KOFF?”

Bill K., age 55, Baltimore, MD: “JERK for sure”

Jeffry S. age 31, Philadelphia, PA: “JOCKSTRAP”

Shaniqua T. age 24, Harlem, NY: “How about JIVE ASS TURKEY”

Kristen L. age 34, Chicago, IL: “It’s JELLYBRAIN”

Donna C. age 49, Hartford, CT: “For sure, JABBERMOUTH”

Frank L. age 19, San Francisco, CA: “JAMUCK, no doubt about it”

Rich F. age 42, Seattle, WA: “I think it stands for JAFO”

Jim S. age 57, Detroit, MI: “JIGALO, take it to the bank”

Leroy F. age 26, Tulsa, OK: “I have no idea”

Cindy M. age 35, Dallas, TX: “Who is Donald J. Trump?”

Roy L. age 32, Macon, GA: “I don’t care, but he better leave my guns alone”

Eric P. age 45, Little Rock, AR: “Is it JEFFERSON like Clinton?”

There you have it, America has spoken.

Baby Adds in her Cardinal Outfit
Sarkes Outside the Trump International Hotel

A Different Kind of Gun Story

Executive Summary:

– St. Louis Cardinals Catcher Yadia Molina was injured when a 102 MPH Foul Tip smashed into his Boys

– The St. Louis Cardinals are taking action by buying Bullet Proof Cups

In a recent baseball game against the Chicago Cubs, St. Louis Cardinal Yadia Molina was behind home plate when a 102 mph fastball caromed off the bat and right into his Package. To protect his Gonads, Molina was wearing the standard issue Cups worn by all Major League Baseball catchers.

Molina eventually required surgery for hematoma and was placed on the Diabled List. Molina is expected to be out for 4 to 5 weeks. OUCH. Take it from Sarkes, Yadia Molina is one Tough Puerto Rican.

But a baseball catcher taking a shot to his Nuts does not make this story Sarkes Corner Worthy. Then what?

In an attempt to protect the Finacial investment in their catchers, the St. Louis Baseball Cardinals bought three ballistics-tested Testicles protectors—one for each of their catchers. Yup, you read that correctly. These new Cups can stop a speeding Bullet.

These Rock Protectors were manufactured by company “Armored Nutshellz,”, no, Sarkes does not make this stuff up.

Company CEO Jeremiah Raber felt so confident in his product, that he had someone shoot him in the balls with a gun. Wow, not that’s one way to demonstrate the quality of your product!! Who amongst us would demonstrate a new product we developed by taking a shot to the groin.

These Crown Jewel Protector cups were designed not only for athletes, but also law enforcement officials, and the military.

Alas, for the St. Louis Cardinals, these Bullet Proof Cups came to late for Yadia Molina.

See Yadia Molina in pain and the Inventor of the Bullet Proof Cup:

A Victim of the Iran Nuclear Deal

Executive Summary:

– On Tuesday, May 8, the Orange Dotard pulled the United States out of the Iran Nuclear Deal.

– Sarkes could be a victim.

Thanks to Sarkes Corner Contributor and St. Louis friend Betty Wucher for this devastating story out of St. Louis, MO.

Subscribers to Sarkes Corner know that Sarkes retired from Boeing. And while The Goldilocks has viciously attacked Boeing over the years, Sarkes has maintained a Fair and Balanced, Unbiased, position when reporting on stories affecting Boeing.

Boeing is:
– the largest Aerospace Company in the WORLD
– the number 1 exporter, by dollars, of goods out of the United States
– a firm with Uuuuuuuge Engineering Intellect and Acumen and Strong Leadership like Sarkes
– has Plants and Suppliers in ALL 50 United States

One would think that the Orange Zest would do anything and everything to protect a fine firm like Boeing that contributes so much to the American Economy.

But Noooooooooooo. On Tuesday, May 8, the Golden Arches pulled the United States out of the Iran Nuclear Deal. In doing so, Boeing could lose $20 BILLION, thats BILLION, in Commercial Aircraft sales to 2 Iranian airline companies.

Boeing’s loss will be Airbuses gain. You know Airbus, that European Consortium that produces Commercial aircraft that are subsidized by the European Union. Airbus does not need to be efficient or be accountable to Shareholders, they need only to pump out airplanes that are paid for by European Governments. But Sarkes digresses, back on Point.

“Many People Say” Sarkes, could there be anymore victims from the US pulling out of the Iran Nuclear Deal?

Sarkes says – “You betcha”. Sarkes could be a victim.

With the lost 20 BILLION dollars in sales of Commercial aircraft to Iran, Sarkes could be a victim. At risk is Sarkeses Pension and Sarkeses Portfolio. Could Sarkes and Chris be one step away from the Poor House?

But Sarkeses losses do not end with Sarkes and Chris. As you know, Sarkes Corner is a Free Publication for the masses. Sarkes bears all Production Costs and payroll expenses for the Sarkes Corner Staff. The may end soon. Sarkes may be forced to start charging a Subscription Fee for Sarkes Corner. This is REVERSE TRICKLE DOWN.

If that happens, you can blame the Orange Julius, Sarkes can only do so much.

From CNBC:

President Donald Trump announced Tuesday he will withdraw the U.S. from a nuclear pact with Iran , a move that threatens Boeing’s multibillion-dollar deals to help restock the aging Iranian commercial air fleet. 

The world’s largest aerospace company has agreements to supply Iranian airlines with planes worth roughly $20 billion, based on list prices.

Shares of Boeing were down 0.3 percent in afternoon trading.

In 2016, when it announced the Iran Air deal, Boeing said such an order would support 100,000 U.S. jobs.

George Zimmerman is Back!

Executive Summary:

George Zimmerman is back in the News, making Headlines, and Sarkes is thrilled.

Thanks to Sarkes Corner Contributor and Sister Cindy Mamelian for this much overdue story about the first member of the Sarkes Corner Hall of Fame, George Zimmerman.

You remember George Zimmerman:
– Killer of the Skittle eating, Ice Tea drinking, Black teen Trayvon Martin
– Killer of Hoodie sales in Florida for years
– Neighborhood Watch captain who specialized in watching for Black men
– Police Officer Wannabe
– Serial abuser of women, including his wife and several girlfriends
– Copyright violator and Fake Artist who painted over published pictures and claimed as original art
– NRA poster child

George Zimmerman is responsible for making Sarkes Corner the Award Winning publication it is today. In 2012, it seemed like George Zimmerman was in the news EVERY DAY, providing a plethora of topics and a cornucopia of Sarkes Corner blogs.

Sarkes owes much to George Zimmerman. In fact, in his acceptance speech that Sarkes would have delivered had he received the Nobel Prize in Literature, Sarkes had George Zimmerman on the top of his list to Thank. This, of course, before Sarkes got screwed by the Nobel Academy.

George Zimmerman never disappointed. In that respect, George Zimmerman was the Orange Ameba before there was a Golden Gestapo.

George Zimmerman is the typical Florida Cracker, a Heat Packing, Florida native, White guy who doesn’t like Blacks, Immigrants, LGBTQ’s, and treats women like they are his property. Like his fellow Florida Crackers, George Zimmerman bypassed the 1st Amendment and went straight to the 2nd Amendment. George Zimmer IS the Orange Dotard’s Base.

Why is George Zimmerman back in the news? He is now accused of Criminal Stalking, one of his core competencies. He continually harassed a private investigator who was doing research for a Production Company who is doing a documentary on The George.

The Production Company could have saved all of this rigamarole by reading past editions of Sarkes Corner. George Zimmermans life and antics are documented in detail by the Truth Machine, Sarkes, and are part of the public domain.

In typical George Zimmerman behavior, instead of ignoring the private investigator, our man George went on the Offense, repeatedly threatened and harassed the private investigator. In many respects, George Zimmerman is a Counter Puncher like the Gold Bully.

Thanks for coming back to Sarkes Corner George Zimmerman. You were missed. Please, Please, Please, come around more often.

From CNN:

George Zimmerman accused of criminal stalking in Florida

(CNN) — George Zimmerman, the man who was acquitted of murder in the shooting death of Trayvon Martin, has received a criminal summons for stalking, the Seminole County Sheriff’s Office said in a press release on Monday.

Zimmerman is accused of repeatedly threatening and harassing Dennis Warren between December 16 and December 25 of last year, the sheriff’s office said.

Warren is a private investigator who was hired by a production company that was working on a documentary about Martin’s life, according to CNN affiliate WKMG. Deputies said Zimmerman called Warren 55 times, left 36 voicemails, texted him 67 times and sent 27 emails over a nine-day span, WKMG reports.

The criminal charge adds to a lengthy list of legal issues for Zimmerman. He was a neighborhood watch captain in Sanford, Florida in February 2012 when he shot and killed Martin, an unarmed black 17-year-old. After a public outcry, he was charged in April 2012 with second-degree murder. A jury found him not guilty in July 2013.

Later, Zimmerman was arrested on suspicion of aggravated assault and domestic violence with a weapon in January 2015. Prosecutors decided not to file charges in the case after the alleged victim backed off her claims.
He also drew outrage when he attempted to auction off the gun that he purportedly used to kill Martin.

Best Place to Hide Heat from the Police

Executive Summary:

A woman from the Shoot Me State, Missouri, thought she had found the perfect place to hide her Heat from the Police.

Thanks to Sarkes Corner Contributor and friend Betty Wucher for this head shaking story about a woman from Sarkeses former home state, the Shoot Me State, Missouri.

Sarkes is thankful to be able to report on a story that does not include the Golden Gestapo, Stormy Daniels, Rudy Giuliani, Paul Ryan, Patrick Conroy (House Catholic Priest), Sarah Sanders, Robert Mueller, Homey Comey, and the rest of the Clowns that dominate the News each and every day.

Sarkeses neighbors from the Shoot Me State, Missouri, never cease to amaze.

Oh wear to start. Let’s start here. Sarkes cannot make this stuff up. Sarkes is a Truth Machine. Sarkes reports, you decide.

Anika Witt, 27, from Ozark, MO, was caught running drugs in Illinois with her boyfriend, Clinton McDonald, 29. Witt was a long way from home. Ozark, MO, is in the far Southwest corner of The Shoot Me State. Ozark, MO is rural, and it’s inhabitants are uneducated, underemployed, Heat Packing, White Folk, i.e, the Orange Julius’s base.

When these 2 Drug Running Einsteins were pulled over by the Illinois State Federalies, they found Ecstasy in Witt’s bra and Heroin in the car.

Kitt was processed in the McLean (IL) County hoosegow, a standard procedure during that processing is to Strip Search the Perps. During the Strip Search of Witt, a Correctional Office found a fully loaded Kimber .380 pistol, with a bullet in the chamber, ready to fire. Witt had inserted the Kimber .380 pistol ……… into her Vagina……. her Vagina!

Sarkes knows a thing or two about Vagina’s, but the ONE topic that Sarkes is deficient is Heat. So, Sarkes was compelled to do some research on the Kimber .380 pistol. Was it really possible to insert a Kimber .380 pistol into ones Vagina?

First of all, Sarkes must go full komomo, Sarkes has NEVER done a Product Review on a Pistol. Sarkes, a recovering Liberal and soon-to-be Conservative, is still struggling with his new Red Teams love of the 2nd Amendment and Packing Heat.

But Sarkes digresses, back on point.

The Kimber Micro Raptor is a true “Pocket Pistol”. This pistol has a capacity of 7 bullets, 6 in the clip and one in the chamber. The Kimber Micro Raptor weighs 13.4 ounces, is 5.6 inches long and 1 inch wide.

So Sarkes concludes, based on some recent research on Stormy Daniels, a Kimber Micro Raptor pistol CAN be comfortably inserted into a women’s vagina. Who would have thought.

More research by the Sarkes Corner staff revealed that stashing a gun in one’s Vagina is a more common tactic than one might think.

A Waco, Texas woman was given 10 years of probation last year for possession of methamphetamine and had stuffed a .22 caliber pistol in her Vagina.

A 19-year-old Kingsport, Tennessee, woman was sentenced to three years in prison for the mini-revolver jailers found in her Vagina during a 2014 arrest. A retired car salesman, who reported that gun missing, said the gun would need “a bath in bleach.”

What do these Vagina Heat Packing women have in common? They are all from Bright Red states, proud Conservative Republicans; Missouri, Texas, Tennessee. How could our Founding Fathers ever have predicted the evolution of Vagina Heat Packing Women when then crafted the 2nd Amendment: “……. the Right to Bear Arms…….” Heck, our Founding Fathers never recognized Women at all in our Constitution.

But, there is still more to this story. By inserting fully loaded Heat into their Vagina’s, these Rural, uneducated, underemployed, Heat Packing, White Women, not only put themselves at Risk of a Premature, Accidental shot, but others are also at Risk.

As an example, what would happen if the Orange Lothario Birddog P-Grabbed one of these Vagina Heat Packing Women? This could be result in the strangest assassination attempt of all time.