An Early Christmas Present for Sarkes

Executive Summary:

– Sarkes had been off the Grid for a while

– Sarkes explains this AWOL

Many People Say:  “Sarkes, why haven’t you been publishing Sarkes Corner?”  Well, Sarkes has had intensive Writers Block.  Why?

Even with a Hemingway-like writing environment, Sarkes has Writers Block

The core sources of topics for Sarkes Corner had all but Dried Up:

Judge Judy ended her decades run of dishing out justice on regular TV and started a new show on Cable TV.  Sarkes admits that he watched 4 episodes of the new show; Judy Justice, and was not impressed.

Judge Judy, the Cases are Real, the People are Real, the Rulings are Final, Judy Justice, no so much

Sarkes Corner Hall of Fame, George Zimmerman, has gone underground, hasn’t been heard from in years.  You know George Zimmerman; serial abuser of women, a Police wannabe, killer of Ice Tea Drinking Skittles Eating Trayvon Martin, killer of Hoodie Sales in Florida, failed Artist, etc. 

Where have you gone George Zimmerman, Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you, woo, woo, woo

Mass shootings and the slaughter of innocent citizens, usually by crazed White Men using Semi-Automatic Weapons, have occurred with such frequency that it is no longer news.  Like a Conservative friend of Sarkes once told him: “These mass shootings are a price we pay for our freedom”

The AR-15 is the preferred weapon of choice for the crazed White Mass Murderer

The Former Guy, the Orange Dotard, is no longer in every news cycle.  Sure, many Orange Mini-Me’s are trying to perpetuate the Big Lie and to minimize the January 6 insurrection / attack on our Democracy, but in general, this is all just noise and not worthy of any further consideration for Sarkes Corner.

The Orange P-Grabber has been silenced ……. for now
This is not your Fathers Ronald Reagan GOP anymore

With the highest standards of Journalism that form the foundation of Sarkes Corner, Sarkes decided that NO reporting is better than junk reporting.   Sarkes still aspires to win the Nobel Prize in Literature and a race to the Bottom with the National Enquirer would be fatal to that cause.

Sarkes will Shut Down Sarkes Corner before it becomes another National Enquirer

Even Florida Man, the Florida Cracker, has not given Sarkes any Sarkes Corner-Worthy stories to report on the past few months.  It’s quite possible that the Covid Virus Pandemic has impacted the Florida Cracker’s ability to go out in public and do Stupid things.  After all, the Florida Cracker is typically White, Republican, Anit-Vaxer, and Covid Hoax believer.  Sarkes hopes that Covid has not adversely “thinned out the Florida Cracker Herd”.

Sarkes Prays that the Florida Cracker has just gone underground and is not on the way to becoming Covid Extinct

But then, on the Eve of Christmas Eve, Sarkes received a very early Christmas gift.  Florida Man has come thru for Sarkes, providing a story that is finally Sarkes Corner worthy!!!!

A Florida man was arrested over the weekend after police said they found baggies of cocaine and meth strapped to his Penis during a traffic stop, his Penis!!!

Patrick Florence, 34, was a passenger in the vehicle when the car was stopped by deputies with the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office early Saturday morning when they noticed the car did not have its headlights or tail lights on.   The vehicle was searched by officers who found a gun under the passenger’s seat where Florence was sitting.

Note to Florida Man:  Do not drive at 4am in Pinellas County with no headlights or tail lights!

Florence was then searched by officers, who found two baggies strapped to his Penis with one containing cocaine and the other methamphetamine.

He then denied the narcotics and weapon were his.   Florence was charged with four felonies including possession of cocaine, meth, ammunition and a firearm.  This is where the Main Stream Media reporting of this story stopped.  

Not 1, but 2 bags of Drugs were attached to Florence’s Penis!!!

This was not good enough for Sarkes.  Sarkes assigned his Award Winning Crime Bureau to conduct a more in-depth investigation.  The Police Report of the incident, obtained by Sarkes under the Freedom of Information Act, did NOT disclose:

– Why the Pinellas County Sheriffs Officers decided to Search Florence’s Penis for Drugs.

– How could 2 Bags of Drugs be attached to a Penis.  Could Florence’s Penis be large enough to support not 1 but 2 bags of Drugs. How were the Bags of Drugs attached to the Penis, Duct Tape?

– If Florence is telling the truth, and the Drugs were not his, did the real owner of the Drugs know that Florence had them strapped to his Penis?

While the Main Stream Media is satisfied with the information they receive from the Pinellas County Sheriffs Office, Sarkes will not rest until the entire facts of this case are uncovered.  

In closing, Sarkes graciously thanks Patrick Florence for this early Christmas Present and wishes Florence a Merry Christmas in the Pinellas County Hoosegow.  

Sarkes wishes a Merry Christmas and Prosperous New Year to all (except Crazed White Mass Murderers with Semi-Automatic Weapons)