P-Grabbing Evangelical Pastors

Executive Summary:

– Jerry Falwell Jr. joins a long list of disgraced, P-Grabbing, Right Wing Evangelical Pastors

– The Sarkes Corner Theological Bureau investigates why these Men of the Cloth become Shameful, Sniffing, Sinners

The word hit the street that Sarkes was investigating why Right Wing Evangelical Pastors get involved with Sinful, Adulterous, and sometimes Perverse Sexual scandals.  “Many People Said”, Sarkes, we know that you are an Award Winning Journalist, Rocket Engineer, and Renowned Statistician, but what do you know about Religion?

It’s a little known fact that after retiring from Boeing, Sarkes had visions of becoming an Armenian Orthodox Priest. “Many People Said”, Sarkes, who are you trying to kid, Orthodox Priests must be celibate and you have been married to Chris (nee McCloskey) for 45 years!  Let Sarkes educate.   In the Armenian Orthodox Church, married priests called Der Hayr, and Celibate priests called Hayr Soorp, have exactly the same hierarchical rank and identical duties and responsibilities.  

Chris Korkoian, nee a St. Louis McCloskey, claims the she is not related to the Heat Packing, BLM Protestor Threatening, GOP/NRA Poster Boy McCloskey’s of St. Louis

Sarkes road to becoming an Armenian Der Hayr is a challenge.  Sarkes must be able to speak, read, and write fluent Armenian.  Sarkes must learn to Chant and suck in pungent incense, and finally, Sarkes must grow an Armenian Der Hayr beard.  Sarkes is about 1/3 completed in his quest to become an Armenian Der Hayr.

Put a colorful Vestment on Sarkes and he could pass for an Armenian Der Hayr

So now that Sarkeses Theological Acumen has been validated, Sarkes investigated why many Right Wing Christian Evangelical Pastors dip their Wick in their Congregation Candles.  There are over 100 Bible Verses that address adultery.  Two of Sarkes favorite Bible Verses that address adultery are clear and concise:

Exodus 20:14 – “You shall not commit adultery”.  

Hebrews 13:4 – “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”

So, Sarkes concludes that it is pretty clear that, in the Bible, Adultery is a No No.  It is also clear to Sarkes that the Bible does not provide any exceptions to the Adultery Sin, Men of the Cloth are as guilty as say, the Orange Bird Dog.  Sarkes figures that the disgraced Right Wing Christian Evangelical Pastors must have skipped class on the day that their Evangelical Bible Colleges discussed Adultery.

Next, Sarkes identified the excuses given by these Congregational Cock Hounds.  The pastors who have fallen into sin have all kinds of excuses: I didn’t do it, it wasn’t me, it wasn’t technically illegal, it was a youthful mistake, it was a conspiracy orchestrated by the Vatican, it was a conspiracy orchestrated by the Devil.  As such, the excuses given by regular Adulterers is not much different than from the Right Wing Christian Evangelical Pastors.

The list of disgraced Right Wing Christian Evangelical Pastors, who have succumbed to the lure of the flesh and have committed Adultery and sexual perversions, is too long for Sarkes to cover in one Sarkes Corner.  As such, Sarkes provides a summary of the Who’s Who of Disgraced Right Wing Christian Evangelical Pastors.  These are the Creme de la Creme of Right Wing Christian Evangelical Pastors.   Over the years, these Disgraced Right Wing Christian Evangelical Pastors have extorted BILLIONS, BILLIONS, from their flock by preaching the Gospel of our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ, all the while engaging in Sinful, Adulterous, P-Grabbing.

Jesus forgives the P-Grabbing Evangelical Pastors but Sarkes is not so sure about their Flocks that have given these Adulterers Billions!, Billions!

Next, the list of Who’s Who of Disgraced Right Wing Christian Evangelical Pastors is presented in alphabetical order, not in the order of their perversion or magnitude of their Adultery. 

Tony Alamo

Alamo rocketed to fame in the 1970s for preaching a fundamentalist interpretation of Christianity. When his wife died in 1982, Alamo went a little crazy. He displayed her embalmed body for months and claimed she would rise from the dead. And it only got worse from there.  In 2009, Alamo was sentenced to 175 years in prison. The charges included sexual abuse, transporting underage girls across state lines for sexual purposes, pedophilia, marrying an eight-year-old girl, and child rape. Alamo’s defense: he was framed by the Vatican.

The Vatican, specifically Pope John Paul II, made Scuzzball Alamo marry an eight year old girl

Jim Bakker

Jim Bakker was perhaps the most popular televangelist in the 1980s, though his wife Tammy Faye gave him a run for his money. That all ended when Bakker was brought down by an enormous scandal that included sexual abuse and fraud.  In 1987, Bakker’s secretary publicly accused the televangelist of raping and drugging her. After Bakker resigned from his ministry, he was charged with accounting fraud and sentenced to 45 years in prison.  Bakker was replaced by Jerry Falwell Sr. who called his predecessor, “the greatest scab and cancer on the face of Christianity in 2,000 years of church history.”  Ironically, Falwell Sr.’s successor, Falwell Jr., was also a scab and cancer on the face of Christianity.  

Look at Tammy Faye Bakker, how could Slimebag Jim Bakker commit Adultery with that waiting for him at home!

Bob Coy

Coy was the most famous evangelical pastor in Florida. His Fort Lauderdale Megachurch had 25,000 members, 25,000!  But it all came crashing down in 2014 when he admitted to multiple affairs and a pornography addiction. He resigned in disgrace––but the worse was still to come. In 2017, Coy was publicly accused of molesting a four-year old child. 

Deviate Bob Coy won the Triple Crown of perversion; Adultery, Pornography, and Child Molestation 

Jerry Falwell Jr.

Evangelical leader Jerry Falwell Jr. has recently resigned as president of Liberty University, a Christian university founded by Falwell’s father and famous for its strict code of moral conduct for its students.  A recent scandal involves Falwell Jr. and his wife Becki’s relationship with a younger man, Giancarlo Granda, over several years.  The Falwell’s met Giancarlo at a hotel in Miami Beach where Giancarlo worked as a Pool Boy, a plot from any classic Porn movie.  Falwell Jr liked to watch Giancarlo boinking Becki Falwell.  Falwell confirmed the affair. But it proved to be the breaking point for his job at Liberty, which he was already on leave due to controversy about a racy photo he posted on Instagram.  

Falwell Jr. is a Pervert and Hypocrite, legislating what was good for the Liberty University students but did not apply to him

Bill Gothard

Gothard is famous for his homeschooling ministry, known as the Gothard Institute of Basic Life Principles, similar to Trump University. He promoted extreme submission of women and ordered them to dress modestly. Gothard was also close with the Duggar family and a number of Republicans.  In 2014, more than 30 women accused Gothard of molestation and assault, including underage girls. The allegations included sexual harassment, inappropriate touching, molestation, and rape. Gothard was forced to resign from his ministry, though he resurfaced on the Internet with a blog in 2016.

What more can you say about Gothard, a well rounded Degenerate

Ted Haggard

Evangelical pastor Ted Haggard ranted against the evils of premarital sex, adultery, and gay marriage. That is, until he was caught in a gay sex scandal in 2006. A male escort named Mike Jones publicly claimed that Haggard had been a client for years. Not only that, Haggard had allegedly used crystal Meth in front of his male lover.  Ted Haggard was forced to resign from his church. Following his downfall, he attempted Conversion Therapy and embraced his heterosexual side. His wife stood by Haggard during the scandal.

Lowlife Dirtbag Haggard wanted to flip back to being a heterosexual thru Conversion Therapy but still enjoyed his Meth

Doug Phillips

Phillips was president of an extreme Christian-Right group called Visit Forum Ministries. He was an advocate of the Tea Party Conservative political movement. Phillips argued that women must be completely submissive to their husbands and fathers. Daughters should not even have a say in who they marry, according to Phillips, and women should have as many children as possible.  In 2013, Phillips was forced to resign after being publicly accused of sexual abuse and assault against a woman he met when she was only 15 years old. Several years later, Phillips had moved the woman into his house as his nanny. Phillips sexually abused her by masturbating on the woman multiple times while she cried and asked him to stop. 

Hmm, Phillips is a Tier 1 Pig and Piece of Human Excrement 

Jimmy Swaggart

One of Sarkeses all time favorite Scum Bags, Swaggart was a Pentecostal televangelist who got his start on television in 1975. In the 1980s, he teamed up with Reverend Jerry Falwell Sr., Reverend James Robison, and Reverend Pat Robertson to use the Christian Right to shape the Republican party. Satan’s agents are everywhere, according to Swaggart, and include Feminists, Democrats, and Rock Musicians.  Swaggart’s fall from grace happened in 1988 when it became public that he was cheating on his wife with a New Orleans prostitute. Not only that, Swaggart was an avid consumer of porn and experimented with BDSM, all while condemning such “immoral” acts. 

“Many People Say” that today’s GOP was influenced by Pervert Jimmy Swaggart, not Ronald Reagan or Donald Trump

What did Sarkes learn from his Investigative Reporting on these Right Wing Evangelical Pastors who got caught up with Sinful, Adulterous, and sometimes Perverse Sexual scandals?

  1. None of their pitiful excuses condone their hypocrisy of preaching one standard for their Flock and then flaunting those rules in their private lives.
  2. Our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ may forgive these Pond Scum but Sarkes finds it difficult to do so.
  3. Given the fact that these Deviant Slime Buckets made BILLIONS, BILLIONS, Sarkes has decided to start his own version of one of these Right Wing Evangelical Mega Churches.  But Sarkes needs your help.  Please send your generous contribution to: Der Hayr Sarkes Korkoian, ℅ Sarkes Corner Headquarters, Estero, FL.  Your contributions are tax deductible and should be large and delivered on a regular basis.

Finally, whenever the Orange Disciple leaves office, 2024, 2044, or in November, he has great potential as Right Wing Evangelical Pastor.  In fact, the Orange Potentate could be the Greatest of all Right Wing Evangelical Pastors.  His qualifications are impeccable.  He has TV experience from his #1 Hit Show The Apprentice,  is a God-fearing devout church goer – spending more time in church than on the Golf Course, and finally, a Serial Adulterer and confirmed P-Grabber. 

On the Hit TV show The Apprentice, Trump would shout:  YOUR FIRED…….. but God Bless you and go forth in Peace
The Orange Deacon never goes anywhere without his Bible, and can read it upside down
The Orange Cock Hound is a 2 time Adulterer and Confirmed Serial P-Grabber