Crackers Are Suffering During The Pandemic

Executive Summary:

– The Florida Cracker is the Forgotten Minority

– The Pandemic is making the Cracker behaviors more bizarre than normal

The Caronavirus has upset life in America for every socio and economic demographic.  While the national media reports that Black and Brown communities have been hit especially hard, Sarkes reports that there is another minority suffering more than most; the white, uneducated, underemployed …….. the Florida Cracker.  

The Florida Cracker community has been devastated by the Caronavirus 

Warning Warning Warning:  This Sarkes Corner reports on antics and  disturbing behaviors, more disturbing than normal, of the Florida Cracker.  The Cracker has been adversely impacted by the Caronavirus.  Warning Warning Warning

Cracker Hangs on to Truck Windshield:

Thanks to Sarkes Corner contributor Dr. Todd Ruecker, probably the most intelligent and smartest subscriber to Sarkes Corner.  Dr. Ruecker is often confused by the bizarre behavior of the Florida Cracker.  It is rumored that Dr. Ruecker is seeking a Federal Grant to study the Florida Cracker to determine why they behave the way they do.  Dr. Ruecker has multiple degrees, is a Fulbright Scholar, widely published, and friend to Sarkes son David.  Todd Ruecker is not related to Recording Artist Darrius Rucker.

One Rucker is Rich, One Ruecker is Smart

In dramatic video posted to social media, a bloodied man is seen clinging to the hood of a semi truck as it barrels down a Florida highway.  Watch the attached video with caution. Make sure that no-one under 17 is in the room when watching this video.

https://video.foxnews.com/v/6177457402001

The Florida Highway Patrol got a call about a disoriented Florida Cracker abandoning his vehicle on an exit ramp on Interstate 95 near Boynton Beach. After the Cracker abandoned his car, he jumped the concrete divider between the turnpike’s southbound and northbound sides, causing traffic to slow.  

Edward Hughes, a truck driver, saw the Cracker frantically waving for him to stop. The Cracker was wearing only underwear and socks.  Trucker Hughes did stop, concerned as the Cracker was covered in blood.  Then, the Cracker jumped onto the hood of the semi tractor-trailer and started bashing the windshield with a crow bar.

In a panic, Trucker Hughes hit the gas, trying to shake off the Cracker. The Cracker remained latched onto the hood for almost nine miles, nine miles!  Sarkes suspects that the deranged Cracker was on a drug induced, adrenalin rush.  What else can explain holding onto a moving truck for 9 miles.

This deranged Cracker held onto the truck for 9 miles, 9 miles!

Police were able to pull the truck over and took the Cracker into custody. The Cracker was taken to Wellington Regional Hospital for evaluation.  No reason has been given for this Crackers strange behavior. The Highway Patrol did not say if the Cracker or Trucker Hughes would be charged.

Cracker Assaults a Child:

Thanks to Sarkes Corner Contributor and Sister Cindy Mamelian for another story of a deranged Florida Cracker suffering from the impact of the Caronavirus.  Sister Cindy has been studying the behaviors of the Florida Cracker and comparing to a similar demographic in Missouri, the St. Louis Hoosier. Like the Cracker, the St. Louis Hoosier likes their Guns, Beer, Cammo, and do not wear Caronavirus Masks.  As of this time, Cindy’s findings are inconclusive, but Cindy does not need to be a Fulbright Scholar to know that there is something very wrong in the St. Louis Hoosier and Florida Cracker Communities. 

The St. Louis Hoosier has much in common with the Florida Cracker

A Florida Cracker Jason Copenhaver, has been charged with battery after he told a child to take off his mask at a restaurant, got into the child’s face and told him “you now have coronavirus.”

Cracker Copenaver must have been hopped up on something

Treasure Island police have charges Cracker Copenhaver with simple battery and disorderly conduct.  According to an arrest affidavit, Copenhaver was at Ricky T’s Bar & Grille when he walked over to the child and asked why he was wearing a face mask. Cracker Copenhaver then told the child to take off the mask and shake his hand.

Ricky T’s is like a magnet to the Florida Cracker

When the child refused, Cracker Copenhaver grabbed the child’s hand and said, “You now have coronavirus”.  The child told police that Cracker Copenhaver was so close to him that saliva particles from Copenhaver’s mouth landed on his face.  Cracker Copenhaver told police he is unsure if he has coronavirus and has never been tested.  

When asked about this incident, the Orange Scientist said:  “This is no big deal, children are almost immune from this disease.  Jason Copenhaver has been treated very unfairly.  If needed, I will issue a Pardon.  Listen to me, only I can fix this Caronavirus”

With the help of our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ, the Orange Pontiff will cure the Caronavirus
Along with Hydroxychloroquine and Lysol Injections, consumption of tasty Goya products will cure the Caronavirus

Florida Governor DeSantis was also not concerned about the incident with Cracker Copenhaver and the child.  DUHSantis said:  “My kids aren’t school-age yet.  I got a 3-year-old daughter, 2-year-old son, and a newborn daughter. And I can tell you if they were school-age, I would have zero concern sending them to school.  With respect to the schools, if Walmart is an essential service and Home Depot is an essential service, and Fast food restaurants are essential service, How is it that the schools for our kids would not be considered an essential service?”

DUHSantis and the Orange Chemist march lock goose step when it comes to Children and the Caronavirus

As a result of the strong Leadership by Governor DUHSantis and the Orange Physicist, Sarkes is no longer concerned for the children of the Florida Cracker.  BUT, the Cracker and Crackerette are a different story.  State and Federal agencies must take their heads out of the sand and start providing resources to help the Crackers who cannot help themselves.  The White Cracker, like Blacks and Browns, have been adversely affected by the Caronavirus. 

Don’t fret, the offspring of the Cracker are immune from the Caronavirus