P-Grabbing Evangelical Pastors

Executive Summary:

– Jerry Falwell Jr. joins a long list of disgraced, P-Grabbing, Right Wing Evangelical Pastors

– The Sarkes Corner Theological Bureau investigates why these Men of the Cloth become Shameful, Sniffing, Sinners

The word hit the street that Sarkes was investigating why Right Wing Evangelical Pastors get involved with Sinful, Adulterous, and sometimes Perverse Sexual scandals.  “Many People Said”, Sarkes, we know that you are an Award Winning Journalist, Rocket Engineer, and Renowned Statistician, but what do you know about Religion?

It’s a little known fact that after retiring from Boeing, Sarkes had visions of becoming an Armenian Orthodox Priest. “Many People Said”, Sarkes, who are you trying to kid, Orthodox Priests must be celibate and you have been married to Chris (nee McCloskey) for 45 years!  Let Sarkes educate.   In the Armenian Orthodox Church, married priests called Der Hayr, and Celibate priests called Hayr Soorp, have exactly the same hierarchical rank and identical duties and responsibilities.  

Chris Korkoian, nee a St. Louis McCloskey, claims the she is not related to the Heat Packing, BLM Protestor Threatening, GOP/NRA Poster Boy McCloskey’s of St. Louis

Sarkes road to becoming an Armenian Der Hayr is a challenge.  Sarkes must be able to speak, read, and write fluent Armenian.  Sarkes must learn to Chant and suck in pungent incense, and finally, Sarkes must grow an Armenian Der Hayr beard.  Sarkes is about 1/3 completed in his quest to become an Armenian Der Hayr.

Put a colorful Vestment on Sarkes and he could pass for an Armenian Der Hayr

So now that Sarkeses Theological Acumen has been validated, Sarkes investigated why many Right Wing Christian Evangelical Pastors dip their Wick in their Congregation Candles.  There are over 100 Bible Verses that address adultery.  Two of Sarkes favorite Bible Verses that address adultery are clear and concise:

Exodus 20:14 – “You shall not commit adultery”.  

Hebrews 13:4 – “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”

So, Sarkes concludes that it is pretty clear that, in the Bible, Adultery is a No No.  It is also clear to Sarkes that the Bible does not provide any exceptions to the Adultery Sin, Men of the Cloth are as guilty as say, the Orange Bird Dog.  Sarkes figures that the disgraced Right Wing Christian Evangelical Pastors must have skipped class on the day that their Evangelical Bible Colleges discussed Adultery.

Next, Sarkes identified the excuses given by these Congregational Cock Hounds.  The pastors who have fallen into sin have all kinds of excuses: I didn’t do it, it wasn’t me, it wasn’t technically illegal, it was a youthful mistake, it was a conspiracy orchestrated by the Vatican, it was a conspiracy orchestrated by the Devil.  As such, the excuses given by regular Adulterers is not much different than from the Right Wing Christian Evangelical Pastors.

The list of disgraced Right Wing Christian Evangelical Pastors, who have succumbed to the lure of the flesh and have committed Adultery and sexual perversions, is too long for Sarkes to cover in one Sarkes Corner.  As such, Sarkes provides a summary of the Who’s Who of Disgraced Right Wing Christian Evangelical Pastors.  These are the Creme de la Creme of Right Wing Christian Evangelical Pastors.   Over the years, these Disgraced Right Wing Christian Evangelical Pastors have extorted BILLIONS, BILLIONS, from their flock by preaching the Gospel of our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ, all the while engaging in Sinful, Adulterous, P-Grabbing.

Jesus forgives the P-Grabbing Evangelical Pastors but Sarkes is not so sure about their Flocks that have given these Adulterers Billions!, Billions!

Next, the list of Who’s Who of Disgraced Right Wing Christian Evangelical Pastors is presented in alphabetical order, not in the order of their perversion or magnitude of their Adultery. 

Tony Alamo

Alamo rocketed to fame in the 1970s for preaching a fundamentalist interpretation of Christianity. When his wife died in 1982, Alamo went a little crazy. He displayed her embalmed body for months and claimed she would rise from the dead. And it only got worse from there.  In 2009, Alamo was sentenced to 175 years in prison. The charges included sexual abuse, transporting underage girls across state lines for sexual purposes, pedophilia, marrying an eight-year-old girl, and child rape. Alamo’s defense: he was framed by the Vatican.

The Vatican, specifically Pope John Paul II, made Scuzzball Alamo marry an eight year old girl

Jim Bakker

Jim Bakker was perhaps the most popular televangelist in the 1980s, though his wife Tammy Faye gave him a run for his money. That all ended when Bakker was brought down by an enormous scandal that included sexual abuse and fraud.  In 1987, Bakker’s secretary publicly accused the televangelist of raping and drugging her. After Bakker resigned from his ministry, he was charged with accounting fraud and sentenced to 45 years in prison.  Bakker was replaced by Jerry Falwell Sr. who called his predecessor, “the greatest scab and cancer on the face of Christianity in 2,000 years of church history.”  Ironically, Falwell Sr.’s successor, Falwell Jr., was also a scab and cancer on the face of Christianity.  

Look at Tammy Faye Bakker, how could Slimebag Jim Bakker commit Adultery with that waiting for him at home!

Bob Coy

Coy was the most famous evangelical pastor in Florida. His Fort Lauderdale Megachurch had 25,000 members, 25,000!  But it all came crashing down in 2014 when he admitted to multiple affairs and a pornography addiction. He resigned in disgrace––but the worse was still to come. In 2017, Coy was publicly accused of molesting a four-year old child. 

Deviate Bob Coy won the Triple Crown of perversion; Adultery, Pornography, and Child Molestation 

Jerry Falwell Jr.

Evangelical leader Jerry Falwell Jr. has recently resigned as president of Liberty University, a Christian university founded by Falwell’s father and famous for its strict code of moral conduct for its students.  A recent scandal involves Falwell Jr. and his wife Becki’s relationship with a younger man, Giancarlo Granda, over several years.  The Falwell’s met Giancarlo at a hotel in Miami Beach where Giancarlo worked as a Pool Boy, a plot from any classic Porn movie.  Falwell Jr liked to watch Giancarlo boinking Becki Falwell.  Falwell confirmed the affair. But it proved to be the breaking point for his job at Liberty, which he was already on leave due to controversy about a racy photo he posted on Instagram.  

Falwell Jr. is a Pervert and Hypocrite, legislating what was good for the Liberty University students but did not apply to him

Bill Gothard

Gothard is famous for his homeschooling ministry, known as the Gothard Institute of Basic Life Principles, similar to Trump University. He promoted extreme submission of women and ordered them to dress modestly. Gothard was also close with the Duggar family and a number of Republicans.  In 2014, more than 30 women accused Gothard of molestation and assault, including underage girls. The allegations included sexual harassment, inappropriate touching, molestation, and rape. Gothard was forced to resign from his ministry, though he resurfaced on the Internet with a blog in 2016.

What more can you say about Gothard, a well rounded Degenerate

Ted Haggard

Evangelical pastor Ted Haggard ranted against the evils of premarital sex, adultery, and gay marriage. That is, until he was caught in a gay sex scandal in 2006. A male escort named Mike Jones publicly claimed that Haggard had been a client for years. Not only that, Haggard had allegedly used crystal Meth in front of his male lover.  Ted Haggard was forced to resign from his church. Following his downfall, he attempted Conversion Therapy and embraced his heterosexual side. His wife stood by Haggard during the scandal.

Lowlife Dirtbag Haggard wanted to flip back to being a heterosexual thru Conversion Therapy but still enjoyed his Meth

Doug Phillips

Phillips was president of an extreme Christian-Right group called Visit Forum Ministries. He was an advocate of the Tea Party Conservative political movement. Phillips argued that women must be completely submissive to their husbands and fathers. Daughters should not even have a say in who they marry, according to Phillips, and women should have as many children as possible.  In 2013, Phillips was forced to resign after being publicly accused of sexual abuse and assault against a woman he met when she was only 15 years old. Several years later, Phillips had moved the woman into his house as his nanny. Phillips sexually abused her by masturbating on the woman multiple times while she cried and asked him to stop. 

Hmm, Phillips is a Tier 1 Pig and Piece of Human Excrement 

Jimmy Swaggart

One of Sarkeses all time favorite Scum Bags, Swaggart was a Pentecostal televangelist who got his start on television in 1975. In the 1980s, he teamed up with Reverend Jerry Falwell Sr., Reverend James Robison, and Reverend Pat Robertson to use the Christian Right to shape the Republican party. Satan’s agents are everywhere, according to Swaggart, and include Feminists, Democrats, and Rock Musicians.  Swaggart’s fall from grace happened in 1988 when it became public that he was cheating on his wife with a New Orleans prostitute. Not only that, Swaggart was an avid consumer of porn and experimented with BDSM, all while condemning such “immoral” acts. 

“Many People Say” that today’s GOP was influenced by Pervert Jimmy Swaggart, not Ronald Reagan or Donald Trump

What did Sarkes learn from his Investigative Reporting on these Right Wing Evangelical Pastors who got caught up with Sinful, Adulterous, and sometimes Perverse Sexual scandals?

  1. None of their pitiful excuses condone their hypocrisy of preaching one standard for their Flock and then flaunting those rules in their private lives.
  2. Our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ may forgive these Pond Scum but Sarkes finds it difficult to do so.
  3. Given the fact that these Deviant Slime Buckets made BILLIONS, BILLIONS, Sarkes has decided to start his own version of one of these Right Wing Evangelical Mega Churches.  But Sarkes needs your help.  Please send your generous contribution to: Der Hayr Sarkes Korkoian, ℅ Sarkes Corner Headquarters, Estero, FL.  Your contributions are tax deductible and should be large and delivered on a regular basis.

Finally, whenever the Orange Disciple leaves office, 2024, 2044, or in November, he has great potential as Right Wing Evangelical Pastor.  In fact, the Orange Potentate could be the Greatest of all Right Wing Evangelical Pastors.  His qualifications are impeccable.  He has TV experience from his #1 Hit Show The Apprentice,  is a God-fearing devout church goer – spending more time in church than on the Golf Course, and finally, a Serial Adulterer and confirmed P-Grabber. 

On the Hit TV show The Apprentice, Trump would shout:  YOUR FIRED…….. but God Bless you and go forth in Peace
The Orange Deacon never goes anywhere without his Bible, and can read it upside down
The Orange Cock Hound is a 2 time Adulterer and Confirmed Serial P-Grabber

Biden CAN Win in November, IF……….

Executive Summary:

– Joe Biden is the Democratic Candidate for President in 2020

– Sarkes identifies the path to a November Win for Biden

Disclaimer Disclaimer Disclaimer:  Sarkes is a Pure Independent, a Truth Machine, and always Fair and Balanced.  Nothing in this Sarkes Corner should be interpreted as endorsing ANY candidate for the 2020 Presidential Election. Disclaimer Disclaimer Disclaimer

Sarkes is a Fair and Balanced Independent, but is not happy with the performance of his St. Louis Cardinals

Warning Warning Warning: This in-depth report on how Joe Biden can beat Donald Trump in November is a lengthy analysis but worth the time to read. While Sarkes Corner offerings are typically short and concise, this analysis required a lengthy report.  Warning Warning Warning:

During the Democratic National Convention in 2016, Michelle Obama said: “When they go low, we go high.”  Alas, that strategy did not work in 2016 and will not work in 2020. 

Michelle Obama provided Democrats sage advice, but everyone underestimated the power of the Orange Campaigner 

With all due respect to Michelle Obama, Sarkes tells Joe Biden that if he wants to win in November, his mantra must be:  “When they go low, and they will, we go lower.”

Sleepy Joe Biden may be slow but he is far from stupid.  Slow Joe knows that the Orange Oligarch won the 2016 Presidential Election with tactics never seen previously in a Presidential Election…….and, of course with the help of his buddy Vlads Putin and the Russian Commies.

Languorous Joe may be slow but has a lot of political savvy
The Orange Premier surprised everyone, including himself, by winning the 2016 Presidential election

So, for the 2020 Presidential election, if Tired Joe Biden wants to win, he must use the Orange Knute Rockne Playbook on how to win a Presidential Election.  The Playbook has 4 simple, tried and true, Pages:

THE DONALD TRUMP PLAYBOOK ON WINNING ELECTIONS:

Playbook Page 1 – Have Extramarital Affairs and/or Sexually harass women

In 2016 we learned that Americans do not care that their elected politicians sexually harass women or have adulterous affairs.   Many men charged with sexual harassment, or found to have cheated on their wives, get elected and re-elected over and over again.  In fact, White Christian Fundamentalist Evangelicals recently declassified Adultery as a sin.  

The Orange Bird Dog was accused of Sexually Harassing and P-Grabbing over 25 women.  In each and every case, the Orange Cock Hound denied that he was a P-Grabber.  He claimed that all of these women were Gold Diggers who were only after his money, and 10 minutes of fame.  Note, this count does not include the 2 women who became the Orange Bird Dogs second and third wives after adulterous affairs.

Dozens of Women claim that they were P-Grabbed by the Orange Lothario, America cares less

Crazy Joe Biden was also accused of P-Grabbing, but by only one women.  If Tepid Joe is to use the Orange Kaisers Play Book on how to win a Presidential election, he should continue to say that he is innocent.  And, if Joe is smart, he should find several more women to accuse him of P-Grabbing.  Using the Trump playbook, the more P-Grabbing the better.

Tara Reade has accused Quid Pro Joe of P-Grabbing, who’d of thought?

Playbook Page 2 – Insult, Insult, Insult!

The SHORT List of who the Orange Bully insulted on his way to the  landslide 2016 Presidential election include:  

  • Democrats
  • Republicans in Name Only (RINOs)
  • Never Trumpers (Human Scum)
  • Lame Stream Media
  • Women
  • Mexicans
  • Muslims
  • The Disabled
  • Catholics, specifically the Pope
  • African Shit Hole Countries
  • Military Gold Star Mothers and Fathers

Again, this is just a short list.  What makes this Page in the Playbook effective is to NEVER EVER APOLOGIZE, NEVER, EVER, NEVER, when using Junior High School insults and bullying.  In fact, the Orange Exalted Leader not only Insulted, but he Double Downed, Tripled Down, and Quadrupled Down.

Trump has used the best Junior High Insults for Women; Horse Face, Fat, Loser, Unattractive, Nasty, Mean, Low IQ, Big Ass, Bimbo, Dumb as a Rock, and dozens more
Trump Insults Mexican who he says are Rapists, Criminals, and Drug Runners
Trump proclaims that Muslims hate Americans

 Now, Quid Pro Joe is in the early stages of using Page 2 of the Playbook, Insult.  Slow Mo Joe insulted African Americans who voted Republican.  Joe claims that these Black Americans who voted Republican are “not Black”.  Sweet Joe, BUT, instead of Doubling Down and Tripling Down like the Orange Eminence, Slow Joe APOLOGIZES!  Joe, Joe, Joe, NEVER, EVER, APOLOGIZE, NEVER.  If Joe is smart, he needs to find other Minorities or Disenfrachinsed Americans and ramp up the Insults.  It’s a tired and proven technique to win an election.  

Diamond and Silk are Republican and Black

Playbook Page 3 – Degrade / Intimidate Your Opponents Base

Not only has the Orange Orator insulted a large percentage of the American Demographic, he has also perfected the science of degrading and intimidating his opponents Base, the classic Bully syndrome. You see, the Orange Einstein is smart enough to know that he will NEVER get votes from his Opponents Base, so there is no risk in degrading and intimidating.  In fact, it makes him look strong.  No Risk, High Reward.

Smokin Joe Biden must do the same with the Orange Supreme Leaders Base.  Tired Joe has nothing to Lose as he will never get the votes of the Orange Sultans Base, and by going on the attack, he will show strength.  

The Orange Profits base is bi-model.  Clarification Clarification Clarification:  The next discussion describes a Bi-Model Distribution. Bi-Model Distributions may be too complex or technical for some Sarkes Corner subscribers who do not have a Statistics acumen like Sarkes.  If so, Sarkes recommends that you Google Bi-Model Distribution for details.  Clarification Clarification Clarification

 The Orange Monarch’s Base has two distinct populations, i.e, Bi-Model:

  1. Uneducated, Underemployed, White Folk; this Mode is characterized as having Low Intelligence and Low Wealth.  This Mode makes up the largest majority of the Orange Profits Base. 
  2. Rich, Old, White, Men; this Mode is characterized as having High Intelligence and High Wealth.  While a much smaller Mode, by an order of magnitude, it is a very powerful force for the Orange Duke.
The Orange Mogul’s Base is Bi-Model and “Many People Say” defies logic

So, Snoozing Joe Biden must degrade and intimidate BOTH of the Modes of the Orange Pasha’s Base with separate and distinct strategies.  In the 2016 election, Hillary Clinton tried to degrade by calling the Orange Sultan’s supporters “a basket of Deplorables”.  This tactic backfired for Clinton because she did not sustain the attack, nor did she recognize the Bi-Model Distribution.

So, what should Drowsy Joe Biden do to attack the Bi-Model distribution of the Orange Raja’s base?  It’s simple, he must treat both Modes separately and have an intelligent, well organized attack for each mode.

For the Uneducated, Underemployed White Folk Mode, Languid Joe Biden must make sure that Americans know that this group is; Dumb, Gap Toothed, Heat Packing, Cammo Wearing, Beer Drinking, Meth ingesting, High School Drop Out, Pickup Truck Driving,  Dufases, that practice Animal Husbandry. 

These Americans are Salt of the Earth

For the Rich, Old, White, Men Mode, Lethargic Joe Biden must make sure that Americans know this group as; 1%ers, High Income, High Wealth, Captains of Industry, The MAN, Greedy, Country Clubbers, Suit Wearing, Live in Gated Communities, Luxury Car Drivers, No conscious, with allegiance to one entity, their Portfolios. 

Rich, Old, White Men are a small, but powerful force in America

Playbook Page 4 – Quippy Nicknames

The Orange Chosen One has the unique skill of giving opponents Quippy Nicknames.  The Orange Carnival Barker honed this skill during his time with the #1 TV show for 15 years, The Apprentice.  His Quippy Nicknames stick like glue to the victim and are a very effective campaign tool. The Orange Generalli is an equal opportunity, Junior High School, Name caller, labeling Liberals, Conservatives, and people of all colors.   A small sample of names used by the Orange Kaiser for Political opponents include:

  • Mini Mike (Mike Bloomberg)
  • Low Energy Jeb (Jeb Bush)
  • Alfred E. Newman (Pete Buttigieg)
  • Crooked Hillary (Hillary Clinton)
  • Lying Ted (Ted Cruz)
  • Flakey (Jeff Flake)
  • Al Frankenstein (Al Franken)
  • Fat Jerry (Jerry Nadler)
  • Dummy Beto (Beto O’Rourke)
  • Nervous Nancy (Nancy Pelosi)
  • Little Marco (Marco Rubio)
  • Braindead Bernie (Bernie Sanders)
  • Shifty Schiff (Adam Schiff)
  • Mr. Magoo (Jeff Sessions
  • Pocahontas (Elizabeth Warren)

Comatose Joe must IMMEDIATELY come up with Quippy Nicknames for President Trump and him minions, and use these Quippy Nicknames with each and every interview.  Sarkes provides a list of Quippy Nicknames for Drowsy Joe to use: 

  • Dotard Donnie (Donald Trump)
  • Penis Head Pence (Mike Pence)
  • Bullshit Barr (William Barr)
  • Howdy Dooty  (Mitch McConnell)
  • Bobblehead Betsy (Betsy DeVos)
  • Pompous Ass Pompeo (Mike Pompeo)
  • Malarkey Mark (Mark Meadows)
  • Jerkoff Jared (Jared Kushner) 
  • Munchkin Mnuchin (Steven Mnuchin)
  • The Token (Ben Carson)
  • Wiiiiiiiiiiilber (Wilber Ross) Reference: 1960’s TV Sitcom Mr. Ed
  • Lying Kellyanne Conway
Biden must give his Political GOP Opponents Quippy Nicknames, and Fast

There you have it, Sarkes has laid out the sure path for a 2020 Presidential Victory for Yawning Joe Biden.  Four simple, easy to execute, pages from the Orange Majesty’s Playbook on how to win an election. 

Will Nodding Joe Biden take Sarkeses recommendations and execute this playbook?  Probably not.  It takes a certain type of person to Sexually Harass, Insult, Degrade, Intimidate, and give Junior High Nicknames to one’s opponent.  Sarkes does not believe that Dozing Joe has the personality to credibly pull this off.

Sluggish Joe Biden may not have the personality to use the Trump Playbook, and that would be a mistake
“Many People” thought that the Orange Pontiff was holding the Bible at the St. Johns Church Photo Op, but it really was his Playbook to winning elections

Special Report: Animals Attacks on Bikers

Executive Summary:

– This Sarkes Corner Special Report investigates Animals that attack bicyclists

– While these events may seem to be unrelated, is this really a conspiracy against mankind by the Animal Kingdom?

Thanks to Crack Sarkes Corner Investigative Reporter Lenny Harding for his in-depth analysis of animal attacks on bicyclists.  Lenny Harding is a relative of our 29th President, Warren Harding.  Republican Warren Harding only served 2 1/2 years as President and died in office.  “Many People Say” Harding was poisoned by his Wife, Florence Harding, as Harding was a Tier 1 Cockhound, having several extra marital affairs.  Harding was best known for the famous Tea Pot Scandal.  All in all, Warren Harding was not a shining star of the GOP. 

Harding and Trump have much in common, both are Orange and Serial P-Grabbers

While not as good as Sarkes in connecting the dots, Investigative Reporter Lenny Harding saw a connection with Animals attacking bicyclists.  While Sarkes only needs 1 data point (Dot) to make an inference, it took Investigative Reporter Lenny Harding 4 data points to break this story:

  1. Iguana attacks cyclists in Florida

A Florida man was recently injured in a bicycle crash after an Iguana unexpectedly darted into his path.  The Florida man was riding his bike in Marathon when the reptile ran out in front of him and caused him to crash.

According to the cyclist, the Iguana became lodged in between the front tire and front wheel fork of the bicycle, causing the front tire to lock.  The cyclist flew over the handlebars and onto the asphalt.  The stomach of the iguana was restrained in the fork of the tire, leaving the reptile unable to breathe.  The iguana was DOA at a local animal hospital

The vicious attack by the Iguana left the cyclist injured and the Iguana DOA

2.  Kangaroo attacks cyclist in Australia

A Peloton of Cyclists were riding along a dusty road in eastern Australia when they observed a couple of small Kangaroos to their left.  Suddenly, a much larger Kangaroo lunges at the Peloton of Cyclists attacking one of the Cyclists.  In this case, neither the Kangaroo or the Cyclists were severely injured. 

https://videos.dailymail.co.uk/preview/mol/2018/10/02/4457839664184182795/636x382_MP4_4457839664184182795.mp4

This was one angry Kangaroo!

3.  Dog attacks Tour de France Rider

Marcus Berghardt, of Team Telekom, was hanging on at the back of the Peleton when suddenly a Golden Retriever decided it was time to cross the road. Unfortunately, Burghardt didn’t see the dog until it was right in front of him. There was a violent crash. Burghardt’s front wheel snapped in half instantly upon impact, scrapping a $500 carbon fiber wheel.  Miraculously, neither Burghardt nor the dog suffered any injuries from the collision.

Carbon Fiber wheels are no match for a big Pooch

4.  Squirrel attacks cyclist in Upstate New York

Sarkes neighbor in Florida, Georgie Taylor, is a snowbird from upstate New York.  One of Georgies neighbors was out for leisurely ride one afternoon.  While taking in the beautiful scenery around the Erie Canal, the bicyclist was viciously attached by a rabid squirrel.  The attacking squirrel barely missed the rider but met an untimely demise when it got wedged in the rear wheel of the bicycle.  

This squirrel will be hiding no more nuts

Investigative Reporter Lenny Harding makes the inference that these seemingly unrelated attacks on cyclists (different continents, different animals, different types of bicycles) are really an organized plot by the Animal Kingdom to wipe out Mankind.

You see, Humans have not been kind to the Animal Kingdom.  Animals are slaughtered for our Big Macs, Mankind has taken the Animals natural environment thru the building of sprawling Suburbs, and Hunters around the world continue to “Thin Out the Herd”.  Like the Orange Rocky, the Animal Kingdom is Counter Punching, one Cyclist at a time. 

Investigative Reporter Lenny Hardings findings will surely lead him to winning a Nobel Prize in one of several categories: Science, Literature, or Peace.  It’s quite possible that Lenny Harding could win multiple Nobel Prizes for the same story.

The publication of this story is not without risk.  Investigative Reporter Lenny Harding must now wear sunglasses for disguise so as not to be attacked by an animal when riding his bike.  Sarkes has it on good authority that there is a bounty on Lenny Harding by the Animal Kingdom. 

If you look closely, you will see a family resemblance between Lenny and Warren Harding

Masks?, We Don’t Need No Stink’n Masks!

Executive Summary:

  • A Florida sheriff orders deputies not to wear masks and bans civilians in masks from the sheriffs office 
  • Masks?, We Don’t Need No Stink’n Masks!

Thanks to St. Louis Sarkes Corner Contributor Bob Bellm for this breaking news out of Florida. One of Florida’s finest Sheriffs just might have broken the code on the Caronavirus.

Marion County Florida Sheriff Billy Woods barred deputies from wearing masks even as Florida continues to struggle with record breaking coronavirus numbers.  To date, there have been over 500,000 Floridans with Caronavirus,  31,000 Floridians hospitalized and over 9,000 Floridians have died from the China Virus.  But those statistics may be Fake News. 

Sheriff Billy Woods has 4 Stars on his uniform, so he knows more about Caronavirus than the Scientists 

Einstein Sheriff Billy Woods insisted there’s no conclusive evidence that wearing masks curbs the spread of the virus, despite data from the US Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).  Einstein Sheriff Billy Woods must believe that if the Orange Lab Technician doesn’t believe the CDC why should he.  After all, The Orange Scientist knows more the Caronavirus than anyone in our country.  

Only The Orange Corona Don can fix the China Virus

Einstein Sheriff Billy Woods said:  ”Now, I can already hear the whining and just so you know I did not make this decision easily and I have weighed it out for the past 2 weeks.  We can debate and argue all day of why and why not. The fact is, the amount of professionals that give the reason why we should, I can find the exact same amount of professionals that say why we shouldn’t.  This is no longer a debate nor is it up for discussion.”

Sheriff Billy Woods did extensive research before determining that Masks do not curb the spread of the Kung Flu

Another data point as to why the use of Masks is a Hoax to take away the freedom of Great Americans, is the 2020 Motorcycle Rally in Sturgis, SD.  Over 250,000 Motorcyclists, from all over America, have congregated in Stugis for their annual Rally.  These Great Americans do not wear Motorcycle Helmets nor do they wear Masks.  Since Motorcyclists are widely recognized as one of the more intelligent demographics in America, they provide yet another data point to support Florida Marion County Einstein Sheriff Billy Woods. 

The Government has no Right to tell Americans to wear Motorcycle Helmets  
or Caronavirus Masks, Americans have the Constitutional Right to be Stupid

Finally, Sarkes is reminded of that great scene from the 1974 Mel Brooks movie classic BLAZING SADDLES.  Governor William J. Le Petomane assembles a Posse by deputizing them with official badges.  A band of Mexican desperados refuse to take the badges saying:  “Badges, we don’t need no Stink’n Badges.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TFwprS_L6tg

These Mexicans don’t need no Stink’n Badges

There you have it.  It’s clear American Scientists, almost all of whom are Angry Democrats, have pulled a Hoax over America.  The China Virus, aka Kung Flu, is a Hoax on America.  This Hoax has not fooled the Orange Einstein, Florida Marion County Einstein Sheriff Billy Woods, or the 250,000 Great American Motorcyclists at Sturgis.  

So America, take off your Masks, gather in mass at Restaurants and Bars, and send your children to K-12 schools and Colleges.  LIBERATE!  All is well in America. 

Sarkes Note: Sarkes encourages young subscribers to Sarkes Corner who have never watched the 1974 Mel Brooks Movie Classic Blazing Saddles to do so. This movie classic does more to explain the conquering of the United States by the White Man than any history book.

Blazing Saddles, an American movie Classic

Crackers Are Suffering During The Pandemic

Executive Summary:

– The Florida Cracker is the Forgotten Minority

– The Pandemic is making the Cracker behaviors more bizarre than normal

The Caronavirus has upset life in America for every socio and economic demographic.  While the national media reports that Black and Brown communities have been hit especially hard, Sarkes reports that there is another minority suffering more than most; the white, uneducated, underemployed …….. the Florida Cracker.  

The Florida Cracker community has been devastated by the Caronavirus 

Warning Warning Warning:  This Sarkes Corner reports on antics and  disturbing behaviors, more disturbing than normal, of the Florida Cracker.  The Cracker has been adversely impacted by the Caronavirus.  Warning Warning Warning

Cracker Hangs on to Truck Windshield:

Thanks to Sarkes Corner contributor Dr. Todd Ruecker, probably the most intelligent and smartest subscriber to Sarkes Corner.  Dr. Ruecker is often confused by the bizarre behavior of the Florida Cracker.  It is rumored that Dr. Ruecker is seeking a Federal Grant to study the Florida Cracker to determine why they behave the way they do.  Dr. Ruecker has multiple degrees, is a Fulbright Scholar, widely published, and friend to Sarkes son David.  Todd Ruecker is not related to Recording Artist Darrius Rucker.

One Rucker is Rich, One Ruecker is Smart

In dramatic video posted to social media, a bloodied man is seen clinging to the hood of a semi truck as it barrels down a Florida highway.  Watch the attached video with caution. Make sure that no-one under 17 is in the room when watching this video.

https://video.foxnews.com/v/6177457402001

The Florida Highway Patrol got a call about a disoriented Florida Cracker abandoning his vehicle on an exit ramp on Interstate 95 near Boynton Beach. After the Cracker abandoned his car, he jumped the concrete divider between the turnpike’s southbound and northbound sides, causing traffic to slow.  

Edward Hughes, a truck driver, saw the Cracker frantically waving for him to stop. The Cracker was wearing only underwear and socks.  Trucker Hughes did stop, concerned as the Cracker was covered in blood.  Then, the Cracker jumped onto the hood of the semi tractor-trailer and started bashing the windshield with a crow bar.

In a panic, Trucker Hughes hit the gas, trying to shake off the Cracker. The Cracker remained latched onto the hood for almost nine miles, nine miles!  Sarkes suspects that the deranged Cracker was on a drug induced, adrenalin rush.  What else can explain holding onto a moving truck for 9 miles.

This deranged Cracker held onto the truck for 9 miles, 9 miles!

Police were able to pull the truck over and took the Cracker into custody. The Cracker was taken to Wellington Regional Hospital for evaluation.  No reason has been given for this Crackers strange behavior. The Highway Patrol did not say if the Cracker or Trucker Hughes would be charged.

Cracker Assaults a Child:

Thanks to Sarkes Corner Contributor and Sister Cindy Mamelian for another story of a deranged Florida Cracker suffering from the impact of the Caronavirus.  Sister Cindy has been studying the behaviors of the Florida Cracker and comparing to a similar demographic in Missouri, the St. Louis Hoosier. Like the Cracker, the St. Louis Hoosier likes their Guns, Beer, Cammo, and do not wear Caronavirus Masks.  As of this time, Cindy’s findings are inconclusive, but Cindy does not need to be a Fulbright Scholar to know that there is something very wrong in the St. Louis Hoosier and Florida Cracker Communities. 

The St. Louis Hoosier has much in common with the Florida Cracker

A Florida Cracker Jason Copenhaver, has been charged with battery after he told a child to take off his mask at a restaurant, got into the child’s face and told him “you now have coronavirus.”

Cracker Copenaver must have been hopped up on something

Treasure Island police have charges Cracker Copenhaver with simple battery and disorderly conduct.  According to an arrest affidavit, Copenhaver was at Ricky T’s Bar & Grille when he walked over to the child and asked why he was wearing a face mask. Cracker Copenhaver then told the child to take off the mask and shake his hand.

Ricky T’s is like a magnet to the Florida Cracker

When the child refused, Cracker Copenhaver grabbed the child’s hand and said, “You now have coronavirus”.  The child told police that Cracker Copenhaver was so close to him that saliva particles from Copenhaver’s mouth landed on his face.  Cracker Copenhaver told police he is unsure if he has coronavirus and has never been tested.  

When asked about this incident, the Orange Scientist said:  “This is no big deal, children are almost immune from this disease.  Jason Copenhaver has been treated very unfairly.  If needed, I will issue a Pardon.  Listen to me, only I can fix this Caronavirus”

With the help of our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ, the Orange Pontiff will cure the Caronavirus
Along with Hydroxychloroquine and Lysol Injections, consumption of tasty Goya products will cure the Caronavirus

Florida Governor DeSantis was also not concerned about the incident with Cracker Copenhaver and the child.  DUHSantis said:  “My kids aren’t school-age yet.  I got a 3-year-old daughter, 2-year-old son, and a newborn daughter. And I can tell you if they were school-age, I would have zero concern sending them to school.  With respect to the schools, if Walmart is an essential service and Home Depot is an essential service, and Fast food restaurants are essential service, How is it that the schools for our kids would not be considered an essential service?”

DUHSantis and the Orange Chemist march lock goose step when it comes to Children and the Caronavirus

As a result of the strong Leadership by Governor DUHSantis and the Orange Physicist, Sarkes is no longer concerned for the children of the Florida Cracker.  BUT, the Cracker and Crackerette are a different story.  State and Federal agencies must take their heads out of the sand and start providing resources to help the Crackers who cannot help themselves.  The White Cracker, like Blacks and Browns, have been adversely affected by the Caronavirus. 

Don’t fret, the offspring of the Cracker are immune from the Caronavirus