A Sarkes Corner Survey and Results

Executive Summary:

  • Sarkes conducted a Survey to assess the publics response to sending Missouri and Florida K-12 Children back to School during the Caronavirus Pandemic
  • Specifically, the public was asked about Florida Gov DeSantis, Missouri Gov Parsons and Education Secretary DeVos

This Sarkes Corner Survey was constructed using the tightest Statistical techniques.  While it has been proven that Sarkes can make an accurate inference with just one data point, this Sarkes Corner Survey had DOUBLE the standard sample size required by Statisticians world-wide.  As such, the Margin of Error for this Sarkes Corner Survey was 1%, unheard of in todays polling and surveys.

Sarkes crunches the numbers for the Sarkes Corner Survey

Responses to the Sarkes Corner Survey were controlled tighter than DOD Classified Data, and protected by Firewalls that protected the data from; the Russians, the Ukrainians, the Chinese, or a 400 pound  hacker living in his mothers basement.  Survey responses were generated by email, phone calls, and personal interviews. 

Uber Firewalls protect Sarkes Corner Survey data from 400 Lb Hackers living in their mothers basement

Originally, Sarkes wanted to use Mail-In Surveys.  This approach was NOT used after Sarkes learned that the Orange Jumpsuit had provided evidence that Liberals had commissioned Children to Steal Ballots from the Mailboxes of Conservatives.  Since the integrity of the Sarkes Corner Survey was paramount, no Mail-In surreys were used. 

Sarkes cancelled Mail Ballots due to Children, commissioned by Liberals, were caught stealing Ballots from Conservatives Mail Boxes

The Survey:

The topic of the Sarkes Corner Survey was the sending of our K-12 children back to schools during the Caronavirus Pandemic.  On this topic:

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis said:  ”I’m confident if you can do Home Depot, if you can do Walmart, if you can do these things, we absolutely can do the schools.  My kids aren’t school-age yet, I got a 3-year-old daughter, 2-year-old son, and a newborn daughter. And I can tell you if they were school-age, I would have zero concern sending them.”

If the 3 DeSantis children were school age, they would go to school in Florida

Missouri Governor Mike Parsons said: “These kids have got to get back to school.  They’re at the lowest risk possible. And if they do get COVID-19, which they will — and they will when they go to school — they’re not going to the hospitals. They’re not going to have to sit in doctor’s offices. They’re going to go home and they’re going to get over it.” 

Parsons is confident that Missouri children can “get over it”

Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos said:  “There’s nothing in the data that suggests that kids being in school is in any way dangerous.  More and more studies show that kids are actually stoppers of the disease and they don’t get it and transmit it themselves, so we should be in a posture of – the default should be getting back to school kids in person, in the classroom.”

The Orange Sniffer checks out Devos’s Ta Tas, DeVos, an Expert on Kids and Education, knows that Kids “are actually stoppers of the disease”

The Sarkes Corner Survey

Who is the biggest Moron, Buffon, Dolt, Dotard, Nincompoop, Oaf, Imbecile?  (Select ONE of the options below):

A. Florida Governor Ron DeSantis

B.  Missouri Governor Mike Parsons

C.  Education Secretary Betsy DeVos

D. DeSantis, Parsons and DeVos are equally Moronic

E.  None if the above, it’s Obama’s Fault, it’s always Obama’s Fault

Before conducting the Sarkes Corner Survey, Sarkes and the Sarkes Corner Analysts, had predicted that the final results of the Sarkes Corner Survey would follow Political Party Lines.  I.E., Liberal Democrats would reply that Florida Governor DeSantis, Missouri Governor Parsons, and Education Secretary DeVos were all Morons.  And, Conservative Republicans would reply that It was Obama’s Fault, it’s always Obama’s Fault.  The Wild Card was Independents.  Sarkes and Staff could not predict how Independents would reply to the Sarkes Corner Survey.

The Results of the Sarkes Corner Survey:

Who is the biggest Moron, Buffon, Dolt, Dotard, Nincompoop, Oaf, Imbecile? 

A. Florida Governor Ron DeSantis = 3%

B.  Missouri Governor Mike Parsons = 2%

C.  Education Secretary DeVos = 4%

D. DeSantis, Parsons and DeVos are equally Moronic = 51%

E.  None of the above, it’s Obama’s Fault, it’s always Obama’s Fault = 40%

The People have spoken, DeSantis, Parsons and DeVos are Morons
After close to 4 years out of Office, its still Obamas Fault

Sarkes Corner Survey Results Analysis:

Well, the People have spoken.  Sarkes and the Sarkes Corner staff were surprised on how the results of the Sarkes Corner Survey mirror the current Polls that show Sleepy Joe Biden with a Uuuuuuge lead over the Orange Stable Genius.  Hmmmmm, interesting.  

WARNING WARNING WARNING, Sarkes warns all to review the result of the Sarkes Corner Survey with caution.  After all, in 2016, Crooked Hillary held a 15 point lead over the Orange Kind of the Jews but lost the election in November, even with 5 million illegal Mexicans voting for her.  

Hillary lost the election even with the 5 million votes by illegal Mexicans imported by Democrats

So what is the Sarkes Takeaway based on the Sarkes Corner Survey results AND the results of the 2016 President Election:  By November, it might be proven that DeSantis, Parson and DeVos are  NOT Morons, that it’s still Obamas Fault, and the Orange Magician will pull out another Orange Rabbit out of his Orange Hat and win the 2020 Presidential Election.

The 4 Frijoles in a Goya Can say “Kids Must Go Back To School In The Fall”

Don’t be surprised if the Orange Magician pulls out an Orange Rabbit out of his Hat, and wins in November
This Survey was exhausting for Sarkes, time to Chill out and wait until November

All Armenian Men Look Alike

Executive Summary:

– GOP Senators confused Rep. John Lewis with Rep. Elijah Cummings

– Sarkes understands, as all Armenian Men Look the Same

With the sad passing of US Representative John Lewis, 2 GOP Senators, Marco Rubio, Florida, and Dan Sullivan, Alaska, posted tributes to John Lewis but used photos of US Representative Elijah Cummings, who passed away in October 2019.  Rubio and Sullivan are not to be blamed.  You see, both Rubio and Sullivan very rarely see African Americans in their home states of Florida or Alaska, so their confusion can be justified.  

Both Lewis and Cummings were both Old, Bald and African American
Rubio and Sullivan just made an honest mistake

“Many People Say” Sarkes, are you nuts!  Why are you giving these two US Senators a pass on an obvious egregious screwup!!!  This was no simple misunderstanding as you claim.  Sarkes, Sarkes, Sarkes what the (Boink) is wrong with you!!!.

Sarkes declares, hold on, contraire mon ferre.   You see, Sarkes, as a Brown, Armenian, Man, understands that differentiating people of color can be confusing as we all look alike.

To prove this point, Sarkes provides the Sarkes Quiz below.  In each picture, Sarkes is in one of the Frames and another, dark skin, Armenian, is in the other Frame.  Sarkes bets you will have difficulties picking him out of this photo array.  After all, we dark skin, Armenian Men, all look the same.

Armenian Men all enjoy a great BBQ meal
Many Armenian Men love to ride Bicycles
Armenian Men like to Flex their muscles on the Beach
Armenian Men often have White Friends
Armenian Men look good in Tuxedos
Armenian Men love games of chance
Since Armenia is landlocked, Armenian Men love to Cruise
Armenian Men look sharp in Bib Overalls
Sometimes, Armenian Men are in Gangs

So there you have it.  Sarkes asks that all NOT jump to conclusions when two of our countries highest ranking officials, Marco Rubio and Dan Sullivan, make honest mistakes. It’s not their fault. After all, we people of color all look the same.

Walmart, Home Depot, and Florida K-12 Schools

Executive Summary:

– Florida Governor Ron DeSantis says fully opening K – 12 schools is like shopping at Walmart or Home Depot

– Sarkes misses former Florida Governor, now Florida US Senator, Tricky Ricky Scott

Thanks to Sarkes Corner Florida Correspondent Cheryl Katz for this amazing story out of the Gunshine State.

Florida Governor Ron DUHSantis is an Orange Emperor loyalist.  DUHSantis is consistent as he always walks Lock Goose Step with our Orange Excellency.  Recently, the Orange Educator declared that all K-12 schools will open in the Fall or he would withhold funding to the school district that don’t.

Governor DUHSantis and the Orange Messiah are two peas in a pod

Always ahead of the Orange curve, DUHSantis declared that Florida Schools would open in the Fall.  Using scientific data, DUHSantis said:  ”I’m confident if you can do Home Depot, if you can do Walmart, if you can do these things, we absolutely can do the schools.”  Um, huh, aaaah, uh oh, he said what?

DUHSantis is a graduate of Yale and Harvard Law School, but many people don’t know that DUHSantis is smart enough to have been a medical doctor.  DUHSantis continued saying: “the risk posed by COVID-19 is much lower for children than for older people”

According to Gov DUHSantis, if you can do Walmart you can go to K-12 schools in Florida
According to Gov DUHSantis, if you can do Home Depot you can go to K-12 schools in Florida
According to Gov DUHSantis, if you can do K-12 schools in Florida you can go to Walmart or Home Depot

“Many People Say”, Sarkes, is this DUHSantis nuts, how can he compare going to Walmart to buy groceries or to Home Depot to buy Hardware to sitting in a crowded classroom for 8 hours!!!!!?  

Sarkes, Fair and Balanced, a Truth Machine, had not been in a classroom since graduating from Missouri Science & Technology in 1975 and Maryville University in 1989, maybe DUHSantis was Right.   As such, Sarkes tasked the Staff of Sarkes Corner to do in-depth, investigative reporting on this issue.  Governor DUHSantis could be Right, Sarkes asked: “if you can do Home Depot, if you can do Walmart, if you can do these things, maybe you can do schools?”.

The last time Sarkes was in school, he sported a stylish Hair Do and Side Burns at MO S&T in the early 1970’s
Sarkes was confident in his masculinity at MO S&T and had no issues wearing a dress
Sarkes was always in Deep Thought as an Engineering Student at MO S&T, solving complex equations and Engineering challenges 

Well, the Investigative Reporters of Sarkes Corner reported back to Sarkes with disturbing news.  The young Sarkes Corner reporters told Sarkes:  “If you can do Home Depot, if you can do Walmart, if you can do these things, YOU ABSOLUTELY CANNOT DO SCHOOLS”.  

The young Sarkes Corner reporters then asked Editor In Chief Sarkes if they could Investigate whether DUHSantis is suffering from Covid-19 as that could be the only explanation for his asinine comparisons.  Sarkes, worried about the health of his young reporters, DID NOT give them permission to determine if DUHSantis was, in fact, delirious from Covid-19.  

Sarkes WILL NOT sponsor a Witch Hunt to determine if DUHSantis is suffering from Covid-19

The Florida Governor for 8 years before DUHSantis was Tricky Ricky Scott.  Sarkes always wondered how the good Citizens of the Gunshine State, both Crackers and SnowBirds, could have elected a Crook into the top job in the 3rd largest state of our Union.  Recall that Tricky Ricky Scott was the CEO of Columbia/HCA, a Health Care organization that were found to have committed 1.7 BILLION, (BILLION) dollars in Medicare Fraud under his Leadership.

Columbia/HCA committed the Largest Medicare Fraud in History, History!

Under oath, Tricky Ricky Scott invoked the 5th Amendment 75 times, 75, as the Government was investigating this Uuuuuge Medicare Fraud.  Tricky Ricky also claimed that, as CEO, he was unaware of the Fraudulent Acts committed by his employees.  Columbia/HCA agreed to repay the Government 881 MILLION, (MILLION) dollars to settle the case.  Shortly after, Tricky Ricky Scott was given the Old Heave Ho from Columbia/HCA. 

Sarkes did not worry about the future of Tricky Ricky Scott.  He received a Golden Parachute from Columbia/HCA of over 10 MILLION, (MILLION), enough to hold him over until he decided to run for Governor of the Gunshine State.

CEO Tricky Ricky Scott was unaware that his company was committing record Medicare Fraud

Again, Sarkes was no Fan of the Crook Tricky Ricky Scott……..until Hurricane Irma in 1997.  Irma devastated Florida.  During this tragic time, Tricky Ricky Scott exhibited strong Leadership.  He made quick, science based decisions on when to evacuate, he reached out to other states and the Federal Government to provide manpower and resources to take care of those impacted by Irma, and, he kept everyone informed with daily, short, fact based, updates.  

Tricky Ricky Scott may be a Crook, but his Leadership during Irma was outstanding and must be recognized

So Sarkes reaches out to Tricky Ricky Scott, currently the junior Senator from Florida, no, Sarkes Begs and Pleads to the Trickster; COME BACK TO FLORIDA, FAST, and take DUHSantis under your wing.  Tell him what he needs to do to help the good citizens of Florida make it thru this pandemic.  Going to Walmart, Home Depot, as the reason to open our Grade Schools is nuts. 

Tricky Ricky Scott may be a Crook, but he is far from being a Moron

Florida, Goats, and Iguanas

Executive Summary:

– Sarkes, the Executive Editor of Sarkes Corner is tired of stories about Caronavirus, Trump, etc.

– Sarkes tasked the Staff of Sarkes Corner to get back to the Basics

Sarkes has been bothered for some time that the daily news cycle is focused on Caronavirus, his Orange Majesty, Statues of Losing Generals, etc.  Sarkes called an Emergency Staff Meeting of the Sarkes Corner staff and tasked them to get back to the Basics with stories that has made Sarkes Corner Award Winning media.  An animated Sarkes shouted to the Staff; “Where are the stories about Crackers, George Zimmerman, Packing Heat, Judge Judy?  Lets get back to our Core Competency!!!”

Sarkes was not happy with the direction headed by Sarkes Corner

The Sarkes Corner Staff responded immediately with two stories that are Sarkes Corner Worthy:

A Florida Woman Sues for the Paternity of her Goats

A Florida woman has filed a lawsuit seeking either a paternity test on her goats or a refund.  Kris Hedstrom filed the suit against her neighbor, Heather Dayner, last month seeking DNA for the goats she purchased. Hedstrom paid Dayner $900 for five Nigerian Dwarf Goats.

What’s so special about Nigerian Dwarf Goats?  Nigerian Dwarf Goat milk is 6 to 10 percent higher in butterfat and higher in protein than milk from most dairy goat breeds. These Goats make great pets, do not make much noise, and take up little space. 

Nigerian Dwarf Goats are an American Breed with West African Roots, and are the Who’s Who of Goats

According to the lawsuit, Hedstrom believed the goats — Bella, Gigi, Rosie, Zelda and Margoat — could be registered with the American Dairy Goat Association, a group that records goat pedigrees. Registered goats have higher values than unregistered goats.  The American Dairy Goat Association is dedicated to promote the Dairy Goat industry, maintaining and publishing herd books and production records of milk goats; and issuing certificates of registration and recordation.

The American Dairy Goat Association is THE source for anything Goats 
The ADGA Goat Show is rivaled only by the Westminster Dog Show 

Dayner, who has been selling goats at Baxter Lane Farm for about 10 years, typically provides information to her clients so they can register their animals themselves.  She said the father goat was registered, but the American Dairy Goat Association rejected Hedstrom’s application to register the 5 babies because Dayner is not an active member.  Proving paternity would require about 40 of the father goat’s hair follicles for a DNA test.

Kris Hedstrom is not happy that she could not register her Nigerian Dwarf Goats, a 1st World Problem

Sausage, Onion, and Iguana Pizza

Only in Florida, the Sunshine State, can one get an Iguana Pizza.  State Food Inspectors found an 80-pound iguana stashed in the refrigerator at a local pizza joint, Pizza Mambo, in West Palm Beach.  Pizza Mambo was forced to close for a day following the inspection by the Florida Department of Business and Professional Regulation.

Iguana is an off-menu topping offered at Pizza Mambo in West Palm Beach

A Pizza Mambo employee said that the Iguana was given as a personal gift to the owner and was not used as a pizza topping.  Yeah, right. The employee said that the Iguana was stored in a separate freezer away from the restaurant’s food.

Pizza Mambo offers a wide assortment of pizza toppings, including Iguana

Iguanas are multiplying so rapidly in South Florida that a state wildlife agency has been encouraging people to kill them. Iguanas aren’t dangerous or aggressive to humans, but they damage seawalls, sidewalks, landscape foliage and can dig lengthy tunnels.  The reptile is considered a delicacy.

Iguana meet is tender and tastes a lot like Chicken

Just like you cannot find any Cats around Chinese Restaurants, there is not an Iguana to be found around Pizza Mambo.

“Many People Say” that Cat meat tastes like Chicken

Sarkes is proud of the Sarkes Corner Staff.  Any newsroom today can report on the Caronavirus, the Orange Emperor, Statues, etc, but it takes a special staff like the staff of Sarkes Corner to deliver the news that meets the standards of Sarkes Corner.

The staff of Sarkes Corner responded to Sarkeses Rant and got back to the Basics and Core Competency of Sarkes Corner

Caronavirus, Black Lives Matter, and The Constitution

Executive Summary:

– Sarkes provides a Constitutional Tutorial in the context of the Caronavirus and Black Lives Matter 

– Sarkes provides evidence of the Genius of our Founding Fathers

On this July 4 Holiday weekend, Sarkes publishes this Special Edition of Sarkes Corner to provide a Tutorial on our Constitution, in the context of current events; The Caronavirus and Black Lives Matter.  

Sarkes, a Constitutional Scholar, provides a history lesson:

Sarkes is not only an Award Winning Journalist, marginal Engineer, esteemed Statistician, but it is not widely known that Sarkes is a Constitutional Scholar

Americans celebrate Independence Day on the Fourth of July every year. July 4, 1776, is a day that represents the Declaration of Independence and the birth of the United States of America as an independent nation.

Fireworks are now a staple of The 4th of July Celebrations

What’s often overlooked in this Celebration of Independence is our Constitution which came much later. Our Constitution was written during the Philadelphia Constitutional Convention in 1787. Our Constitution was ratified on September 17, 1787, 11 years after our Declaration of Independence.  

Our Founding Fathers worked long and hard to develop our Constitution 

Finally, the first 10 Amendments of the Constitution were ratified on December 15, 1791, and form what is known as the “Bill of Rights.”  The Bill of Rights define specific guarantees of personal freedoms and Rights, clear limitations on the government’s power, and explicit declarations that all powers not specifically granted to the U.S Congress by the Constitution are reserved for the Individual States or the People.   It’s these Bill of Rights that get most attention.  

Sure, the Founding Fathers can be Rightfully criticized for declaring African Americans worth only three-fifths of a human being and providing NO Rights for Women.  But these slight oversights were corrected by our Congress and Supreme Courts in the Civil Rights Act of 1964 which stated: The Civil Rights Act of 1964 is a landmark civil rights and labor law that outlaws discrimination based on race, color, religion, sex, or national origin.

The Equal Rights for African Americans and Women must have been a complex issue as it took the Rich, Old, White Politicians in our US Congress 177 years to fix.

African Americans and Women finally got Equal Right in 1964 …….. or did they?  Hmmmmmm

Two Current Events demonstrate the power of our Constitution, Bill of Rights, and Genius of our Founding Fathers:

A white couple stood outside their St. Louis mansion and pointed guns at Black Lives Matter Protesters 

This current event focuses on our 1st Amendment, which provides Americans the Right to Freedom of Speech and the Right to Peacefully Assemble.  Also, the 2nd Amendment, which provides Americans the Right to Keep and Bear Arms.

Rich, Old, White Folk, Mark McCloskey, 63, and his 61-year-old wife, Patricia, stood outside their St. Louis Mansion last week in the city’s well-to-do Central West End neighborhood, Packing Heat.   Black Lives Matter protesters were marching toward the near-by St. Louis Mayor’s home to demand her resignation. As the Protestors passed the McCloskey Mansion, they could hear the McCloskeys yelling at them while Packing Heat.  

Think of the Central West End in St. Louis as an Oreo Cookie; Rich, White, filling surrounded by Black Cookies.  The McCloskeys claim that they Are Not Racists (of course not), but were protecting their home on their Private Street from an Angry Black Mob, and were in fear of their lives.  

The McCloskeys are not Racists, and were only protecting their Multi Million dollar Mansion from an Angry Black Mob
The Central West End in St. Louis is like an Oreo Cookie, Rich White filling surrounded by 2 Black Cookies

Disclaimer:  Sarkes wife of 45 years (in August), Chris is a St. Louis McCloskey.  Her grandfather, James McCloskey lived in St. Louis, but it is not clear if the Heat Packing Mark McCloskey is related to Chris.

Christine Korkoian (nee McCloskey) does not think she is related to Mark McCloskey, but for sure, Chris does not Pack Heat

The fact that the Rich, Old, Heat Packing McCloskey’s could Pack Heat to protect their Multi Million dollar Mansion is a testament to the Genius of our Founding Fathers.  You see while in the times of our Founding Fathers, the only Heat they had were single shot muskets.  But, our Founding Fathers had the vision that some day, technology would provide for the development of more sophisticated weaponry, like the Semi Automatic Assault weapon, used by Mark McCloskey, to imitate the hoard of Angry Black Protestors.

The Founding Fathers had a vision that Heat would evolve from their Muskets to today’s Semi Automatic Assault Rifles, Genius!

Alabama Students have Caronavirus Parties

This current event focuses on the entire Bill of Rights, the first 10 Amendments to our Constitution. 

College Students in Tuscaloosa, Alabama, organized “COVID-19” parties as a contest to see who would get the virus first.   Huh, um, ahhh, are you kidding me, they did what??!!!  Students hosted the parties to intentionally infect each other with the Caronavirus.  These College Student Einsteins purposely invited guests who had previously tested positive for COVID-19. The Einstein Students put money in a pot and whoever got COVID first would get the cash.

Dr. Ramesh Peramsetty, a local physician, said that there had been rumors of COVID-19 parties for about a month. Dr. Peramsetty said:  “While my nursing staff was triaging patients for COVID-19 swabbing, they were told about the COVID-19 house parties and were even shown videos of the parties by college students.  Later, when the Students were called with the test results, we noticed that some were very excited and happy that they were positive, while others were very upset that they were negative.”  Huh, um, ahhh, are you kidding me, they said what??!!! 

Alabama students will use any excuse to party, even infecting themselves with the Caronavirus

On the surface, “Many People Say” that the College Student COVID-19 parties in Alabama were caused by the Mega STUPIDITY of these Alabamian Students.  Sarkes, always digging down deep to get to the Root Cause of a story, believed that the Alabamian Students may NOT be Stupid, rather, the Students might have believed that an increase in the COVID-19 statistics might force the University to cancel classes in the Fall, the goal of derelict Students all across America.  Alas, Sarkes could not prove his alternate theory, and now concludes that yes, the Alabama Students were indeed, STUPID.

Yes, Alabama Students are STUPID

So, how does the Stupidity of Alabama Students relate to our Constitution and Bill of Rights.  Simple.  Our Bill of Rights, in their entirety, gives ALL Americans the Constitutional Right to be STUPID.  And, Americans are exercising their Constitutional Right to be STUPID ever day.

Sarkes is working on a sure fire, Nobel Prize winning book:  The Next American Revolution, The Irreversible Dumbing of America.  This book documents the Continuing and Irreversible Dumbing of America.  This Dumbing  evolves to a point in time, estimated to be 2040, when Americans become so Dumb that the gap between Rich and Poor widens, causing the next American Revolution where the Poor, Stupid and the Dumb take over America.  

Sarkes works hard every day to complete his future Nobel Prize for Literature