Cracker Gender Reveal Party Gone Bad

Executive Summary:

  • Gender Reveal Parties are now all the Craze
  • The Florida Cracker has taken the Gender Reveal Party to a new level

At times, Sarkes fells like the Unfrozen Cave Man Lawyer that starred on Saturday Night Live in 1991.   Sometimes the ways of this modern world are strange and scary to Sarkes.  Thus is the case with the phenomena of Gender Reveal Parties.

Like Sarkes, The Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer from SNL would not understand Gender Reveal Parties

Sarkes and Chris did not know the Gender of children Cathy, Caryn and David before their birth.  Heck, we did not even know that Cathy and Caryn were twins.  That’s the way it was in the early 1980s.

Chris and Sarkes had no idea that Twins Cathy and Caryn were on the way
Baby David could have been a girl, who knew in the 1980’s

It wasn’t until a few years ago that Sarkes was invited to a Gender Reveal Party.  Obviously, Sarkes had no idea what he was walking into.  

A Gender Reveal Party is a celebration during which parents, friends and family find out the sex of a baby. This has become possible with the increasing accuracy of various technologies of determining the baby’s sex before birth.

Sarkes finds out that there are many derivatives of Gender Reveal Parties.  Gender Reveal Parties come in a few broad types: Parties where everyone knows the Gender of the baby but the parents. Parties where only the parents know the Gender of the baby, and want to surprise loved ones. Parties where only one person knows the Gender of the baby, and wants to surprise the parents and loved ones.   What, huh, ummmmm, are you kidding me, oh my.

Balloons are popular to reveal the Gender of the Baby

Gender Reveal Parties are typically held near the middle of the pregnancy.   One thing they have in common is that something is done to reveal something Pink, denoting a Female, or Blue, denoting a Male.  Common sources that Reveal are cakes, piñatas, bath robes, ballons, silly string, etc.  What, huh, ummmmm, are you kidding me, oh my.

Cakes can reveal the Gender of a Baby and feed a Crowd

There is general consensus that Gender Reveal Parties started around 2008.  Yeah, the Gender Reveal Party makes Sarkes fell like the Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer, strange and scary.  Needless to say, Sarkes has been to the one Gender Reveal Party and that will be the last one.  

Sarkes will pass on future Gender Reveal Parties and will relax with a quality cup of Coffee, Black, not Pink or Blue

Crackers too have Gender Reveal Parties.  In addition to the parents, friends, and loved ones, the Cracker Gender Reveal Party adds two additional elements:  Booze and Firearms. 

Alas, one such Cracker Gender Reval Party in Brevard County ended up with a disastrous 10-acre brush fire.  Firefighters were called to a home after reports that a blaze was possibly ignited by fireworks.  But when they arrived, firefighters realized that explosives had caused the fire.

Fire Investigators found that a Cracker Gender Reveal Party had been conducted with a Box filled with Tannerite, a highly explosive substance, and colored powder, and then shot with a rifle.  What, huh, ummmmm, are you kidding me, oh my.

This box was filled with Explosives and shot by a rifle toting Cracker

After the Cracker shot the box of Explosives, the blaze quickly burned out of control burning 10 acres before being completely contained after several hours.  This is the Dry season in Florida and there is a Burn Ban in Brevard county that prohibits outdoor activities such as campfires, bonfires and trash burning.  Apparently, the Crackers involved with this Gender Reveal Party did not think that a box of Explosives were prohibited under the Burn Ban.

While Crackers know their Firearms, they are not certified on Explosives

Also, the Gender Reveal Party took place as the coronavirus outbreak escalates and after Florida Governor Ron DeSantis issued a stay-at-home order for state residents.  Apparently, the Crackers who planned this must have believed that their Gender Reveal Party was allowed under the stay-at-home order. 

Crackers believe that they are exempt from orders from Governor DeSantis

Sarkes in on Record.  The Florida Cracker is a happy go lucky, generous person.  BUT, when alcohol and Firearms are introduced in any Cracker activity, like a Gender Reveal Party, that is a formula for Disaster.