An Orange Miracle

Executive Summary:

  • A Woman Sees Donald Trump In Her Vegan Butter
  • This is an Orange Apparition

Thanks to Sarkes Corner Religious Bureau Chief and Sister Cindy Mamelian for documenting this Orange Apparition. 

Sarkes is not a Catholic so before reporting this story Sarkes had no idea what was an Apparition.  An Apparition is a Supernatural image of a person.  Most Apparitions are images of Our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ or Mary.  Apparitions are one time events.

Jesus can show up anywhere, here in a Tasty Flatbread

The Catholic Church has a formal process for validating and documenting Apparitions and Apparitions have been documented for Centuries mostly in Europe and South America. 

The Catholic Church is big on Miracles and Apparitions

A St. Louis woman, Jan Castellano,  was getting ready to have some breakfast when she almost lost her lunch. She opened a tub of Earth Balance Organic Spread with plans to put the vegan butter on her toast.  Lowly and Beholy, Castellano stopped short when she saw an image of the Orange Potentate looking right back at her in the tub of Spread.

Earth Balance Organic Spread is a Healthy option to Butter

Castellano said: “It wasn’t necessarily appetizing, but it was entertaining.

This was pretty much before I had coffee, so I was easily amused.  I needed to put on my glasses to make sure it was him.”

Jan Castellano did not expect to see the Orange Profit in her Earth Balance Organic Spread

Castellano, obviously a Liberal, continued:  “I wasn’t thrilled to see The Donald, mainly because he is everywhere these days.  I thought about saving the Trump-enhanced spread and sell it on eBay, and donate the money to Elizabeth Warren.”  Alas, short-term hunger won out over long-term wealth and Castellano ate the Butter after taking a picture as proof.  

An image of the Orange Excellency in butter is frightening to a Liberal
This is Not Fake News, the Orange Eminence’s image is in the Spread

Sarkes Corner reporters interviewed Archbishop Robert Carlson of the St. Louis Diocese and asked if the Catholic Church would approve the Trump image in the Earth Balance Organic Spread as a Miracle or Apparition. Archbishop Carlson said that the Catholic Church could not investigate this Apparition as the evidence has been destroyed and there was only one witness, Castellano.

Archbishop Carlson will not approve the Orange Image as a Miracle

After informed about the Earth Balance Organic Spread, the Orange Diocesan Tweeted:

Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – January 19 @ 4:56AM 

I am disappointed that the Failed Catholic Church would not approve my image in the Butter.  Everyone knows that I am the Chosen One, the Second Coming of God.  

The Orange Chosen One is a devout Christian, just ask him

Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – January 19 @ 5:23AM 

The Catholic Church should have investigated the Butter.  I am the healthiest President in History so I don’t eat Butter, but I have no doubt that my image was in the Butter.  It was a miracle and the Catholic Church needs to step up.  The lack of action by the Catholic Church is a Sham, Charade, Crusade, a Terrible Thing.

The Orange Disciple is the most religious President in our History

Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – January 19 @ 5:47AM 

I am confident that my Evangelical friends will classify my image in the butter as a Miracle.  I am the King of the Jews and should be recognized accordingly.  The Evangelicals are truly religious, not phony like other denominations.  

The Evangelicals will recognize The Orange King of the Jews