Orange People: America’s Smallest Minority

Executive Summary:

  • Trump says that Energy-Efficient Light Bulbs make him Look Orange
  • Sarkes calls for Equal Rights for Orange People 

Thanks to Sarkes Corner Contributor and Minnesota Bureau Chief Eric Pederson for this breaking news about our Orange POTUS. 

Faster than Walmart can Roll-Back prices on millions of products, the Orange Monarch’s administration has rolled-back HUNDREDS of Obama-era regulations.  One of the Orange Eminences Obama Roll Backs was for Energy Efficient Light Bulbs.

The Orange Cheeto Rolls Back Regulations like Walmart Rolls Back Prices

It turns out that the Roll Backs on Energy Efficient Light Bulbs was NOT about Making America Great Again, rather, this Roll Back occurred because the Orange Premier believes that Energy Efficient Light Bulbs make him look Orange.  The Orange Scientist claims his Orange hue is caused because the light emitted from the energy efficient bulbs is “not good”.  

The Orange Scientist claims Energy Efficient Light Bulbs are BAD for America

Its clear that the Orange Baron knows more about Science than the Scientists.  

For years, Scientists and the Media have tried to determine the source of the Orange Caesars Orange Hue.  The “Official” statement from the White House claims that the Orange Hue on the Orange Chosen One is caused by “Good Genes”.  Another school claimed the Orange Hue comes from Fake Tanning.  Now, the Orange Commandant blames Energy Efficient Light Bulbs.

The Orange Exalted Leader explained the Science behind his edict to Roll Back standards on Energy Efficient Light Bulbs:  

  • “The light bulb. People said what’s with the light bulb? I said here’s the story.  I looked at it, the bulb that we’re being forced to use, number one to me, most importantly, the light’s no good. I always look orange. And so do you. The light is the worst.”
  • “But number two, it’s many times more expensive than that old incandescent bulb that worked very well. And very importantly—I don’t know if you know this—they have warnings. If it breaks it’s considered a hazardous waste site. It’s gasses inside”
  • “I am not a vain person…but I look better under an incandescent light than these crazy lights that are beaming down.”
Donald Trump blames Energy Efficient Light Bulbs for his Orange Hue

Sarkes understands the position of the Orange Czar.  You see, Sarkes, a Brown Man, understands the life of person of Color living in America today.  When Sarkes goes to breakfast with the Spring Run Conservative Men’s Breakfast Club at local eateries, Sarkes is always at Risk of getting caught up in a ICE Raid looking for Illegal Mexican Cooks and Table Cleaners.

Sarkes is Brown but Granddaughter Addi is stone White

Sarkes believes that Orange People have an even tougher time in America verses Black, Brown, Red, and Yellow Americans.  The Orange People minority is So Small that most Racists Americans just assume that Orange People are just the victims of a Bad Tanning job.

Largely Ignored, Orange People are America’s smallest Minority

Sarkes is hereby starting a movement to get America to recognize Orange People for who they are, America’s Smallest Minority.  It time to get Orange People out of the Closet and allow them to live Free in America without making excuses like “Energy Efficient Light Bulbs make them look Orange”.  This is no way to live.

And what better time to push for Equal Rights for Orange People since the most powerful person in the Free World is himself an Orange Man.

Even Donald Trump, America’s 1st Orange President, gets ridiculed for his Orange Color 

Like all People of Orange Color, Donald Trump has no control over his Orange Hue

Chicken Sandwich Wars

Executive Summary:

  • A Tennessee man sues Popeyes for running out of chicken sandwiches
  • A Customer pulls Heat on a Popeyes employee for running out of chicken sandwiches

Thanks to Sarkes Corner Contributor and St. Louis friend Steve Peat Moss for this story about Chicken Sandwiches.  Sarkes is surprised a bit as friend Peat is a meat and potato kind of guy, but he must like Chicken also.

Sarkes doesn’t quite understand this Brew Ha Ha between Chick-fil-A and Popeyes Louisiana Chicken as to who has the better Chicken Sandwich.  In any case, this was marketing genius as Popeyes Louisiana Chicken sold out of its Chicken Sandwich nation wide and in record time.

This woman cannot get a Popeyes Chicken Sandwich

One unhappy customer, a Tennessee man Craig Barr, filed a lawsuit against Popeyes this week alleging it engaged in “false advertising” and “deceptive business practices by entity to public.”  Barr is seeking $5,000 in damages.

Barr said he suffered rim and tire damage totaling $1,500 while driving from Popeyes location to location to find a Popeyes Chicken Sandwich, and was humiliated when his friends laughed at him.

The Popeyes Chicken Sandwich comes in Classic and Spicy versions, Mmm Mmmm

This Chicken Sandwich Brew Ha Ha started when Chick-fil-A took a Jab at the Popeyes Chicken Sandwich stating that its Chicken Sandwich was “The Original”.

The Chic-fil-A Chicken Sandwich comes Breaded or Grilled, Mmm Mmmm

This started a Tweeter war with thousands of Chicken Sandwich Eaters weighing in on whose is their favorite Chicken Sandwich.

Americans prefer the Breaded and Fried Chicken Sandwich over Grilled

In a related story, Police in Houston are searching for a man who pulled a gun on employees at a Popeyes restaurant after they ran out of chicken sandwiches.

Two women, three men and a baby were told at the Popeyes drive-thru window that the Popeyes Chicken Sandwiches were sold out.  The hungry and angry customers got our of their car and one of the men attempted to get inside the restaurant displaying Heat, but one of the Minimum Wage Popeyes worker was alert and locked the door.  These customers were so hungry that they left their baby in the car as they attempted to Invade the Popeyes restaurant.  Oh my!

Popeyes employees were at peril because they ran out of Chicken Sandwiches

After watching these Chicken Sandwich Wars unfold on Fox News Fair and Balanced, the Orange Cheeto Tweeted:

Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – September 9 @ 4:56AM

Like Sarkes, I don’t understand this battle over Chicken Sandwiches.  The real battle is at our southern border where we are being Invaded by Mexicans who want to force us all to eat Tacos.  When we win our Tariff War with China, US Beef will be a Great Value for all Americans.

Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – September 9 @ 6:03AM

Hamburgers and Cheeseburgers were invented in America.  Other Loser nations try to copy our US Hamburgers and Cheeseburgers but Fail miserably.  And, I AM NOT OVERWEIGHT, I am the fittest President of all time.   

The Orange Whopper prefers a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese over a Chicken Sandwich any day

TV Co-Anchor Looks Like a Gorilla

Executive Summary:

  • A White Newscaster said her Black co-anchor looks like a Gorilla
  • After, the White Newscaster offered a tearful apology

Sarkes has always preferred Print Journalism verses TV or Radio Journalism.  “Many People Say” Sarkes, you have a face for Print Journalism.  In Live TV or Radio Journalism there is a Risk, once you put your Right Foot in your mouth its out there and can never be removed.

Sarkes considered TV Journalism but was told to stick with Print

In a tearful segment that aired on Oklahoma City’s KOCO-TV, morning White anchor Alex Housden apologized to her Black co-anchor Jason Hackett after comparing him to a gorilla during a broadcast Thursday. 

White co-anchor Alex Housden thinks her Black co-anchor looks like a Gorilla

The racist comment occurred after the pair reported on a story about a Gorilla at the Oklahoma City Zoo.  The Gorilla is named Finyezi, Fin for short.  White co-anchor Housden ended the segment with the comment: “Kind of looks like you,” directed at Black co-anchor Hackett.

Uh, what, hmmmm, uh oh, she said what

Fin was the focus of a news story at KOCO-TV in Oklahoma City 

In shock, and on live TV, and not sure what to say, Black co-ahchor Hackett said:  “He kind of does, actually, yeah,”  

Uh, what, hmmmm, uh oh, he said what

Does Black co-anchor Jason Hackett look like Fin to you?

The following day, Black co-ahchor Hackett accepted White co-anchor Housden’s apology and said he wanted to take the experience as a teachable moment to his viewers.

Black co-ahchor Hackett said:  “The lesson here is that words matter.  We have to understand the stereotypes, we have to understand each other’s backgrounds and the words that hurt, the words that cut deep.”

White co-anchor Housden called the comment inconsiderate and inappropriate. She said she knows it was wrong and that she would never intentionally hurt her colleague.

White co-anchor tearfully said:  “I hurt people. I want you to know I understand how much I hurt you out there and how much I hurt you”

White co-anchor Housden tearfully apologizes to Black co-anchor Hackett

At least White co-anchor Housden, in her apology, did not say that “she was not a Racist”.  We all know that when someone says they “are not a Racist” they probably are.

Finally, Sarkes is ready to give White co-anchor Housden a pass on her Racist guffaw.  No, not because White co-anchor Housden is a good looking blond in a short, tight fitting dress like the Women on Fox News Fair and Balanced.  Sarkes is not that shallow.  

You see, for those of you who have visited Oklahoma City know that there are very few Blacks.  White co-anchor Housden may have just made an honest mistake.  

A Castration Gone Bad

Executive Summary:

  • A Florida man was arrested after botching an in-home castration surgery
  • OUCH! 

Thanks to Sarkes Corner Special Corespondent and sister Cindy Mamelian for another story about the antics of Florida Man, the Florida Cracker.

Florida deputies have arrested a man for attempting to perform a castration inside his Highlands County, FL home.   Highlands County is in South Central Florida.  Lake Okeechobee is in the center of Highlands County.  Highlands County is Ground Zero for the Florida Cracker.

Deputies were called to 74-year-old Florida Cracker Gary Van Ryswyk’s home in Sebring, FL.  When they arrived, Cracker Van Ryswyk told a deputy he had just performed a castration on a man and encountered some major issues. Deputies found a victim on a bed, bleeding heavily, with a towel over his groin.

What?, Oh My, are you kidding me, OUCH!

Cracker Van Ryswyk performs Castrations in his home, a great value

The victim was flown to a nearby hospital and is said to be stable.  During their investigation, deputies found two body parts in a pink container, presumed to have belonged to the victim.

What 2 Body Parts?, Oh My, are you kidding me, OUCH!

Cracker Van Ryswyk had set up a room to look like a surgical center and had medical equipment and painkillers inside.  A camera was also set up to record the procedure.  Van Ryswyk told deputies he had met the victim on a the dark web on a site geared toward people who have a Castration Fetish.

What is a Castration Fetish?, Oh My, are you kidding me, OUCH!

According to Police, Cracker Van Ryswyk told the victim that he had experience performing Castrations on animals and had even removed one of his own testicles in 2012.

He removed WHAT?, Oh My, are you kidding me, OUCH!

Cracker Van Ryswyk was arrested and charged with practicing medicine without a license resulting in bodily injury, a second-degree felony.  His bond was set at $250,000.

Sarkes Corner Medical Reporters were able to interview Cracker Van Ryswyk in the Highland County Hoosegow.  Cracker Van Ryswyk, one of the Orange Johnsons Base, and a staunch Republican, blamed his actions on ObamaCare.  Cracker Van Ryswyk said that voluntary Castrations are not covered by ObamaCare and he was performing a Public Service. 

Like Sarkeses Conservative friends always say: “Its all Obamas fault”

If ObamaCare covered voluntary Castrations, Cracker Van Ryswyk’s victim would still have his Ying Yang and/or Boys

Another Senseless Mass Shooting: Odessa, TX

Executive Summary:

  • Sarkes uses his Mass Shooting Standard Form. 
  • This time, the Mass Shooting was in Odessa, TX

Another Mass Murder, by an angry White Man, has happened.  In this case, the Mass Murder was in (Fill in the Location) Odessa, TX.

The Mass Murder happened at the (Fill in the venue, example: school, mall, church, concert) on the streets in and around Midland and Odessa, TX, this was a first, a Mobile Mass Murder.

Special Note:  This mass murder by an angry white man happened one day before 10 new laws came into effect in Texas.   These relaxed Texas gun laws eased restrictions on where and how the good citizens of Texas can Pack Heat.

(Fill in the number of innocent people killed) 7 people were murdered and 22 were injured. 

The Mass Murderer, an angry White Man (Fill in the Murders Name and other details) Seth Ator, 36 years old, who was stopped for a traffic violation after being fired from his job hours before.

Angry Young Deranged White Man Seth Ator

The Mass Murderer used (Identify the weapon used) an AK-47 Assault Rifle

A Semi-Automatic AK-47 Assault Weapon, a favorite killing machine for the Angry White Mass Murderer

The Angry White Man Mass Murderer (Select one: killed himself, was killed by Police, was Captured by Police) killed by Police

Shortly after the Mass Murder:

  • Democrats say: “This is the time for strict gun laws”
  • Republicans say: “We are mourning the victims, it’s too soon to discuss gun legislation”
  • A spokesman for the NRA said:  “Guns don’t kill People, People kill People.”
  • President Trump, the Orange Rifleman, said: “If there were more people in Odessa and Midland with weapons the results would have been far better.”
  • The President of the NRA said:  “The only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.” 
  • A Conservative Friend of Sarkes said:  “These Mass Murders with Heat weapons are just the price of our Freedom” 
  • Countless Politicians said:  “Our Thoughts and Prayers are with the victims of this shooting and their families, Thoughts and Prayers.”
  • Another Conservative Friend of Sarkes said:  “Mass Shooters go to Gun Free Zones, like California, what do you expect”.

That’s if for this latest Mass Murder packing Heat.  Sarkeses use of the Standard Form should makes reporting the next Mass Murder much easier.  

Like our Politicians always say:  Thoughts and Prayers