A Cracker Get Away Vehicle

Executive Summary:

  • A Crackertte Perp attempted to flee the scene of her crime in a Lyft, then an Uber
  • Is today’s Cracker learning to use current technology?

In the not so distance past, a Florida Cracker or Crackerette would flee the scene of their crime in an old, rusty, Ford F150 Pick Up Truck outfitted with a Gun Rack.  The Old Pick Up truck was often not dependable, leading to the apprehension of many a Cracker.

The Ford F150, the Get Away vehicle of choice of the Florida Cracker

Florida Crackerette, Kate Lamothe, 24, entered an Exxon in Pinellas Park and asked to buy a Juul Vaping device that cost $42.79. When the clerk handed it to Crackerette Lamothe, she fled the scene without paying.

Crackerette Lamothe needed her nicotine so she stole a high end Juul Vaping Device

Crackerette Lamothe had arrived at the Exxon station in a Lyft.  After stealing the Juul Vaping Device, Crackerette Lamothe ran out of the store and back into the Lyft vehicle that was told to wait.  Seeing that a crime was in progress, the Lyft Driver refused to drive and Crackerette Lamothe exited the Lyft vehicle.

Crackerette Lamothe is now in the Pinellas County Hoozegow

When the Lyft driver wouldn’t help her, Crackerette Lamothe called an Uber and began walking away from the Exxon station. Crackerette Lamothe was later apprehended inside an Uber in a nearby parking lot.

Like many young people today, Crackerette Lamothe depends on Lyft and Uber for her transportation

Crackerette Lamothe was arrested and charged with retail theft. and later freed on $150 bond.  

While this may seem to be just another amusing story about Cracker crime, it should be taken seriously.  You see, for decades, Police Departments in Florida have been trained to apprehend Cracker Perps fleeing the scene of the crime in their old, rusty, Pick Up Trucks.  Now, these Florida Police Departments must be retrained on how to recognize and safely apprehend Cracker Perps fleeing in Uber or Lyfts.  

Police departments will be spending Millions to retrain their Officers on Lyft and Uber

Are Florida Crackers in Louisiana?

Executive Summary:

  • Sarkes ponders, are there Florida Crackers in Louisiana?
  • Sarkes concludes, there just might be.

Sarkes is thankful that he can get back to the Core Competency of Sarkes Corner following the tsunami of mass murders the past few weeks.  

Much has been written about the antics of the Florida Cracker and Crackerette.  Sarkes has often wondered if the phenomena of the Cracker was unique to Florida, the Gunshine State.  What about other states in the deep south (Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, etc) that, like Florida, have a bevy of uneducated, underemployed, white folk?  Surely these states have their version of the Florida Cracker.  

Surely Florida Cracker-like people reside in these other states of the south

Well, Sarkes got his answer and it is YES!  In a move that would make any Florida Crackerette proud, a Louisiana woman says that Methamphetamine (Meth) found hidden inside her Vagina is not hers.

A Louisiana woman, Ashley Beth Rolland, 23, was caught with Meth hidden inside her Cooch.  Rolland told police that she didn’t know where the drugs came from.  If Cooch was Catholic, this might quality as a Miracle, the Meth just popped into her Vagina.

Ashley Beth Rolland does not know how the Meth got into her Cooch and claims it was not hers

Rolland, 23, was accused of stealing $5,000 from the apartment of a man she’d been staying with for about a week,  according to the Ouachita Parish Sheriff’s Office.

The man told the West Monroe Police Department that while he was showering, Rolland swiped his cash and left. Rolland confessed to police she did take the man’s money and left his apartment.   Hmmm, West Monroe is the home to the famous TV show Duck Dynasty.  Maybe that explains some of this.  As you know, Sarkes can connect Dots where most cannot see Dots.

Duck Dynasty is set in West Monroe, LA, so Ashely Beth Rolands behavior might just be normal for that area

Later, a female correctional officer later searched Rolland and, inside of Rolland’s Poontang, discovered $6,233 along with “a clear plastic bag” of roughly one gram of Meth, which Rolland denied was hers.  Hmmmm, Sarkes can see how a bag of Meth can be inserted into a Vagina but how does one get $6,233 up there?  Hmmmmm.  Rolland was arrested and charged with theft and narcotics possession.

Does Meth stored in a Women’s Hoo-haw affect the potency of the Drug?

Sarkes has dispatched Junior Sarkes Corner Reporters to Louisiana to cover this court proceeding.  Sarkes has learned from Judge Judy that Possession is 9/10th of the Law……….but is this true of a bag of Meth stuffed in a women’s Snatch?

How would Judge Judy rule in this case?

Ashley Beth Rolland would make any Florida Crackerette proud.  

The Root Cause of these Mass Murders

Executive Summary:

  • An Ohio politician blames mass shootings on “drag queen advocates”, Obama, open borders, more 
  • Sarkes learns something new every day

“Many People Say” Sarkes, how do you know as much as you do about everything.  Well, Sarkes must admit, that while he has been called a Stable Genius, Sarkes learns something new every day.

Sarkes had always thought that the Tsunami of Mass Murders by Angry White Men were caused by the fact that they are Deranged or embrace a White Supremacy value system.  

Wow, was Sarkes wrong.  Like Sarkes neighbors in the Spring Run Silver Creek Conservative Breakfast club, who teach Sarkes the tenants of Conservatism, Sarkes now knows the Root Cause of all these Mass Murders.  Thanks to Ohio State Representative, Conservative Candice Keller, in a Facebook posting, laid it all out for Sarkes in a way that is easily understood.  

Conservative Candice Keller has figured out the Root Cause of Mass Murders in America, it’s simple

In her Facebook posting, Conservative Candice Keller complained that Liberals play the “Blame Game” after every mass murder perpetrated by Angry White Men.  Conservative Candice Keller said why not place the blame where it belongs.  She went on to identify those to blame for the Mass Murders:

  • Drag Queen Advocates
  • Open Borders
  • Fatherlessness
  • Gay Marriage
  • Violent Video Games
  • Acceptance of Recreational Marijuana
  • Democrats in Congress
  • Barrack Obama

Conservative Candice Keller summed up the root cause of Mass Murders by Deranged White Men – the breakdown of the traditional American Family. 

Drag Queens have caused many of the Mass Murders by Deranged White Men

The Invasion of America by Mexican Caravans have increased Mass Murders by White Supremacists 

If only they had a father, the Mass Murders would stop
Conservative Keller claims that Gay Marriage leads to Mass Murders
The White Man is driven to Mass Murder because of violent Video Games

If Mary Jane was illegal, there would be no Mass Murders

Democrats have driven many a Conservative White Man to become a Mass Murderer

One thing that Sarkes has learned from his Conservative neighbors…it’s always Obama’s fault

It seems simple, if Conservatives can repair the traditional American Family, the Mass Murders will stop.  If anyone can do it, the Conservatives can, after all, the GOP is the Party of Family Values. 

Another Senseless Mass Shooting: Dayton, OH

Executive Summary:

  • Sarkes uses his Mass Shooting Standard Form. 
  • This time, the Mass Shooting was in Dayton, OH

Another Mass Murder, by an angry White Man, has happened.  In this case, the Mass Murder was in (Fill in the Location) Dayton, OH.

The Mass Murder happened at the (Fill in the venue, example: school, mall, church, concert) on the streets in the Oregon District in downtown Dayton, OH.  

(Fill in the number of innocent people killed) 9 people were murdered and 26 were injured. 

The Mass Murderer, an angry White Man (Fill in the Murders Name and other details) Connor Betts, 24 years old.

Angry Young Deranged White Man Connor Betts

The Mass Murderer used (Identify the weapon used) a .233 caliber high capacity rifle with a 100 round magazine.

A .223 High Caliber rifle with a 100 round magazine, a killing machine for the Angry White Mass Murderer

The Angry White Man Mass Murderer (Select one: killed himself, was killed by Police, was Captured by Police) killed by Police

Shortly after the Mass Murder:

  • Democrats say: “This is the time for strict gun laws”
  • Republicans say: “We are mourning the victims, it’s too soon to discuss gun legislation”
  • A spokesman for the NRA said:  “Guns don’t kill People, People kill People.”
  • President Trump, the Orange Rifleman, said: “If there were more people in the Oregon District with weapons the results would have been far better.”
  • The President of the NRA said:  “The only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.” 
  • A Conservative Friend of Sarkes said:  “These Mass Murders with Heat weapons are just the price of our Freedom” 
  • Countless Politicians said:  “Our Thoughts and Prayers are with the victims of this shooting and their families, Thoughts and Prayers.”
  • Another Conservative Friend of Sarkes said:  “Mass Shooters go to Gun Free Zones, like California, what do you expect”.

That’s if for this latest Mass Murder packing Heat.  Sarkeses use of the Standard Form should makes reporting the next Mass Murder much easier.  

Another Senseless Mass Shooting: El Paso, TX

Executive Summary:

  • Sarkes uses his Mass Shooting Standard Form. 
  • This time, the Mass Shooting was in El Paso, TX

Another Mass Murder, by an angry White Man, has happened.  In this case, the Mass Murder was in (Fill in the Location) EL Paso, TX.

The Mass Murder happened at the (Fill in the venue, example: school, mall, church, concert) an El Paso, TX Walmart.  

(Fill in the number of innocent people killed) 20 people were murdered and 26 were injured. 

The Mass Murderer, an angry White Man (Fill in the Murders Name and other details) Patrick Crusius, 21 years old.  This is a Hate Crime as this angry young White Supremacist was targeting Hispanic Immigrants.

Sarkes Editorial:  Sarkes would have rather had White Supremacist Crusius shout “Send Them Home,  Send Them Home, Send Them Home!” at the Immigrants than shoot them.

Angry Young White Supremacist Patrick Crusius

The Mass Murderer used (Identify the weapon used) a Semi Automatic Assault Rifle.

A Semi Automatic Assault Weapon, the weapon of choice for the Angry White Mass Murderer

The Angry White Man Mass Murderer (Select one: killed himself, was killed by Police, was Captured by Police) Captured by Police

Shortly after the Mass Murder:

  • Democrats say: “This is the time for strict gun laws”
  • Republicans say: “We are mourning the victims, it’s too soon to discuss gun legislation”
  • A spokesman for the NRA said:  “Guns don’t kill People, People kill People.”
  • President Trump, the Orange Rifleman, said: “If there were more people at Walmart with weapons the results would have been far better.”
  • The President of the NRA said:  “The only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.” 
  • A Conservative Friend of Sarkes said:  “These Mass Murders with Heat weapons are just the price of our Freedom” 
  • Countless Politicians said:  “Our Thoughts and Prayers are with the victims of this shooting and their families, Thoughts and Prayers.”
  • Another Conservative Friend of Sarkes said:  “Mass Shooters go to Gun Free Zones, like California, what do you expect”.

That’s if for this latest Mass Murder packing Heat.  Sarkeses use of the Standard Form should makes reporting the next Mass Murder much easier.  

One Hungry Cracker

Executive Summary:

  • A Florida Cracker breaks in to rob a Florida Wendy’s but stops to make himself dinner first
  • The Florida Cracker is not the sharpest knife in the drawer

The Florida Cracker is usually a docile specimen until they consume mass quantities of alcohol, and since they all Pack Heat, an alcohol impaired Cracker is a danger to society.  But, in some cases, the Florida Cracker is just stupid, as is the case with this story. 

Florida Cracker Patrick Benson, 34, is the  “modern day Hamburglar,” police say, and he was caught on camera making himself a burger before robbing a Florida Wendy’s.  Cracker Benson was arrested and charged with burglary, grand theft and attempted burglary. 

Unlike Cracker Benson, the Hamburglar never gets caught

Security footage at the Jensen Beach Wendy’s caught Cracker Benson in the act and also reveals a strange part of his process.  After breaking the windows with a brick after store hours, Cracker Benson started up the grill, made himself a burger and ate it, the sheriff’s office said. Only after his meal did he grab the safe and make his escape.

Cracker Benson looks like he loves his Hamburgers and French Fries

Cracker Benson is a serial Perp since this is not the only time he did this. According to Police, ”The suspect has been successful at forcing his way into two restaurants cooking himself some dinner — then stealing what he can’t consume,” the sheriff’s office said Friday.

Cracker Benson cooked up a Wendy’s Double Cheeseburger with Fries and an ice cold Coke but passed on the Chocolate Frosty

Benson is now in the Martin County Jail, but alas, they do not serve Wendy’s Burgers there.