Low Speed Golf Cart Police Chase

Executive Summary:

  • A St. Louis man was arrested at a Florida Keys resort after a wild Golf Cart Police Chase.

What started as a routine Police chase of a Golf Cart quickly escalated into a dangerous Low Speed Chase.

Dangerous Low Speed Golf Cart Out of Control

Parks Thornton Terry, 32, of St. Louis, was spotted by security officers in a golf cart in the gated Ocean Reef resort neighborhood in Upper Key Largo in Monroe County, Florida.

Ocean Reef Resort in the Florida Keys, the scene of the Crime

“Many People Say, Sarkes, we know what a Florida Cracker is, but are there Crackers in St. Louis, MO, your old home town?”

The short answer is Yes.  There are Florida Cracker-Like people in St. Louis but they are not called Crackers.  Rather, the Florida Cracker-Like person in St. Louis is called a “Hoosier”.  This is not to be confused with the good citizens of Indiana.  

In St. Louis, the word Hoosier has a different, more derogatory meaning. A St. Louis Hoosier is an epithet of for anyone perceived as less cultured, low intelligence, rustic, bumpkin, redneck, hick, uncouth or unskilled person.

St. Louis Hoosier Parks Thornton Terry

Sarkes is pleased to clear that up.  But back on Point.  

When Police arrived, Hoosier Terry led them on a Low Speed Chase through the neighborhood while continuously giving them the thumbs up sign. He soon switched tactics, however, and put up his middle finger while driving erratically and yelling obscenities at the pursuing Federalies.

Like his hero, the Orange Ameba, Hoosier Terry gave Police the Two Thumbs Up

Like his hero, the Orange Dotard, Hoosier Terry gave Police the Middle Finger

Eventually, Terry arrived at a home where he was staying and went inside. A paramedic and a deputy knocked on the door, but a woman, Terry’s mother, Hoosierette/Crackerette Martha Wolfner, refused to let them in.

Police entered the home through a side door and soon a fisticuffs started between Hoosier Terry and the Officer.  Police eventually shocked Terry with a stun gun, and four law enforcement officers were eventually able to get handcuffs on him.

Police said that Hoosier/Cracker Terry continued to kick and began growling like a dog and rubbing his face in the broken glass on the floor.

Once in a patrol car, Police reported the smell of alcohol while Hoosier/Cracker Terry continued to yell curses and scream out to Jesus for help.  Hoosier/Cracker Terry refused a blood-alcohol breath test.

Hoosier/Cracker Terry was charged with DUI, fleeing from police, property damage, resisting arrest with violence and four counts of battery on a law enforcement officer or paramedic.

Like a Florida Cracker, when a St. Louis Hoosier is liquored up, nothing good can happen.  When a St. Louis Hoosier is liquored up AND driving a Golf Cart at Hight Speed, that is a formula for disaster.  At that point, praying to Jesus for help will not work.

Even Jesus Christ cannot help a drunken St. Louis Hoosier

Sarkes sympathizes with Hoosier/Cracker Terry.  His name, “Parks Thornton Terry”, probably made hi the victim of bullying by Bully Hoosiers when he was growing up in St. Louis.  This young Hoosier had a Last Name for a First Name and a First Name for a Last Name.  He could never recover.

St. Louis Hoosier Bullies make the Orange Bully seem like a Pacifist