Florida Man

Executive Summary:

  • Sarkes has been reporting on the antics of the Florida Cracker for years.
  • Just recently, the main stream media has discovered the stupid things that the Florida Crackers do every day, and have Labeled the Florida Cracker – FLORIDA MAN!

Thanks to Sarkes Corner Contributor and sister Cindy Mamelian for this story about FLORIDA MAN.  Cindy has been infatuated and befuddled with the Florida Cracker, FLORIDA MAN, for years (Note:  FLORIDA MAN could be a woman).  Sarkes has been reporting on the stupid antics of his Florida Cracker neighbors for years, this is nothing new.  The rest of the mainstream media is just now catching up with Sarkes and Sarkes Corner. 

The FLORIDA MAN is a bit of an enigma. A Florida Cracker can be The Salt of the Earth, dependable, peaceful…………until FLORIDA MAN gets all liquored up.  A Florida Cracker drunk is dangerous.  A Florida Cracker drunk and packing Heat is an accident waiting to happen.

It seems that every day there is a story that involves a Florida Cracker shooting something / somebody, or screaming incomprehensible babble, or getting arrested. 

FLORIDA MAN has been busy in 2019.  Below are real Headlines, no FAKE NEWS in Sarkes Corner, many of which have already been reported in Sarkes Corner.  Sarkes cannot make this stuff up.

Florida Man Shooting at a Target in Backyard Hits Neighbor Sitting at Dining Room Table

Florida Man Doesn’t Get Straw, Attacks McDonald’s Employee

Florida Man Killed Ex-Girlfriend While Trying to ‘Get Rid of the Devil’

Florida Man Intentionally Drove His Car Into Ocean At Top Speed

Florida Man Denies Syringes Found in Rectum Are His (this could be Sarkeses favorite)

Florida Man Arrested After Argument Over Cheesesteak

Florida Man loves any sandwich with Red Meat

Florida Man Accused of Burning Son to Teach Him Lesson About Fire

Florida Man Allegedly Fooled Family Into Believing Murdered Wife Was Still Alive

Florida Man Chews Up Police Car Seat After Cocaine Arrest

Florida Man Threatens to Kill Man With ‘Kindness,’ Uses Machete Named ‘Kindness’

Florida Man Causes Highway Crash, Steals Good Samaritan’s Truck Who Stopped To Help

Florida Man Accused of Luring Kids Tells Cops He Can’t Recall As He ‘Drinks 18-20 Beers’ Before Talking to the Children

Florida Man was run over by a Patrol Car While Lying in Road to Watch the Lunar Eclipse

Florida Man Caught Exposing Himself in Walmart Pillow Aisle

Florida Man Learns Hard Way He Stole Laxatives, Not Opioids (another Sarkes favorite)

Like Cheech and Chong once said:  “Man these drugs are good Shit!”

North Florida Man Beat, Pepper Sprayed Mom Because ‘She Was a Narcissist’

‘Trump will handle it.’ Florida Man Has Warning After Harassing Iraqi Neighbors

Florida Man Driving Unregistered ATV Ran Over his Dog

Florida Man Finds a WWII Grenade, Places It in His Truck, Drives to Taco Bell

Florida Man Accused of Robbing Chinese Restaurant at Finger Point

Florida Man Spent Weeks in Jail for Heroin That Was Actually Detergent

Florida Man Stabbed in the Back at Gainesville Bar Over Remark on a MAGA Hat

Florida Man Attacked Sister, Bit Cop After Someone Touched His Cigar

Florida Man Dances Through DUI Sobriety Test

Florida Man is all too familiar with the Traffic Stop Sobriety Check

Florida Men Accused of Smearing Feces on Crunch Fitness Bathroom, Sauna

Florida Man Tried to Run Over Son Because He Didn’t Want to Take a Bath

Florida Woman’s Maternity Photo Includes Alligator, Shotgun, Bud Light

Florida Man Recorded Himself Having Sex with Dog

Florida Man Throws Burrito in Woman’s Face, Cops Say. And This Has Happened Before

Florida Man Fights To Keep Last $809 After IRS Seizes Bogus $980,000 Tax Refund

Florida Man Caught on Camera Licking Doorbell

Florida Man Claiming People Were “Eating His Brains” Leads Police on Insane Golf Course Chase

Florida Man Arrested with Cocaine-Stuffed Lunchables

The Oscar Meyer Lunchable is the perfect place to store Cocaine

Florida Man Charged After Pointing Laser at Helicopter

Rattlesnake-carrying Florida Man Claims to be ‘Agent of God’

Florida Man Fights Coyote Off With Coffee Cup: ‘I smashed him’

Florida Man Throws Toilet Through School Building Window

Florida Man Arrested for Allegedly Throwing Cookie at Girlfriend

Florida Man Arrested After Hitting Dad with Pizza Because He Was Mad

Florida Man Who Allegedly Threatened Family with Coldplay Lyrics Ends Standoff After SWAT Promises Him Pizza

Florida Man loves his Pizza and Beer

Arrested Florida Couple Pleasure Each Other In Back Of Cop Car

Florida Man Sprayed Other Inmates with Urine

Florida Man refused Service in a Sarasota Bar because he was wearing a Red MAGA Hat

Florida Man faked robbery to get out of work at Hardee’s

Wow, and that was only for the first few months of 2019!  Sarkes will need to hire more investigative reporters if FLORIDA MAN keeps this up.

Remember, FLORIDA MAN is innocent until proven guilty by a Jury of his Cracker Peers.

Florida Man welcomes everyone to Florida, The Gunshine State