Chihuahua Crime

Executive Summary:

– A Florida Crackerette was arrested after swinging a bag filled with Chihuahuas at bar.

– This tragic story hits close to home for Sarkes

Thanks to Sarkeses sister and Chihuahua lover, Cindy Mamelian for this tragic story of Crackerette Crime from the Gunshine State.

Chihuahua lover Sister Cindy and Pooch Sophie

Florida Crackerttes are, in general, mild mannered, happy people. The Florida Cracker, a strong part of the Orange Traffic Cones Base, are a simple people. The Florida Cracker typically spend their money on Guns and Liquor. Very few Florida Crackers are invested in the Stock Market.

But when a Florida Cracker gets all Liquored up, the results are usually tragic. Such is this case with Crackerette Teresa Gardner. Crackerette Gardner was arrested at the Briny Irish Pub after she wildly tossed around a backpack fill with four Chihuahua puppies and their mother. Thankfully Crackerette Gardner was not packing Heat.

Crackerette Teresa Gardner had a bag of Chihuahuas
The Briny Irish Pub, scene of the attack on 5 innocent Chihuahuas

Police were called to the scene. After Crackerette Gardner stopped swinging the Backpack out of exhaustion, deputies discovered a mother Chihuahua and her 4 puppies trembling inside the backpack.  Animal Control officials determined that the baby Chihuahuas were about four weeks old.

As deputies tried to arrest Gardner, she resisted, but was eventually arrested
and charged with animal cruelty and resisting arrest.

The innocent victims of this Crackerette Crime were taken to an animal shelter and are thankfully in good health.

Like sister Cindy, Sarkes loves Chihuahuas. Young Sarkes had a Chihuahua, Moog, while growing up. Moog was a great pooch but was often charged with nipping the ankles of any stranger who entered the Korkoian home. Moog was never convicted of these baseless charges. Like the Orange Ameba, Moog was innocent of all charges and a victim of a Witch Hunt.

Young Sarkes with Chihuahua Moog, a great pooch

While attending Normandy High School, a Young Sarkes worked at Wishbone Fried Chicken in the Baden neighborhood of North St. Louis, and would bring home Fried Chicken, Livers, and Gizzards to Moog who would be anxiously waiting at the door, small tail wagging. Ah, these were simpler times for Young Sarkes.

Wishbone Fried Chicken in the Baden Neighborhood of North St. Louis

So Sarkes understands the Florida Cracker. Sarkes understands that the Florida Cracker Drinks. Sarkes understands that the Florida Cracker Packs Heat. Sarkes understands that the Florida Cracker often Packs Heat while Drinking. Sarkes understands that the Florida Cracker often shoot each other while Drinking and Packing Heat.

What Sarkes does not understand is how a Florida Cracker can Drink and put innocent Chihuahuas in harms way. To quote the Orange Humane Society, the crime against innocent Chihuahuas by this Florida Cracker were: Beleaguered, Low Energy, Totally Illegal, Mean, Carnage, Witch Hunt, Low IQ, Evil, Cowardly, Phony Crooked, Deplorable, Dumb as a Rock, Failed, Seriously Flawed, Fire and Fury, Thugs, Flake, Deranged, Low Life, Gutless, Covfefe.

Today, Sarkes would love to have another Chihuahua like the Moog from his youth. Alas, since Animals are not permitted in the Sarkes Corner News Room, Sarkes must settle for Pho Chihuahuas.