Niagara Falls

Executive Summary:

– Sarkes discusses Niagara Falls with the Orange Coxswain

Sarkes was recently on assignment in Niagara Falls and compared the American Falls to the Canadian Falls. There is no comparison, the Canadian Falls are far superior to the American Falls. Those of you who have been to Niagara Falls will agree. This motivated Sarkes to call the Golden Ameba.

Sarkes: “Mr. President, thank you for taking my call.”

Donald Trump: “Sarkes, it’s a pleasure. Why haven’t you come to Mir-a-Lago to play golf with me, you know you have an open invitation any weekend. Now I’m playing every weekend at my course in New Jersey as its too hot in Florida.”

Sarkes: “Thanks Mr. President, Sarkes will make sure to visit you in Mir-a-Lago soon. Mr. President, I wanted to talk to you about Niagara Falls. I was just up there and, to be quite honest with you, our American Niagara Falls stink when compared to the Canadian Niagara Falls, it’s not even close.”

Canadian and US Niagara Falls, no comparison

Donald Trump: “I hear you Sarkes, I wanted Donald Jr. to open a Trump International Hotel next to the American Niagara Falls and he convinced me that it was a Loooooooser. You know me Sarkes, America First!”

American Niagara Falls, pitiful

Donald Trump: “Do you have any recommendations Sarkes”

Sarkes: “Actually Mr. President, I do. I was thinking you could make congress put together an economic package to develop the American Niagara Falls to make it draw tourists not only from America but from Canada also. We would need to build roads, hotels, casinos, restaurants, theaters, and more. It makes no sense for American dollars being spent in Canada.”

Donald Trump: “Good point Sarkes, but you know those Do-Nothings in the House and Senate, they never do anything fast. I have a better idea.”

Donald Trump (to John Kelly): “John, get my man Vlads on the phone.”

John Kelly: “Sir, it’s the middle of the night in Russia, can this wait until morning in Russia?

Donald Trump: “John, Vlads is my buddy, in Helsinki, he told me to call him anytime and for any reason. This is important.”

John Kelly: “Ok Boss”.

A few minutes later:

Vlads Putin (via an interpreter): “Donnie, mi Babushka, what can I do for you?”

Donald Trump: “Vlads, I need a little advise. I want to annex the Canadian Niagara Falls like you did Crimea. How did you pull of that off.”

Majestic Canadian Niagara Falls

Vlads Putin (via an interpreter): “Donnie, you naught boy, I like it. Here is what you can do to annex the Canadian Niagara Falls:

“Claim that a majority of the population of the Canadian Niagara Falls are American when you count the Tourists. You can say that this has been historically American land. This should be easy to prove as your people spend Billions of US Dollars there.”

“A number of the businesses in the Canadian Niagara Falls are owned by American companies, this is one of your main reasons. The unrealistic, how you say, Uuuuuuuge, Canadian Taxes are unfair to your American Companies.”

Donald Trump: “Sounds simple Vlads, but how do I get my great American Army into the Canadian Niagara Falls?”

Vlads Putin (via an interpreter): “Again, Simple Donnie. You plant some operatives in the population of the Canadian Niagara Falls and have them organize Protests, Marches and Riots against the Canadian Government. The Canadian Government will send in Troops to stop the riots. That will be your reason to send troops across the border to annex the Canadian Niagara Falls., you are protecting your American tourists.”

Donald Trump: “Thanks Vlads, I’ll see you in Washington in a few months. I really wanted you to come to our Big, Beautiful, Military Parade, it will put yours to shame, but my staff are advising against it.”

Vlads Putin (via an interpreter): (Laughing), Oh Donnie, you are something else. Proshchay. (Putin hangs up and says to an aid) “What a f – – king moron.”

Donald Trump: “There you have it Sarkes, done deal. See you at Mir-a-Lago. (Trump hangs up the phone)

Sarkes: “Un, duh, what, huh, oh my”