Shots Fired in IKEA

Executive Summary:

– Indiana child fires handgun found in sofa at Ikea

Sarkes thanks Sarkes Corner Canadian Bureau Chief Dennis Parass for this story out of Indiana reported by Canadian Broadcasting Corporation (CBC).

Just when Sarkes had thought he had reported on all derivatives of senseless accidental gun shootings; Infant on Infant, Infant on Parent, Dog on Owner, Cracker on Cracker, Cracker on Self, etc, another classification of senseless shooting surfaces…… Child on Sofa.

A six-year-old child in Indianapolis, Indiana, found a loaded handgun in a sofa at Ikea and fired it. The Heat had fallen into the cushions as a shopper sat down to test the sofa at the IKEA store in a suburb of Indianapolis.

Nobody was hurt in the incident, but the sofa was ruined beyond repair. No arrests have been made. Ikea said it had expressed “sincerest apologies” to the child’s family.

Police reported that the gun owner did not notice that he had dropped his Heat. A police spokesperson reported: ”He sat down and somehow or another the firearm became dislodged from this body and when he got up he didn’t realize that he was without it”. The owner continued shopping and only became aware he had lost his gun when he heard gunfire.

Sarkes analyzes this Child on Sofa shooting:

While the name of the child and Gun Owner have not been released, Sarkes knows with 1,000 percent confidence, that the Gun Owner is a Lard Ass. Who amongst us has not witnessed, while shopping at a furniture store, a Lard Ass trying to get up off a sofa after checking it out. It’s not a pretty site. Brutal.

In its statement, IKEA said the “safety and security of customers and co-workers is the top priority”. IKEA “has a no-weapon policy in our locations to prevent exactly these types of situations,” their statement continued. Are you kidding me, the IKEA no-weapon policy is no more a deterrent to Heat Packing Americans than their Swedish Meat Balls.

This story hits close to home for Sarkes. Sarkes has 3 great snowbird neighbors who live in Indianapolis; Rich C., Jim H. and Larry B. These Indiana neighbors could have easily been resting on an IKEA sofa while their wives were shopping IKEA, in harms way of a stray bullet fired by a Child Packing Heat.

Wait a second, what was Sarkes thinking, his Indianapolis Florida Snowbird neighbors would never be caught in an IKEA. IKEA is for students, Young people just starting, and the Poor, not Old Rich White Guys who can afford so much more.

Finally, The Orange Rifleman, does what he does best, he weighed in on Twitter:

Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – June 27 @ 4:57AM
Another tragic shooting in an IKEA store in Indianapolis. My thoughts and prayers to any piece of furniture that may have been shot. This is not a gun issue, it is a negligence issue on IKEA. IKEA sofas are too hard to get up out of by most Americans who may be a bit overweight. Americans are overweight because our Economy is thriving, unemployment is the lowest ever, and there is enough food to go around for all Americans. America can thank me.

Donald J. Trump @ realDonaldTrump – June 27 @ 5:28AM
IKEA will not get away with their gross negligence. Donald J. Trump hereby orders a 40% Tariff on all goods sold in IKEA stores. I will have the health department check the IKEA Swedish Meatballs. IKEA Swedish Meatballs are Phony, Fake, Low Rated, Fools…..give me a good old American Quarter Pounder with Cheese any day, now that’s what Makes America Great.

IKEA Store, Scene of the Child on Sofa Shooting
IKEA Sofa, Shooting Victim
Lard Ass on an IKEA Sofa
IKEA Swedish Meatballs, Fake, Underated
The Orange Cuisinier Making America Great Again, one Quarter Pounder at a Time