The Ozarks are the Safest Place to Live During the Apocalypse

Executive Summary:

– Remember Evangelist Jim Bakker, well he’s back in the News

– Bakker has identified the Missouri Ozarks as the place to be when the Apocalypse comes

Southwest Missouri is the epicenter of the Bible Belt. A drive down Interstate 44 finds south of Rolla, MO, finds dozens of Uuuuuuuge Mega Churches where the God Fearing citizens of Southwest Missouri go to praise our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ.

The “Ozarks” is another term used to describe Southwest Missouri and includes the famous Branson area, Table Rock Lake, and dozens of Evangelical Bible Colleges.

This Sarkes Corner is about the APOCALYPSE and the fact that the Ozarks are the best place to be when the Judgement Day comes. What is the Apocalypse? The Apocalypse is a great catastrophe that results in widespread destruction and the collapse of civilization. The Apocalypse is the end of the World.

Jim Bakker has declared that the Ozarks are safest place to live during the Apocalypse. You remember Jim Bakker. He is the Televangelist who is a serial adulteress. Bakker spent five years in prison (of a 45 year sentence) in 1989 after being convicted of fraud and conspiracy for bilking his Flock out of millions of dollars that he put to his own personal use.

Right Wing Christian Fundamentalist at that time were shocked that Jim Bakker paid Hush Money to his secretary, Jesica Hahn to keep silent his affair with her. The Right Wing Christian Fundamentalist also condemned Jim Bakker for his adultery for having sex outside his marriage with Tammy Faye Bakker (LaValley). Tammy Faye Bakker, a real beauty, spent no time giving Jim Bakker the Old Heave Ho. While Bakker was in prison, Tammy Faye divorced him and married Jim Bakker’s best friend.

Today, Jim Bakker is back in the game as a Televangelist to the Right Wing Christian Fundamentalist community who apparently now believe that Adultery is NOT a sin and that paying Hush Money to fluzzies is OK. In that regards, Jim Bakker and the Orange Bird Dog are two peas in a Pod.

But the Jim Bakker of today is much more than a Skirt Chasing, Sniffing, Evangelical Televangelist. Jim Bakker also deals in Real Estate. Bakker is trying to sell condos and cabins at his Morningside development near Branson, MO.

To sweeten his sales pitch, Bakker claims that the Ozark mountains in southwest Missouri are the safest place to live when the Apocalypse comes. Not only will Bakker sell you an Apocalypse-safe Condo, but he also sells
water bottles with filters and buckets of preserved food that contains 273 servings of “warm and delicious comfort food” with a shelf life of 25 years. This is more than enough to get any God Fearing Right Wing Christian Fundamentalist thru the Apocalypse.

But wait, it gets better. Jim Bakker claims that NASA has confirmed that the Ozarks are the the safest place on earth to endure the Apocalypse. A spokeswoman for NASA said she was not familiar with any research from NASA that might fit with Bakker’s claim. Sarkes cannot make this stuff up.

There you have it. For the Right Wing Christian Fundamentalist Subscribers to Sarkes Corner, Sarkes encourages you to take a vacation in the Ozarks and look into Condos at Jim Bakker’s Morningside Development.

God Bless Jim Bakker, God Bless the deceased Tammy Faye Bakker, God Bless the good, God Fearing People of the Ozarks. Our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ, and NASA, will keep you safe in the Ozarks during the Apocalypse.

Jim Bakker and Our Savior & Lord Jesus Christ
Tammy Faye Bakker
NASA will not confirm or deny that the Ozarks will survive the Apocalypse