Sarkes Corner – Childbirth Blamed on Chinese Food

Executive Summary:

  • A Florida woman mistakes her 37-week pregnancy on bad Chinese food 

See the story below from the USA Today.

Oh, where to start. Sarkeses Florida neighbors never cease to amaze.

Cracker Crystal Gail Amerson, 29, of Pensacola, FL woke up around 4 am with stomach pains which she self-diagnosed as food poisoning from eating General Tso’s Chinese food the night before.  It is unclear if the General Tso’s eaten by Cracker Amerson was Chicken, Shrimp, Beef, Pork or Happy Family.  

Alas, Cracker Amerson did not have food poisoning from eating General Tso’s Chinese food, she was actually in the process of delivering a baby.  Later, Cracker Amerson revealed that her Fortune Cookie fortune after eating her General Tso’s Chinese food was:  “The greatest danger could be your stupidity.”

Thankfully, her baby boy was delivered with no issues although the Delivery Room nurses said that they thought they detected the smell of Soy Sauce after the birth.

Sarkes pondered, who is General Two?  Sarkeses Crack Investigative reporters found that General Tso was a real person. Tso Tsungtang was a war hero who served with brilliant distinction during China’s civil war, the Taiping Rebellion (1850-1864), which claimed millions of lives over 14 years. Tso’s ruthlessness was legendary, causing many thousands to emigrate from China. Those who came to America largely worked on the Transcontinental Railroad, which was completed in 1869.  There is no definitive record as to why there is a Chinese Food entree named for General Tso, but if General Tso was as ruthless as claimed, it may have to do with the Gastric disruptions that result after eating General Tso’s Chinese food. 

But Sarkes digresses, back on point. 

Cracker Amerson claims that she had no idea that she was pregnant.  She claimed:

  • she did not have morning sickness
  • she did not notice any meaningful weight gain
  • she had a previous childbirth and would have known
  • she wears scrubs at work so no-one would have noticed 

It is well known that Sarkes could pass the Bar in any state having watched Judge Judy for over 21 years.  Sarkes maintains a high Legal Acumen. 

It is NOT as well known that Sarkes could practice medicine in any state as he has over 40 years of watching great Medical shows like:  St. Elsewhere, Marcus Welby MD, Emergency, M.A.S.H, Quincy, Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman, Dr. Kildare, and Ben Casey.  Face it, if Doogie Howser could practice medicine, how hard can it be.  

Sarkeses Medical Acumen rivals his niece, Dr. Kristen Mamelian Ledbetter, who went to Medical School for 7 years at a cost of hundreds of thousands of dollars.

But Sarkes digresses yet again, back on point.

Sarkes concludes that Cracker Amerson must be a robust, plus size, Cracker woman.  That can be the only logical explanation why she did not realize that she was pregnant.  

It is a well know fact that the Robust Florida Cracker does not embrace a well balanced, healthy diet.  The Robust Florida Cracker embraces Fast Food Hamburgers, Chinese Food, and anything that they kill during a Hunt.  

From the USA TODAY:

Florida woman mistakes 37-week pregnancy for bad Chinese food

PENSACOLA, Fla. — A Florida woman gave new meaning to the term “food baby” over the weekend.

Crystal Gail Amerson, 29, of Pensacola said she woke up around 4 a.m. Sunday with stomach pains that had her running back and forth between the bathroom and bedroom for more than an hour.

“I had Chinese food the night before and I kind of figured maybe I had food poisoning or something like that,” Amerson said.

But it turned out there was nothing wrong with the General Tso’s chicken Amerson ate the previous night. Unbeknownst to her, she was actually 37 weeks pregnant and was on the verge of giving birth to her second son.

“The stomach pains were just excruciating and I could hardly move,” Amerson said. “I think it was about 6:30 (a.m.) when (the ambulance) got there. … It escalated so quickly that I was having contractions and we figured out kind of what was going on because at first we really didn’t know what was going on.”

So how was it possible that Amerson didn’t realize she was pregnant?

Amerson had already been through one pregnancy but said she was never the type to feel a lot of the symptoms typically aligned with pregnancy, such as morning sickness. She also said she didn’t notice much weight gain.


“I gained a little bit of weight, but I think with my first baby I didn’t notice either,” Amerson said. “I never gained that pregnancy shape, really. And then I wear scrubs to work because I work at a retirement home for Alzheimer’s and dementia patients. So I guess the way they fit me as well, it was hard to notice anything or tell anything.”

As for the Chinese food, Great China restaurant won’t be receiving a negative Yelp review. It was a false alarm, Great China, you’re good.

Regardless, Amerson said she thinks she’ll lay off the Chinese for a while.

“That’s what I was telling my mother-in-law, I think I’m traumatized from Chinese food,” Amerson said. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to look at it the same way again.”