A Cracker Get Away Vehicle

Executive Summary:

  • A Crackertte Perp attempted to flee the scene of her crime in a Lyft, then an Uber
  • Is today’s Cracker learning to use current technology?

In the not so distance past, a Florida Cracker or Crackerette would flee the scene of their crime in an old, rusty, Ford F150 Pick Up Truck outfitted with a Gun Rack.  The Old Pick Up truck was often not dependable, leading to the apprehension of many a Cracker.

The Ford F150, the Get Away vehicle of choice of the Florida Cracker

Florida Crackerette, Kate Lamothe, 24, entered an Exxon in Pinellas Park and asked to buy a Juul Vaping device that cost $42.79. When the clerk handed it to Crackerette Lamothe, she fled the scene without paying.

Crackerette Lamothe needed her nicotine so she stole a high end Juul Vaping Device

Crackerette Lamothe had arrived at the Exxon station in a Lyft.  After stealing the Juul Vaping Device, Crackerette Lamothe ran out of the store and back into the Lyft vehicle that was told to wait.  Seeing that a crime was in progress, the Lyft Driver refused to drive and Crackerette Lamothe exited the Lyft vehicle.

Crackerette Lamothe is now in the Pinellas County Hoozegow

When the Lyft driver wouldn’t help her, Crackerette Lamothe called an Uber and began walking away from the Exxon station. Crackerette Lamothe was later apprehended inside an Uber in a nearby parking lot.

Like many young people today, Crackerette Lamothe depends on Lyft and Uber for her transportation

Crackerette Lamothe was arrested and charged with retail theft. and later freed on $150 bond.  

While this may seem to be just another amusing story about Cracker crime, it should be taken seriously.  You see, for decades, Police Departments in Florida have been trained to apprehend Cracker Perps fleeing the scene of the crime in their old, rusty, Pick Up Trucks.  Now, these Florida Police Departments must be retrained on how to recognize and safely apprehend Cracker Perps fleeing in Uber or Lyfts.  

Police departments will be spending Millions to retrain their Officers on Lyft and Uber

Are Florida Crackers in Louisiana?

Executive Summary:

  • Sarkes ponders, are there Florida Crackers in Louisiana?
  • Sarkes concludes, there just might be.

Sarkes is thankful that he can get back to the Core Competency of Sarkes Corner following the tsunami of mass murders the past few weeks.  

Much has been written about the antics of the Florida Cracker and Crackerette.  Sarkes has often wondered if the phenomena of the Cracker was unique to Florida, the Gunshine State.  What about other states in the deep south (Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, etc) that, like Florida, have a bevy of uneducated, underemployed, white folk?  Surely these states have their version of the Florida Cracker.  

Surely Florida Cracker-like people reside in these other states of the south

Well, Sarkes got his answer and it is YES!  In a move that would make any Florida Crackerette proud, a Louisiana woman says that Methamphetamine (Meth) found hidden inside her Vagina is not hers.

A Louisiana woman, Ashley Beth Rolland, 23, was caught with Meth hidden inside her Cooch.  Rolland told police that she didn’t know where the drugs came from.  If Cooch was Catholic, this might quality as a Miracle, the Meth just popped into her Vagina.

Ashley Beth Rolland does not know how the Meth got into her Cooch and claims it was not hers

Rolland, 23, was accused of stealing $5,000 from the apartment of a man she’d been staying with for about a week,  according to the Ouachita Parish Sheriff’s Office.

The man told the West Monroe Police Department that while he was showering, Rolland swiped his cash and left. Rolland confessed to police she did take the man’s money and left his apartment.   Hmmm, West Monroe is the home to the famous TV show Duck Dynasty.  Maybe that explains some of this.  As you know, Sarkes can connect Dots where most cannot see Dots.

Duck Dynasty is set in West Monroe, LA, so Ashely Beth Rolands behavior might just be normal for that area

Later, a female correctional officer later searched Rolland and, inside of Rolland’s Poontang, discovered $6,233 along with “a clear plastic bag” of roughly one gram of Meth, which Rolland denied was hers.  Hmmmm, Sarkes can see how a bag of Meth can be inserted into a Vagina but how does one get $6,233 up there?  Hmmmmm.  Rolland was arrested and charged with theft and narcotics possession.

Does Meth stored in a Women’s Hoo-haw affect the potency of the Drug?

Sarkes has dispatched Junior Sarkes Corner Reporters to Louisiana to cover this court proceeding.  Sarkes has learned from Judge Judy that Possession is 9/10th of the Law……….but is this true of a bag of Meth stuffed in a women’s Snatch?

How would Judge Judy rule in this case?

Ashley Beth Rolland would make any Florida Crackerette proud.  

The Root Cause of these Mass Murders

Executive Summary:

  • An Ohio politician blames mass shootings on “drag queen advocates”, Obama, open borders, more 
  • Sarkes learns something new every day

“Many People Say” Sarkes, how do you know as much as you do about everything.  Well, Sarkes must admit, that while he has been called a Stable Genius, Sarkes learns something new every day.

Sarkes had always thought that the Tsunami of Mass Murders by Angry White Men were caused by the fact that they are Deranged or embrace a White Supremacy value system.  

Wow, was Sarkes wrong.  Like Sarkes neighbors in the Spring Run Silver Creek Conservative Breakfast club, who teach Sarkes the tenants of Conservatism, Sarkes now knows the Root Cause of all these Mass Murders.  Thanks to Ohio State Representative, Conservative Candice Keller, in a Facebook posting, laid it all out for Sarkes in a way that is easily understood.  

Conservative Candice Keller has figured out the Root Cause of Mass Murders in America, it’s simple

In her Facebook posting, Conservative Candice Keller complained that Liberals play the “Blame Game” after every mass murder perpetrated by Angry White Men.  Conservative Candice Keller said why not place the blame where it belongs.  She went on to identify those to blame for the Mass Murders:

  • Drag Queen Advocates
  • Open Borders
  • Fatherlessness
  • Gay Marriage
  • Violent Video Games
  • Acceptance of Recreational Marijuana
  • Democrats in Congress
  • Barrack Obama

Conservative Candice Keller summed up the root cause of Mass Murders by Deranged White Men – the breakdown of the traditional American Family. 

Drag Queens have caused many of the Mass Murders by Deranged White Men

The Invasion of America by Mexican Caravans have increased Mass Murders by White Supremacists 

If only they had a father, the Mass Murders would stop
Conservative Keller claims that Gay Marriage leads to Mass Murders
The White Man is driven to Mass Murder because of violent Video Games

If Mary Jane was illegal, there would be no Mass Murders

Democrats have driven many a Conservative White Man to become a Mass Murderer

One thing that Sarkes has learned from his Conservative neighbors…it’s always Obama’s fault

It seems simple, if Conservatives can repair the traditional American Family, the Mass Murders will stop.  If anyone can do it, the Conservatives can, after all, the GOP is the Party of Family Values. 

Another Senseless Mass Shooting: Dayton, OH

Executive Summary:

  • Sarkes uses his Mass Shooting Standard Form. 
  • This time, the Mass Shooting was in Dayton, OH

Another Mass Murder, by an angry White Man, has happened.  In this case, the Mass Murder was in (Fill in the Location) Dayton, OH.

The Mass Murder happened at the (Fill in the venue, example: school, mall, church, concert) on the streets in the Oregon District in downtown Dayton, OH.  

(Fill in the number of innocent people killed) 9 people were murdered and 26 were injured. 

The Mass Murderer, an angry White Man (Fill in the Murders Name and other details) Connor Betts, 24 years old.

Angry Young Deranged White Man Connor Betts

The Mass Murderer used (Identify the weapon used) a .233 caliber high capacity rifle with a 100 round magazine.

A .223 High Caliber rifle with a 100 round magazine, a killing machine for the Angry White Mass Murderer

The Angry White Man Mass Murderer (Select one: killed himself, was killed by Police, was Captured by Police) killed by Police

Shortly after the Mass Murder:

  • Democrats say: “This is the time for strict gun laws”
  • Republicans say: “We are mourning the victims, it’s too soon to discuss gun legislation”
  • A spokesman for the NRA said:  “Guns don’t kill People, People kill People.”
  • President Trump, the Orange Rifleman, said: “If there were more people in the Oregon District with weapons the results would have been far better.”
  • The President of the NRA said:  “The only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.” 
  • A Conservative Friend of Sarkes said:  “These Mass Murders with Heat weapons are just the price of our Freedom” 
  • Countless Politicians said:  “Our Thoughts and Prayers are with the victims of this shooting and their families, Thoughts and Prayers.”
  • Another Conservative Friend of Sarkes said:  “Mass Shooters go to Gun Free Zones, like California, what do you expect”.

That’s if for this latest Mass Murder packing Heat.  Sarkeses use of the Standard Form should makes reporting the next Mass Murder much easier.  

Another Senseless Mass Shooting: El Paso, TX

Executive Summary:

  • Sarkes uses his Mass Shooting Standard Form. 
  • This time, the Mass Shooting was in El Paso, TX

Another Mass Murder, by an angry White Man, has happened.  In this case, the Mass Murder was in (Fill in the Location) EL Paso, TX.

The Mass Murder happened at the (Fill in the venue, example: school, mall, church, concert) an El Paso, TX Walmart.  

(Fill in the number of innocent people killed) 20 people were murdered and 26 were injured. 

The Mass Murderer, an angry White Man (Fill in the Murders Name and other details) Patrick Crusius, 21 years old.  This is a Hate Crime as this angry young White Supremacist was targeting Hispanic Immigrants.

Sarkes Editorial:  Sarkes would have rather had White Supremacist Crusius shout “Send Them Home,  Send Them Home, Send Them Home!” at the Immigrants than shoot them.

Angry Young White Supremacist Patrick Crusius

The Mass Murderer used (Identify the weapon used) a Semi Automatic Assault Rifle.

A Semi Automatic Assault Weapon, the weapon of choice for the Angry White Mass Murderer

The Angry White Man Mass Murderer (Select one: killed himself, was killed by Police, was Captured by Police) Captured by Police

Shortly after the Mass Murder:

  • Democrats say: “This is the time for strict gun laws”
  • Republicans say: “We are mourning the victims, it’s too soon to discuss gun legislation”
  • A spokesman for the NRA said:  “Guns don’t kill People, People kill People.”
  • President Trump, the Orange Rifleman, said: “If there were more people at Walmart with weapons the results would have been far better.”
  • The President of the NRA said:  “The only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.” 
  • A Conservative Friend of Sarkes said:  “These Mass Murders with Heat weapons are just the price of our Freedom” 
  • Countless Politicians said:  “Our Thoughts and Prayers are with the victims of this shooting and their families, Thoughts and Prayers.”
  • Another Conservative Friend of Sarkes said:  “Mass Shooters go to Gun Free Zones, like California, what do you expect”.

That’s if for this latest Mass Murder packing Heat.  Sarkeses use of the Standard Form should makes reporting the next Mass Murder much easier.  

One Hungry Cracker

Executive Summary:

  • A Florida Cracker breaks in to rob a Florida Wendy’s but stops to make himself dinner first
  • The Florida Cracker is not the sharpest knife in the drawer

The Florida Cracker is usually a docile specimen until they consume mass quantities of alcohol, and since they all Pack Heat, an alcohol impaired Cracker is a danger to society.  But, in some cases, the Florida Cracker is just stupid, as is the case with this story. 

Florida Cracker Patrick Benson, 34, is the  “modern day Hamburglar,” police say, and he was caught on camera making himself a burger before robbing a Florida Wendy’s.  Cracker Benson was arrested and charged with burglary, grand theft and attempted burglary. 

Unlike Cracker Benson, the Hamburglar never gets caught

Security footage at the Jensen Beach Wendy’s caught Cracker Benson in the act and also reveals a strange part of his process.  After breaking the windows with a brick after store hours, Cracker Benson started up the grill, made himself a burger and ate it, the sheriff’s office said. Only after his meal did he grab the safe and make his escape.

Cracker Benson looks like he loves his Hamburgers and French Fries

Cracker Benson is a serial Perp since this is not the only time he did this. According to Police, ”The suspect has been successful at forcing his way into two restaurants cooking himself some dinner — then stealing what he can’t consume,” the sheriff’s office said Friday.

Cracker Benson cooked up a Wendy’s Double Cheeseburger with Fries and an ice cold Coke but passed on the Chocolate Frosty

Benson is now in the Martin County Jail, but alas, they do not serve Wendy’s Burgers there.

Another Senseless Mass Shooting: Gilroy, CA

Executive Summary:

  • Sarkes uses his Mass Shooting Standard Form. 
  • This time, the Mass Shooting was at a festival in Gilroy, CA

Another Mass Murder, by an angry White Man, has happened.  In this case, the Mass Murder was in (Fill in the Location) Gilroy, CA.

The Mass Murder happened at the (Fill in the venue, example: school, mall, church, concert) Gilroy Garlic Festival.  

(Fill in the number of innocent people killed) 4 people were murdered and 15 were injured. 

The Mass Murderer, an angry White Man (Fill in the Murders Name and other details) Santino William Legan, 19 years old.

The Mass Murderer used (Identify the weapon used) an Assault Rifle.

The Angry White Man Mass Murderer (Select one: killed himself, was killed by Police, was Captured by Police) Killed by Police

Shortly after the Mass Murder:

  • A spokesman for the NRA said:  “Guns don’t kill People, People kill People.”
  • President Trump, the Orange Rifleman, said: “If there was an Armed Guards patrolling the perimeter fences at the Garlic Festival the results would have been far better.”
  • The President of the NRA said:  “The only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.” 
  • A Conservative Friend of Sarkes said:  “These Mass Murders with Heat weapons are just the price of our Freedom” 
  • Countless Politicians said:  “Our Thoughts and Prayers are with the victims of this shooting and their families, Thoughts and Prayers.”
  • Another Conservative Friend of Sarkes said:  “Mass Shooters go to Gun Free Zones, like California, what do you expect”.

That’s if for this latest Mass Murder packing Heat.  Sarkeses use of the Standard Form should makes reporting the next Mass Murder much easier.  

Speaking Spanish in America

Executive Summary:

  • A Burger King manager was told to “go back to Mexico” for speaking Spanish in a Florida fast food restaurant
  • Huh, um, uh oh, she said what.

Thanks to Sarkes Corner Florida Bureau Correspondent and sister Cindy Mamelian for another Head Scratching story about a couple of Florida Crackerettes.   

The General Manager of a Burger King restaurant in Florida was told by an old White Crackerette customer to “go back to Mexico” if he wanted to keep speaking Spanish.

These 2 Old White Crackeretts do not want to hear Spanish while eating their Whoppers and Fries

General Manager Ricardo Castillo, who is of Puerto Rican descent, was berated by two unidentified Crackerttes as they were eating in the restaurant in Eustis, FL, 40 miles north of Orlando.

Burger King Manager Castillo is of Puerto Rican decent but was mistaken for a Mexican

“You’re in America, you should speak American English,” one Crackerette yelled at Manager Castillo.  She continued: ”Yeah, yeah, go back to Mexico if you want to keep speaking Spanish, go back to your Mexican country, your state, your country.”

Huh, um, uh oh, she said what.

These Florida Crackerttes took a play out of the Conservative Queen Sarah Palin playbook.  Queen Palin once said that Hispanics in the US should speck “American”.

Sarah Palin wants all Hispanics in the US to speak “American”, she is not the sharpest knife in the GOP drawer but does have nice Ta Tas which goes a long way

Burger King customer Neyzha Borrero recorded the heated exchange stating that the Crackeretts  complained to the manager because he spoke Spanish in front of them.   Castillo was doing some paperwork at a table when one of his employees came and spoke with him in Spanish.  Borrero stated: ”The two ladies were next to the manager, and after the employee left, they told Castillo they wanted to complain.”

Thinking it was about the meal, the manager offered to give them credit or a free dessert, Borrero said. But instead, they said that he shouldn’t be speaking Spanish in public because “we are in the USA.”   After being told to go back to Mexico, Castillo can be heard saying, “Guess what ma’am, I’m not Mexican, I’m not Mexican but you’re being very prejudiced and I want you out of my restaurant, right now.”

A spokesman for Burger King said: “There is no place for discrimination in our restaurants. We expect employees and guests to treat each other with respect. This incident took place at a franchised restaurant and the owner is looking into the matter.”

The Eustis, FL Burger King where you can order your Whopper in either Spanish OR American

Sarkes cannot tell the exact age of the unidentified Racist Crackerttes, but they do look old.  As such, they will probably have made their Celestial Exit by the time Hispanics become the majority in 2040 and the White Man is a Minority.

Sarkes always digs deeper into such stories.  Sarkes thinks that the Old White Women were just practicing for an upcoming Trump Rally by chanting:  “Send Him Back!, Send Him Back!, Send Him Back!”.

The Old Crackerttes were probably just practicing for an upcoming Trump Rally shouting:  “Send Him Back!, Send Him Back!, Send Him Back!”

More “Send Him Back”

Executive Summary:

  • Sarkes talks to the Orange Monarch
  • Sarkes provides a transcript of that Phone Call

Sarkes called the Orange Commander in Tweets to discuss how he was treated at the Philadelphia airport upon returning from Europe.

Donald Trump:  “Hello Sarkes, its been a while since we have talked, how was your European vacation, what can I do for you?”

Sarkes:  “Donnie, Sarkes is PISSED.  I was assaulted by your crazy Base in the Philadelphia airport after clearing Customs.  They were shouting:  “Send Him Back!  Send Him Back! Send Him Back!.  They were like an angry mob.  I didn’t know what this was all about until I caught up reading the on-line Fox News Fair and Balanced.

Donald Trump:  “Sarkes Sarkes, you know there are just a few Journalist I trust, specifically you and Sean Hannity.  This was all a big misunderstanding.

Sarkes:  “With all due respect Donnie, misunderstanding my ass.  This crazed mob of your Base were wearing red MAGA and were shouting at anyone who was Brown, Yellow or Black, Sarkes included.”

Donald Trump:  “Now settle down Sarkes, let me explain.  This all started earlier this week when I called out those 4 Socialist Congressman Ilhan Omar of Minnesota, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez of New York, Rashida Tlaib of Michigan and Ayanna Pressley of Massachusetts.  These ungrateful people do not love America and I suggested they go back to their country of origin. They just all happened to be people of color.

Sarkes:  “Donnie, you said what!?”

Donald Trump:  “Now Sarkes, settle down, this got overblown as usual by the lying Liberal Press.  This is nothing. I do not have a Racist Bone in my body, I am the least racist President of all time.”

Sarkes:  “What about your rally in North Carolina when your crazy White Base started shouting “Send Her Back, Send Her Back, Send Her Back”.

Donald Trump:  “Yeah Sarkes, I was not happy with that chant, and I started to speak quickly to stop it.  I disagree with it. But again, I didn’t say that, they did, but these are good people, passionate people, they love America and are not pleased with these Socialists.  I can’t blame them.”

Sarkes:  “Donnie, why did the crazed White Mob verbally assault Sarkes at the Philadelphia airport?”

Donald Trump:  “I don’t know Sarkes, maybe it’s because you are Brown and they mistook you for a Hispanic or Arab, you could pass for both.  You know I love Armenians and Armenians love me.  You know that all of my carpets in the Trump International Resorts are bought from Armenians, mostly Asadorian Carpets.  And, all of my Dry Cleaning is done by Armenians, I don’t trust the Chinks.”

Sarkes:  “Donnie, you know we Armenians are hot headed, Sarkes is still pissed, but will get over it.  Talk to you later.

Donald Trump:  “OK Sarkes, keep up the good reporting in Sarkes Corner,  you are a Truth Machine.”

Sarkes is Back From Europe

Executive Summary:

  • Sarkes and the Sarkes Corner Staff have returned from their Excellent European vacation
  • Upon entering the US from Europe, Sarkes was confused at the US Customs and Border Protection (CBP) station in Philadelphia, PA

Sarkes and the Sarkes Corner Staff have returned from their Excellent Viking River Cruise on the Danube.  The river cruise started in Budapest, Hungry, with several stops on the Danube including Vienna, Austria with the cruise ending in Nuremberg, Germany.  After that, Sarkes and Staff took a motor coach to Prague, Czech Republic for a few days to end the Excellent vacation.  

For the entirety of the vacation, Sarkes was off the grid, with little to no exposure to US news.  Sarkes missed the daily antics and drama generated by the Orange Chancellor.  Sarkes must now catch up.

Sarkes and the entire Sarkes Corner Staff have Global Entry status which allows for swift and efficient processing thru US Customs by the US Customs and Border Protection (CBP) organization.  

But, Sarkes was confused when directly outside the US CBP station in Philadelphia, PA, he saw a crowd of angry White People, wearing their Red MAGA hats, shouting at Sarkes something that sounded like:  “Send Him Back!  Send Him Back! Send Him Back!.”

Sarkes was greeted outside the CBP station by an angry crowd of White Folk chanting “Send Him Back!  Send Him Back! Send Him Back!.”

Sarkes asked a CBP agent what this was all about.  The CBP agent was courteous and told Sarkes that since he was a Brown Man, the crowd wanted Sarkes to “go back to the country he came from”.

Now, Sarkes became ever more confused.  You see, while Sarkes is a Brown Man, he was born in St. Louis, Missouri, the epicenter of Trumps Base, and has never been to Armenia.  Sarkes is considering a Gate 1 Travel excursion to Armenia in either 2020 or 2021 but is now reconsidering.  If Sarkes goes to Armenian, his ancestral homeland, will he be able to return?

Look for more award winning Sarkes Corners in the upcoming days as Sarkes and the Sarkes Corner staff get up to speed.